Chapter 41 #2
‘True. But it could also be that this desire to control and play games is achieved through having an affair. You just happened to be his victim.’
Lola breathed out slowly and stared out of the steel-framed window with its view across the rooftops of Islington. A firework glittered red, then gold as it lit up the darkness. ‘Why would his wife put up with it?’
‘Because of the lifestyle he gives her,’ Barnaby suggested.
‘A New York address with a Central Park view; money is power and perhaps she’s fine with that.
There’s no sign or suggestion of physical abuse; obviously emotional abuse is harder to define.
All I can assure you is that you’re finally free of him. ’
Lola had assumed it would feel like a weight lifting, but it was more complicated than that. The hidden scars remained and would take time to heal. Perhaps they would always be there. She just needed to learn to live with them, to thrive despite them.
She released her hold on the throw and met Barnaby’s steady gaze. ‘I can’t thank you enough.’
‘I saw first-hand what sort of man he is – we all did, so I’m glad I could help in some way and give you the assurance that he’s finally out of your life.
The date for the court hearing has come through for the injunction and I doubt very much he’s going to contest it.
You can rest easy, Lola.’ He cleared his throat and leaned back in his chair.
‘You’ve been keeping in touch with Rhys? ’
He was fishing for something. Lola knew that he and Rhys were in contact.
‘Yeah,’ she said smoothly. ‘I like hearing about his European escapades.’ What she didn’t say was that they messaged frequently, she caught herself thinking about him more times than she could count, and her heart would do that little fluttery thing every time she received a text from him.
If missing someone, thinking about them constantly and wishing she was with them meant she was obsessed, then Rhys was an obsession.
‘He’s been worried about you dealing with this all alone.’
‘I’m not alone, not really.’ She heard it for the lie it was when she was at home by herself. ‘My friends have all been fabulously supportive; Rhys too from afar. And you, Barnaby, you’ve been amazing, thank you.’
‘I’m just glad you’re okay.’ He frowned, looking unsure if he should say something more, then added, ‘And Rhys will be happy that this difficult chapter is over for you, because it is, Lola. I promise you it is.’
Lola didn’t quite know what she felt after saying goodbye to Barnaby.
She’d hoped for the impossible and it seemed to have come true.
Not that the news Barnaby had given her had erased the hurt Jarek had caused, but that constant tightness in her chest now had a real chance of healing and she could look forward rather than constantly over her shoulder.
She was free from a mentally abusive relationship that had echoed long after she’d ended it.
Lola closed her laptop and took out her phone. She clicked on the message thread she had with Rhys.
There’s too much to explain in a text, but it seems Jarek is well and truly out of my life. Hope you’ve arrived safely. X
She sent the message knowing he might not receive it until he was in his hotel in the Dolomites, then she rang Mirabel.
They’d already had a couple of long catch-ups about her honeymoon and house hunting in Sardinia, while Lola had told her the truth about Jarek and him turning up at the wedding, kept her in the loop about life at Rhythm continuing without her and the ongoing situation with her ex, so it filled her with joy to relay all that Barnaby had told her.
‘For the first time I feel like I can actually shut the door on him and breathe easy again. Although his poor wife?—’
‘ He’s out of your life, Lola,’ Mirabel pressed upon her.
‘That’s what you need to focus on. And, by the sounds of it, she may well be aware of what he’s like but has chosen the security of money and the comfort of a multi-million-dollar apartment over a decent, faithful husband, while you, my lovely, have got out.
You’re free and can finally live your life on your own terms.’
Lola gazed across her apartment, the dark-stained wooden floor and exposed red-brick and white walls softened by a deep-pile rug and framed pictures of iconic album covers; her own private space.
It had been her haven away from Jarek, and it still was to some extent.
Yet since returning from Sardinia, she felt like a different person with a fresh outlook on life, new desires, hopes and dreams.
‘You’re completely right,’ Lola said as a stream of fireworks exploded into the night sky. ‘But I can’t shake off the feeling that something’s missing.’
‘Me!’ Mirabel screeched with glee.
‘Well, yeah, of course there’s that; I miss you like crazy.
Work’s busy and exciting and filling my time.
Friends are busy with their own lives and I just keep thinking there should be more to my life than what I have, which seems incredibly greedy because everything’s good…
’ She trailed off, not really knowing how to put into words what she was feeling.
‘Is it discontent or something more?’ Mirabel paused, allowing the silence and thoughts to grow. ‘Something along the lines of missing a certain someone?’
Lola’s heart battered her chest just thinking about Rhys. ‘I do miss him. But I miss you too, and I miss being with Deni and Sarah on Sardinia. I miss seeing Polly regularly because she’s understandably busy with her kids.’
‘Mmn,’ Mirabel said in a non-committal way. ‘Think of the news Barnaby’s given you as a fresh start. Really think about what will make you happy, then follow that path, however scary it might seem.’
‘Like you did following Fabs to Sardinia.’
‘I want to be here. I just want it to be on our own terms; with our own space, leading our life together. We’ll get there. Good things are worth the wait, isn’t that the saying? It’ll be the same for you with… well, with whatever you decide will make you happy.’
* * *
Lola pondered her conversation with Mirabel for the rest of the evening and it was only when a message from Rhys popped on to her phone after she’d gone to bed that an idea began to take shape.
I can’t tell you how glad I am that he’s out of your life. If you want to talk, call me. I arrived late in Cortina d’Ampezzo but at the hotel now. Hopefully you can sleep easy tonight. xx
She did want to talk to him desperately, but not late at night when she knew she wouldn’t be able to put into words how she was feeling.
Instead, she slept fitfully because her head and her heart were at odds with each other.
When she woke after the alarm, she didn’t have time to reply to Rhys.
She could have messaged him while on the Tube, but she wasn’t sure what to say, not when her head was firing off a dozen preposterous, crazy, exciting and enticing ideas.
Wired on coffee, she started work late, feeling drained and hyper at the same time.
At least she was kept busy throughout the morning, lining up radio and TV interviews for a debut artist. By the time she left the office at lunchtime, she’d worked herself into such a state over the possibilities racing through her head that she needed to get out.
She walked from St Katharine Docks across Tower Bridge, which was jostling with tourists taking pictures, and followed the path alongside the river towards Borough Market.
Clouds of varying shades of pewter filled the sky above the equally grey Thames.
Across the other side of the river, the trees in front of the stone walls of the Tower of London were the only colour in an otherwise dismal day, yet even they were muted without a hint of sunshine.
Beyond, metallic and glass skyscrapers dominated the skyline – a view she knew well.
London was a place she’d thought of as home for so long and yet her heart was trying to tug her in a different direction.
Home didn’t have to be a place, it could also be a person.
Tears slipped down Lola’s cheeks, which were already damp from the incessant drizzle.
The combination of the view, the weather and her thoughts should have been downright depressing, but none of that really mattered, not when, on a grey Thursday in November, her heart was elsewhere entirely and, if she was brave enough, she was finally free to follow it.