Chapter 1 #2
So no, she didn’t mind the teasing, she wasn’t overly bothered that she’d made a fool of herself, but she was struggling with the attention so firmly focused on her love life – or, rather, her lack of one.
They were living vicariously through her as the only single friend.
Deni and Sarah in particular had their hearts set on finding her love when that was the last thing she wanted.
To try to get them to back off would invite the inevitable questions about why she didn’t want to be matched with anyone, much less be in a relationship again.
She was doing just fine on her own. Actually, that wasn’t true at all; she may be happy being on her own, but she was hardly fine.
Lola downed her gin and tonic and went inside to the bathroom, anxiety still swirling around her stomach.
She rested her hands on the edge of the bronze sink and stared at herself in the mirror.
The caramel tones running through her choppy blonde bob no longer made her face look quite so washed out now the travel sickness had eased and the colour had returned to her cheeks.
Laughter filtered in from outside, with Sarah’s guttural snort overpowering the others. When they’d first met through Mirabel, she’d seemed quiet and mild-mannered, but she had a wickedly naughty side that was released at social events when an extrovert emerged.
Lola ran her fingers through her hair to give it more volume and patted her hot cheeks with cool water.
She tended to brush things off when she felt uncomfortable, instead of telling her friends to back off.
What she needed to do was switch the focus back on to Mirabel.
She would shrug off the teasing, forget about their promise of finding her a man and just enjoy being together.
Because she knew the truth: there was no perfect man for her, despite her friends all having found theirs.
* * *
After a long, tiring and hot journey, it didn’t get much better than sitting out on the deck of a beach house, a breeze rippling through the long grass and the sun melting into a pool of burnished red and gold on the horizon.
With good company, tasty burgers and a bottomless supply of drinks, Lola finally relaxed.
They had the whole weekend to enjoy each other’s company, with a trip to Porthtowan planned for wild swimming in its natural pool, then lunch at Blue Bar by the beach.
The excitement for the upcoming wedding and the promise of adventure in Sardinia was at the forefront of their minds.
Lola was relieved when the attention was finally off her and she could shrink into the shadows – quite literally when the sun disappeared.
Only the glow from the fire pit and the string bulbs decorating the front of the beach house were left, casting warm light onto the wind-blasted wood.
The arrival of darkness and night-time insects was the cue for everyone to move inside to lounge on the comfy chairs and sofas.
The lamplight kept it cosy, while the breeze drifting off the ocean tempered the summer heat.
After such a humid day, it was fortunate it wasn’t raining, but it wouldn’t have mattered because the house was cool and eclectic, with velvet sofas, a mix of white walls, exposed stone and stripped wooden floors stained dark oak.
It reminded Lola of a larger, more glamorous version of her loft apartment in London.
She loved city living and a job that took her to cool places, but how incredible would it be to have somewhere like this, somewhere away from the rat race, to share with friends, to relax and recharge.
‘So, Mirabel.’ Clasping her champagne, Sarah leaned forward. ‘Have you found a house for you and Fabs?’
‘Not yet.’ Mirabel sighed. ‘We’ve been looking, but it’s difficult only seeing a place online. It’ll be easier when we’re there, I’m sure.’
Moving to Sardinia had been something Mirabel and Fabs had talked about from the minute they’d become a serious item, but it was Fabs taking over the management of his family’s business with its portfolio of holiday villas and an award-winning vineyard and winery that had instigated it.
‘It’s a dream move,’ Jenny said. ‘Remember at school sitting at the back of a physics class making plans for our future? I don’t think yours included moving to Sardinia, but you definitely wanted to move away from Chorleywood. You also wanted to marry Ryan Johnson.’
‘Thank goodness that didn’t work out!’ Mirabel laughed.
‘Mmn, you couldn’t have done much better than your Italian husband-to-be,’ Sarah said with a sigh. ‘You already live a dream life, but starting your married life in Sardinia is the ultimate dream.’
Polly reached across and grabbed a handful of crisps from the bowl on the coffee table. ‘I dream about not being woken up at 5a.m. every single day, which is ironic considering how bad my sleep is.’
Jenny huffed. ‘I just wish I could go to the bathroom on my own without being followed by a two- and four-year-old. That’s not too much to ask, surely?’
‘Oh, I hear you!’ Polly swallowed her mouthful of crisps. ‘One day!’
‘Remember this when they’re teenagers and no longer want to be in the same room as you, let alone actually talk to you.
’ Sarah gave them a knowing look. ‘I dream about the day we’ll have an empty nest and the freedom to do all the things we’ve put off because of the kids or being tied to school holidays, but at the same time I know I’m going to bloody hate it when they’re off to university fending for themselves. ’
‘And returning in the holidays with piles of washing and attitude.’ Deni raised her glass of champagne. ‘And you wonder why I’ve never had kids.’
‘It sounds nice to be wanted, though,’ Lola cut in. She glanced at Sarah. ‘Or even not wanted by your teenagers. Don’t go putting Mirabel off, when marriage and kids is next on her agenda.’
Mirabel slipped her bare feet beneath her on the sofa and gave Lola a soft smile. ‘Marriage first, find our new home and set up my business – that comes before kids, but it’s true I don’t want to put off starting a family for too long.’
‘What about you, Lola?’ Polly asked. ‘What’s your dream?’
