Chapter Twenty
Karina
I could feel how puffy my eyes were when I opened them. I was curled up on the couch in Kael’s mom’s living room. I barely remembered moving from the kitchen, but when I woke up, it was dark outside and I could hear Kael and his mom talking in the kitchen. I stretched my arms out and a movement at the corner of my eye scared the crap out of me. I jumped up, thinking it was a dog or maybe even a ghost, but when I looked again, it was a teenage girl sitting on the other side of the couch, dressed in a white school uniform top and black slacks. Her hair was in double buns on either side of her head and thin metal-framed glasses sat on the bridge of her nose. I couldn’t see her clearly in the dim room but I blinked a few times to get the sleep out of my eyes.
“Hi.” She smiled, seeming to be entertained by my fear.
“Hi,” I responded, clearing my throat. “Sorry, I just woke up and didn’t realize anyone was in here.”
I could immediately tell that she was Kael’s sister, Tay. She was taller than I’d imagined but just as pretty. The genes in this family were insane.
“You’re Karina, right?” she asked me, her voice a whisper.
“Yeah, and you must be Tay? Sorry, I was so tired and must have conked out here. How embarrassing,” I said, matching the volume of her voice.
“It’s okay. It’s nice to meet you,” she said, still whispering.
“Why are we whispering?” I asked back, checking if there was a reason or if I had just kept it going.
“My ma and brother are going down memory lane like always, and I didn’t want to interrupt them yet, so I was waiting for you to wake up or for them to find me in here before I made my presence known.” She grinned, like she was breaking the rules.
I matched her expression and kept my voice as quiet as possible. “Makes sense. Family reunions can be so daunting.”
She scooted closer to me, to sit on the cushion I was on. “Yeah, for sure. And someone always cries, and it isn’t going to be me,” she said with certainty, rolling her eyes.
I tried not to laugh as I confessed, “I already did, so you’re safe.”
Her giggle was playful and louder than our voices had been, so she covered her mouth.
“Oh man, she got you already, huh?”
“She’s really good at it.”
“Tell me about it.” She rolled her head back as the light in the room got much brighter.
“When did you get home?” Dory asked Tay as Kael stepped in behind her, his frame so much bigger than his mother’s it was almost shocking.
In less than five steps, Kael was hovering over his sister, and she stood up as he lifted her into his arms and off the ground.
“Kaeellllll.” She exaggerated her voice, but I could hear the happiness in it.
“Tayyyyy,” he mimicked her, and she tried to wiggle out of his arms.
I thought my heart would burst out of my chest seeing them together. I couldn’t imagine going so long without seeing my brother, especially if he was only a few hours away. Even when Austin had been with our uncle I missed him every day, despite the stress he brought into my life.
I turned my attention to Dory, enjoying the peace and happiness so evident on her face. It must have felt so good to have both of her babies home and on good terms, no matter how long it had been between visits.
“How the hell did you grow a damn foot since I saw you last?” Kael asked her, putting Tay’s feet on the floor.
“You haven’t been here in so long, so you wouldn’t know,” she told him. I could see the dent her words made in him, but he took it well, not moving a muscle in his face.
“Yeah, I get it. I get it. I don’t come here enough. Anyway, Ma said you got another tutoring job. Shouldn’t you be dating or hanging out with people from school at your age?” he asked her.
The look on her face was pure disgust. “Why would I do that? I want to make money. Hanging out doesn’t make me smarter, or richer.”
“And dating sure as hell won’t either,” their mother added.
“I’m never going to date,” Tay said with certainty. I loved it. “Plus, who are you to talk? You never hung out with friends, you just played football and built stuff.” She poked his chest and then turned to look at me. “And you’ve never even had a girlfriend until now.”
Kael’s face was priceless. I couldn’t have loved this girl more. She was so funny, witty, and bright, and I loved that she was slightly roasting Kael, catching him off guard, which was a nearly impossible thing to do. Also, I obviously loved to find out that Kael had never properly dated anyone before me, and I was the first one to meet his family.
“Okay, enough from you.” He shushed her and tried to avoid looking at me. I was so entertained by all of this. I loved being here.
Since Kael had come into my life, I had felt more connected to not only myself, but to other people than I had since the day I was born. Gloria and Mendoza, even Toni and Tharpe, now his mom and sister . . . Kael had given me such a priceless gift without even realizing it. I was never going to be the easiest person to connect with or make friends with, but the people around him were all so warm and welcoming, accepting my awkwardness and even embracing it.
I watched him as he talked with his sister, and Dory disappeared into the kitchen. I didn’t feel left out as they caught up and, truly, I loved watching him interact with someone he had known so long, even if he wasn’t really telling her anything substantial or detailed about what he had been up to since he saw her last. Neither of them so much as mentioned the Army, and the only person she asked about was Mendoza, briefly, to which Kael told her he was doing well. Was that the truth? I didn’t think so, but I guessed it made more sense than the truth.
