31. Amanda #2
Amanda froze. All the good vibes from her swim drained out of her.
‘What is it?’
Katie took a deep breath. ‘I bumped into Theo in the park. I was with the kids and he was there … Anyway, I caught him buying drugs. Only a small bag of cocaine, nothing really, but … I’ve been agonizing over whether or not to tell you, but then I thought if it was me I’d want to know.’
Amanda tried not to scream. Why? Theo had promised all that was over.
He’d sworn he was just using it in London after he found out about Ruby.
She gulped back the disappointment, worry and anger that threatened to overwhelm her.
Every time she thought things were getting a little bit better, they went backwards again. Would life ever stop knocking her back?
‘I took it from him and he swore it was just a … just a bit of fun. But he did mention that he had been in trouble in school in London. That’s why I felt I had to tell you.’
Tears ran down Amanda’s face. She didn’t even try to stop them.
‘Oh, Amanda, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just thought … Oh, God, please don’t cry.’ Katie handed her a tissue.
‘Hey, all teenagers push boundaries, it’s probably just a little blip, a phase.’ Melanie tried to reassure her.
‘I was mad when I was his age. I tried all sorts,’ Katie added. ‘It’s just stupid teenage behaviour and he’ll grow out of it.’
Amanda shook her head. ‘He swore to me he’d never do it again.’ She sobbed into her hands.
Melanie and Katie wrapped her in a big hug.
‘Life can be so hard sometimes.’ Melanie sighed. ‘You try to make things work, but sometimes they just don’t.’
Amanda didn’t understand what Melanie was talking about. She had a great life, a job she was brilliant at, a loyal husband who adored her and two healthy kids, who, as far as she knew, were not doing drugs and getting expelled from school.
Katie rubbed Amanda’s back. ‘Theo is a good kid. He’ll be fine. Talk to him. Communication with teens is key. I hear it all in my salon, and everyone with teens says that talking is the most important thing. You have a good relationship with him, just have a chat.’
‘I need to communicate better with the twins,’ Melanie said. ‘All we seem to do is argue. You’re a much better mother than I am, much more hands-on. Theo is lucky to have you.’
‘I’m hardly mother of the year when my son is doing coke,’ Amanda said quietly.
‘Do not beat yourself up. You are incredible to be still standing with all you’ve had to deal with,’ Katie told her.
‘We’ll all keep an eye on Theo. He’s had such a tough time, but he’s a great kid.
He was brilliant with my two when he came to babysit.
He didn’t even bat an eyelid when I told him he had to make a batch of cupcakes with Lucy.
He just got stuck in. Toby adores him. Please don’t worry.
It’s just a silly phase. He really will be fine. ’
‘I can get Frank to talk to him, if you like,’ Melanie offered. ‘He’s really good with young people and he tried a lot of different therapies after the car crash, including ones that involved psychedelic drugs. He could talk to Theo on his level.’
Amanda sniffed. ‘That would be great, thanks.’
‘And Jamie can take him out to a rugby match and talk to him too. Don’t worry, Amanda, we’ve got your back.’
‘Thanks. I just want him to be okay. He’s my only child and he’s my world. Who knows what’ll happen with Ross when the baby comes along? Theo is all I really have.’
‘First thing you need to do is get out of that house. Nancy looked pretty steady on her feet when I saw her at the agency.’
‘I agree, you need your own space,’ Melanie said. ‘Especially now that there’ll be tension between Ross and Nancy. It will get even more awkward.’
‘We’re moving out as soon as we find a house. When Ross becomes a dad again he’ll probably go to London once a month to see his kid and there’s no way in hell I’m staying with Nancy on my own now she’s mobile.’
‘How do you feel about the baby?’ Katie asked gently.
Amanda zipped her fleece and held a hot-water bottle close to her for warmth and comfort. ‘It’s taken me a long time and a lot of deep soul-searching, but at the end of the day, the baby is an innocent victim. They will need a father, and they will be Theo’s half-sibling. I can’t ignore that.’
Katie handed around some oat cookies. ‘You are some woman. Honestly, I really admire you so much.’
Amanda shrugged. ‘What choice do I have? I either sink or swim and, as you can see, I’m choosing to swim.’ She gave them a half-smile.
‘I think you’re being incredibly considerate and understanding,’ Melanie said.
