13. Amanda
Ross sat on the edge of the bed and cursed.
‘What is it?’ Amanda asked, as she pulled on a pair of jeans.
‘She wants ten thousand euros a month in child support, starting now, before the baby is even born, for rent, for “baby-proofing” her apartment and buying “necessities”.’
‘That’s crazy. We can’t afford it.’
‘I know. Her lawyer is breaking my balls.’
‘Push back.’
‘I am.’
‘Push harder.’ What the hell was he doing? They needed money to rent a house and to pay Theo’s school fees and the bills. Ten thousand euros a month on childcare would ruin them.
‘I told my lawyer that the maximum I’ll pay is three thousand. I’m doing my best, Amanda.’ Ross pulled on a shirt.
‘Really? Is this your best?’
‘Don’t start, please, Amanda. I can’t handle any more pressure.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry. Are you feeling stressed? I’m having a ball here living with your bitch of a mother and our deeply unhappy child with the shadow of your soon-to-be-born baby hanging over me. Honestly, I could not be happier.’
Ross did up his shirt. He had started on the wrong button so it was lopsided, but Amanda didn’t feel like telling him.
‘I know it’s not easy. I know I royally fucked up, but please don’t have a go at me today. I’m struggling to keep it all together.’
Amanda pulled a sweatshirt over her messy hair. Old Amanda would have spent an hour getting primed for the school run. New Amanda didn’t give a damn what she looked like.
Ross looked shattered too, but she did not have the ability to feel sorry for him.
He had caused this crisis. He had hurt her, betrayed her and humiliated her so deeply that she simply did not have the capacity for empathy.
She resented having to share a bed with him, but they had to pretend to Nancy that all was okay.
Amanda had shut down emotionally and physically from Ross.
However, she needed him to be able to function and not have a heart attack, die and leave her to clear up his mess.
‘Fine, but please make sure your lawyer knows that your actual family needs a roof over its head so you will never pay that crazy amount of maintenance. By the way, I found a three-bedroom house not far from here for two thousand seven hundred euros a month, which is good value. It’s available from next week. I think we should jump on it.’
‘Mum still needs a lot of help.’
‘Yes, but she’ll be better soon. I don’t want to let this go, Ross. Rentals in this area are not easy to find.’
‘I think it’s too soon. We could be living here for another month at least. We can save that rent money.’
A month? Nancy was getting her cast off next week. She’d be out of the wheelchair and in a boot. She’d be able to move around. Why did they have to stay longer?
‘We can’t leave her until she is fully mobile,’ Ross said.
‘Why not?’
‘Because she’s seventy-six and also because I need more time with her to persuade her to hand over the agency to me.
It’s too difficult to get her attention in the office.
She’s so busy, and Melanie is always talking to her, and Jamie, even Frank.
Living with her gives me the opportunity to work on her privately.
I have to be in charge. We need the money.
I can’t support us and the baby on what I’m earning. ’
Maybe you should have thought of that before you had unprotected sex, you spineless git. ‘I’m not sure I can last another month. It’s not good for Theo either. She’s always criticizing him. We’re all on edge here, Ross.’
Ross came towards her and reached for her hand, which she reluctantly allowed him to hold. ‘You have been amazing. I know how hard this is for you …’
Why did people say that? Ross had no idea how hard this was.
He had not had his trust and heart shattered.
He had not had his life ripped apart. He had not been an innocent bystander while the two people he loved most in the world destroyed his life.
He did not have to live with a mother-in-law who criticized him incessantly.
He had not the slightest idea of how hard this was.
‘You don’t, but go on.’
Ross squeezed her hand tightly, and his voice shook with emotion.
‘I just wanted to say thanks for putting up with all of this chaos. I’m sorrier than I can say and I promise you I’m doing my best to sort it all out.
Thanks for sticking by me. I hope that, with time, we can be us again.
I miss you. I know it’s my fault, but I really miss what we had. ’
Amanda looked into her husband’s hazel eyes.
He was in his boxer shorts with his shirt buttoned the wrong way, looking like a lost boy.
The confident man she had married was floundering over the mistakes he had made.
He was teetering on the brink of disaster.
She had to help him: she had invested so much in this marriage.
Amanda had targeted Ross in university because he was a good catch.
He offered her a way out from her small-town past. The bonus was that she had fallen head over heels in love with him.
He was funny, affectionate, and made her feel special.
He built up her confidence and always made her feel loved and safe.
She did the same for him. She could see that underneath his bluster he had been damaged by his childhood.
Ross had always felt like the ‘other’ son.
She’d wanted to fill the hole in his heart that his parents’ abandonment had left and make him feel secure and cherished.
They were both ambitious and socially astute.
They worked well together as a team. They had built a wonderful life.
And even though these days she wanted to murder him, part of her – buried deep down – still loved him.
And the truth was, he needed her just as much as she had needed him.
‘Look, we will get through this, but we have to stay strong and be strategic. We can’t let that slut blackmail us for crazy child support, and you can’t let Melanie or Jamie take over the agency.
They could fire you and then where will we be?
You are the rightful heir. Your mother dumped you in boarding school while she raised Jamie and Frank so she bloody well owes you. ’
Amanda watched Ross’s face change as his energy and determination returned.
‘I love you,’ he said. Her husband hugged her. She allowed herself to be pulled into his arms, but she did not melt. She remained stiff. She was not ready to forgive or forget anything yet.
Ross took Theo into school for an early-morning maths grind.
As Ross kissed her goodbye, Amanda noticed Theo looking surprised.
She’d tried to keep the whole affair and baby fiasco quiet from their son.
He knew something was up, but when he’d muttered, ‘What’s up with you and Dad?
’ she’d just said they were getting over a little bump in the road and it was nothing to worry about.
That was before Nancy had fallen and Theo had got caught in his own ‘bump in the road’ at school, which had caused complete mayhem.
Amanda would have to be careful, though.
She didn’t want Theo to know anything about his half-sibling until he had settled in to his new school.
He needed to be focused on one thing only – his final exams. She was determined to keep him on track and not take her eye off him.
Her son was not going to waste a good education and she would make damn sure he was not given any excuse to act out.
At the same time, Amanda wondered just how long they could keep the news from Theo.
Ross had been adamant that he was not going to be involved in the child’s life.
It was Ruby’s decision to keep the baby and she knew she’d be raising it as a single parent.
Ross had made that clear. But would it last?
Surely Ross would be curious to see his own flesh and blood.
At some point, wouldn’t he feel a responsibility to make contact with his child?
Amanda shivered at the thought. She wanted never to set eyes on the kid.
The thought of her husband and son spending time with the baby made her feel sick.
Ross claimed he only had contact with Ruby via his lawyers – Amanda knew that was true because she checked his phone every night when he was sleeping.
She felt no guilt for doing so. If you break someone’s trust, you have to expect them to be suspicious.
Amanda needed this baby to remain a secret from Theo – and the whole family – for as long as possible.