Chapter 28
CHAPTER
TWENTY-EIGHT
ASHER
The reasons I come home anymore are the living trust and Devon.
Every night on the way here I strongly consider continuing on without stopping.
But for now, I have no choice. So I buck up and play the daft, dipshit, emotionally stupid husband and hope my wife lets it go for another few months. We’re so close now.
Julie’s in the kitchen cooking. I say hello. She nods and says hello back. Neither of us want to talk. That much is clear. So I gesture with my head toward the stairs and walk away. She knows where I’m going.
Devon's room is dim when I push the door open. Just the glow from the television casting blue light across the walls. She's curled up on the bed. She looks up when she sees me. Her face softens. "Hey," she says quietly. She pats the spot next to her on the bed. "Come sit with me."
I know I should be cautious considering Julie's downstairs. But Devon needs me, and I have to be there for her. I sit on the edge of the bed. The mattress dips under my weight. "How are you feeling?" I ask.
"Better." She shifts, pulling her knees up. "I'm sorry about last night. About ruining your anniversary."
"You know you didn't ruin anything."
And I mean it. Nothing was ruined because there was nothing there to begin with.
Julie and I haven't touched each other in months because I don’t want to touch her.
Last night's dinner was not something I wanted to do.
Spend time at a restaurant with Julie making bullshit conversation?
Please. Why not just pluck my ball hairs out one by one over a camp fire?
I knew Devon was going to call with a panic attack. I’m not stupid. I see her manipulations. I was purposely late to dinner because I’d hoped she’d call before I got there. I don’t want Julie and I don’t want to be married, but I can’t leave. Not yet.
Devon is quiet for a moment. Then she shifts closer. Her shoulder is nearly touching mine now. "Can you..." she starts, then stops. Her voice gets smaller. "Can you hold me for a while?”
This is dangerous. If Julie were to walk in, the spinning I’d have to do would be insane. But it’s also kind of a high that for Devon, I’m her moon and stars. When she looks up at me with those eyes, I see the girl who lost everything. The girl who has no one left but me.
I shift back against the headboard, and she leans into me.
I wrap my arm around her shoulders, and she settles against my chest. Her head fits into the space below my collarbone.
She's warm. Soft. She smells like vanilla and something sweet I can't name. Something that makes my mouth water. She’s not subtle. She knows I’m hard. And I know she wants me.
She’s not a virgin. I know because last week when we were hanging out at home alone together, I asked if she ever had a boyfriend.
“Boys fumble,” she giggled. “I’ve always liked men.”
“Men? You just turned eighteen.”
She stared at me with those big, doe eyes. “The youngest guy I’ve ever been with was the first. I was fifteen. He was twenty-six. The last guy was the vice-principal of my old school. He was thirty-nine.”
“Jesus, Devon. That’s… they shouldn’t have been taking advantage of you. You were so young.”
She laughed. “I wouldn’t say they took advantage. I got something out of it.”
I shouldn’t have been turned on by the fact that she all but admitted that she likes to fuck. But I was. And not putting her on my cock has been a goddamn struggle ever since.
She cuddles in close and makes a sweet little sound.
"Everything's going to be fine," I tell Devon. "I promise."
We cuddle like that for a while. The television plays something I'm not watching. My hand rests on her shoulder, and I'm aware of every point where our bodies touch. The weight of her against my chest. The softness of her hair against my jaw. The way her breathing gradually slows.
Then she shifts. Just slightly. Her body moves against mine, and her breast brushes my ribs. It's deliberate. I know it is. She's testing something.
Heat floods through me before I can stop it. My body responds immediately, and I have to force myself to stay still. To not react. Every part of me wants to pull her onto my lap. But I can’t because my wife is in the house.
She moves again. Closer this time. Her bare leg slides against my thigh as she adjusts her position, and the contact sends a jolt through me that has nothing to do with comfort or care.
If my wife weren’t downstairs, I’d pull Devon into my arms and find out if her pussy is as hot and wet as I think it is.
My pulse is loud in my ears. I can feel the warmth of her skin through the thin fabric of the t-shirt.
I can feel the curve of her body pressed against mine.
I think about what it would be like to slide my hand lower.
To test what she smells like beneath the vanilla.
To bury my face between her legs and find out if she tastes as sweet as she smells.
I push the thought down. Try to lock it away. But it's there. It's always there now. It never goes away. I am absolutely going to ruin this girl at some point. It’s not a question of if anymore. It’s a question of when.
Devon loves me in a way no one ever has. She just needs me. She looks at me like I'm the only thing keeping her from falling apart. There's no judgment in it. No expectation that I'll be better than I am.
With Julie, I pretend to be someone I’m not. With Devon, I'm just... enough. She shifts again. Her hand finds mine where it rests on her shoulder, and she holds it there. Her fingers are small and warm. She presses my palm flat against her skin, and I can feel her heartbeat beneath my hand.
"Everything’s going to be okay, baby," I whisper into her hair.
She doesn't respond. But she doesn't let go either. Downstairs, Julie is probably eating dinner alone. Probably stewing about why I'm not there.
I stay here in the dark with Devon's hand in mine, her body warm against my chest, and I tell myself this is what responsibility looks like.
This is what it means to take care of someone who needs you.
Even as my body responds to her warmth and her scent and the deliberate way she's touching me, I tell myself that this isn't wrong. This is just what she needs.
And I'll do whatever I have to do to make sure she's taken care of.