Chapter 26
The whales wake me again, calling to me. I note the empty space in the bed and roll onto my back, breathing out. How did I end up here again? It’s a stupid question. Memories of last night dance through my mind, giving me a full, comprehensive recap of where we’re at.
Fucked is the answer. In many senses. Jesus, I have never behaved so erratically. Never lashed out so spectacularly. I’m horrified. Mortified.
I shuffle to the edge of the bed and pull the sheet with me, wrapping myself up in it. I find Jude at the island in the kitchen, sitting exactly where he had me bent over last night. He has one hand in his wet hair, holding his head, the other on the trackpad of his computer. He’s showered and dressed. Casual in beige chinos and a white T-shirt. Barefoot.
“Morning,” I say, sheepish.
He looks up, pushing his computer away and turning on the stool. “Good morning.” He gets up and approaches me, taking the sides of the sheet around me and reversing his steps back to the stool, pulling me with him. He lowers to the seat and puts me where he wants me, between his thighs, looking at me with interest.
God, I feel so ashamed of myself. “I’m sorry about how I reacted last night.”
His lip quirks a little. He’s amused? I laugh on the inside. He wasn’t last night when I was on the rampage. “I’m hardly a poster boy for control when it comes to sharing you , am I?”
Very true. “What about Katherine?”
“What about her?”
“Was she here last night to ...” I can’t say it.
“Probably.”
“She just shows up, and you accommodate that?”
“If I’m in the mood.”
I nod, my brain aching. It’s too early for this kind of hard-hitting conversation. Does he remember the last thing I said last night? That, I don’t regret. And, more importantly, does he remember his reply?
“And now?” I ask. I want no ambiguity whatsoever. Last night was hideous.
“I’m only in the mood for one woman,” he says, dropping a kiss on my cheek. “And she isn’t married.” He hitches a brow. It’s adorable. “Is she?”
“She’s not.”
“Then I’m happy. Are you?”
“Are you going to make that clear to Katherine?”
“I don’t want you to think about Katherine.” Reaching for my cheek, he traces his finger down the bone. “So, I will ask you again. Are you happy?”
I’m almost scared to admit it. But not thinking about Katherine? I don’t feel like that was an answer. “I’m happy,” I say, but it’s half-hearted, and I know he senses that when his eyes narrow just a little and he sighs.
“Answer me honestly.”
“I’ll be happy if you tell me you won’t be sleeping with Katherine again.”
His lip quirks. “I thought I did last night.”
So he does remember. I scrunch my nose, and Jude mirrors it, biting the end of mine and opening the sheet. He drags his gaze down my naked front. “And in case you’re interested, I’m very happy.” My body lights up. Unstoppable. He uses the edges of the sheet to pull me closer, guiding my boob onto his mouth, and I sigh, letting him feast on me. “Time to get ready for work.” He slaps my arse and moves me out of his space.
“What?”
“I have work to do,” he says. “And you’re going to help me.”
“But it’s the weekend.”
“Don’t tell me you abstain from the pull of an email or two during a Saturday or Sunday.”
More than an email or two. “What am I helping you with?”
He kisses my cheek and snaps the lid of his laptop down before sliding it off the counter. “Meet me in the Library Bar in half an hour.” He heads towards the door. “Your purse and phone are on the island.”
“Where are you going?”
“I have a few calls to make.”
“Oh.” I fetch my phone, bracing myself for the barrage of missed calls and messages. I’m not wrong. “Shit.” I call Abbie first, and the moment she answers, I get a request to switch to FaceTime. Fuck it. I cringe and accept, lowering to a stool.
Abbie takes me in, the sheet, my hair, probably my swollen lips, then looks past me. “You fucking idiot,” she breathes.
“You’d call me something harsher if you saw me last night.”
“Wait. I’m getting Charley on the call. You will face both of us.”
I sink farther onto the stool, making myself small, as Charley joins, Ena on her hip. She scans me, the background. “You fucking idiot,” she breathes.
“She is,” Abbie grunts. “What happened?”
“He showed up at the club.” I still don’t know who told him I was there. Does it matter? “It was ... heated.”
“And what’s his excuse for being a deceitful fucktart?”
“He has no excuse. He has an arrangement with Katherine, and her husband knows.”
“I don’t get it,” Charley breathes.
“Me either,” I admit. “But it’s over and—”
“You’re under.” Abbie raises her brows. “Amelia!”
“I can’t help it,” I cry. “I look at him and disintegrate. I get this funny feeling inside of me, and it feels so good. He touches me, I melt. He talks, I shiver. I smell him and could faint.”
“Jesus.” Charley passes Ena to Lloyd and gets closer to the camera. Yes. This is serious.
“So what now?” Abbie asks.
“I don’t know,” I admit, getting up and following my feet to the dressing room. I open the end door and swallow when I see the green mules. “He’s said he’s only interested in me.” Closing the door, I go into the bathroom.
“And you believe him?”
Are they right? Am I being a complete, foolish dickhead? Again. But then, it’s easy for them to draw unattractive conclusions. They’re not the ones feeling what I’m feeling. “I believe him.” If they’d seen the way he looked at me last night, they would too. “Look, I don’t know what to tell you guys.” I flip on the shower. “But I do know that I can’t walk away, so here I am waiting to find out where this goes.”
“Marriage?” Charley asks.
“What? No!”
“Babies?”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“So this is purely sex, is it?”
“What’s your point?” My irritation is real. Because I know what her fucking point is.
“My point is that you just walked out on Nick after five years because he wanted to get very serious, and all I’m hearing right now are clues that you might think this thing you’ve got going on with Jude Fuckboy Harrison could be very serious.”
“And you don’t want serious,” Abbie chimes in, shoving a marshmallow in her mouth and smiling sarcastically around the giant lump of pure sugar.
I stare at my best friends, at a loss. “What’s the plan for tonight?”
Both of their heads drop back, and both of them groan their exasperation.
“Look, let me figure this out as I go along,” I say, dumping the sheet in the wicker wash basket. “Why do I even have to put a name on it?”
“Because I feel like both parties in a situationship like this should know what each other’s expectations are.” Charley, ever the sensible one, starts bobbing on the screen, walking somewhere in her house. “I’ve got to go. We have a poonami happening. Meet here at six?”
“Six,” I confirm, giving my attention to Abbie when Charley leaves the call. “I’ll be back soon. We can get ready together.”
“Be careful, Amelia.”
“You’ve changed your tune,” I say, laughing.
“Yes, well, now I have opinion-changing information. Don’t be a mug, okay?”
I smile before I hang up, lowering to the edge of the tub, spinning my mobile in my hand. Trying not to overthink. What are my expectations? What are Jude’s? And after last night, the tension, the anger, the yelling, shouldn’t we have discussed that?
Or did we?
I groan, dragging myself up from the side of the tub, wincing when my phone starts ringing. Nick. “Oh God,” I whisper, flipping the shower on to drown out the sound of my ex trying to call me again .