Chapter 45 Proximity
W hy?
Why did all four men have to be ethereally attractive?
It's a question I'll have to ask the Dark Gods when I die because I'm surely going to hell for the things I've done, I'm thinking, and am desperate to act upon.
Ezekial spent the first few minutes of our conversation checking how I was, asking about my sleep, and then explaining that I would still be joining him in the Council building to continue working with Kacey.
He mentioned how Julien and Sai were currently interrogating the woman, Gloria , who compelled the young enforcer and how she had already given them two more names. He skipped over how they had managed to obtain such information, but I noticed his irises darken slightly.
All of which was very important information.
So why, in the Goddess' name of dark and light, can I not stop admiring Ezekial’s muscular arms, desperate to know if the inky lines of his tattoos spread over his chest?
Why is my gaze trailing over his broad shoulders, wondering how hard they must be, how easily he'd be able to throw me—
"Jasmine?"
"Yes?"
His metallic gaze glistens behind his thinly framed, silver glasses, which he now removes and slips into the nape of his black cotton t-shirt, pulling it down just enough to show a peek of another thick, black line.
Now, I'm desperate to know how far it really goes...
"Are you sure you don’t need more rest?" His concern sinks into me as his soft silver eyes search for any signs of fatigue.
"No, sorry." I close my eyes for some visual reprieve.
What is wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with me?
Shouldn't I be desensitised to their appearances by now?
"I'm just a bit distracted, lots of information, that nightmarish memory, Kane's abrupt personality change."
And the fact Julien and Sai had sent me numerous messages. Messages I hadn't dared to open but just seeing their ridiculous nicknames upon my screen made heated memories reoccur.
"Yes, the memory."
What .
My heart stops. My eyes flash open. Did he just hear me?
Did he just see them?
But when his gaze steels, his darker iris becoming almost ashy black whilst the other glows, I realise he’s discussing my nightmare.
"It seems when we are close, our powers are able to keep it from reoccurring."
"How close are we talking?" I shift in my seat. If he says ‘skin-to-skin’, I might die this very moment.
He casually shrugs a shoulder. "It’ll be trial and error at first, but we think staying in the room next door will be a good place to start and—"
I shake my head, cutting him off. "I can't ask you to do that."
His ashy brows narrow, and I watch his thumb play with the silver signet ring on his forefinger. "You're not asking; we made the decision after witnessing it," he asserts, crossing his arms on the table. His movement makes his biceps bulge, but I focus all my strength on meeting his gaze.
"You're not experiencing that again."
“Did Kane tell you how he broke the nightmare, memory, whatever it was?” The words rush out of me and my pitch is just a little too high.
His brows furrow further.
I reach out for the coffee mug, tightening my grip around it, using the heat as a much needed distraction.
Ground yourself.
After a sip of coffee, I glance back at Ezekial, who frowns at my words, clearly unaware of what Kane had done. Unaware of what I had asked Kane to do.
I watch his head tilt as he studies me and my breath catches. The way Ezekial cants his head is eerily similar to his brother and my reaction to it, the way my heart races, how it urges me to continue speaking, without a single word, is almost exact too.
“We slept together.”
Ezekial doesn’t move for a moment.
He simply blinks, his brows furrowing as he digests my words. His mouth slowly opens, but then closes again. Finally, he pulls a closed fist up against his lips, holding it there like a physical barricade.
All the while, my cheeks burn in remembrance of last night. The way I’d reached for Kane in utter desperation. How I pleaded for him to stay.
“I asked him to, begged him really…” My voice trails off, my eyes skimming the black liquid swirling between my fingers, until Ezekial’s shocked exhale catches my attention .
His eyes are tightly shut, and his fist presses hard against his closed lips.
I frown, studying his scrunched expression, which resembles the face someone makes when in pain. “You OK?”
He nods but doesn’t open his eyes. “I forgot how to breathe when she said it.”
My eyes widen. Why is he talking about me, in third person, and mentally? I’m about to ask him just that, when another voice silences me.
“Well, well, well, I don’t recall that little titbit of information.” Sai chuckles. “Miraculously missed that detail out, didn’t you, mate? You devious dog. Well, I’m more than happy to help out. Sign me the fuck up. Put me down for tonight, I’ll be there even sooner if I can get this fucker to crack.”
Oh , because Ezekial isn’t talking to me. None of them are. And they clearly don’t know I can hear them.
Ezekial’s lips pull into a small grimace in response to Sai’s words. “Yeah, that won’t be happening. I’ll do tonight. Staying in the room next door might be enough.” Someone scoffs. “Sai, let’s be real, you can’t be trusted. We’ve talked about this. Your restraint is like a corvid in a jewellers.”
“What the fuck is a corvid?”
“Magpies, ravens, crows…” Julien explains, sounding bored.
“Me?! I’m a magpie?! I have shit restraint?!” I flinch at how loud Sai’s voice is, even in my head . “Kane’s the one keeping dirty, little secrets and I, for one, am so, so proud of him.”
“You seem to be forgetting that I control the dark and that is what I did. It was nothing more.”
“Nothing my blue ass.” Sai chuckles derisively. “Did you keep those hands to yourself all night, huh? With that hot, curvy body against you? Not even a touch? Go on, lie to me, daddy. Let me hear it.”
