Chapter 8
chapter eight
Ten Years Ago
Tobi’s mom talked a lot. He was smiling, talking to her about Christmas, even though it wasn’t for another month or so.
It was going to be my first time joining him on a trip to his hometown in Arkansas.
The idea of meeting the woman I’d only spoken to on the phone so far was borderline terrifying.
Almost panic-inducing—which honestly wasn’t saying much, seeing as how easy it was to get me to that point.
“Yeah, Mama, I’ll be bringin’ Callum. Yes, he’s excited.
” Tobi laughed and glanced at me. I liked his laugh.
I’d gotten to hear more of it in the last couple of years than ever before, and it made my heart happy.
Being in love and watching the person you love grow and heal was an odd feeling.
A good feeling. “Oh, someone else is comin’?
” He paused. And then his smile slowly faded.
His eyes got wide and empty—distant—as he stared at the floor.
It reminded me of the Tobi I’d seen during the snowstorm. The Tobi who’d broken my heart in a way I didn’t fully understand at the time.
I leaned forward, trying to get his attention. “What is it?” I whispered.
He shook his head and stood. I was left to watch his back as he walked out of the room entirely, his movements slow and his shoulders drooping like something was physically weighing him down. I hated seeing him look so defeated.
Tobi had done so much work on himself. We’d talked through a lot of shit and so had he and Crew.
He was finally on the cusp of understanding that reminding Crew of what’d happened at Tiger Claw Camp wasn’t a mistake or something he should feel guilty for.
He was right there. So damn close to fully accepting it.
I was truly so fucking proud of him for opening up to me. For giving healing a chance. For facing his demons head-on instead of running from them like he’d said he wanted to. We’d even talked about taking a page from Crew’s book and visiting Thompson’s grave just to spit on it.
The moment I heard footsteps coming back from down the hall, I looked up with a grin, hoping Tobi would give me one back. Instead, his face looked pale, and he was dragging his feet all the way to the couch.
Turning to look at him, I tried to think of what could’ve happened to make him look so upset. “What’s wrong, baby doll?”
He just shook his head, giving me nothing else to go on.
“Is your mom okay?”
He nodded, sinking further into the couch and grabbing the TV remote. It was like looking into the past and staring at a totally different man. I wanted to reach out and hold his heart, or some shit like that. I wanted to bring him back to life. I wanted him to tell me something. Anything.
I watched him scroll through different shows and movies on the TV before finally deciding on the same movie we’d watched on our first date.
Ghostbusters had become a comfort for him.
He always said it reminded him of the first time someone gave him a choice.
I could remember having to hold tears back when he’d told me that.
Now, he watched it when he needed the reminder that good things existed in life, when I wasn’t enough to remind him of that fact.
I wished I was always enough. But if a movie was what he needed to feel safe, then a movie was what he’d get.
Tobi still hadn’t told me what’d happened when he was on the phone with his mom this morning. All I could do was helplessly be in his presence, just there for when he was ready.
It was time for bed, and he still wasn’t ready. I respected that, giving him the space he obviously needed, but we had work tomorrow. He needed to sleep.
Checking the time on my phone, I sighed and turned the flashlight on so I could find him in the dark. I could still see the flashes of light from the TV as I walked down the hallway, getting closer to the living room.
I walked to the side of the couch, leaning down. “Hey, it’s time for bed, baby.” I placed a hand on his shoulder with the intent of rubbing it in a soothing gesture, but it had the exact opposite effect.
Tobi jumped, scrambling away from me so fast I’d barely had time to process it.
His chest was heaving, and his eyes were wide, the light reflecting off them in an array of colors I’d never seen in them before.
Red and white. Red and white. Red and white.
Just like an ambulance, barreling down the roads in the dead of night, racing to arrive at a scene of catastrophe.
He hadn’t flinched away from me like that in years.
I’d touched him unprompted a hundred times over without so much as a flutter of his eyelashes. But at that moment, he looked terrified.
What the fuck could be torturing my Tobi?