Chapter Thirty-One
Keera sees Rose gives India and Dan a knowing look as they walk onto the terrace.
‘Told you,’ she hears Dan mutter.
But India, grinning broadly, doesn’t care.
So what’s happened there then? Keera knows Rose won’t mind. It’s not rehab. If India and Dan were here for sex addiction that might be different, but they’re not.
India beams at Keera, who grins back, and raises a hand.
‘Rose, I need …’ she pauses. It’s hard to say this out loud.
She’s been told that nobody needs to know she’s a member of Narcotics Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous but, here, she has to say something. These people have heard some of her deepest secrets.
‘I need an NA or AA meeting,’ she says. ‘I’ve done some online ones but I need an in-person one.’
Yolande had told her that it would be grounding for her to meet people in person.
‘There’s a meeting in Corfu Town, an English-speaking one, but it’s six fifteen tonight and I know we have evening meditation.’
Rose springs into action.
‘Of course, Keera, we want to support you in working on staying clean and sober. Now, someone should go with you. We’ll book a taxi and someone will stay with you until you go into your meeting and meet you then afterwards—’
‘I don’t need that,’ says Keera immediately. ‘I can go to Corfu Town on my own.’
‘Nonsense,’ says Rose, smiling calmly.
She’s running this group and the person who looked most shocked at this very human sign of real life is Bernard. Without noticing he was doing it, he wrinkled up his old nose.
Bernard still feels superior to everyone. She’s really going to have to figure out a breakthrough. Or is that an impossible task?
‘Bernard,’ Rose says in a voice that brooks no dissent, ‘in place of the meditation, you’re offering service to the group.
You’re accompanying Keera tonight. Christos will give you a light snack at five, you’ll get the taxi at five twenty, and then when you find the place, you can have a wander around the Old Town while Keera does her stuff. ’
Bernard looks outraged and Rose is sorry that she’s dumping a grizzly Bernard onto Keera. But she knows that Keera understands the theory behind rehab whereby people are made to do things they don’t want to do.
‘There’s often coffee afterwards,’ says Keera apologetically to him. ‘So it goes on a bit longer than the standard hour.’
‘I don’t see why—’
Rose cuts Bernard off with a steely gaze that says she is not finished with him yet but that he won’t like it when she is.
‘Even better. Bernard will be fine. We’ll keep your dinner for you.’
Rose has a stare that can cut sheet metal. Under it, even Bernard begins to quail.
He subsides. ‘Yes,’ he grumbles. ‘I’ll be fine.’
‘I can go too,’ says Grazia eagerly but Rose holds up a hand.
‘No you won’t,’ she says softly. ‘I’m postponing evening meditation. You and I will have a walk on the beach before dinner. Marvellous,’ Rose finishes.
This is all working out extremely well.
‘This morning, we’re going to talk to Dianne.’
‘No, you’re not,’ says Dianne quickly. ‘My life is boring,’ she adds. ‘I’m not sure what I’m doing here, really …’
‘Indulge us,’ says Rose.
Dianne glares at her. ‘No,’ she says.
‘Will you speak to me alone?’
Dianne looks out past Rose’s shoulder to the trees covering the hills.
The silence seems unending.
‘Yes,’ says Dianne finally.
Rose waits a beat.
‘Bernard and Grazia,’ she says, ‘how are you doing?’
‘Fine, fine,’ says Bernard. He waves a hand in the air. ‘We can get through anything,’ he adds. ‘Young people today don’t realise what people of our vintage …’ here, he gestures to Grazia and Dianne, who are both younger than him, ‘are capable of. Resilience, that’s the key.’
Just before Rose screams at someone for the first time in her therapeutic practice, Dianne speaks.
‘Bernard, you’re a total arse and you don’t deserve Grazia,’ she says unexpectedly. ‘He’s convinced himself that he can do what he wants. You’re better on your own, Grazia.’
‘I object strenuously,’ roars Bernard, getting up from his seat.
‘Please, Bernard,’ says Rose gently.
He sits down grumpily, which doesn’t surprise Rose. He doesn’t want his real secret coming out. That’s why he’s so compliant.
Or is it something else?
For once, Grazia isn’t looking at her husband with anything close to fondness.
This might be the time to launch the Bernard-shaped grenade, Rose decides.
‘Bernard, I feel there’s more you aren’t telling us,’ she begins.
She can see the group shifting in their chairs.
‘We’ve talked and we’re good now,’ he says, smiling.
The old liar.
Rose knows there are two ways this can go – he might storm out or he might stay. But she has to risk it.
This was what Grazia wanted to talk about most.
‘You’ve sorted out the club issue with Grazia, then? You’ve agreed with Grazia not to visit the S&M clubs any more to have sex with strange girls?’
There’s a synchronised mouth-falling-open thing going on with everyone except Grazia, who’s gazing at one of her manicured hands.
