Chapter 29
KAT
The rest of dinner is held in silence.
I would have thought he’d be happy to have his space back.
I know I need it.
Being around Jax is confusing and becoming more so by the day. I came away to clear my head, but instead I’ve found it filled with memories and unwelcome feelings.
“Good night then,” I say, when we’ve finished.
“I’ll walk you back to your villa,” he says. “Make sure you can get in okay.”
Always the gentleman.
I bite my tongue to tell him I’m more than capable, but stop myself.
“Thank you.”
Jax’s head shoots up as if my answer surprised him.
I bite my lip.
He holds out a hand to let me lead the way. No arm offered this time.
We walk down the sand roadway to the end of the island, where the villa is situated. The path is lit by solar lights along the sides. Geckos and other creatures run for cover as we pass.
My villa is the furthest away, at the tip of the island.
“This is me,” I say, tapping my keycard against the gate lock. It flashes green.
It opens, and we both step through.
Inside the small secluded garden, has been tidied up. The small plunge pool has been cleared of all the debris. Next to it is the round daybed, washed and clean with an enormous umbrella.
I walk towards the villa. It has two bedrooms, one upstairs and one downstairs.
The door light clicks green as I touch the card to it.
“Thank you,” I say to Jax, who’s stood behind me, his eyes taking in our surroundings.
“You’re welcome,” he says.
His eyes meet mine, and an awkward silence passes between us. He opens his mouth but closes it again.
“Goodnight, Kat.”
He turns and walks away.
I don’t move until the gate closes behind him.
As promised, all my belongings have been placed in the walk-in wardrobe. I move into the master bedroom. An enormous double bed sits in the centre of the room. A TV in the corner. A large double glass door looks out over the beach and sea, beyond the hedge.
I move to the bathroom. A large bright space. The walk-in shower overlooks the garden, although it’s concealed from view. A double sink unit has pride of place, with a concealed toilet area for privacy.
My toiletries are all on the side waiting for me.
I prepare for bed, the silence deafening.
I pull open the double doors. The sound of the water lapping on the shore is comforting.
Outside on a veranda, a sofa is covered in plush cushions.
I take a seat in the dark, drawing my knees up, watching the moonlight shimmer across the water.
My mind drifts back to my conversation with Jax before Mr Baskin interrupted, how he was allowing himself to take a step back.
How I wanted to open up and share my thoughts and dreams for the project.
How I’d shared that dream with only my father before.
I close my eyes and exhale deeply.
Jax has that effect on me, he always has. I shared more with him in the few months we were together than I’ve ever shared with anyone else, including Zach.
My eyes grow heavy as the sound of the lapping sea soothes my racing mind. I drag myself into bed, dropping onto the mattress and forcing my mind to rest.
I wake up to an eerie silence. In Jax’s villa, you could hear people moving around outside, making their way to breakfast, or heading back to their villa. This morning, there’s nothing.
I throw back the covers and get ready for breakfast. I head to the main restaurant.
“Has Mr Lockwood been in for breakfast yet?” I ask one of the servers.
“Yes, Mam. He was in earlier. I think he was heading out on one of the boat trips.”
I force a smile, a sudden heaviness weighing down my body.
“Of course, thank you.”
Damn, I wanted to apologise. I should’ve told him straight away after Mr Baskin called. Let him know I was moving out. It’s not like I had a choice.
Why hadn’t I?
I pinch the bridge of my nose to stem the headache that is beginning to form behind my eyes.
Yesterday was the first time I’d felt connected to someone in a long time. We discussed business in the morning, bounced ideas off one another, discussed plans, and then by the afternoon, we were talking… like old friends.
Then, by the end of the evening, we’d taken a thousand steps backwards, and it was all my fault.
Holding people at arm’s length, not letting anyone close to me, has been my modus operandi for as long as I can remember.
Self-preservation is hard-wired into my DNA.
The only person who it’s ever changed around, is Jax.
All those years ago, he had a knack for getting me to open up and confide in him.
It’s why it hurt so much when I thought he betrayed me.
With Zach, it was different. We started out as friends, but never truly progressed past that. We were lovers, lived together, but there was never any real connection.
I sit back and pick up my coffee, staring out over the sand. He never questioned or challenged me, demanded anything of me.
I stare down at the dark liquid.
All those years, we simply co-existed. But after Jax, I locked my emotions away. I wasn’t capable of giving Zach what he wanted or needed. Is it surprising he turned to Darra? Allowed himself to be manipulated.
What a mess!
