Chapter 22
HARLOW
Staring at my phone, I debate on sending the text or not.
“Stop being such a little bitch,” I mutter to myself, and type out the message.
I press send and set my phone down beside the sink before I can overthink it.
Willa is Spencer’s friend, it’s only right to let him know she’s coming into town.
I know she’d love to see him, but she won’t push it for fear of making me uncomfortable.
And Jasper is T.J.’s older brother, so I know Spencer would like to see him too.
Me: Hey, Willa’s in town with Jasper. I don’t know if you’re busy or not but if you want to come to dinner, you can. You probably have plans though since it’s your weekend without Roe.
God, now I’m thinking about him on a date with a stunning model or actress. Not that it’s any of my business or that I even care. I don’t. Me being jealous of him going on dates would be incredibly hypocritical of me.
My phone buzzes on the counter and I pick it up.
Spencer: No plans. I’d love to come if everyone’s okay with that.
Me: It won’t be a problem. Dinner is at five-thirty but you can come sooner if you want. We’ll be there most of the day.
Spencer: Sounds good.
Spencer: Thanks for the invite. I appreciate it.
I turn my phone face down and shove it to the other end of the counter. I hope I haven’t made a mistake inviting him, but deep down I know it was the right thing to do. For him, at least. For me? I’m not so sure.
Even though I’m outside, in the backyard, I instinctively know when Spencer’s arrived. It’s like the entire atmosphere shifts when he’s nearby.
I stiffen, and Jameson, who’s laughing at something Jasper said, notices.
“What’s wrong, babe?” he asks, fingers grazing my shoulder.
“Nothing. Just bumped my knee on the table.”
He gives me a funny look, probably because he didn’t hear it and because I’m a total liar.
“Spencer!” Willa cries when she spots my ex in the doorway to the backyard.
My parents’ house is right on the beach, the ocean waves crashing softly against the shore. Spencer’s eyes go straight to the ocean before sliding to Willa a moment before she slams into him with a hug.
“I haven’t seen you in so long.” She lets him go and looks him over carefully. “Have you put on muscle?”
“It’s for a role,” he answers, eyes sliding to mine.
Once upon a time, I was incredibly jealous of my sister because I thought Spencer had a crush on her. It was a shock to realize he only had eyes for me—and I don’t want to admit it to myself, but the same is true now.
“Do you want a refill?”
“Huh?” I swing my gaze to Jameson.
He grins, clearly amused. “Do you want a refill?” he asks again, pointing to my nearly empty cup of strawberry lemonade.
“Oh.” I stare at my cup for a second. “Yeah. A refill would be nice.”
He grabs up my cup along with his and heads for the house, saying hello to Spencer as he goes. While I was distracted by the question, Monroe has made her way over to her dad and latched onto his leg.
“Are you okay?”
The question comes from Jasper.
“Yeah,” I blurt out, perhaps too quickly and too breathless.
“Are you sure?” He leans toward me. “You’ve been off all day.”
How do I explain to my sister’s fiancé that I love my boyfriend, but suddenly I’m seeing Spencer more often and it has me questioning everything—wondering if I royally fucked up years ago by letting him go.
“I’m fine. Just tired.”
Tired is becoming my go-to excuse lately.
He arches a brow. “I feel like you’re lying to me.”
“I have nothing to lie about.” I hope my voice doesn’t sound as shaky as I feel.
“Well.” He taps his fingers against the table. “All I’m saying is, if you need an unbiased third-party to listen, I’m always here.”
“Thanks.” I soften, my shoulders sagging a bit. “I appreciate it.”
And I do—even if there’s no chance of me ever discussing this with him.
“Do you mind if I sit here?” Spencer asks, pointing to the empty seat to my right since Roe wants to sit with Willa and Jasper.
“Go for it.”
I’m pretty sure my voice sounded a few octaves too high.
He takes the seat and reaches over to pat Jasper on the shoulder. “It’s good to see you.”
“Good to see you, too, brother. Although, I see your ugly face on a billboard every day for your show.”
Spencer’s face reddens and he drops his gaze to the table. “Oh, man.”
“You’re successful. Nothing to be ashamed of.” Jasper slaps him on the back.
Jameson comes back out with filled glasses, smiling in my direction. My stomach dips, reminding me that he’s my person and I shouldn’t be thinking about Spencer.
He sets a glass down in front of me and pulls his chair out to rejoin us. Leaning over, he kisses me, and I jump a little in surprise having not expected it.
Unbidden, my eyes go to Spencer and find him quickly looking the opposite way but there’s no mistaking the hurt on his face.
