48. Blake
BLAKE
I cry until my eyes are swollen and aching. I’ve run out of tissues, and the floor is covered in balled-up wads of snot and tears. My sweater sleeve is grimy, and my head is pounding.
When there’s a gentle knock at my door, I assume it’s Grady, and I’m not sure if I can handle his comfort. He’ll be so sweet and forgiving… and I don’t deserve it.
“I’m… busy,” I squeak.
My visitor obviously takes that as a cue to open the door, and I glare at the wood until Satch’s head appears. Her sweet face tells me she’s not mad… just sad… and I dip my chin, unable to look at her.
“Hi,” she whispers, easing into my room. “You doing okay?”
I shake my head. There’s no point trying to lie when I obviously look like shit.
I’m wrecked, and I doubt even layers of makeup could hide that fact .
Satch shuffles into the room, fidgeting with her fingers before shaking out her hands and straightening her cardigan.
Glancing at the ribbed fabric, I watch the way it sits on her wide curves.
When I first met her, I thought she was a bit of a weirdo.
She dresses like a woman from the 1950s, but she’s so sweet and shy and I just couldn’t judge her for it.
I mean, no one should judge her. She’s all things kind, and I’m the asshole for thinking my sense of fashion was better than hers.
I’m not better.
Nothing about me is better.
No matter what I wear or how well I do in school, nothing about me is better than Elizabeth Satchwell, because she’s the genuine article. And my brother deserves someone just like that.
Sucking in a breath, I clench my jaw to try and ward off the next batch of tears.
“Wily, um…” She licks her lips, and I tense at the sound of my brother’s name.
“Wily never wants to speak to you again. Can you move out, please?”
“Wily wants me to tell you that he’s disowning you.”
“Wily needs you to know that you’ve let him down, and he’s not sure he’ll ever get over it.”
“He’s pretty cut up.” She bites her bottom lip. “But he’d really love to talk to you.”
“What?” My head jolts up. “No, he wouldn’t.”
“Yeah.” Satch nods, obviously surprised by my reaction.
“He would have come here himself, but I wouldn’t let him.
He needs to rest up his knee after climbing those stairs.
” Her eyebrows dip. “He shouldn’t have done that.
The doctor and PT said he’s got another week before he can move up to his room. ”
I swallow, guilt slamming me when I realize he broke the rules because I was acting sketchy. Shit. I made him hurt his knee too!
“So, would you be willing to come to his room?” She points over her shoulder.
“And tell him what?”
She shrugs. “The truth. He just needs you to tell him what’s been going on. He’s really worried about you.”
“I hurt him,” I whisper.
Satch bites her lip and slowly nods. “This might help heal things.”
I scoff, shaking my head. “I doubt it.” My expression crumples, tears taking me out before I can stop them. “He’s gonna hate me even more when he finds out what I’ve done.”
“Oh. Um…” Satch bounces on her toes before moving to my bed. Taking a seat beside me, she wraps her arm around my shoulders and pulls me close. “It can’t be all that bad.”
“It is,” I wail.
She rubs my back, cradling me against her until the worst of my sobs have passed.
Wiping tears off my cheeks with her thumbs, she moves her head until I have no choice but to look into her kind eyes. Her smile is gentle and sweet.
“Wily could never hate you. He loves you so much. You’re his baby sister.
His best friend. He’s hurt because you didn’t tell him a really important thing that happened in your life.
And he’s hurt because you went behind his back with Grady.
If you don’t tell him… whatever else it is you’ve been hiding, it’ll only make things worse.
” Her pale eyebrows form a wonky line over her eyes.
“Please, Blake. He needs you. He’ll be destroyed if he loses his relationship with you. You’re his little butt face.”
I let out a shaky, watery laugh, fresh tears lining my lashes as I sniff and try to find the courage to go with her.
Just go! Get it over with!
Satch gets off the bed, awkwardly standing and straightening her clothes before holding out her hand. I reluctantly take it and let her drag me down to Wily’s room.
He’s sitting on his bed, staring at the wall with this glum look on his face.
His leg is propped up on a stack of pillows, his arms crossed over his broad chest. Even injured, he looks big and strong and a little intimidating.
He’s your brother! The one you used to run to, remember?
Sucking in a breath, I force myself to stand at the end of his bed while Satch takes a seat beside him. Threading her fingers through his, she runs comforting circles over the back of his hand while nodding at me.
Oh shit.
This is it.
I open my mouth, not even sure where to start with this big confession, but Wily speaks before I can.
“What were you thinking?” he snaps. “Going behind my back with one of my teammates? Don’t you know there’s a bro code? I can’t believe that asshole broke it!”
“Don’t call him that,” I quickly bite back. “He didn’t want to, but I just kept throwing myself at him. The poor guy didn’t stand a chance. It’s my fault, okay? Not his.”
“He should have known better,” Wily grits out. “It’s not good enough.”
“Oh, come on,” I whine. “Don’t make him sound like some villain. He’s a good guy. We just got caught up while we were away, and… and then I kissed him again here, and that’s what you saw.”