Bernard is half out of his chair. ‘How dare you …’ he begins and Rose knows the mask is off now. ‘How fucking dare you …’
His eyes are blazing with sheer rage. ‘You are going to regret this!’ he hisses.
‘Sit down, Bernard,’ says Rose and she’s aware that when she’s at her most fierce, she could be wielding a leather paddle and whip and wearing thigh-high PVC. That’s never been her thing.
‘Sit!’ she commands again, more dog trainer now.
Grazia turns her head to look at her husband and only then does he lower himself slowly back onto his chair.
They exchange a look. Bernard reaches out to touch her hand and she lets him, but she doesn’t take his fingers in return.
Instead, she looks at Rose, and Bernard slumps back in his seat, mouth like a steel trap.
‘There’s no judgement here on your sex life, Bernard,’ says Rose as matter-of-factly as she can manage. ‘But you need to share with the group. Can you do that?’
Bernard sneers at her.
‘You’re going to be very sorry for this,’ he says.
‘Bernard, I’m not here to hurt you,’ says Rose, ‘but you came here to fix your marriage, didn’t you?’
Rose waits.
Everybody waits.
The cicadas sing.
Bernard’s still staring at Rose.
So she turns to his wife.
‘Grazia, are you frightened of Bernard’s reaction because you’ve told me a second huge barrier to your marriage’s survival?’
‘Yes, I am frightened,’ says Grazia unexpectedly, staring at Rose, her gaze not even taking in her agitated husband.
‘I am not frightened normally but on this subject, he gets so angry. As if I have no right to question him when he has sex with these women. It is not my business, he says. How dare he!’
Bernard snorts again, more loudly.
It’s like family day in rehab, Keera thinks. Carnage.
India looks as if she’s afraid to breathe, while Dan looks mildly confused. He’s remarkably willing to work on himself, but thinks people can only have one issue. Not the smorgasbord that people generally have.
Dianne is on the edge of her chair. Her face is set in rage: not her usual irritation but in a fierce, unleashed anger.
‘I don’t care how you get your sexual kicks – whips, high heels, it doesn’t matter,’ Rose goes on. ‘It’s about thinking you can pretend this doesn’t affect your marriage. You’re hiding behind the mask of saying you need this.’
‘You sick bastard,’ hisses Dianne.
Bernard actually winces.
‘Sick, sick bastard. You don’t deserve her.’
‘You don’t understand—’
‘Damn straight we don’t.’ Dianne is in her stride now. ‘Screwing around on your wife and pretending it’s OK. Letting your kids treat her like shit! How dare you!’
‘Dianne,’ says Rose, using her dog-trainer voice. ‘Stop.’
Dianne stops.
‘We’re here to learn about relationships,’ Rose goes on. ‘Relationships are incredibly complex and, yet, understanding them is simple. What’s our first lesson on relationships, Keera?’
‘Becoming aware of other people’s needs and emotions,’ says Keera.
‘Gold star.’ Rose beams. ‘What do you do with that information, Keera?’
‘Personally?’
Rose nods.
‘OK, I do everything I can to make the other person happy. In my mom’s case, I jump on command if she’s not happy. But not any more.’
‘Excellent,’ Rose says and beams again. ‘Some people overdo this one. Like Keera, possibly India—’
‘Yeah,’ India nods and the silk flower in her hair – today it’s white – bobs. ‘Totes me. Want everyone to like me. My bad.’
Rose nods. ‘Some people are so attuned to others that they ignore their own emotions and thoughts, and focus totally on the other people. Which is not good. Others can’t see that other people have different emotions.’
Dan shifts in his seat. ‘You mean me?’
Rose considers it. ‘Well – you assume that your thinking is the right thinking all the time, specifically with certain people. You need to face that emotion and understand it, tolerate it. You can’t control other people.
Sometimes you have to walk away from relationships when it becomes obvious that they are toxic to both you and the other person. ’
‘What’s that got to do with pervy Bernard, then?’ snaps Dianne.
‘No judgement, Dianne,’ says Rose and skewers Dianne with a look. ‘Do you want to be judged?’
Dianne considers this and then shakes her head slowly.
‘So in this situation we are tolerant to our partner’s viewpoints, we try to understand them and respond with empathy.
But,’ Rose pauses, ‘there are some situations which are too hurtful. We need reassurance. We don’t need conflict and situations being ignored.
That’s why you’re here, Grazia, isn’t it? ’
Grazia nods.
She doesn’t look at any of the rest of the group, just at Bernard, who looks calm apart from the faint shaking of his hands which are clasped on the table in front of him.
‘We didn’t have to do this in public, Grazia,’ he says. ‘I can’t believe you wanted to discuss this here, now. You betrayed me and our family in the worst way. Taking out our dirty laundry in public and making me look like the bad guy.’