32. Blake
BLAKE
So that burning disappointment beat out the anger. I really wish I could have just stayed mad, but after cursing up a storm wrestling my clothes back on, I was all worn out and just had to sit there in the tent, huffing and then staring down at the spot where Grady’s ass had been.
I brush my fingers over it, lamenting his post-sex reaction.
Shit.
He wasn’t as into it as me.
He didn’t want it.
I forced myself on him, and now I feel like a dirty… I don’t know… whore?
Fuck, I don’t know what I am.
Trouble.
You’re trouble.
And Grady deserves better than that.
Closing my eyes, I rest my head in my hands with a groan and just stay like that for I don’t know how long. I wonder if I can just curl up and hide away from him for the rest of the night.
But my stomach is starting to grumble. I have no idea what time it is, but surely I deserve a snack after that water fight and sexy workout, right?
Cautiously crawling out of the tent, I spot Grady knee-deep in the lake. He’s got some kind of fishing line thing dangling from his hand, and I watch in fascination as he waits, statue still in the water before doing a quick flick and pulling up a wriggling fish.
Holy shit, Wily’s right—he’s Bear freaking Grylls!
Carrying the fish back to the shoreline, he gathers up another one he’s caught and glances up, going still when he spots me.
I swallow, rising to my feet and trying to play it cool. “So, I guess we’re having fish for dinner?”
“Yeah.” He eyes me up for a second before tipping his head. “Come on, I’ll show you how to gut it.”
Sounds gross, and my nose wrinkles in protest. But curiosity gets the better of me and I head to his side, watching as he talks me through how to gut the fish. He does the first one, then makes me do the second. I’m right, it’s totally gross. Fish are slimy, and they smell.
But there’s also this cool sense of achievement that comes from prepping my own dinner, and forty minutes later, when I’m picking bits of cooked white fish off the bone, I can’t help smiling.
Grady taught me how to do all this, and I guess it was kind of like a peace offering. We won’t talk about the sex again. I can sense it. We’ve just put it behind us and moved on. I’m guessing, in his mind, that he never wants it to happen again .
That hurts, because it was so good.
It felt pretty damn right to me, and I hate that it didn’t to him.
Part of me wonders what I did wrong… other than not getting his full consent.
Yeah, that really was an assy move. I should have been more respectful, and I want to apologize. But if I raise it now, things will get all awkward between us again and… Ugh!
“Wanna play chess after dinner?” Grady asks.
I glance away from the flickering flames and stare across the fire at him. I still can’t believe he packed a travel-sized chess set, but apparently, he takes it every time he goes camping.
“You know how to play?”
I nod. “Dad wanted me to join the chess club in middle school.”
“Chess club?”
With a half-hearted shrug, I sigh. “What Daddy wanted, Blakey did.”
He stares at me for a long beat, like he’s taking the time to sense everything I’m not saying. His lips pull into a thoughtful pout as he swipes his fingers through the air. “We don’t have to play if you don’t like the game.”
“Nah, it’ll be my pleasure to kick your ass.” My lips twitch as I suck another piece of fish out of my fingers.
His laughter is a joyous, surprising sound, booming in our quiet space and making me grin. “Oh, you’re going down, girl.”
“Bring it on, Newman.” My voice is dry as I smirk across the flames at him .
His white teeth flash at me, his smile all things gorgeous.
Dipping my gaze, I focus back on my fish and how it’s the most delicious seafood I’ve ever tasted.
Not that it’s seafood.
Lake food.
It’s the most delicious lake food I’ve ever had.
The thought makes me smile as I gaze around our little camping spot. The sun has pretty much set, the sky a very dark blue. It’s the most amazing color, and I bet the stars tonight are going to be awe-inspiring.
“You done?” Grady stands up, walking over to me to dispose of the waste. He tells me about how we have to bury it away from our camp because of the wildlife. I trail after his flashlight beam and watch him work, then walk back to the camp with him.
He’s a good teacher, and I’m picking everything up pretty fast.
I like the way he talks and moves.
I love the sound of his voice, so easy and soothing.
And his hands. I love the way they pick up chess pieces and move them around the board.
We play by lantern light, the soft beam casting shadows across our faces.
He’s beautiful in all lights, and I find my gaze tracking toward him constantly. It’s getting harder and harder to play it cool. The sounds of our sexy session keep popping into my brain, doused by the cold reality of his guilt afterward.
It makes playing chess a challenge, and he ends up winning.
“Checkmate.” His lips quirk into a smile .
I gaze down at the magnetic board, seeing he’s right and that I’ve got no way to outsmart him. My lips work to the side, and although it tastes like acid to say it, I force out the words I was trained to respond with “Congratulations. Good game.”
I stretch out my hand to shake his, and the second his fingers curl around mine, my insides start yearning all over again.
“You really made me work for it.” He seems impressed. “I’m looking forward to a rematch.”
“So you can lose?”
“So I can beat you faster.” He winks.
I laugh and shake my head. “Not gonna happen. I was distracted.”
“Oh yeah?” He starts packing away the mini chess pieces. “Everything okay?”
Not really.
I let out a soft snort that hopefully conveys what I can’t say.
He stills, his eyes tracking back to me. His shadowed gaze is so intense, I can’t hold it.
Dipping my chin, I don’t want to look into those eyes and figure out what he’s thinking.
I don’t want to know that he means more to me than I mean to him.
Or that?—
“I had a really amazing day,” he murmurs.
“You sure you enjoyed it?” I can’t help the soft touch of skepticism tainting my words.
“Blake,” he whispers, reaching for my hand and brushing his thumb over my knuckles. “Of course I did. I enjoyed all of it. Every second. ”
My eyes jump up to lock with his.
He means it. He actually means it.
“But you regret some,” I have to whisper, because what’s the point of hiding from the truth?
I’m stoked that he liked it; that part does ease the burning disappointment that’s been eating at me. But it doesn’t change the fact that he wished it hadn’t happened.
His expression crumples, confirming what I already know. “You’re Wily’s little sister.” He silently beseeches me to get it. “He’ll kill me.”
“He’s my brother, not my boss.” I sigh, whipping my hand out of his grasp.
Frustration bubbles up inside me, and I have to clamp my teeth together.
I don’t want to get into a fight with him.
I’m so sick of tension and angst. I just want to feel calm and warm… the way I did when he held me.
Before I went and ruined it by jumping him.
You didn’t ruin anything. That was amazing!
But the aftermath has been anything but.
Closing my eyes, I force myself to play it cool. I’m good at that, right? Saying and doing exactly what people need me to?
I muster a calming breath. “I get it, okay? I know you don’t want to cross that line, and I’m sorry that I made you.”
“I could have stopped you.” Grady’s voice is all rough and sexy, this soft growl that makes my insides twist with longing. “I didn’t want you to stop. Even though it shouldn’t have happened. ”
“Yeah.” I nod, forcing my eyes back open and facing him.
His expression is kind of pained, still etched with remorse, and I really need him to stop feeling so guilty about this.
“Let’s just… forget it ever happened, okay?” It’s so freaking hard saying that. Just about as challenging as forcing a smile and putting on a cheerful tone. “Thanks for an amazing day, Grady. I’m really glad I’m doing this with you.”
Keeping my smile in place, I turn back to the tent, grateful that I brushed my teeth right after dinner. Now I can just crawl right into that sleeping bag and try to get some sleep.
After all that’s gone down today, it’ll no doubt be an impossible task.
And I’m so right about that.