6. Grady
GRADY
“Hi.” I breathe the word more than say it, my heart jackknifing at the sight of my ex.
She’s still so fucking beautiful it hurts.
“Grady.” She gives me an awkward smile, and it’s taking everything in me not to rest my hand on her hip the way I’ve done a thousand times before. “How are you?”
Her smile is tighter than usual. It’s her polite “I don’t really want to talk to you, but I shouldn’t be rude” smile, and it breaks my fucking heart all over again.
Why am I missing her when she doesn’t even want me around?
I take a small step back and nod. “Yeah, I’m…” I shrug, wondering how to play this. Do I go for fake happy, like she hasn’t affected me? Or do I let her know that this shit is real and I’m still an open wound, bleeding out right in front of her?
She swallows, twitching in her heels and dancing from toe to toe .
Fuck. I should really let her get on with her evening, but I can’t seem to stop staring at her, drinking her in.
Why does she have to be so beautiful?
It’s fucking unfair.
“Well, I…” She tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. “It’s, um… it’s nice to see you again.”
I frown at her, hating how fake she’s being.
I want to call her on her bullshit, but I don’t get the chance because Finn Macalister appears.
Like an apparition from the deathly fucking hallows, the white boy is suddenly there, staring at me with his intense blue eyes.
They’re gleaming as if there’s some hilarious joke I’m unaware of.
Flicking his tongue over the piercing in his bottom lip, he smirks at me, and I want to punch him right in his straight little nose.
His pale fingers curve around Teah’s waist. He’s staking his claim loud and clear, and Teah, although she’s trying to hide it, loves every fucking second of his hands on her body.
Seriously?
What does she see in this guy? He’s everything I’m not.
That’s what she sees. That’s what she wants.
NOT you.
The thought is a punch to the balls, and rather than lashing out the way I want to, I take another step back, sending the guy a silent warning: You fucking look after her.
He glares right back at me, and I can sense Teah’s discomfort, so I play the bigger man.
Flicking my gaze to hers, I softly mumble, “Have a good night,” before spinning away and stalking to the bar.
Fuck !
Fuck, fuck, FUCK!
I plunk onto one of the free stools and glare at the dance floor. Macalister is pulling Teah onto the floor and she’s smiling at him, obviously loved-up and into it. Wrapping his arms around her, he suctions their bodies together, and I can’t stop staring at them.
Yeah, call me a masochist, but I can’t seem to fucking help myself.
“Can I get you something?” A pretty woman with springy black curls and a bright smile grabs my attention.
“Oh, uh…” I tap the bar with my finger. “Yeah, just grab me a beer.”
“ID?”
I pull out my wallet, showing her my driver’s license, and she nods. “What’s your flavor?”
“Whatever.” I shrug. “Corona?”
“With lime?”
“Yes, please.”
“Got it.” She heads off to get my drink, and I pull out my phone, ready to pay. I’m only gonna get one tonight. Don’t want to get off-my-ass drunk, although for the first time in my life, I am seriously tempted.
I don’t even know why I’m still fucking here!
I should have bolted out that door the second I saw Teah, but no, I decided to torture myself.
When she first broke it off with me, I had these hopes of winning her back.
She said the relationship had gotten boring. That we were acting like an old married couple already and we were still in college. It seemed so wrong to her, and apparently that was a sign to end it.
I told her I could be more exciting .
But she argued that the things that excite her are not the things that excite me.
I wanted to tell her that was bullshit, but the more I’ve thought about it, the more I know she’s right. I’m just not ready to fully admit that.
But I can change, be the guy she needs.
Glancing back over my shoulder, I watch her head tip back in laughter, Macalister murmuring something against her neck as they sway on the dance floor.
Guess she doesn’t need me to change anymore. She’s moved on.
Fuck, maybe she had before she broke up with me. Or maybe she’d met Macalister, and he was the catalyst she needed to get out of her humdrum relationship.
It makes me feel like complete shit.
“Here you go.” The woman sets down my beer, then holds out the machine for me to pay.
I do, then grab the bottle, slugging back half the beer before slamming it down on the bar.
“Hey, Grady,” a soft voice says, and I turn to spot Teah’s best friend, Bella.
“Hi, Bells. How are ya?”
“Yeah.” Her shoulder hitches as she rests her hand on the bar, looking past me to the dance floor.
It’s instinctual to turn and see what she’s looking at, and I instantly regret it. Mac and Teah are playing a serious game of tongue twister, his hand palming her ass while she fists the back of his hair.
I grit my teeth, spinning back before I can shout at the top of my lungs, “We’re in public! Get a room!”
But I don’t want them to get a room. The thought of them doing? —
Nope, don’t you fucking go there.
Gripping my beer bottle, I train my eyes on the bar while Bella lets out another sigh. “They got together a few weeks after you broke up.”
I work my jaw to the side, tempted to ask if she was cheating on me and only revealed the relationship after we were done. Shit.
“It’s been so… stressful,” Bella ends in a whisper.
