Chapter 30 Harlow
HARLOW
It’s amazing what rough sex, followed by slow morning sex, can do for a girl.
I stretch my body as I wake for the second time.
My body is sore everywhere, but in a good way.
I crack an eye open and find Jameson’s spot empty with a note in his place.
Creeping my fingers over to the pillow, I snatch the note and read;
I figured you’ll be hungry when you wake up, so I went to grab us a late breakfast. I’ll be back soon.
—J
P.S. Don’t worry I’ll bring coffee.
I smile and fold the note. I’m not sure how long he’s been gone so he could be back any minute.
With a groan, I force myself out of bed.
My bladder is screaming at me. After I pee, I hop in the shower to wash up.
Stepping out, I wrap myself in one of the hotel’s robes. I feel like a spoiled princess.
Settling back on the bed, I reach for the remote and find something to fill the silence. You’d think with working in a chaotic coffee shop and having a rambunctious kid at home that I would crave silence, but I think I’m so used to noise that silence feels wrong.
The door creeks open slowly, and Jameson pokes his head in, smiling when he finds me awake.
“Hey,” he says, pushing the door open fully and revealing the drink holder in one hand and a paper bag in another.
“Coffee!” I cry gleefully with grabby hands.
Jameson chuckles and uses his foot to push the door closed. I happily take the drink carrier from him.
“What’d you get to eat?”
“There’s a café nearby that looked like it had good egg sandwiches.”
“Yum.”
I remove our drinks from the carrier, setting them on the table in the corner before I curl my body into the chair. Jameson joins me and pulls out a wrapped sandwich, passing one to me.
My stomach rumbles, reminding me that I burned a shocking amount of calories since I last ate.
“This smells delicious.” I bite into the bagel. I chew and swallow, adding, “And it tastes delicious too.”
He chuckles, eyes glimmering with amusement behind his glasses. “I’m glad I made a good choice.”
“Thank you for this getaway,” I say softly, struggling to meet his eyes because I know I’ve been off, and I feel guilty for it. “I needed this.”
He leans over and kisses me. “Anytime, babe.”
We finish our breakfast and are about to leave for a whale watching boat trip when my phone rings with a call from Spencer, which really means it’s a call from Monroe.
I answer with a smile. As much as I’m enjoying myself, I miss my girl.
“What’s my favorite girl up to?”
“Mom!” She practically screams in my ear. I have to pull the phone away from my ear and Jameson suppresses a chuckle.
“Yep, that’s me. Mom. And remember, you don’t have to yell into the phone.”
“Sorry,” she says. “I get excited.”
“I know,” I laugh, following Jameson to the stairs. “Are you having fun with your dad?”
“Yeah! We’re building Legos!”
I pinch my brow. She’s still yelling. I hear Spencer saying something to her, but I can’t make out the words.
“Sorry,” she whispers. “I forget I’m not supposed to yell.”
I don’t point out that I reminded her approximately two and a half seconds ago.
“What else have you done besides build Legos?”
“Daddy’s teaching me to surf.”
I press my lips together and hope I don’t sound irritated when I say, “Oh. Is he?”
I have to remind myself that while we’re co-parents, I can’t police everything he does with her.
There’s some shuffling and then the phone must get switched to speaker, because Spencer says, “Not surfing. We were bodyboarding and don’t worry, I’ll make sure her cast is covered and fully waterproofed.”
That has me sighing in relief.
I have no doubt that Roe will be on a surfboard young, but I feel like it’s still too soon at her age.
“Bodyboarding,” Roe repeats. “That’s the one.”
“Do you like it?” We reach the bottom floor and Jameson takes my freehand.
“I love it,” she draws out the word into more syllables than it actually contains. “Will you come out with us one day? Daddy says you know how to surf.”
“Maybe,” I say.
She sighs. “You always say that, and it always means no.”
I frown, hating that she sees it that way. “I … it doesn’t always mean no.”
She scoffs. “Yeah, it does.”
Jameson mouths, “What?” but I ignore him for the moment.
“I’m sure that’s not true,” Spencer says to her.
“It is.” There’s a warble in her voice that has my stomach sinking. “She’s always too busy or too tired to do anything fun with me.” Now she’s full-on crying and I feel like complete and utter shit.
“Monroe!” Spencer calls out so I assume she’s run away. “Fuck,” he curses. “I’m sorry, Harlow. I’m sure she doesn’t mean that. I’m going to go check on her.”
“Yeah, she does,” I say softly and end the call.
I pull my hand from Jameson’s, not wanting to be touched right now, and bury my face in my hands.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, his hand rubbing my back.
“Just my kid breaking my heart,” I sigh, dropping my hands.
“Are you okay?” His genuine concern makes me feel even worse.
“Yeah. I’m fine. But I think next weekend I need to hang out with Monroe and focus on her. Is that okay?”
His brows knit. “Fuck, Harlow. I hate that you feel like you even have to ask that. Of course it’s okay. She’s your daughter.”
“Thanks.” I give him a watery smile. “I’ll get myself together in a minute.”
“Take your time.”
We make it out of the lobby and begin our trek toward the boat landing before I speak again.
“Having a kid is so much harder than I thought it would be and not in the ways you expect. I feel like I’m always failing her in some way, because there’s just not enough time.
Especially with her in school now I see her even less and most of her weekends are spent with Spencer, so then she feels like she doesn’t get enough one on one time with me and she’s not wrong.
” I sniffle and dam back the tears that desperately want to fall.
“I don’t want her to grow up and think that I wasn’t there for her. ”
Jameson pauses and pulls me into his arms. Instantly, my body relaxes. There’s something about him that always manages to provide me with comfort and peace.
“She won’t. I promise. She’ll grow up to see what a hardworking, dedicated mom she has. One who consistently has done everything she can to make her daughter’s life easier.”
I give him a watery smile. “Thank you.”
He smiles and releases me but only so he can cradle my cheeks. “I’m here anytime you need someone to give you a peptalk.”
“I don’t deserve you.”
He chuckles. “We’ll agree to disagree on that one.” He gives me a soft, tender kiss. “Are you good now or do I need to hype you up more, because I will?”
I laugh. “I’m good.”
“That’s my girl. Let’s go see some whales, okay?”
I nod and take his hand, letting him lead me the rest of the way. I still feel a little down, but not as bad as before. One thing is for certain; I’m going to have to go bodyboarding with her and Spencer next weekend.