Chapter 37
KAT
The weekend is quiet, despite living in a hotel. It’s amazing how quickly you can get used to someone’s presence.
Last night, after leaving the airport, I went straight into the office, but found myself unable to settle.
For once, the silence was deafening, my mind needing to question, rehash, and replay the disaster of the past twenty-four hours.
So, I returned to the hotel and spent the rest of the evening locked in my suite, rechecking my emails and focusing on financial reports until I finally passed out, when the figures blurred.
Now, on a Sunday, I’m sat on a plush sofa, flipping through an article written about me and the FHG. It’s factually correct, but I’m starting to realise, Jax is right. When I was questioned about what I like to do outside the office, I struggled to answer. My life really is boring. I’m boring.
I throw the magazine to one side and drop my head back against the cushions. It’s time to hit the gym, loosen the tightness that’s settled in my chest and stomach.
The doorbell to the suite sounds.
I get up, my heart stuttering as I look through the peephole.
Closing my eyes, I huff out a breath.
It’s not Jax.
A horrible feeling of not knowing whether to be happy or disappointed floods me.
I really need to get a grip.
Grimacing, I shake my head in an attempt to clear my thoughts of all things Jaxson Lockwood. I inhale and exhale several times before plastering on a smile, and throwing open the door to my best friend.
“We’re going out,” Pen says, sweeping past me and into the suite. “I’m taking it you haven’t eaten yet?”
“Hello to you too,” I say. “And we could eat in.”
Her eyes lock on the large dining table, my computer, and the piles of paperwork surrounding it.
“Nope, that is enough to give anyone indigestion. We’re definitely eating out,” she says, wrinkling her nose. “Get your things. Robin is holding us a table.”
Robin Downsend, owner of Mount Crystals. A high-class restaurant, favoured by celebrities and business people alike. It’s known for its discretion. Each table is spaced perfectly to prevent eavesdropping, making it ideal for private conversations.
I know there is no point arguing, and Pen’s arrival is the perfect distraction.
“Give me time to get changed.”
We make it to the restaurant in record time. As promised, Robin has reserved our favourite spot.
“How was the trip?” Pen asks after we take our seats.
“Productive,” I say, straightening up my knife and fork.
Silence follows. I look up to find Pen watching me.
“What?” I say.
“You tell me? I know you, Kat Frazer, so don’t pretend that I don’t.”
Pen crosses her arms and leans back in her chair. Her stomach is still flat, no sign of my niece or nephew yet.
My eyes dart around the restaurant. Whatever Pen sees in my expression has her sitting forward.
“Oh. My. God. Did you sleep with him?” she whispers excitedly.
I freeze, my eyes locking on her sparkling ones.
“What the… how on earth did you jump from awkward silence to mind-blowing orgasms?”
“Mind-blowing orgasms, eh? That good?” Pen chuckles, and I slap my forehead. I harrumph, making her laugh even harder. “Are you going to deny it?”
I open my mouth and close it again.
Pen smirks. “That, my friend, is how I jumped from silence to mind-blowing orgasms.”
I growl, making her laugh even harder.
She claps her hands together, holding up a hand in apology when the closest table stares over at us.
“Sorry,” she says to them, before returning her attention to me. “You’re also off kilter. I don’t think I’ve seen you like this… ever.”
I wait until the people next to us return to their conversation.
“Spill,” Pen pushes.
“No.”
“You’re killing me here,” she says. “You can’t admit to sleeping with Jaxson, having mind-blowing orgasms and then say nothing.”
I raise an eyebrow and stare my friend down. “Who’s saying I slept with him? You’re the one jumping to conclusions.”
“Are you going to deny it?”
I could deny it. But this is Pen. I can’t lie to my best friend.
Instead, I remain silent as Pen smirks.
“How old are you?” I ask, stopping myself from resetting my cutlery again.
“The same age as you. But what’s that got to do with it?”
She drops back in her chair and inclines her head, her hands resting flat on the table.
