Chapter 10Harbor
Chapter 10
HARBOR
“ S o,” Kane says hesitantly, “I haven’t seen you around on campus. How have you been?”
The ride since we left Terranea has been quiet, but it was unavoidable. Isabella requested us both to come home for dinner tonight, since we hadn’t been home in the three weeks since the funeral. We’d been going home so frequently, given the chaos, so the recent weeks of school have seemed boring. Isabella messaged, begging to spend time with us, so Kane reached out to me and offered to drive me home for the weekend.
The only problem is that it’s been about a week and a half since Talon and I bonded, and now I’m nervous about being around Kane. I have been purposefully avoiding him, to not have to broach the subject of us. For some reason, I still have a piece of my heart that pulls to him, even though I still believe in my bond. I sit in the seat, staring down at my hands folded in my lap, as I’m unable to formulate words. How do I explain what is in my heart when it will probably hurt him?
A hand reaching over to cover mine startles me. I look up, realizing I forgot to answer his question. I guess I can only take this one step at a time.
“I, um,” I sputter, removing my hands from under his. My mouth gapes as I try to gather my thoughts, but Kane speaks up first.
“Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
“Kane, I have something to tell you.” Taking a deep breath, I decide to just rip the bandage off quickly. “I’ve slept with Talon.”
“Oh, that’s all?” he says, glancing at me with a smile. “I don’t mind if you’ve slept with him.”
“That’s not all,” I say, looking down as I wring my hands in my lap. Gods, how long till we get to the house? “That night, Talon and I also received our mate marks. I’ve bonded with him.”
Silence rings through the car for the longest time, almost as if a guillotine had just severed a piece of my heart from my chest. I can feel the echo of the blade that just sliced through the car as it rattles around inside my body. Glancing out the window, I realize we’re at least closer to the house than I initially recognized, and relief from the tension is just out of reach.
My knee begins to bounce, spurred on by my anxiety over the situation. Shifting my eyes to Kane, I can only observe a fraction of his profile. His hand not guiding the car with the steering wheel is rubbing his jaw. As the suns have lowered in the sky, the ambient light is waning, and his eyes are shadowed.
As we turn into the drive, I peer over at Kane once more. His expression has changed, and now that I can see his full profile, it’s expressionless and confusing. Is he okay? Did I ruin our future friendship? I hope this doesn’t drive him away. He’s always a bright part of my life, and these last couple of weeks, I’ve missed home. It really sucked avoiding him, but this fear of losing him has paralyzed me. Now that the news is out, I fear this will forever change how he sees me. Does he think I betrayed him?
Pulling up to the house, he parks the car, and I practically jump out. When he steps around the car, though, he reaches out to me, halting my escape.
“Kaia,” he says before pausing, calculating the appropriate words. “I want to be clear with my words, so bear with me.” Uh-oh. “I have understood everything you’ve told me, and I respect that you’ve bonded with your mate. It hasn’t diminished my feelings for you, so please give me time to work this out in my head. I’m thankful you’ve told me, and I’m happy for you. I hope you understand that I need time to think things through, but I’m not letting you go. I’m still going to fight to be with you. I just have to determine where I fit into your life.”
“Um, okay,” I say, not sure how to proceed. Kane takes my agreement in stride, though, offering me a stiff smile before turning and entering the house. As I stand in the entryway, I try to wrap my mind around what has just happened. Did he just tell me he accepted my bond with Talon? But also that he was still going to pursue me?
My heart feels pulled in two different directions. I have my bond with Talon, which in itself is strong and vibrant. We have spent the past week and a half learning from each other in the sense that the other is now our mate, provided by the stars. It’s been so amazing learning about the man that Talon is, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together.
But this speech from Kane is tugging at my soul. I feel like he fits with me, but how can I be fair to Kane while I’m bound to Talon? I don’t know what he meant about not letting me go. Despite hooking up at the store, we never claimed each other; Dad would never let that happen.
All this thought about Kane’s proclamation has me worried about what he has planned. What is he hoping for? I’m not sure what else I can offer him, other than friendship. Maybe that’s what he meant? He needs time to wrap his mind around us only being friends? For everyone’s sake, I hope that’s what he meant.
Entering the house, I quickly shut the door and make my way downstairs. Once I enter my room, I set down my overnight bag and take my phone out of my purse. Glancing at the notifications, one quickly catches my attention. Swiping my phone screen, I pull open the message.