“This is going nowhere, Ezekial.” Julien sighs. “Perhaps I should speak with Jasmine and—”
“Hold on, big boy! If I’m a fucking ‘magpie’, then you’re darkness incarnate! Want me to tell the guys about that little show in the office yesterday, huh?” My body freezes at Sai’s words. Julien told him? “ You think I have no restraint? Please.”
“Sai—”
“Nah, no way. If I can’t go to her then I’ll take the two of us down together.”
“What is he referring to, Julien? What happened in the office? ”
At Ezekial’s question, I drop the cup. It clatters loudly upon the table but it doesn’t shatter.
Ezekial's eyes shoot open, glowing silver as they glance at the mug my fingers are once again clutching. I muster all my internal strength to prevent any of my own thoughts from joining theirs.
I keep my expression neutral, save for a slight frown, and even attempt to look apologetic for interrupting, though that was precisely my intention.
"Sorry, it slipped. Didn’t mean to interrupt your private conversation."
“What happened in the office, Julien?” At the sound of Kane’s glacial tone, I take a small, fake sip of my coffee. The coffee I’d mostly spilled.
All the while, I try to hold in my catastrophic, cataclysmic, internal freak out whilst waiting for Julien's response.
“I’m unsure what Sai is referring to.”
“Bullshit, you big liar!”
“I’m sorry for being rude, we’re just dealing with something,” Ezekial suddenly explains, pointing to his head to make his point clear. “It was... urgent.”
I just nod, pretending to take another sip, even though there’s nothing left in my mug, whilst acting like I have no idea what urgent issue he’s referring to.
“We will continue this later. We don’t need to make a decision just yet. She’s right here and—”
“You're with her? Right now? Mate, at least remind her to look at her messages, I—”
“Mine too—”
“This is ridiculous.”
“Hey, not only have you just been with her, you spent the night with her. You held her. Can I also remind you I am the only one who hasn’t even seen her for the past two days.”
There's a pause in their conversation.
“You’ll survive.”
“Says the man who’s probably still hard as fuck from—”
The voices immediately stop and, instantly, an image of myself staring with a slight indent between my brows appears.
It's almost as if a mirror had replaced where Ezekial sat—an enchanted mirror, perhaps, because I’d never seen myself portrayed the way this internal image showed me.
It was still me, but an altered, glowing version. My hair was a vibrant flame, thick and full of life, soft curls tumbling over my shoulders. The deep scarlet hue was threaded with brighter strands of red.
I watch as I tilt my head, noticing how I worry my bottom lip, which appears peachy and plump. My skin, once thought lifeless and pale, now held a luminous glow, giving it a golden gleam. The fawn freckles dotting my cheekbones and nose adding to the radiance.
But what stood out the most was my eyes.
My eyes, which I'd compared to a pale replica of red, now held a multitude of reds—fragments of ruby, crimson, and mahogany twisted and combined to create the depth of my irises. I had never seen my eyes as complex, as unique, as all-consuming, until now. They gleamed and widened slightly, smoothing the furrow between my brows.
“Fuck, Zeek. Talk about rubbing salt in the wound.”
“I thought you wanted to see her?” Ezekial sounds exasperated as my image slowly dissipates. His eyes are shut again and he rubs the bridge of his nose between pinched fingers.
“Ezekial, are you sure everything is fine?” I quietly ask, mainly to distract myself from what I had just seen.
Is that really what I looked like? Is that how they saw me?
There’s silence for a moment; there’s no more internal voices.
I watch as he pulls out the glasses from his t-shirt, unfolds them, and slips them back on. His eyes finally meeting mine again.
“Do you remember when you asked me why we joined as unit?” I nod. “Well, times like these make me wonder if it was some sort of punishment.” He pinches the bridge of his nose tightly again. “Especially Sai, he’s his own type of punishment.”
I try to suppress my laughter at his exaggeration but my smile can’t be hidden. “I’m sure having Kane as a brother is another type.”
Thankfully, it encourages Ezekial’s mouth to tilt into a small smirk as he slowly nods in agreement. “Don’t get me started on Julien, especially when he hasn’t fed.”
“You must have done something awful in a past life,” I jokingly add, trying to maintain a somewhat serious expression but clearly failing by the way his smile widens. I mockingly lower my voice. “Must have been something horrific.”
He laughs and the sound runs over my skin like a delicate caress.
I consume this image of him greedily, my eyes flickering all over him: the curve of his lips, the way his shoulders shake. I want to capture this moment, to etch it into my memory forever.
When my gaze finally returns to his, meeting his metallic eyes, my power hums softly .
The urge to speak, to fill the thickening silence and distract both myself and Ezekial from the fact that I was just staring at him, makes me blurt out, “I’m sure it’s worth it.”
At the small smile he gives in response, the tension I felt from listening in on their otherwise "private" conversation quickly melts away.
He leans back in his chair, the corners of his mouth still curved upwards, and I feel a warmth spread through me.
“I’m starting to see that.” His voice softer now, almost contemplative.
For a moment, we simply share the comfortable silence, the earlier tension I felt becoming a distant memory.