CHAPTER 33
Jesse
“Aw, that’s so good. Don’t stop,” I groan, sprawled like a starfish on my mattress.
“I can’t blow forever,” Murph rebuts, but there’s a hint of amusement in his tone. “Did you maybe think to put some lube between your thighs before you slid around that pole?”
That… actually sounds like a good idea. Now he tells me. Freaking Cheri. After how long we’ve been friends, she could have shared some trade secrets.
“I wasn’t thinking about the safety of my thighs. I was thinking about getting you to not leave.”
“Well, it worked.”
I can’t fight the stupid grin on my face over my victory. I didn’t know it was possible to feel this… lucky? Yeah, lucky is definitely the right word. I finally did something right. And it won me Murph.
“Do I have blisters?” I’m deflecting because one, it’s kind of embarrassing how happy I am, and two, I’m being pampered. I’m going to milk this for all it’s worth.
The pad of his index finger traces the edge of the friction burn on my inner thigh just below my boxers, exchanging the throbbing sensation there with a shiver from his touch. It’s funny how the response we feel from someone’s touch can change over time. I’m sure we’ve touched plenty of ways over the years, but now it’s like a new array of senses that were waiting for this moment in our lives has been awakened.
“No. It’s just a little raw and swollen. You’ll probably end up with a pressure bruise. That happens unless you’ve built a tolerance to spinning on them.”
“And you know this from your vast knowledge of dancing poles?”
“You can learn a lot more over the years by sitting at the bar than you do sitting in front of the stage.”
Huh. I never thought of that.
I know he was just teasing, but the reminder of how many hours I’ve spent looking in the wrong direction at The Dew Drop is a pin pop to my happy bubble. I didn’t just almost lose him—if I hadn’t gotten on that ship, I might have never had the chance to fall in love with him.
“I’ll put more Arnica Gel on it tomorrow,” he assures me after another soft dusting of his cool breath over my skin.
“You’ve got yourself a date.”
Tugging his hand, I flash him a silent plea to come join me on my pillow. His smile, so full of adoration, tells me he understands as he makes his way up beside me. I want to kick my own ass for how many times I probably missed the message in those smiles.
Rolling toward him, I affix myself to his body like a spider monkey as he draws my comforter over us. That simple act makes me smile into his chest. This is already so easy. Day one of being an actual couple and we’re practically finishing each other’s sentences and grooming each other like gorillas. I’m so grateful I get him as my gorilla.
I feel guilty now, though. He didn’t even plan to be here this afternoon.
“You’re sure you don’t want to go see your sister?”
Please say no, I chant selfishly. Apparently, love makes me even needier than before.
“No chance. I’m not leaving you. It’s not every day a guy gets an exotic dance to an ABBA song.”
Hiding my smile in the crook of his neck, I take a gulp of air when my heart stops doing cartwheels. Good answer, Baloney. Good answer.
Trailing my fingers down his back, my palm settles at the curve of his spine. I love how my hands and body fit him everywhere, no matter how we’re touching. It’s baffling how right he feels in my arms. How do you go your entire life not knowing the other half of your soul is standing right next to you? Does he have it this bad for me, or does it just feel like an odd level of friendship?
I know what he said the other day at his house and at The Dew Drop today, but do these feelings swallow him up the way mine are right now?
“Murph?”
“Yeah?”
“Is this… strange for you at all?”
“What?”
“Us. Together. After being friends our entire lives.”
Leaning back, he draws me away from him enough that I can’t hide my face. I don’t know why, but I’m suddenly terrified any misstep will shatter where we are. If I screw something up, I don’t know what I’ll do to fix it. I only have so much thigh skin, after all.
“No. It… well, at first, when I thought it was only me feeling something, it wasn’t exactly a comfortable feeling. Why? Is it strange for you?”
I hate the tension I can feel in his body. The fear. At the same time, however, it gives me my answer. Murph just sees us. Neither friends nor lovers, just us. That’s what I want him to see, always.
“No, of course not,” I reassure him, greedily tugging him back to me.
“Then why did you ask?”
“I guess, I still can’t believe that I get to…”
“Get to what?”
Maybe this is the strange part, looking at him with all this love I feel in my heart. Knowing I have permission to look at him while I have all this love in my heart and that he’ll be able to see it. I guess it’s not strange, exactly, just new.
So, I do look at him. Tilting my head back, I quit selfishly hiding the glow that feels like it’s radiating off me. The fear, too. I show it all to him. I don’t want either of us hiding anything anymore. Maybe part of being in love is being so damn happy that, once you’ve discovered it, you’re terrified of living without it.
“To love you,” I clarify around the lump in my throat.
Geez. Am I getting teary-eyed?
It’s a thing of awe watching his expression transform. You’d think I just told him Auggie died. At least I’m not the only one getting emotional.
His knuckles brush against my jaw, and he swallows like it’s difficult. “Yeah,” he whispers. “You can always do that. I’ll never complain.”
Grabbing his face, I let him know with my mouth that I always will. With each tender brush of our lips, some of the fear dies away. I don’t suspect it all will, though, and that makes sense. I can live with being ‘good scared.’ Because how can you not be scared of losing the love of Murphy Malone once you’ve witnessed it?
“Promise me we’ll always talk to each other,” I demand, still holding his face, so I have his attention. “I might have learned how to give a mean blow job, but I can’t read your mind.”
His snort comes out choked with emotion as he squeezes my hand. “I promise.”
I get a hard kiss to seal that vow. His arms wrap back around me, pulling me tighter against him like he’s just as content not to leave this bed as I am, even though we’re clothed and the sun hasn’t yet set.
“And promise me that if you ever need me to listen, you won’t feel the need to gag me,” he murmurs into my hair.
Oh, great. This is going to be like the badger thing. I can tell already. The next time I need him kidnapped, I’ll have to have to issue Alexis and Cheri a ‘no-ball gag’ decree. He doesn’t seem mad about it anymore, but still. They went kind of savage on my man.
Wait. What am I saying? There won’t be a next time.
“As long as you don’t try running off on me again, otherwise, I make no promises. The girls have experience now, so you wouldn’t even see them coming if I ever have to request their services again.”
“Jesse?”
“Huh?”
“I couldn’t run away from you if I tried. You were the only man on that ship before I even knew you had boarded it.”
“Yeah?”
Man, I’m stupid-smiling again. It’s worth it, though, seeing that smirk on his face and the smitten look in his eyes.
“Yeah,” he concurs. “There’s no escaping you. You’re too deep in my heart. You’re probably what it’s made of, to be honest.”
Oh, Baloney. He’s like a mountain man poet. I always loved feeling like I was young, but I’m going to enjoy this growing old business. Burrowing into the side of his neck, I let out a contented sigh. All is right in the world.
“Well, good. Because I’d find you, anyway, if you did try.”
His lips press to my forehead. “I’m counting on it.”