My eyes dart to hers. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know.” Her face puckers with distress.
“He’s just so… wild. And we’re worried about her.
She was so steady and stable when she was with you.
Mac is… pulling her away. I don’t like it.
I wish she’d never dumped you. It’s like she lost her mind or something.
You are… a million times better than him.
” Her lips form a deep pout. “I’m really sorry, Grady. ”
I shake my head, my throat swelling as I wrestle my way through this conversation. “Do you… think she’s safe?”
Bella brushes her teeth over her bottom lip, obviously considering her answer carefully. My insides coil into tight, painful knots while I wait her out.
If he’s hurting her, I’m going to end him. I don’t give a shit if she’s over me and I’m not her man anymore. I won’t let someone cause her any kind of pain.
But then Bella nods. “Yeah. As far as I’m aware, he’s not hurting her or anything.
He’s just… bringing out another side of her, I guess.
She seems to love being with him—is constantly running out of the house with this big smile on her face.
She’s giddy and excitable and…” Her nose wrinkles. “I just prefer you. All of us do.”
I nod, not sure how to respond to that. She’s not the only one who’s been against this breakup. Teah’s parents still check in with me—a little text or phone call every week or so to see how I’m doing. They’re heartbroken that their daughter ended things. I wonder if they know about Mac.
Unable to stop myself, I glance over my shoulder again.
They’re not kissing anymore, but they’re dancing close, lost in their own little bubble.
His vampire hands are running up her back, those long pale fingers squeezing her close.
Yeah, I can’t imagine her parents being cool with a guy like him.
Their country club friends would be horrified if he walked in with his messy black hair and multiple piercings.
His bad boy rocker look and “fuck off” vibes aren’t exactly high-class.
“Anyway.” Bella sighs, her smile sad when I swivel back to face her. “You take care of yourself.” Patting my arm, she says a silent goodbye and walks back to the table of sorority girls.
I watch them for a second, knowing half of them, then having to wave when a couple of them smile at me. One of them blushes, her eyes dipping with a coy smile.
Oh, fuck no. Please do not go falling for me. The last thing I need is another sorority girl from the same house as Teah. Forget it.
Turning my body to face the bar, I focus on my beer, running my thumb up and down the condensation before taking another swig, then slapping it back on the counter.
“Someone’s having a bad night,” a gruff voice murmurs behind me, and I spin to find Carson and Nylah giving me sad smiles .
Shit, I’m not sure how many more of them I can take. Their sympathy is killing me.
Zander saunters up just behind them, his hard gaze on the dance floor. “Is that Finn Macalister?”
“Yeah,” I mumble, hunching over my beer with a dark frown.
His hand lands on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, man.”
I shake my head, not even knowing how to respond.
“Did she leave you for him?” Nylah takes a seat on the other side of me while Carson flags down the bartender.
I sigh, tracing the blue letters on the bottle with my thumb. “I don’t know. I want to think she didn’t cheat on me. But who the fuck knows.” I growl.
“It sucks.” Zander nods, resting his elbow on the bar, then holding up a finger to indicate that he wants a beer too.
I sit there in silence while my friends order their drinks, then let them drag me to a table where my back is to the dance floor.
As soon as I take a seat, I start to feel better. At least I think I do.
Two beers down now, and my shoulders aren’t so tense. In fact, everything is a touch looser, and my tongue starts to flap before I can stop it.
“This wasn’t the plan,” I mumble.
“What?” Carson leans closer to hear what I’m saying.
“I had it all fucking mapped out, and she—” I flick my hand in the air. “She dumped me. And it wasn’t the fucking plan!”
“You can’t control life, man.” Carson tips his beer bottle at me. “It throws shit at you, and you can either turn it into fertilizer or stand there smelling like ass. ”
I frown at my roommate while Zander snickers. “Where the hell did you get that?”
Carson tips his head at Nylah. “My girlfriend said it.”
“I did not say that.”
“I’m paraphrasing.” He winks at her.
She rolls her eyes but then gives me a kind smile, resting her hand on my arm.
“It’s sort of true. From one closet control freak to another…
it’s a mantra I have to remind myself of all the time.
” Running her hand down to my hand, she curls her fingers around mine.
“I know life is shit right now, but you can handle it. You just have to let go of trying to fix it and trust your gut. For once, why don’t you let life just happen to you and see where it goes?
There’s a certain freedom to that, you know? ”
I scoff and shake my head. “What if my gut’s not saying a fucking thing? What if life is leading me straight into a shithole?”
Nylah laughs and shakes her head. “Your gut is talking to you all the time. You just have to shut up and listen. Stop getting in your own way and just… be still. You know?”
Be still.
My brain mumbles and mocks those two words until they start to really sink in.
Be still.
The only place I can ever truly do that is in nature.
Damn, I need that spring break trip now more than ever.
Gimme tall trees and cold lakes. Gimme campfires and trail mix. Just gimme anything that isn’t a strawberry blonde woman making out with a pale-skinned basketball player on the dance floor.