40. Blake
BLAKE
I’ve just had the best time of my life, and walking out of this forest is killing me.
Grady told me this morning, as we packed up the tent for the last time, that it’d take about four hours to get back to the parking lot.
He specially planned this route, knowing my lack of experience and turning what he could have probably done in two days into a five-day trek with short hikes and lots of downtime.
Shoving our love oasis (aka the hammock) back into its little bag sucked. And then I almost cried as I watched him roll up the tent.
I fought tears as we ate our overnight oats. I had to quietly sniffle my way through teeth brushing and the final checking of our gear.
I’ve been hiking behind him in silence ever since we walked away from last night’s spot.
We made love under the stars. I gazed up at those tiny diamonds in the sky while he came inside me for the last time.
I’ve never had so much sex in such a short space of time, and I’m sore and achy.
But it’s been worth it. His dick is glorious.
His entire body on me, in me, around me…
it’s all perfect. I haven’t been able to get enough of the way he feels, thinks, sounds.
I love his laughter. It’s deep and rich, and he isn’t one to laugh at every little thing, so when he does, I know he means it… and that makes it even more special.
I’ve never felt this way around someone before, and the thought that it’ll all be over in an hour or so kills me.
Grady’s stolen my heart, and as much as I want to beg him for it back, I also want him to keep it. I’m not sure I’ll ever find better.
Damn his loyalty to my brother.
Why does a stupid bro code even have to exist?
Can’t we just be together, and Wily can get the fuck over himself!
I tried that argument last night, just as we were drifting off to sleep. Grady was tucked behind me, spooning me in his perfect shell, and all he said was “It has to be this way” before squeezing me tighter and kissing my naked shoulder.
He held me like that all night.
I barely got any sleep, drifting in and out while my heart mourned the loss that’s coming.
“You okay?”
Glancing up, I notice Grady’s stopped ahead of me. I didn’t realize my pace had slowed so much. I wish I could ask him for another foot rub. If I drop to my knees and beg to just camp here for the rest of the year, would he agree to it?
Nope. Look at his face. He’s set on this decision. He won’t betray his friend .
I could argue that he has betrayed his friend, but that will contradict my reasoning for having this fling in the first place. He only agreed to it because no one would ever find out.
Forcing a smile, I nod and pick up my pace, my body complaining, like it knows this is about to end and it doesn’t have to soldier on anymore.
“Just think about that hot shower or bath you’re gonna take as soon as we get back.” He’s trying to encourage me, but his voice is lacking a cheerful edge.
He knows as well as I do that a hot shower can’t be half as good as two naked bodies in a freezing-cold lake.
It’ll never beat stargazing and strip poker.
It can’t be better than disappearing into a forest and listening to a symphony of insects and birds, the rustling of leaves as the breeze blows through the trees.
Nothing can beat this.
Not a fucking hot shower.
Not easy access to hot food.
Nothing.
I feel like I’m walking out of heaven, back into a nightmare of choices and confessions.
Keep walking. You have to keep moving forward.
Lifting one concrete foot after the other, I trek after Grady until we’ve nearly reached the parking lot.
I can tell we’re almost there because his steps have slowed too. He’s shuffling along like a tortoise, and I’m soon right behind him, snatching his hand and gripping it like my life will be in jeopardy if I let go.
Through the trees, I spot the edge of a red Jeep and quickly yank on Grady’s hand. He stutters to a stop, spinning to face me .
He silently asks me what’s wrong, and my throat swells, turning my words into a raspy whisper. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
My eyes fill with tears, a smile curling my lips as I sniff and look around us.
“For bringing me to this amazing place. For always looking after me. For helping me at the liquor store. For rescuing me at that party.” A shudder makes my spine twitch.
“If you hadn’t come…” My voice catches. Why the hell am I saying all this now?
Why am I bringing up the fact that I’m a trainwreck?
Because reality is knocking on your door! You’re about to head straight back into it, and you’re fucking terrified!
“Hey.” He steps into my space, cupping my cheek and gazing down at me like he actually gives a shit. A genuine one. This man cares about me, and I can feel it all the way to my core. “I’ll always be here for you, okay? That won’t change when we get back to Nolan. You can always call me for help.”
“But not more.” The words are so quiet, I’m not sure he can even hear them.
His brown eyes search my face, his forehead wrinkling with a look of… desperation, maybe?
And then his lips are on mine—covering them, owning them.
I rise to my tiptoes, gripping his bag straps and hauling him against me. We stumble back together, falling off the trail and against a thick tree trunk, where he steadies me, lashing his tongue against mine and drinking, taking, devouring every last piece of my soul.
I give it to him freely.
It’s all his because this man is …
He can’t be everything. Don’t you fucking think that! He’s not yours. This is over!
Yet, I keep kissing him.
I take back as much as I’m giving, knowing this is the end of our road.
Knowing my life will never be the same again.