Setting my phone down, I reminisce about being able to talk to my mom whenever I wanted. It’s been so long, and I miss her dearly. Since I am now on Naesala and the communication with Thalassia is limited, I feel like a piece of my heart is missing. Mom has been so supportive of me, all throughout the seclusion and training years. I wish she could have come with me, but the relationship between my home nation and the surface world is polite, at best. I was only allowed to come because my enrollment in Terranea was accepted. Mom had no reason other than accompanying me, but since I’ve matured, she wasn’t allowed.
This is the first time I’ve been away from her, and it’s been an eye-opening experience. I’ve been able to prove to myself that I could control my syren. Beyond that, even, I’ve been able to learn who I am as a person. Fighting to have peace while I study has been a struggle I didn’t expect, but I feel like the more I deal with, the more I prove to myself that I will always overcome.
Taking solace that I’ll get to see my mom tomorrow, I put away my things before I head back upstairs. Tonight will be awkward, but at least Isabella has no clue about Kane and me, so she’ll be the buffer I cling to. At least, I hope her presence will distract me enough to get through the night.
When I wake late the next day, I feel like I didn’t sleep one minute. The dinner was fine; we all acted normal for our weird family. Father was awkward in his half-hearted attempt to pay attention and be involved. I know he only chimed in on the conversation for Isabella’s benefit. Kane was quiet unless directly engaged, and I fell into the same role in an attempt to hide my confused emotions. Isabella carried the entire night with her constantly uplifted chatter, and while that normally would have made me overwhelmed, having someone distract me from my pre-existing anxieties was a relief.
The night didn’t get any better. I slept fitfully, dreaming of walking peacefully with Talon, but Kane followed at a distance, with another shadowed figured further beyond him. Talon had no clue, and we were left alone, enjoying the walk, but the haunting feeling from Kane hanging in the background made me feel guilty about my bond with Talon. I think that in itself is what made me sleep so terribly, as I love being bonded to him. But the guilt over someone else just out of my reach is tearing my heart apart.
I spent the afternoon lounging in my room, taking a break to read on my balcony for a few hours. Soon enough, the time came when I locked up my doors and turned off my phone. I logged into the server room Mom linked me to and waited. And waited. And waited some more. Finally, when I was about to lose hope that the call would connect, the video screen blinked to life.
“Harbor?” Mom’s voice crackles through the speakers. “Are you there?”
“Yes!” I practically yell as I sit up, adjusting the audio and visual settings on my computer as if that would help. “I’m here!”
“There you are,” she coos as her camera finally connects. “You look lovely, dear. How are your classes?” I swear, seeing Mom’s smiling face brightens my whole day, but the signs of aging suddenly have begun to haunt her features. Her curly dark hair pools around her shoulders, though I’m beginning to see her teal streak fade just slightly. I can spy her eyes beginning to crinkle around the edges, too.
“Good,” I say, settling into the conversation with a genuine smile. “I’m learning so much here. How are you doing?”
“Ah,” she says as her smile wanes slightly, “I’m okay. I miss you so much, dear. Life without you has been so quiet, but I’ve been finding things to keep me busy. I’ve been sorting through the house, and recently I have been researching my family history and talking to some cousins in my spare time. It’s been so long since I’ve talked to any of the distant relatives I have here in Thalassia, and I’d forgotten so much of our family legacies. I’m trying to sort through rumors, but I feel there is something special hidden in our past, and I’m focused on uncovering it.”
Oh, really? “That sounds so fun. I’m glad you have something to do. Remembering how busy you were with me, I’m glad you have something that you actually like to keep you busy.”
“I’ll manage to stay active, don’t you worry. And stop feeling sorry for me. I stayed by your side during your testing because I wanted to. I regret nothing from the past four years.” Her chastisement hits home, immediately attacking the deep-seated guilt I have for her support.
“What about you? You seemed stressed in your message, so tell me about it, darling.” My mom was always so understanding whenever I brought one of my trivial problems to her. I feel like this is all ridiculous, now.
“Mom,” I start before words fail me. “I don’t even know what to say. It’s been such a long few months. Did you know Dad remarried?” A soft wince crinkles around her eyes, so I take that as a yes. “I didn’t know. It was quite a shock to walk up to the house and have a strange woman already know who I am.”
“Dad has seemed…distant,” I admit to her. “When I first got home, he was very detached. He did welcome me with a hug, but he doesn’t seem like how I remember.”