“Okay, no details. How did you go from wanting to rip his head off, to giving—”
“Do. Not. Say. It.”
She shrugs.
“Fine.” I huff, knowing I’m not going to get a moment’s peace until I at least give her something. “We talked. A lot,” I finally admit. “I read Zach’s letter.”
Pen’s eyes widen as she reaches across the table, gripping my hand in hers.
I incline my head. “It was informative.”
I purse my lips.
“I hate to say you were right. He was in cahoots with the she-devil, and they played me like a fiddle.”
Her hand squeezes mine, her eyes full of sympathy I don’t deserve.
She blinks as if realising, and when her eyes return to mine, they’re questioning.
“And Jax?”
“Completely innocent of all crimes accused,” I admit with a sigh.
I drop my gaze to the table, using my free hand to re-straighten my knife.
Pen flips the hand she’s holding over and places it in both of hers.
“Does Jax know?”
I nod.
Pen’s face drops.
“It’s a good thing the truth has come out,” she says eventually.
“It is,” I say, my eyes meeting hers. “I let him read the letter.”
“Wow. How did he take it?”
“You know Jax.” I shrug. “It vindicated him. But I’m not sure I’d want to be Zach the next time he rears his head.”
“How do you feel?”
Ah, the crux of the matter, the real reason my friend is here, checking on me.
“I feel like a fool. I allowed myself to be manipulated for years, by someone I thought cared about me.”
“You don’t think Zach cared?”
“You think he did?” My eyes clash with Pen’s. “You don’t do what he did to someone you care about.”
“No, you’re right. But not everything is black and white.” She lets go of my hand with a sigh. “But for what it’s worth. I think Zach genuinely loved you.”
I flatten my hand against the table, my fingers playing with the material of the tablecloth.
“I don’t think I ever loved him,” I admit. Finally saying the words aloud. I pull my hands into my lap. “I tried to. I really did. But he was never what I wanted, and he knew that.”
Pen looks at me, her eyes full of understanding.
“Is Jax what you want?”
I shake my head.
Pen frowns. “Why not? You said yourself, Zach’s letter vindicated him. There’s clearly still chemistry between you.”
I lean forward, resting my elbows on the table, my hands gripping my shoulders.
“Our time has passed, we’re different people now,” I say. “I broke up with him and moved on with one of his best friends. I’m not sure we can ever get past that, or if I can be what he wants or needs me to be?”
Pen sucks her lip, something she always does when she’s thinking, a throwback from when she wore a lip ring.
“What does Jax want you to be?”
I laugh, but it’s dry and hollow.
“I don’t know.”
“Have you asked him?”
Have I asked him?
No. I woke up and panicked, made up a lame excuse about a meeting, then told Jax how it was going to be.
Pen reads into my silence.
“Then how do you know you can’t be what he wants and needs?”
Our waitress arrives and takes our order, disappearing as fast as she came.
When we are alone again, I sit back and put my hands in my lap.
“Sex was inevitable.” Pen raises an eyebrow and I smirk. “After everything came to light. Us working together on the project. The beautiful environment.”
It’s Pen’s turn to laugh. It’s rich and warm. She holds up the palm of her hand.
“Sorry,” she says, her eyes wide as she wipes away a tear. “But you. One of the most logical and disciplined people I know is blaming having sex with someone on your environment?”
“Fine.” I harrumph, knowing I sound more like Gabriel. “We had a meeting of minds and body. Stick yourself on a beautiful island, surrounded by crystal waters, white sand and honeymooners… a recipe for disaster.”
“Or multiple orgasms.”
I roll my eyes, my lips twitching as my shoulders relax. “Yes, those too.”
Heat floods my cheeks, and Pen gives me a knowing smile.
“Really that good, huh?”
“I’m not discussing this with you.”
“Oh, don’t be a bore.”
“I don’t ask for intimate details on your love life.”
“Only because I’m sleeping with your brother, and that would be kind of ew!”
“Agreed.”
“But, this is Jax.”
“And?”
