Chapter 33 #2
She wiped her eyes and then dragged her fingers over her jeans.
“But the more Dottie told me about the baby and her situation, I couldn’t say no.
Abbi had been abandoned by her mother. She had nothing—no one.
The thought of that tore right through me.
And I knew that even on my absolute worst day, I would never be the kind of mother mine was.
” She linked her hands on top of her head.
“I would make sure Abbi had the childhood I’d always dreamed of.
That she would feel love and protected. And I would be there for her until I took my last breath. ”
Her chin quivered. “I flew to Lauderdale and went to the hospital where the state had placed her for the time being, and with Hayden by my side, Dottie put Abbi in my arms.” She used the back of her hand to dry her cheeks.
“That moment, Colson, my God, it’s indescribable.
” Her voice was only a little above a whisper.
“But the exact second when I felt her weight and stared into her eyes and breathed her in, she became mine. It felt as though I’d created her in my belly.
As though this immense amount of love I’d never thought I had surged straight through my body and into hers.
She was my daughter.” When she nodded, more tears ran toward the bottom of her face.
“I felt that with every ounce of my soul.”
My hands were desperate to wrap around her. My fingers yearned to collect her tears. My fucking heart pounded in my chest from this remarkable woman. “What you did—the risks you took and the sacrifices you made for that little girl … I hope you know how amazing you are.”
“No.” She took a second to collect herself.
“What I am is a woman who’s deeply wounded by her past. I’m messy and irreparable, and I’m filled with flaws.
But I couldn’t live with myself, knowing a child would have the same scars as me.
And she may not have a father per se, but she has a handful of uncles who would die for her. In my heart, that’s more than enough.”
I knew another woman who would describe herself the same way.
Eden.
And that fucking stung.
“It’s more than enough,” I mirrored.
Her arms rested against her thighs, and she glanced at the floor. “Shit, I’ve really purged today. I’ve probably said too much. I mean, I planned on saying most of this, but did I need to?” She went silent. “I don’t know …”
I was surprised she wasn’t having that conversation in her head.
But those words, spoken out loud, I appreciated.
“Come here.”
She slowly looked up. “What?”
I rolled back so my legs were no longer under the desk. “Come here, Sophie.”
She gradually rose from the couch and walked over, and I took her by the hand and led her onto my lap.
The first thing I did once she was seated was place my palm against her cheek.
The wetness was still there, but so was my warmth.
I needed her to feel that. And when she nuzzled in, I knew she did.
“You are remarkable,” I repeated. “You need to believe that.”
She was one of the most confident women I had ever met. The way she played attorney was movie-worthy. She got what she wanted and demanded attention without even trying. But this side—this achingly raw and vulnerable side, after she’d exposed her trauma—made me feel even more connected to her.
“And if I don’t?” she asked.
“I’ll just have to keep reminding you every day.”
Her hand went on top of mine. “Colson … don’t.”
“Don’t what? Tell you I’m so fucking glad you broke through my barrier and made me listen to you?” My thumb swiped her skin. “Tell you that you, the most incredible woman, came into my life when I didn’t expect it? That even when I was hating you, I wasn’t able to get enough of you?”
Her eyes briefly closed.
“When did you know you had feelings for me?” I asked.
“In Lauderdale.” Her eyelids opened. “At the restaurant, when I thought you were on a date with another woman, I was seething in jealousy. Probably before that, honestly, but when I saw you with her, things clicked.” She smiled for the first time this evening, and I had to touch it, so my thumb dived down until it was tracing her lips.
“Hayden called me out on my feelings, and I wanted to murder him. I drank my face off instead.”
“Sounds like something I would do—or I should say, something I’ve been doing since I shut you out. I’m not proud of the amount of liquor I’ve been drinking.”
Her brows lifted. “You’ve been hurting?”
I nodded.
“Good.” She smiled wider, touching the top of my chest. “When I saw you with Ellie at gymnastics, the way you looked at her, my heart exploded despite how angry I was at you. You understand the highs and lows of being a single parent, and I’m so attracted to that. Along with the way you prioritize her.”
“That’s all you like about me?”
“What? You want a like list?”
I chuckled. “Amuse me.”
Her hand lifted, but a finger stayed, and she drew lines across my shirt.
“I like being the target of your gaze. I like relishing in the intensity of it. You have no idea how it makes me feel. And I like how you turn almost every conversation into banter. How you make me want to fight and how you make me want to love.” Her finger stilled.
“But I also like the other side of you. The side that isn’t tender.
That craves dominance. Because I want that.
I need that.” Her palm pressed against me.
“Our chemistry, Colson, is something I’ve never experienced.
The way you possess my body and know exactly what it needs.
The way you see me …” Her voice faded, and a heat spread over her face.
“And how you make me feel seen. Desired. Worshipped even when I’m in your presence.
” Her head tilted. “You made it easy to hate you”—a small laugh escaped her lips—“but I don’t want to feel that anymore. ”
“What do you want?”
“I’ve told you.”
I shook her. “What do you really want?”
She turned quiet, as if she was thinking about my question.
“Someone who’s going to love and care about my daughter and understand that my relationship with her comes above anything else.
Someone who’s going to give me things I can’t give myself, like support.
Attention. Love.” Her tongue stuck out between her teeth.
“Not a love that’s expected. I’m talking about an epic kind of love.
One that I feel, even in my bones.” She locked her hands together.
“But also someone who’s not going to abandon me—at least not intentionally. ”
“You’re talking about a forever kind of love.”
She nodded. “I am.”
“And you think that’s possible between us?”
“Are you saying it’s not—”
“I’m not saying anything, Sophie. I’m asking you the question.” My arm moved around her back.
“It’s early. It’s been rocky.” She laughed, and that sound made me tighten my grip on her. “I still have so much to learn about you. We need more time and growth. Moments and memories and experiences.”
I could tell that even though the words were coming out, this conversation still wasn’t any easier on her.
“But, yes, I see the potential. I feel it. I want to have it.” She searched my eyes. “Do you?”
I drew her in closer and returned both hands to her face. “Before the Gordon nightmare, yes, I wanted that.”
“And now that it’s post-nightmare?”
I allowed my stare to move over her face, focusing on her eyes and lips, the softness I felt beneath my palms, the way the blonde framed it, those pieces tickling my skin.
This wasn’t the first time this thought had beaten inside me. I’d felt it before. We just hadn’t been in a place where I could execute it.
Like she had said, things between us had been rocky.
But each of those bumps made something extremely obvious in my mind.
I hovered my lips above hers, taking in her scent, the marriage of lime and orange notes, and I whispered, “I want you even more.”