Secretly, Lola wanted her confidence back.
She wanted to not feel constantly worried when she was finally free of a damaging relationship, but eight months on from ending things with Jarek, she still berated herself for having been so easily deceived.
She wanted to learn to trust again, to be open to meeting someone new rather than terrified of the idea of opening up her heart.
Finding her way back to who she used to be was what she dreamed about.
Not that she was going to say any of that.
‘I’d love to get a dog.’ She breathed in the warm ocean air and took in the freedom of being surrounded by green open space.
The darkness beyond the open doors was vast, the clear night pitted with stars.
She loved being by the sea, felt at home in a place away from real life and the reminders of a relationship she was desperate to forget but couldn’t.
‘I longed for a dog growing up, but my parents never wanted the extra tie – probably why they didn’t want another child either.
I was enough. But I was lonely and wanted company.
So a dog would be nice, but it’s not exactly compatible with my life.
I’d love to spend time by the sea, maybe travel more?—’
‘Really?’ Deni said. ‘You already travel loads!’
‘Yeah, to some incredible places for work for photo shoots and interviews, sure?—’
‘Like Starlight’s album launch last night.’ Mirabel raised her glass.
‘But I’d like to have the chance to travel on my own terms, rather than in the guise of a PR manager and only seeing the inside of the venue and my hotel room.’
‘Ah, you’re young and single.’ Deni batted her hand. ‘There’s plenty of time for both of those things. What you should concentrate on is having fun, if you know what I mean!’
Lola refrained from rolling her eyes. Deni had her best interests at heart; all of her friends did.
They just weren’t aware that a man was not what would make her happy.
Most of all, she wanted somewhere that felt like home.
It used to be her apartment, until it had been infiltrated by Jarek.
It was hers and she’d ended things with him, yet there were reminders everywhere.
The safety and comfort of home was missing.
It was a simple dream, yet one she didn’t feel able to voice even to her friends.
Lola looked pointedly at Deni, whose cheeks were flushed with drunkenness. ‘What is it that you want?’
‘I want my husband back.’ Her easy smile disappeared.
Everyone stilled. The upbeat pop track overpowered the pause in the conversation.
Sarah glanced at the others, then turned back to Deni. ‘Way to go to dampen the mood!’
‘What do you mean you want him back?’ Mirabel’s tone was soft and her frown matched the worry Lola felt.
‘We’re fine, but not fine.’ Deni shrugged as if that explained everything. ‘I love him, but we’ve drifted.’
‘Is he okay with you coming to Sardinia on your own?’ Mirabel asked.
‘He’s relieved I’m doing something other than working.
And he’ll be with me for the actual wedding – the important bit.
’ Deni reached for Mirabel’s hand. ‘I need to work on us. I don’t mean we have to do everything together, but we do need time that’s meaningful.
My dream is to get our relationship back to how it was ten years ago.
But there we go, such is life.’ She let go of Mirabel’s hand and drained her champagne.
‘But you’re already living your dream and it’s only going to get better! ’
Gone was the brief moment of seriousness as they all raised their glasses with a cheer. Sarah busied about topping up everyone’s drinks and Mirabel cranked up the music. It was good to talk to her friends and open up a little bit, even if she didn’t feel able to share everything.
Lola’s phone pinged. Out of habit, she immediately picked it up and clicked on the message before realising it was from a number she didn’t recognise.
Enjoying the hen do? Cornwall in August must be delightful. I bet Sardinia in September will be even better.
Dread shivered through her. She understood exactly who the message was from as she read it a second, then a third time.
Innocent enough words that could be perceived as her ex just being nice, but she knew better, because this wasn’t the first time since she’d left him that he’d contacted her.
He was always careful to not write anything that could be deemed as confrontational or untoward.
The reason the number was unknown was because she’d blocked him.
Bar reporting him to the police, which she hadn’t done because she didn’t think she’d be taken seriously, she’d done what she could to remove him and his damaging influence from her life, and yet…
Her stomach twisted as she reread the message and her earlier anxiety returned with a vengeance.
They’re just words, nothing more, she tried telling herself.
Yet he knew where she was and where she’d be next month.
However careful she was about what she put on social media, she couldn’t control what her friends shared and she had no idea who he was following…
Who he was stalking, more like. Her heart raced.
She tried to push down the fear and concentrate on the here and now.
She was with her friends and safe. He just got a kick out of tormenting her because that was who he was.
Mirabel was saying something – making a toast. Lola swiped off the message and forced her eyes from her phone to her friend.
‘Here’s to love and happiness for everyone.
’ Mirabel raised her glass and looked around, her gaze lingering on Lola.
‘And dreams coming true. Thank you, Lola and Deni, for organising this. Spending time with you all away from the madness of life in London means the world. I can’t wait for you to all join me in Sardinia to celebrate Fabs and me getting married.
’ She lifted her glass higher and her face lit up. ‘I’m getting married!’
Lola desperately wanted to be happy, yet being away with a wonderful group of women celebrating the good things in life managed to highlight all that was wrong with hers.
At least Mirabel had found a man worthy of her; Fabs was as kind and loving as Jarek had been conniving and controlling.
He didn’t deserve a second more of her thought, yet months after she’d left him, he was still managing to needle his way into her life.
She shouldn’t allow him to spoil this weekend, and yet somehow he already had, and she knew that had been his very intention.