Chapter 23
chapter twenty-three
Ten Years Ago
There wasn’t enough time. Not enough time to prepare myself or Callum for what was about to come. There was no point, really. All I’d be doing was break his heart, and I didn’t know if I had the balls to break his heart to his face.
I was a coward through and through.
There was nothing left for me here. Eventually, Callum would be dragged into the cycle, and I’d never forgive myself when that happened. I couldn’t let it happen. Not to Callum.
Callum wanted marriage. I wanted that, too.
Callum wanted a long life together. I wanted that, too.
Callum swore he’d love me until the end of time.
I swore that, too. But I’d become too comfortable.
Life had gotten too easy. Something was bound to happen, and it did.
I was just stupid enough to ignore it for so long, and now it was here, and I couldn’t handle it anymore.
I couldn’t do that to Callum or our relationship.
I was never meant to be free. I thought Callum was my way out of the cycle.
I thought I could finally be happy. But then Mom called.
Mason was coming home, and I was reminded all too quickly just how idiotic it was of me to think I’d get a happy ending.
People like me didn’t get happy endings. It wasn’t just Thompson. No, Thompson was just the beginning. He was the one who prepared me for what was to come. At least I already knew how badly it’d hurt when it happened again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
I couldn’t do it anymore. I was tainted when I was thirteen, and I knew without a doubt that, even though I was twenty-two now, there would be no cure.
No cure for what felt like a sickness rotting in my bones.
It reeked, and the smell gave me away to all the predators watching and waiting for me to show up.
I never had a chance, did I? I was marked as a target from the beginning.
So I grabbed a duffel bag the love of my life wouldn’t miss and started packing my stuff into it while he slept in our bed just a few feet away from me. I stayed as quiet as possible, opening the drawer slowly. Our shirts were neatly folded side-by-side, just as we’d slept together every night.
I cleared the first drawer and moved on to the next, going one by one until I’d cleaned out the very bottom.
When I rose from the floor, a precious moment stared me right in the face.
Sitting on top of our dresser was a picture of us at Crew and Price’s wedding, hand in hand, both in tuxedos with big smiles on our faces.
We’d talked about that photo being replaced with the one of us exchanging vows.
Callum was going to take my last name. We’d had it all planned out down to the type of cake we’d have.
A three-layer marble cake with red fondant covering it just because.
Every wedding we’d ever seen had traditional white cakes with white fondant and white accessories on top.
We wanted ours to stand out. We wanted ours to be memorable.
I’d even thought about what I’d say during our vows. I had them written down in the notes app on my phone and everything.
I’d gotten too comfortable. I had to leave. I didn’t even know where I was going, but I had to.
While Callum had been trying to comfort me without even knowing what was wrong, like the good boyfriend he was, I’d been planning this like a fucking asshole.
After packing the final few things I’d needed, I went back to our bedroom—now his bedroom—and stood in the doorway.
Callum looked so peaceful. Like an angel, undeserving of the pain I was about to throw him into, but I knew it was better than enduring what I was going to bring.
Misfortune followed me, and it’d never stop.
Quietly, I walked over until I was standing right beside him. His mouth was slightly open, and I could hear his soft breaths as his chest rose and fell. I was always mesmerized by how soundly he seemed to sleep every night. I was almost envious.
Would he still be able to sleep once he realized I was gone? I hoped so. Callum deserved all the things I couldn’t give him.
Stability. Safety. Certainty. A happy, long life of nothing but smiles.
Leaning down, I gently pressed a kiss to his forehead. I held back my tears for long enough to whisper against his skin. “I love you, Callum. I’m sorry.”
I walked to the front of the apartment, stopping just long enough to pull the apartment keys off my key ring and place them right next to his. This was my goodbye. This was my final moment here.
There wasn’t enough time to linger or to explain. I opened the front door for the last time and let it close behind me. He had a fake potted plant—the same one his Papa had—that held a fake key in the hidden compartment. I opened it, locked the door, put it back, and headed to my car.
I ended the cycle for Callum before he could get sucked into it. I left the only people who had truly, undeniably loved and accepted me for who I was. I left my little sanctuary of happiness behind so I could guarantee his.
There just wasn’t enough time for us.