As I listened to the conversation their voices faded and my eyes grew heavy. When I woke up, Kael was asleep sitting up, on the couch. We hadn’t planned to stay the night, but I was glad we had. We wouldn’t have gotten home until after midnight if we had driven home. I smelled coffee coming from the kitchen but wasn’t sure if I should follow the scent. I checked the time on my phone, and it was four in the morning. I walked into the kitchen and found Dory standing by the back door, gazing into the woods behind the house. I tried to make a little noise so she wasn’t startled by me walking up behind her.
“I hope I’m not interrupting you or bothering you. I smelled the coffee and followed it. Habit, I guess,” I nervously rambled while fidgeting with my fingers in front of me.
She turned around slowly, a black mug with the United States Army logo on it in her hands.
“I hope I didn’t wake you up. I’m not used to having visitors.”
I shook my head, ignoring the little pang at the sadness in her voice. I really needed to make sure Kael visited her more. “No, not at all. We’re the ones who took over your living room.”
“I’m so happy to have you both here. I understand Mikael hates it here, and I don’t blame him, but I will say I got the best sleep I’ve had in years last night knowing he was home. And safe.”
After a beat, she added, “As you can see, I don’t sleep much. Not since he left for basic training.
“Would you like some?” she asked, without looking up from her own coffee cup.
I glanced toward the living room, where Kael was still asleep on the couch.
“Actually, yes, please.” I was absolutely not the “wake up at 4 a.m. and have coffee” kind of girl, but the idea of enjoying a warm cup of caffeine with Kael’s mother while the rest of the house, probably even town, slept, was beyond intriguing.
“Hmm, this one is right for you.” Dory handed me a heavy ceramic mug with little flowers painted on a white background. At the bottom rim there were thin strokes of green paint like grass. It was handmade, maybe by Kael?
“Mikael made that for me for Mother’s Day when he was in grade school.” She answered my question without me asking.
“It’s so cute.” I ran my fingers along the bubbled-up paint and thanked her as she filled up my cup.
I closed my eyes, drinking the coffee slowly. God, it was good.
“I use chicory. It’s one of those love-it-or-hate-it flavors, but I’ve been adding chicory in my coffee for decades.”
I had never had chicory, and wasn’t even sure what it was, but her coffee was fantastic.
“It’s great. Thank you.”
Dory kept looking back at the backyard, making my curiosity eat at me until I was suddenly next to her, peering out into the dark yard to see what she was looking at.
“Kael built that shed out there. It’s where that yellow light is.” She pointed to a small glowing light near the line of massive trees.
“He’s so great at stuff like that. Building and renovations and everything in between,” I told her, though she knew that even better than I did.
“It’s a fully functioning space. It has a bathroom, a kitchenette. I kept thinking he would move back there once the Army got to be too much. Or at least, come to escape here sometimes. But that hasn’t been the case.” She took a long sip and sighed.
“I’ll try to make sure he comes here more. He wants to, he’s just—”
I hesitated to speak for Kael, knowing he wouldn’t like that, and not wanting to betray his trust by repeating what he’d told me.
“It’s complicated.” She turned to me. Her eyes were the exact shade of deep brown as Kael’s. “And you don’t have to promise me anything except that you’ll be there for him. Not only with his PTSD, but when my son is the only Black man in the room and someone says something out of pocket, I need you to stand up for him. When he works himself to the bone and forgets to eat, I need you to feed him. When people underestimate his talent because of his background, I need you to remind him he is worthy. As his mother, I’m begging you to be his voice when it’s not safe for him to speak up.”
I was a little too stunned to speak, absorbing her words as they coated my mind. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to do those things for her son, not because I didn’t want to or because I wasn’t capable, but because there was so much uncertainty around our future and, as of now, I wouldn’t be close enough in proximity to be there for him in this way. My heart was beginning to feel as if it was staying in a constant state of broken, each day cracking a sliver more.
“I’ll do my best. I love him,” I admitted. I couldn’t bring myself to promise her what she’d asked, but it was true. I loved Kael more than I could explain.
“That’s all we can do, is our best.”
A cough broke through the air, the sound too big for her small body. I reached over and patted her back softly, handing her a glass of water. She shook me off gently.
“I’m fine. I’ve had this cough for a while. Damn thing won’t go away.” She coughed a bit more, covering her mouth as her thin shoulders hunched.
“Tttt—” She struggled to find her words, but I didn’t have a clue what she was looking for. “Tay.” She finally said her daughter’s name, but she looked confused. “Tay keeps harping on me to see a doctor, but I don’t have time or energy for that.”
“I’m staying out of that, but I will say it’s better to deal with crappy doctors than suffer in silence.”
She nodded, her eyes focused again. She changed the subject immediately, asking me every question under the moon.
The sun was coming up as I finished telling her more about my job, my house. I realized when she went to her room to get dressed for the day I hadn’t thought about the rest of the brewing storm waiting for us back at Benning. For a short while I’d felt like a normal young woman venting to an old friend. It felt so good, but of course my brain reminded me that it would likely be the first and last time.
Kael stirred a little as I sat back down on the couch, and he reached for me, resting his head on my lap. He fell back asleep, his lips parting slightly, and I closed my eyes for a while. When I woke up again I looked up to see his mom standing in the doorway of the kitchen, same coffee mug in hand, watching us with a sweet smile on her face.