Jasper looks between all of us before his eyes focus on me and even though he doesn’t speak, his gaze seems to say, I see what your problem is.
“Thanks for the lemonade.” I grab the glass, slurping down a greedy gulp.
“You’re welcome.” He rubs my shoulder. “Your dad said he’s putting the burgers on in a few.”
Willa joins us back at the table after disappearing inside and Roe sprints behind her.
“Mom!” She cries at top volume. “After we eat can I get in the ocean?”
“If there’s still enough daylight left,” I concede, because frankly with Spencer so close I don’t have the energy in me to tell her no.
“Yay!” She throws her arms in the air and takes off back inside to where my parents are preparing everything. I offered to help—we all offered to help—but they quickly shooed all of us outside and out of their way.
Willa laughs and leans against Jasper. Her diamond ring glints on her finger when she lays her hand against his chest. He looks at her with so much love and adoration. Willa deserves that—someone who looks at her like she’s their whole world.
“So,” Jasper begins, turning toward Spencer, “what’s up next for you? Anything you can share?”
His eyes slide to me before he addresses Jasper. “Things are looking good for a pretty big franchise, but I have a few more auditions to get through for them.”
“That’s awesome, man,” Jasper grins. “Never would’ve believed you’d turn out to be an actor, but you’re killing it.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it. I didn’t think I’d love it, but I do.”
He looks at me and there’s such deep sadness in his eyes that I have to shove away from the table.
“I have to pee,” I announce bluntly and all but sprint away.
I don’t have to pee, but I go to the bathroom anyway. Running cold water, I let it dampen my hands. Pressing my cooled fingers to the back of my neck I take several deep breaths.
I know I was doing a nice thing by inviting Spencer here today, but man am I regretting it. Lately, every time I see him it breaks my heart, because I see his pain written so plainly on his face. Maybe he used to hide it better, or maybe it was always there, and I was too blind to see it.
When I feel like I have better control of myself, I open the door.
“Fuck,” I curse, because Spencer’s right there.
“You seem upset,” he remarks, looking me over.
“I’m fine.”
He wets his lips with a swipe of his tongue. “You can’t lie to me, Harlow. I know you better than anyone.”
I shake my head. “Don’t do this right now.”
“I’m not trying to do anything.” His shoulders droop. “I’m concerned, that’s all.”
“Well, don’t be,” I snap. “I’m not yours to be concerned about, not anymore.”
“And that was never my choice,” he volleys back, voice heated.
“Keep your voice down,” I hiss. “I don’t want Monroe to hear us fight.”
“That was always your problem, though, wasn’t it?” he argues. “You never wanted to talk about our problems; you weren’t willing to fight for us.”
“Stop that.” I back into the bathroom, wanting to get away, but all it does is put me closer to him when he follows and closes the door behind us. “Spencer,” I warn, finger raised. “We’re not doing this right now.”
He shakes his head. “We never do this. I think it’s about time we hash some shit out, don’t you?”
I stick my tongue against my cheek, trying to hold back tears. I hate fighting and even more than that I hate talking about my feelings.
“We’re trying to be friends again,” I remind him. “Do you really want to do this right now?”
“Yeah, I fucking do,” he argues. “We’re never going to be able to be friends if we don’t talk about the elephant in the room.”
“And what elephant is that?” I ask, my back bumping into the wall behind me and knocking the frame my mom has hung there crooked.
He’s so close to me that I could count each individual eyelash and freckle on his nose if I wanted.
“That there’s a part of you that’s still in love with me.”
I shake my head adamantly. “You’re wrong.”
“Say it then,” he demands, bracing a hand beside the framed photo.
“Say what?”
His lips find my ear. “Tell me you don’t love me.”
I close my eyes.
“I can’t,” I gasp.
His lips brush mine when he says, “I know.”
It’s not a kiss, not even close to one, but god does it have me wanting to grab him and kiss him for real.
What the hell is wrong with me?
When I open my eyes, he’s pulled away and is heading out the door, closing it behind him.
“Fuck!” I curse and turn back to the sink, starting all over with applying cold water to my hands and neck.
When I exit the bathroom, I head back outside and immediately meet Jameson’s concerned gaze. I wonder what he’d think if he knew I’d been locked in the bathroom with my ex—that I’d thought about kissing him.
I look for Spencer, but don’t see him.
“Where’s Spencer?” I ask. The last thing I need is him sneaking up on me.
“He said he got a call and had to leave,” Willa answers, looking at me with concern.
“Oh.” I smooth my hands down my shirt and find my way back to my seat. “That’s too bad,” are the words that come out of my mouth, but inside I’m glad he’s gone.