His eyes narrow. “You didn’t just get caught up; you were full-on sleeping together.”
I shrug, unable to argue with that point.
“Is that all it is? Just sex?”
I open my mouth to respond, but I can’t, because I honestly don’t know. Wily’s accusations about Grady still being in love with Teah haven’t stopped ringing inside my head. I’ve just been too distracted over hurting my brother to really soak it all in.
Maybe that’s why Grady was so hesitant to get something started with me. Maybe it was more about her and less about my brother.
Shit.
My insides shrivel, my knees wanting to buckle as I stand here quaking at the end of Wily’s bed.
I lock them into place and clench my jaw to stop my teeth from chattering.
“You know, it’s a good thing you’re going back to Chicago.
I really appreciate all you did to help me, but I’m okay now, and you need to get back to your life, you know?
” He huffs. “I’d love to tell you to keep me posted on how things are going, but you obviously don’t want that kind of relationship with me anymore. ”
“That’s not true.” I close my eyes .
“How could you not tell me you lost your V-card? That’s huge. I told you all about my first time.”
“Wily.” Squeezing my eyes shut even tighter, I pinch the bridge of my nose. “It’s embarrassing talking about it.”
“We used to tell each other everything! Even the humiliating stuff! That’s what made our relationship so damn special. You’re always the one I go to first when shit is happening.”
“Not anymore. Not now that you’ve got Satch.” I point to his girlfriend.
“Don’t you dare use her to justify what is going on right now!
Yes, she’s shifted things between us slightly, but you lost your V-card before Satch even came into my life.
With some guy who might maybe be your boyfriend and sometimes not.
What does that even mean?” He flicks his hand up in obvious frustration.
“Have you been sleeping around up there? Have you turned into some kind of party girl? You told me you weren’t into that scene, which means you outright lied to me.
It wasn’t just an omission—you lied to me! ”
I flinch as his voice rises to a thunderous shout.
“Wily.” Satch tries to soothe him, her voice like a silken breeze.
He instantly relaxes back against his pillows, the thunder replaced with a gray, depressive kind of fog that’s killing me.
“Seriously, sis, you should just go book your flight and get out of here. I think that’s best for everyone.”
“I can’t go back to Chicago,” I mumble.
“What?” He whips his head up to look at me .
“I can’t go back to Chicago!” I shout. “I don’t go to school there anymore!”
There’s a horrible, thick beat that weighs a million tons. My legs finally give out and I slump onto the end of his bed, facing away from him.
“Why? Wha— What?” Wily stutters.
With a thick swallow, I talk to the carpet, because it’s easier than facing him. “I was going to get an academic suspension and… some disciplinary action. It was just easier for me to withdraw and pay for the damages. Leave quietly, you know?”
“Pay for the damages?”
I hunch my shoulders, trying to make myself as small as possible.
“What happened?” His voice pitches. “What did you do?”
Closing my eyes, I fight the bile surging up my throat and finally… finally mumble out my sins. I start with the worst and work my way backward, telling him about Cleo and Nico, Simon, and all the shit we pulled.
“I don’t know why I did it,” I finish, daring a glance over my shoulder.
He looks shredded, gaping at me like he doesn’t even know me anymore.
“And now Cleo’s threatening to send photos of me to Mom and Dad unless I keep paying her.” I wince, my expression buckling. “And they’re really horrible photos, Wily. They can’t see them. They can’t.” I hiccup out the last two words, my stomach convulsing.
Slumping forward, I rest my elbows on my knees and whimper into my hands .
“What are the photos of?”
“You don’t want to know.”
“Yeah, I do,” he grits out, and I force myself to tell him.
“Just me being a drunken idiot, dancing on this table… topless.” I wince.
“Me and Nico getting it on.” Hot bile surges up my throat, but I swallow it back down.
“There’s another one of me giving Simon a—” I cut myself off.
I can’t say it. Dammit, if I’d known Cleo was capturing that shit, I would have stopped.
“Blake.” Wily’s whisper is broken.
I sniff and force out the rest before I lose my nerve.
“There are, uh… a few of me shoplifting. I mean, I guess I could argue that I paid for it later, but she snapped me slipping stuff into my bag, so yeah… it’s so obviously me being a little shit.
And the last one she threatened me with was evidence of…
” I lick a tear off the side of my mouth.
“Of the spray-painting. I’m holding the can and everything.
It’s…” I shake my head while my brother hisses.
I turn in time to see his gutted disappointment.
It kills me.
“I can’t…” I shake my head, begging him not to judge me, but what right do I have to ask that?
I deserve to be judged!
I’ve fucked up so badly!
And now he knows. The one person I looked up to all my life. The one who adored me because I was his sweet little sister now knows.
And I can’t handle that look on his face.
Sucking in a shaky breath, I lurch off the end of his bed and rush out his door .
“Blake!” he calls, but I can’t turn back.
I don’t want to hear what he has to say.
I need to get out of here. Hide away.
Something!
Grady. Where are you? I need you to take me away from here. Please!