“Has he treated you poorly?” Her words come across with a slight edge, and I know she’s just being protective.
“No, not at all. In fact, I feel he’s been extremely proper and respectful. It’s very strange, as he’s not overly warm with me.”
“Ah, I see,” Mom says. “I think you might be remembering with a bias, dear. Your father turned a little cold toward me after an incident when you were young. I knew that once that rumor started, my marriage was in jeopardy. I always loved him, but he emotionally shut down. I’d hoped that with time, he might move past the misunderstanding, but he never did. I tried everything to keep us all together, but ultimately he felt betrayed by my lack of forthcoming regarding our heritage. Not that anything is wrong with being a syren, but he just explained that he felt misled to who I was, and that he didn’t know me.”
Taking a breath, I can see as Mom’s heart breaks at the memories. “I’m sorry you’ve been brought into the middle of this. I never wanted you affected by my failed marriage. I fear that he has held you at arm's length, trying not to let himself near any part of me.”
“Mom,” I say, trying to comfort her, “None of this is your fault. It’s not your fault Dad felt betrayed–his feelings are exactly that. His. It was his choice to abandon us four years ago, and he seems to be trying to extend an olive branch, considering he’s paying for my schooling.”
“That is a relief,” she says. “I’m glad he’s at least not treating you as a disgrace. You, my daughter, are smart, kind, and full of grace and beauty. You’ve made me proud to be your mom.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I say with a grin.
“So? What else? How is Terranea? Have they changed much recently?”
“From what I understand, it remains the same. Very little has been done to change the building’s exterior; only magical repairs are done, with nothing altering the appearance. The interior of all the classrooms is updated, though.”
“That’s wonderful!” Mom exclaims. “I’m glad it looks the same from the outside as it did when I attended. And the classes?”
“Classes are fun. They are challenging, to say the least, but I’m always up for the challenge. Some of the history is a bit hard, as well as the practicals. But that’s what makes it fun. Learning things that I didn’t get a chance to makes it all new and interesting.”
“That’s so amazing. What about friends?” Mom is slick, switching subjects quickly, hoping I’ll spill. I will, when I want to.
“I was able to reconnect with Bethany when I returned. We started school together, and we were able to get close again for a few weeks after school began. Things were going really well until about three weeks ago. Bethany died in a tragic accident.” Not including the details, like the bullying from Silas and the fact that the attacks were meant for me, seems like lying to Mom, but I’m not ready to disclose all of that just yet. I don’t want her to pull me home; there is something here for me to do, still. I know I have a purpose in Naesala, and I need to figure out what it is.
“Oh my gods,” Mom says with sadness tinging her words. “How are you doing? How are the Oramars doing? I haven’t talked to Stacy in years; even before we left for Thalassia, she and I just grew apart, and we did our own thing because we had families.” Her eyes glaze over with unshed tears, and she appears to get lost in unfortunate memories.
“It was tough seeing them at the funeral. Mrs. Oramar didn’t even notice me, but she was crying a lot.” I pause, thinking back to that day. “It was strange. I didn’t realize that a dragon funeral was so rushed.”
“What do you mean?” Mom asks, shaking her head to clear her thoughts, as if she was distracted.
“I meant the Oramars denied a proper investigation into the accident. She was killed by someone else’s hand, but the school claimed it was a revenge attack, and claimed the revenge had been cleared. Mr. Oramar declined a private investigation, and within three days, Bethany was mourned and sent for her ‘final flight.’ I just think it felt rushed, and I’d rather this person seeking revenge at least be identified. I’m just so confused about who would want revenge against Bethany.”
“I’m not sure, but I know dragons prefer to move on quickly. I’ve heard many stories about dragons of higher status being remembered within days of their passing.” Mom’s words are meant to be comforting, but something about the situation still does not sit well with me. “What else? You said that was three weeks ago, so what spurred you to reach out to me now?”
A small smile spreads across my face as I look down at my hands. “Um, well, I found my mate.”
“Oh my gods! Harbor, I’m so happy for you!” When I glance up at Mom’s words, I see the truth in her eyes. Love for me shines through, and she can barely sit still. “Tell me everything!”
“His name is Talon, and he’s a mage. He’s kind and sweet, and cherishes me above anything else, Mom.” My smile fades a little when I think about returning home to visit. “I just don’t know if I can ever introduce him to you.”
“Well,” she says, following my train of thought, “we can always have video calls. We’ll figure it out, sweetheart. We’ll find a way.”