I get up and grab a pastry from the pastry counter, returning to my table. Another coffee is waiting for me, along with a bottle of water.
I cut the pastry up into quarters, the same way Jax did, popping the first slice into my mouth. I stifle a groan. These really are good.
Several guests walk by, greeting me. I smile, my perfected CEO smile, before picking up another slice and tucking in.
The flavours explode on my tongue.
The pastry chef is first class.
Mr Baskin arrives at my table, just as I’m about to take another bite.
“Good morning, Ms Frazer, how was your night? I hope everything in the villa was to your liking.”
I force a smile. “It was perfect, thank you.”
“Do let me know if there’s anything else you need. Your return flight is booked for Friday, am I right?”
“Yes,” I say.
“Good, good.”
He moves to turn away.
“Mr Baskin. I would like to meet the pastry chefs,” I say. “Actually, I’d like to meet all the chefs.”
He spins around, colour draining from his cheeks.
“Is everything okay? Is there a problem?” His shoulders stiffen.
Crap, am I really that scary?
“Not at all, I wanted to compliment them.”
His shoulders relax, and his face brightens.
“Of course, of course.” He looks down at his watch. “The kitchen closes in thirty minutes. We can visit them then.”
I go to open my mouth and tell him that’s not necessary, but he’s already disappeared.
I finish my pastry and grab some fruit. The waiters clear up around me until Mr Baskin reappears.
I follow him through the back and into the kitchen. The staff are all standing in a line, hot and flustered. Damn, being forced face-to-face with the CEO after a long shift, what was I thinking?
I go down the line and shake each of their hands.
“I just wanted to compliment you all on the job you’re doing,” I say.
“It’s easy for management to only pass on complaints, but I also like to say, congratulations and well done when it’s deserved.
I’ve spoken to a lot of guests during my stay, and everyone has said the same thing, and it’s all been positive. Keep up the good work.”
“Thank you, Mam,” one of the chefs says. He’s older and looks to be the one in charge. “Would you like a tour?”
“You’re welcome, and I’d love one, if it’s not too much trouble.”
The staff jump into action, their tense muscles relaxing. Mr Baskin stands hovering like an expectant father, and glows as if he’s the one being praised.
I spend the next thirty minutes learning the intricacies of running an island kitchen, from orders to supplies.
When I finally leave, I’ve made copious notes.
“Thank you,” I say to Mr Baskin as we part ways.
“Can I get you another coffee, Mam?” one of the waiters from the bar asks.
I look over and smile.
“An iced coffee to go would be lovely,” I say.
“Would you like to wait for it outside?”
The waiter points to a seating area under some trees.
“Thank you.”
He nods and steps away.
I get up and make my way over to the seats. Several couples have taken up residence around me. Some old, some young, but all clearly together.
A pressure builds inside my chest as I look around. Everyone looks happy, so relaxed and loved up.
Am I capable of love?
I’m a control freak. Past experiences have meant I’ve built up numerous walls to protect myself.
My coffee arrives.
I get up needing to put space between myself and everyone else.
Jax has been my buffer to all of this, has held my attention. But today he’s not here.
Whose fault is that?
I’m back to being alone.
I take my coffee and walk along the beach towards my isolated villa. I enter through the garden and sit on the same sofa I sat on last night.
I pull up my phone and check my emails.
Several queries from various hotels, some reports on business and planned changes. I read through them, but I find my brain is wandering. All work… my family must have decided to leave me alone.
Yesterday, Jax spoke of intimacy, and it’s like my brain won’t let go.
I’ve isolated myself.
Shut myself off from everyone.
When Zach proposed, I knew it was wrong.
I turned him down, and he left. It should have happened years earlier, but after Dad died, I threw myself into FHG, proving that I was capable of taking over from Dad.
It was all-consuming. And at the end of each day, Zach was just there, waiting for me when I got home.
I was so tired that I’d eat dinner and fall into bed.
There were no couple-type discussions about how our days had gone.
It was more like living with a sibling than a lover.
Even the physical side had died off by the end.
I draw my knees up to my chest and rest my chin on them.
Gabriel’s face flashes up in my mind, his joy when Leah gave birth to Callum, how excited he is about the twins. Caleb’s face when he married April. I’ve never seen my brothers look so content. Now there’s Elijah with my best friend. The way he looks at Pen and vice versa.
My heart thuds slowly in my chest, and my head spins.
This was supposed to be a break to help me make sense of the past.
Now I’m starting to question everything. Feel things I thought were long dead.
I get up and grab my laptop.
I log in, open messages from Michael and some of the other board members, then revisit the reports and make notes.