11. Dylan
ELEVEN
DYLAN
“I can’t believe you’re leaving us behind.” Harriet pouts and kicks a rock. “You get to have fun, and I’ll have to sit and grow mold on my back in AP English. So unfair.”
“You’re not supposed to grow mold on your back,” Adrian says through a yawn. “You’re supposed to learn and fulfill your potential as the promising young nerd that you are.”
Harriet sends her brother a sour look, reaches out, and squeezes Adrian’s nostrils shut. He doesn’t even react, just waits until she gives up and removes her hand from his face.
“You’re probably going to send us all letters and photos about how much fun you’re having over there, right?” Harriet asks.
“And by letters you mean texting and FaceTime, like normal people?” Adrian counters. “I’m not going back in time to nineteenth century.”
“I can’t wait to have my own room. Now that Will has moved out, and you’re gone, the dream is this much closer to becoming a reality,” Harriet says.
“You’re next to go,” Adrian says.
“Maybe I can move into the basement,” Harriet says thoughtfully. “You can help me fix it up a bit. It can be your going away present to me?”
“Aren’t you supposed to give that to me?” Adrian asks.
“Ooh, can you also send me care packages?” Harriet perks up. “With all sorts of different snacks from around the world.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s also supposed to be the other way around?” Adrian says.
“Shut up. You can get Mars bars anywhere. Right, Dylan? Back me up on this.”
“Dylan is mine. Find your own friend to make your point.”
Harriet presses her palm against her chest and widens her eyes at me. “You’re my favorite sibling. Come on, Dylan. Let’s team up. He’s gone in a few days. I’ll be your new wingwoman from now on. I have a lot of cute friends.”
“You told Will he was your favorite two days ago when you wanted him to drop you off at that party,” Adrian says drily.
“And he didn’t, so the position freed up. Funny how that goes. Of course I wouldn’t expect you to get it, number nine.”
“I know it’s manipulation tactics, but now I kinda want to send you stuff just to get ahead of Hunter and Jax.”
Harriet beams at him and wiggles her fingers in his direction. “Mind games. They work.”
They look at each other and smile, and Harriet kicks Adrian’s foot. “It’s gonna be weird not having you here.”
“I’m not leaving for good,” he says. “It’s just a break before real life kicks in.”
“Promise?”
“Promise,” Adrian says.
I watch them both silently and try not to feel.
He’s leaving.
Adrian is leaving.
I’m not sure how it happened because the whole time he’s been planning this, I’ve been standing on the sidelines, trying to convince myself none of this is happening, so now that I’m going to have to drive him to the airport in a few days, it’s all suddenly crashing down on me.
He’s going away.
He’s standing there, an easy smile on his face, the kind that always makes the air feel lighter around us, buzzing with excitement, ready to go.
I’m numb.
Empty.
Somehow feeling like if I think too much it will all spiral, and then I can’t stop my chest from splitting open.
In a few days I will tell him I’ll miss him.
Nothing else.
Just those few words that don’t even begin to cover everything I really feel.
I will miss you.
Simple.
Safe.
Everything else, I will keep to myself.
I won’t tell him that he’s the best part of me.
That I don’t know who I am without him.
I won’t tell him that every good memory I have has his laugh as the soundtrack and him as the main character.
I won’t tell him that the thought of waking up in the morning and knowing I won’t see him is hollowing me up inside.
I won’t tell him a part of me is relieved he’s going. That maybe—just maybe—I can finally try and get over him.
He will hug me and laugh, and I will laugh, too, because the moment I let the truth slip, even just a little bit, it’ll spill everywhere, impossible to contain.