“Come on. You and him. You tell me you had a clandestine romance sixteen years ago, you’ve barely spoken to one another since and now you announce you slept with him.
Or more to the point, didn’t sleep! You bumped uglies, performed bedroom rodeo, and planted the parsnip!
This woman needs to know. Was it better, the same, awful? ”
I shake my head.
“Amazing,” I admit, before I can stop myself. “But that’s all you’re getting.”
“What’s next?”
“Nothing.”
Pen looks confused.
“We have a project to work on. It won’t go down well with the board or our investors if they think we’re romantically involved. That I’m no longer impartial. I have to remain professional.” Pen rolls her eyes at me. “And then there are my brothers.”
Pen nods. “Shit, I hadn’t thought about the board.”
“Welcome to my life.”
“As for your brothers. They’ll get over it. You have April, Leah, and me to ensure they do,” she says with a wink. “Have you spoken to Jax since you landed?”
“It’s only been twenty-four hours,” I say.
“So?”
I shrug. “No. He was heading to the US after we landed.” My hand moves to my cutlery again, and Pen’s eyes follow the movement. I stop. “He has some issues to clear up. I’m not anticipating hearing from him until the board meeting when he presents his proposal.”
Pen is silent.
“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention any of this to Eli,” I say.
“My lips are sealed. You’re my friend. Despite Eli being my lover and baby daddy, that means a lot to me. I won’t break your confidence.”
“Thank you.”
Pen rolls her eyes. “And don’t worry, April and I had words with both Eli and Caleb. They won’t be pulling any more stunts.”
She has more faith in my brothers than me.
“But know it came from a place of love.”
I chuckle. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that conversation.
“I’m used to them trying to protect me. It’s ingrained in the Frazer men. My brothers seem to forget I can be a force of nature all by myself.”
Pen raises her glass of water and chinks it against mine.
“I keep having to remind Eli I’m not a delicate wallflower, especially with the baby coming. That I run my own multi-million-pound company and have done for years.”
“To protective males,” I say with a smile.
Pen grins.
There’s a long pause.
“To think, you and Jax… I can’t believe I never saw it before.”
“We were good at covering our tracks, although clearly not good enough. You had more than enough on your plate at the time, with Eli and Darra.”
Pen inclines her head, not denying my words. It was a difficult time for everyone.
“I always thought you two would be good together. The way you would sit and talk when you thought no one was looking. How he would always come and support you at your piano recitals.”
“Jax was like you, the Frazer name never bothered him. Or at least never appeared to.”
“It didn’t, he was just happy to be included in the family stuff.
His home life wasn’t great, as you know.
His mum leaving, then getting together with his dad’s best friend.
No siblings to help him through. Holidays with you and your family were an escape from reality. It was, for all of us. Even Darra.”
“Don’t mention that woman.”
Pen shrugs. “She’s Lottie’s mum. I can’t ignore her. Even if Lottie is refusing to speak to her at the moment.”
“Still?”
Pen nods. “She’s digging her heels in. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear she was Eli’s daughter. They both have the same stubborn streak.”
“Nurture over nature. He is her father after all,” I say. “And Zach, is she speaking to him?”
I almost choke on the words, but I’m proud that I hold it together.
“Not as far as I’m aware. Lottie’s keeping her distance from them both. Elijah is trying to support her, but she’s still closed-mouthed about it all.”
Our food arrives at that moment, so we take a break.
When our waitress leaves, Pen looks up.
“I’m going to say one more thing, and then I’ll stop, and we can discuss Christmas presents.”
I smile, Christmas is a big thing in the Frazer household. All gifts are well planned and inexpensive, at least for the adults.
“Jax. There’s a reason Elijah and Caleb like him. He’s a straight talker, and he’s not hung up on any of the Frazer bullshit. I’ve known him for many years and have remained friends with him. He’s genuinely one of the good ones.”
My hand goes to my pendant. “I know.”
Pen doesn’t say anything as it sweeps back and forth.
“Christmas presents. I was thinking—”
And just like that, the conversation switches.