CHAPTER 7
Jesse
“Oh, yeah. Right there. Uhn,” I groan as the pressure in my shoulder dissipates.
“You are so tense,” Walt laments, his skilled fingers kneading the knots like he’s crumbling stones. Damn, he’s strong for a senior citizen. “It’s no wonder you said you didn’t sleep last night.”
“I was just so upset about this whole thing with Murph, but I didn’t think it’d affect me physically.”
“And here I thought Darnell and I cheered you up yesterday,” he jests, shifting his hands to the other side, nearly making my eyes cross when he finds a tense muscle.
“You did!” I reassure them, flashing his husband an empathetic look where he’s reclining on the next deck lounger. “You guys took my mind off of things over cards.”
Plus, they had snacks. I didn’t even think to bring my own snacks with me. Old people are so resourceful.
“We brought our chess board with us,” Darnell comments, handing me another of the makeshift hors d'oeuvres he made up from their supply of gourmet crackers and a log of salami they scored from the kitchen staff. “You’re welcome to join us in our cabin for dinner. We can see who loses their queen first.”
His sly grin tells me that’s a dare. I love that their competitive spirit hasn’t faded with age. I’m so lucky I met the two of them. They remind me of my PopPop. Patient, full of wisdom and understanding.
“No. I can’t impose on you two anymore than I already have.”
Walt’s fingers dig deeper. With his voice close to my ear, he leans forward and chides, “Nonsense. We love meeting new people, and you’re a breath of fresh air. Isn’t he Darnell?”
“Absolutely. I can’t believe someone hasn’t snatched you up yet.”
Chuckling at the compliment, I realize it’s been a while since I dated anyone. They don’t need to know that I’ve only dated women; although, they're so kind, I don’t think they’d be put off by learning that I’m straight. They basically took me under their wing yesterday when they saw me moping at the deck railing outside the atrium after Murph stormed off.
I get serious grandpa vibes from them. Cool grandpa vibes. I mean, it’s totally kick-ass that they took this cruise as their vacation. I can’t even remember the last time my parents left the state.
In my peripheral vision, a familiar walk snags my attention. Only someone who’s a best friend knows your walk in a heartbeat. Except, it doesn’t feel like we’re friends, as I stare at Murph strolling along the opposite side of the pool, his little sparkly friend in tow.
Geez. I’ve been replaced already.
No wonder he was so mad yesterday. He could have just said that he met someone and needed some privacy. It doesn’t mean we couldn’t have met up for breakfast.
And I only wore my Dew Drop shirt because I was like one of the last people to board and wanted to get to the meet and greet mixer in time. It’s my softest T-shirt, and I wanted to be comfortable on the plane. He acts like I committed a fashion crime. How can it be a fashion crime if half the guys at the mixer yesterday were topless?
His gaze connects with mine and he stops, causing his little friend to press closer into him from behind. The guy is practically attached to him, so there leaves no room to crash.
Why does he look annoyed again? I’m leaving him alone like he asked me to. Am I not allowed to be on the same deck as him?
Frowning, he starts moving again, and I swear it looks like he’s picked up his pace. Is he trying to get away from me?
“Geez, he hates me,” I mutter.
“Is that your friend you told us about?” Darnell asks.
Tearing my gaze away, I focus on my cracker and shrug, so I don’t sound too pathetic. “Yeah. The bearded one, not the sparkly one.”
I told them we grew up together, and that I came here to provide moral support, but that was the extent of it. They don’t need to know Murph’s history. Again—who’s a great keeper of secrets? This guy. Right here.
I don’t know how gay code works, if someone here might not like that Murph hasn’t come out to many folks where we live, but I’m not going to do anything to ruin his chances of finding love. I mean, not that Walt or Darnell are on the market. They said they’ve been happily married for fifteen years and just like to go on cruises to spice things up a bit. I get it. My dad barely leaves his recliner after a day on the orchard. So, good for them.
“Well, you’re in expert hands here. Let him do his thing, and we’ll take care of you,” Darnell assures me, giving my knee a squeeze.
Man, even my thigh muscles are tense. This is getting ridiculous. Murph’s giving me so many knots, I’m going to need to see a chiropractor when I get home.
Walt’s capable hands smooth across my upper back and down my arms like a calming balm after working on my shoulder knots. “All right. Lie down. Let’s work on your back now,” he says, standing up from the lounger where he’d been straddling it behind me. He’s so spry. I hope I move that effortlessly when I’m his age.
“No, really. I’m good.” I cast a look between him and Darnell. Does Darnell not care if he has his hands on another man? Clearly, I’m young enough to be their son, but still. A shoulder massage is one thing, a back massage is entirely another when a guy’s husband is within punching distance. Right?
“Walt has magic hands,” Darnell assures me, lowering his sunglasses where he’s lounged, soaking up rays. “You’d be missing out.”
Before I can articulate more protests, Walt lowers the back of my lounger to a prone position and pats the netted fabric. “Give me ten minutes, and you won’t remember your friend’s name.”
I want to tell him that’s impossible. I appreciate that he and Darnell are so in tune to my heartache, though. Old people are such good listeners.
I sneak another glance in the direction that Murph and his new friend went, but I’m not as stealthy as I hoped. Murph catches me and scowls. That scowl goes right to my heart. I feel so damn empty inside. He’s acting like I have the plague.
The day I fixed his tractor, he gave that unconvincing, ‘Yeah. Sure,’ when I tried assuring him he could count on me for anything. I’ve never seen him not have faith in me before. It stung. The longer that ‘Yeah. Sure,’ tumbled around in my head, the more that panic settled in.
I was losing him. I was sure of it.
And then Pete showed up at Mom and Dad’s that weekend again with Cam. Nothing new. They’d been coming every weekend since the first time Pete brought him home, except this time they weren’t glowing with happiness.
The story that Pete unloaded on me, my parents, and Miranda that night when Cam went up to bed still makes me sick to my stomach. Poor Cam was basically banished by his father when he found out Cam was dating Pete.
Who does something like that to their own child? Now, poor Cam has basically been holed up at my parents’ house, so his father doesn’t try to whisk him away somewhere out of sight.
It’s made me wonder if Murph was worried about experiencing that type of rejection from me. At first, I was bitter to discover his family knew all along while I hadn’t, but that petulance died a quick death when I saw what the alternative could be. I’m glad my brother is using his hard-ass powers against someone who deserves it. If Cam’s family doesn’t want him, I’m with Mom and Dad—he can have our family.
It’s what I wanted to show Murph—he can be whoever he wants to be, and I won’t let a soul make him think otherwise. I couldn’t sleep until I bought my plane ticket. Maybe I read too much into what happened to Cam, but I didn’t want Murph thinking he had to banish himself to some secret cruise to be gay only here.
Now, though, I’m second-guessing my motives. Was I being selfish by coming here?
I can’t deny that my decision to book this trip made me feel better.
Crap. Maybe I was selfish.
But I can’t lose Murph. I just can’t. And now I think I pushed him farther away. This is awful.
Flopping down onto my stomach, I turn my woes over to Grandpa Walt’s adept hands. If everything inside is going to hurt because of my potentially dying friendship, at least I can alleviate the pain on the exterior. Too bad Walt’s grandpa magic can’t cure a broken heart because I’m pretty sure mine’s been split in two.