Chapter 38
THIRTY-EIGHT
FINLEY
“Alright, Fin. Here comes another one. Let’s breathe through it,” Stella says as she watches the monitor above our heads. As soon as I arrived at the hospital, they got me into a room, confirming what I already knew.
Baby Norah is on the way.
Luckily, Stella was just finishing up her shift, so when she heard that I was here, she rushed to be by my side. I’m grateful for that, because she’s keeping me from going into a full-blown panic.
“Okay,” I reply, closing my eyes as pain begins to radiate throughout my stomach and back.
I do my best to focus on my breathing, but with the amount of discomfort I’m in, it’s not easy.
The last time the doctor came in to check me, I was four centimeters dilated, but judging by the intensity and length of these contractions, I’d say I’m progressing.
My stomach cramps, slowly snaking down my body and into my legs.
I inhale deeply through my nose, letting it out shakily in an attempt to quell the accompanying nausea.
Stella calmly praises me, letting me know when the worst of it is over.
It goes on for well over a minute, until slowly, the extreme tightness releases me.
I’m exhausted already, and this is just the tip of the iceberg.
“There you go,” Stella says. “You did it. Do you want more ice?”
I shake my head. “No thanks. I think I’m going to try the ball again.
My back is killing me.” They brought in a few items when I arrived, including a big pink yoga ball that has been providing some relief for me.
I thought it was weird at first, but as soon as I sat down on it, rotating my pelvis like the nurse instructed, it took the edge off just enough for me to feel like my spine wasn’t being put through a wood chipper.
Graphic, I know. But it’s the truth.
I carefully slide out of bed, step over to the ball, and lower down onto it.
Stella puts her hands on my shoulders until she’s sure I’m not going to lose my balance, letting go as I grip onto the side of the mattress and begin shifting my weight around.
The pain in my lower back dulls, and I close my eyes, enjoying the small reprieve.
I know I’ll be taking on another contraction in just a couple of minutes, so I’m trying to soak it in while I can.
I can’t stop my mind from wandering to Theo and wishing he were here with me right now.
When Vince asked if he could call anyone for me, it was a challenge not to beg him to somehow get Theo here.
Instead, I said I was good, thinking I’d be able to do everything on my own.
After all, that’s the reason I left in the first place.
I thought I was better off not relying on him, but now I know how unbelievably wrong I was.
I’m just hoping that he’ll hear me out and give me a chance to beg for his forgiveness.
“Another one’s coming,” she warns softly. “Why don’t you try staying on the ball this time? I’ll stand behind you just in case.”
I take a deep breath, nodding my head. She steps in close, massaging my shoulders as the onslaught of tightness begins to spread throughout my midsection. This contraction is worse than the last, causing me to cry out so loudly that I’m sure whoever is in the next room can hear.
“You’re doing great, Finley. Lean back if you need to.”
But I can’t. Every muscle in my body is trembling, the most excruciating pain passing through me as I try my best to stay upright.
“Oh my God,” I whimper. “Stell. It’s bad.”
“I know,” she replies. “It’s on the way back down. Keep breathing.”
My vision is blurry, fists gripping onto the sheets in front of me as the burning begins to dissipate. It’s getting intense, and as much as I wanted to do this without an epidural, I don’t know if I’ll make it.
When I feel like I can move again, I drop my chin to my chest, feeling so weak and helpless. Unable to keep my rioting emotions from bubbling over, I finally break down, crying freely as Stella tries to console me.
“I need Theo,” I whisper. “I can’t do this without him.”
As if I had summoned him with my tears, a familiar voice filters through the open doorway, causing me to whip my head up.
At first, I think I’m hearing things because the Renegades are currently playing in North Carolina.
At least, they were when I left the cafe.
There’s no way Theo could’ve gotten back to Cleveland so soon.
“My girlfriend,” he says, and this time, I’m sure it’s real. “Finley Bolton. She’s in labor.”
“Okay,” the charge nurse replies skeptically. “I just have to check and make s—”
“Absolutely not, Jan,” another—much sassier—voice cuts in. Sydney. “If you don’t get this man to his girlfriend in the next five seconds, I’ll make sure this entire department is front page news tomorrow…and not in a good way.”
Stella chuckles behind me, and mere seconds later, Theo rushes into the room like his ass is on fire.
He’s clad in a compression shirt, football pants, and cleats, which means he left the game early.
As soon as his gaze locks onto mine, his entire body sags in relief.
My bottom lip trembles, tears spilling over as a thick ball of emotion clogs my throat.
“You’re here,” I choke out.
