Chapter 24
HARLOW
Ibite down on my tongue so the curse doesn’t leave my mouth in front of customers. The iced coffee I dropped covers the floor and has splashed up on my jeans. It’s the second drink I’ve spilled today.
“Whoa, butterfingers. Are you okay?” Poppy asks, hip checking me out of the way.
“I’m just feeling off,” I mutter and go to get the mop.
“Do you need to go home?” Pablo asks, genuine concern shadowing his face.
“No, no,” I chant. “I’ll be fine.”
The last place I need to be is at home. I’ll only spiral worse than I already am.
I can’t stop thinking about the encounter with Spencer in the bathroom at my parents’ house—how close he came to kissing me. How it awakened something inside me I thought long gone.
“I’ll remake the drink,” Poppy says on her way back by me.
“Thank you,” I sigh in relief as I clean the mess.
I have a few more hours left before I can go, so I need to get my head on straight.
“Take a break,” Pablo says once the floor is free of sticky coffee and cream. I open my mouth to protest, but he adds, “Five minutes. That’s all I ask.”
I nod and head to the back, grabbing a water bottle as I go. In the back, I sit down on the couch and take several deep breaths and try to calm my racing thoughts.
Ever since this past weekend and what I've now mentally dubbed ‘the incident’ I keep thinking about Spencer—about us. About how we began and how good it was and how … well, how I broke his heart.
I’ve been steady and sure in my decision that our breakup was a good thing—that it was necessary.
It doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt like hell—it broke my heart too, but I needed that space, especially with everything I was going through.
I’ve never let myself dwell on it, or second guess it, but suddenly I’m wondering if I did make a mistake and that thought alone makes me want to throw up.
“Get yourself together,” I mutter to myself. I take out my ponytail and redo it just to have something to do with my hands.
I’ve made my choices.
I’m with Jameson now.
Dwelling on the past will get me nowhere.
I finish the water and use the restroom before returning to work.
Somehow, I manage to make it through my entire shift without spilling another thing, but I don’t make it entirely unscathed because Poppy gets off at the same time and follows me out to the parking lot.
“What is up with you today?” she questions, leaning against my driver’s door so I can’t get in my car.
“I’m just a little off,” I say, sliding my sunglasses on.
Her eyes narrow. “You’re not pregnant, are you?”
A wave of panic rushes through me, but I quickly shove that feeling aside. “No, definitely not. I have an implant, remember.”
She shrugs. “Weirder stuff has happened in the world than someone getting pregnant with an implant.”
“I’m not pregnant,” I reiterate.
“Then what is it?” she presses.
I became friends with Poppy through the coffee shop when I was still with Spencer, so she’s well versed on the entire situation.
“Spencer came to my family’s get together this past weekend and it was just a little weird, okay? It has me feeling off.”
When it comes to Poppy, the closer I am to honest, the better off I am. But there’s no way I can tell her about the bathroom incident. She likes Jameson plenty, but she has a soft spot for Spencer.
“Weird, how?” she probes, always looking for more details.
I cross my arms over my chest, and my purse strap slides down to the crook of my elbow—not helping me to look intimidating at all.
“It was just weird.”
Poppy cocks her head to the side. “I know you and you’re holding something back.”
Fuck. I hate it that she always sees right through me.
“Get in the car,” I mutter. “I’m not having this conversation outside.”
Call me paranoid, but Jameson and Spencer have both been known to show up here and I’m not about to have this conversation out in the open when I’m worried one might pop up.
Poppy scurries around to my passenger seat and I get in, starting the ignition so we can have the AC running.
“Spill,” Poppy commands, but there’s concern in her eyes too. As much as she’s nosy, she’s still a good friend. I hate that I haven’t been able to hang out with her lately.
“Spencer’s been coming around more,” I explain.
“He told me he missed our friendship and since we’re both Monroe’s parents it’s probably better for us to be friendly.
He has a point.” I shrug and take a second to think through what I say next.
“I’ve been over to his house, and we went surfing, and when I was sick, he stayed and took care of me that day, and then at my parents…
” I bang the back of my head into the headrest and slowly turn to look at Poppy.
“Do you think I’ve pushed Spencer away on purpose for all these years because I still have feelings for him? ”
“Is that what you think?” she volleys my own question back at me.
“Yes,” I admit. “I think that’s exactly why, and I never connected the dots until now.”
She frowns in obvious sympathy and pats my knee. “I think it’s only natural that you’d still have some sort of feelings for him. It’s not like you guys broke up for any nefarious reason on either of your parts.”
“What if I fucked up?” I squeak out the thing that’s been plaguing me since Saturday.
Poppy’s face contorts with sympathy. “Oh, Harlow.”
She pulls me into her arms the best she can with the center console between us.
“Did I make a mistake?” I cry into her shoulder, letting all my emotions flood me.
“Did I let my pride ruin a good thing?” She pushes me back slightly and uses her thumbs to wipe my tears away.
“I’m being crazy, right?” The words continue to fly out of me.
“I mean, I’m with Jameson now and I love him.
I shouldn’t be thinking about Spencer, but I… ”
“Hey.” She presses a finger to my lips in an effort to hush me.
“Have some grace with yourself. Spencer was your first love. You two have a child together. You’re always going to share a bond with him that you won’t have with anyone else.
I think it’s only natural for you to question things if you’re spending more time with him.
It’s human nature to dwell on the what ifs.
I like Spencer, you know this, but Jameson is good for you. ”
“He is, isn’t he?” I sniffle.
“I think it’s good you’re spending more time with Spencer. And he does have a point—it will make things easier if you guys are on better terms. Not that things have been bad between you, but it’s been strained. Just try not to stress so much.” She gives my shoulders a squeeze.
“You’re right.” I reach for a tissue. I always keep a box in the car, because when you have a kid, you never know when you’re going to need them.
“Of course, I am. I’m always right.” Twinkling laughter carries behind her as she gets out of the car. “No over thinking things.” She points at me with firm authority. “I mean it.”
She closes the door and hops into hers.
As much as I didn’t want to talk about this situation, I think it’s better that I did. When my tears are dry, I back out of the parking lot and head home to Jameson and Monroe, leaving all thoughts of Spencer behind me.