Amanda crunched her biscuit. ‘Believe me, I’ve been a fishwife at times, called Ross every name under the sun and thought about leaving him, but for what? I have nothing and nowhere to go. Besides, I don’t want Theo to have any more upheaval, especially in his final year at school.’
‘Don’t you want to stick a knife through Ross’s head, though?’ Katie wondered.
Amanda chuckled. ‘Yes, but I’m trying to let go of the raw anger. It was making me sick. I need to be calm for Theo and accept the situation or it will drive me insane.’
‘Well, we have your back. We’re Team Amanda, aren’t we, Melanie?’ Katie put an arm around her sister-in-law’s waist.
‘Absolutely.’ Melanie put one over Amanda’s shoulders.
Amanda felt warm inside. It was so nice to be wrapped up in the support and care of these two very different but lovely women.
They sat in silence, soaking in the infinite horizon of the wide blue sea.
‘Who knew that nature could be so restorative?’ Amanda said.
‘Sorry, I’m thick, but what does restorative mean?’
Amanda straightened and looked at Katie. ‘Why do you do that? Why do you put yourself down? You’re not thick at all. In fact, you’re very smart.’
Katie’s face flushed. ‘Thanks, but I’m so not.’
‘Yes, you are.’ Melanie agreed with Amanda.
‘I don’t read books, which in this family is a crime.’
‘Lots of people don’t read much, especially these days with phones and social media sucking up our time. I struggle to get Theo to read anything.’
‘I could send you some really good ones,’ Melanie suggested, ‘that might just spark your interest.’
‘Jesus, no!’ Katie held up her hands. ‘I … Look, I struggle with it all. It’s not the books, it’s me.
’ Katie’s eyes filled. ‘To be honest, I can barely read Toby’s books.
I’m a bit crap at all that stuff. I think I’m dyslexic but in my school no one was ever tested. You were just told you were stupid.’
‘What? Oh, Katie, why did you never tell me? Have you still not been tested?’ Melanie asked.
Katie shook her head. ‘I was too embarrassed, and no.’
‘There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Lots of people are dyslexic, Einstein, Cher, Tom Cruise, Picasso, Tom Holland …’ Melanie told her.
‘Tom Holland, the sexy guy from Spider-Man ?’ Katie looked astonished.
‘Yes, and loads of other clever, successful people,’ Amanda added.
‘Being dyslexic does not mean you’re stupid, it just means you see things differently. My dad was dyslexic and he was a pharmacist,’ Melanie told Katie.
‘Really? I thought all your family were geniuses.’
‘They’re all very clever, as are you! Honestly, you should get tested and then get help with it. Your world will open up.’
Katie sighed. ‘I know I have to do something. I think Lucy suspects I’m not a good reader and I don’t want her to be ashamed of me.’
Amanda put her arm around Katie. ‘She could never be anything but proud of you.’
Katie sniffed. ‘Well, I did call her beloved granny a poisonous bitch.’
They all laughed.
‘She is, so you were just stating a fact,’ Amanda reminded her.
‘I’ll ask around and find someone good who can test you,’ Melanie told her.
‘Thanks, but … please don’t tell Frank or Ross I’m … Well, it’s …’
‘We won’t tell a soul. This is your private business. But do let us help. I can give you reading lessons, if you like. I’ve plenty of time on my hands,’ Amanda suggested.
‘Really?’
‘I’d be happy to.’
‘Okay, I’m going to start crying because you’re both being so nice to me. We’re on a roll here. Right, Melanie, what do we need to sort out for you?’
Melanie stood up abruptly and grabbed her bag. ‘Oh, nothing. I’m fine. I have to go anyway.’
‘Well, next time we’ll focus on you,’ Katie said.
Melanie rushed off, waving over her shoulder.
Amanda and Katie walked to their cars. ‘We’re here for you. Please remember that. Call me anytime, day or night,’ Katie said, hugging Amanda.
Amanda hugged her back. ‘Thank you for organizing these mornings and for your support. I feel so much better after a swim. It really does help clear your head, and the chats are like therapy for me. I feel so much less alone now.’
She meant every word. The swims and, more importantly, the time with her sisters-in-law had become a safe space for her, somewhere she felt supported, loved and never judged.
It was like a lifebuoy, tossed to her in stormy seas.
She was going to hold on to it for all she was worth.
Like she had said, sink or swim, and she was certain now that she was not going to let Ross sink her.