His expression softens, eyes glistening as he shows me those dimples I missed so goddamn much. “You’re beautiful.”
My shoulders shake with a sob, and he rushes toward me, dropping to his knees at my side. I’m in his arms a moment later, every word I’ve had weighing on my mind bursting out of me as though they refuse to be trapped for another second.
“Theo, I’m so sorry,” I gasp. “I was wrong for not trusting you. I knew deep down that you’d never hurt us, but I just couldn’t get out of my own head.” My brows furrow, my lower lip wobbling. “I’m ready now. I’m ready to let you love me…if you still do.”
He huffs a breathy laugh, dropping his forehead to mine. “Silly girl. Nothing could ever stop me from loving you. I’m just glad you finally see it.”
I lean in, pressing my lips to his. And just like that, my world is complete again. I can’t believe I was dumb enough to let him go in the first place, and I vow right here that I’ll always cherish his heart like the gift it is.
“Fuck.” I wince, another contraction beginning to pull at my midsection. I try not to panic, because that’ll only make it worse, but they’re getting so bad that I can’t really help it.
“Breathe, baby,” he coos, the softness in his tone keeping me grounded as I try to stay calm.
It hurts so much, but having him close is giving me the fuel I need to continue.
Pain ripples through me, so intense that my vision goes white, and I can’t hear a single thing that’s happening outside of the two of us.
“You’re so brave, Mama. So fucking strong.” He continues talking me through it, the wave lasting nearly two minutes before finally releasing me from its grasp.
“Theo,” I croak, exhaustion slamming into me. “I don’t think I can do it without the epidural. It’s too much.”
“Look at me,” he replies, lifting my chin with two fingers.
I focus on his beautiful blue eyes, swallowing thickly as he continues.
“There’s no shame in that. I wholeheartedly support whatever you want to do.
But for what it’s worth, I know how tough you are, and I’ll be right here by your side if you want to stick to the plan. ”
I consider his words, remembering our last OB appointment.
She asked me if I had decided on pain management, and I told her with conviction that I wanted an unmedicated birth.
I had done my research and was confident that I could push through.
Of course, that was before I’d experienced active labor pains, so I had no idea what I was up against. But now that Theo is here to coach me, I know what I want.
“I want to stick to the plan,” I say weakly. “But I need to lie down.”
“You got it, baby,” he assures, helping me off the ball and slowly assisting me to the bed.
Stella tells us that she’s going to go update Vince—who insisted on staying in the waiting room—and Sydney, since there’s no way in hell that she’s going anywhere either.
I thank her for being here and ask her to give Boner some extra treats for me when she swings by to let him outside because fuck his diet for tonight.
“Vince?” Theo questions, his brows furrowing. “As in, your mom’s ex-boyfriend?”
“Yeah,” I reply. “It’s a long story that I’ll tell you later, but he gave me a lot of clarity today. I feel like I can finally start healing.”
He smiles softly, running his hand over the top of my head.
Every muscle in my body relaxes at the gesture, a much-needed respite right before another contraction snaps us out of the loving moment.
He coaches me through it, reminding me to breathe and telling me how well I’m doing.
The pain is more intense, the time between is closer together, and I know without a doubt that it won’t be much longer until our sweet girl is here.
Several excruciating episodes later, my doctor walks through the doorway in a set of bright pink scrubs.
She looks chipper, which kind of makes me want to knock her lights out for absolutely no reason at all.
She’s only here to help, but I’m in so much pain that intrusive thoughts of fist-fighting everyone in this hospital, like I could even stand on my own, are running rampant in my mind.
“I hear things are progressing in here,” she says. “Why don’t we check your cervix?” I nod, just wanting to get this over with as she pulls on some gloves and sidles up between my open legs.
“You’re right around eight centimeters,” she announces. “Moving along pretty quickly for a first-time mom, but everything looks great. I’d be willing to bet you’ll be ready to push within the hour.”
As soon as she leaves the room, I look up at Theo, my eyes swimming with unshed tears.
My bottom lip trembles, a million different emotions battling one another inside me.
And as if he knows exactly what I need, he leans in, presses a soft kiss to my forehead, and says the words I so desperately need to hear.
“You, Finley Bolton, are going to be the best mother in the world. You’ve already shown that you’re willing to go to the ends of the earth to protect her.
There’s no need to be nervous about any of it, because I’ll be right beside you the whole time.
I’ll remind you of how amazing you are, and hold you up when shit gets heavy.
It’s you and me, Mama. Always you and me. ”
And that’s all it takes to make me feel like I can conquer whatever happens next.