Chapter 32
THIRTY-TWO
GWENNA
“Do you want Cal to fuck you?”
Even in my post-orgasmic haze, Lanz’s question knocks the wind out of me.
Because…what kind of question is that?
I feel myself blanch. “I don’t…”
“He’s dying to,” Lanz rushes on. “He’ll never admit it, but I know he is.”
Cal, who’s been frozen beside him, suddenly comes to life. “Lanz,” he grits out.
“Am I lying?” Lanz whirls on him, stares right into his eyes. And I swear I hear Cal whimper.
Jesus Christ.
I go furiously, intensely hot, and I have to close my eyes.
Have I lost my mind? Have I lost whatever common sense I ever possessed? I sag against Callahan’s mattress, the pillow that smells warm and vaguely sweet, like his shampoo and skin. I really, truly only wanted to sleep here—to not be alone, to be with him, entirely chastely, and now…
God. What am I doing, what am I doing the day after my mom dies, fooling around with not one, but two of the boys of Camlann House?
Even as I think the sentences, though, I feel my stomach flutter.
With Kai, it was like some kind of dam bursting, all this building pressure that needed to get out, and fast, however it could. With these two, it’s more…recreational. I can see them enjoy it as much as I’m enjoying it myself.
See Cal shudder into Lanz’s mouth as Lanz pushes their fingers deeper inside—
My body clenches involuntarily.
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. I want to bury my face in the pillow and hide. I can’t just go back from knowing something like that is possible, that there are people in the world who will do that with me and to me, to just…not doing it.
“Yes,” I blurt out. If Lanz and Callahan were talking, they shut up instantly.
“What?” they say in unison, swiveling to face me.
“Yes,” I say again, nodding. “Yes. I want that. I do.” But I…”
“Only if you’re sure,” Cal puts in hurriedly. “Really.”
“I do,” I insist, raking my hands through my hair. “God, I do, I do, I do. It’s just, I’ve never…” I trails off, lowering my hands to my face. “Oh, Jesus,” I mutter, and roll my eyes. “I’ve never had sex before.”
There. It’s out.
Lanz and Cal exchange a look.
“Well, that makes two of us,” Lanz says. “I mean…two of you. I’m…uh. Been there, done that.”
I stare at him. So does Cal.
“I mean, I have,” he says, a bit sheepishly. “Y’know, a few…a few times.”
I decide to ignore him.
“You’d like that?” I ask Cal. “Really?”
I can’t even look him in the eye when I’m speaking to him, but I force myself to peer at his face.
He’s blushing. Furiously. “Mhm.”
“Okay,” I say. “Okay?”
Cal nods, a bit too vigorously, and he must very much like the idea because no sooner are the words out of my mouth than he’s rushing forward, practically knocking me on my back to kiss me, feverishly and fast.
“Easy, easy,” I hear Lanz cry, grabbing Cal by the shoulder to keep him from flattening me against the wall. “Let her…lie down. It’ll be more comfortable.”
Cal retreats. “Right.” He steps aside, makes space for me to hop back on his mattress. Which I do. This time, I pulls Cal to me slowly, kissing him gently and easily as I guide his left hand down my ribs to rest on her hip.
“You know what you’re doing?” I murmur to him.
Cal shakes his head, still kissing me. “Do…you?”
“Nope,” I admit. And giggle.
“I do.” Lanz, at the side of the room, his blue eyes gone the smoky color of slate. “I can…instruct.”
Something about how he says the word makes my stomach do a little flip.
“And what about…you?” I look not-too-subtly at the fly of his trousers, which is straining acutely against the force of his erection.
“I’ll…watch,” he says hoarsely. “If that’s okay.”
For some reason, I think of the other day. Ash Wednesday. When he looked so awful that I skipped class just to make sure he wasn’t going to keel over.
“Okay.” I nod. “If that’s really what you want.”
Lanz nods. “I could not,” he says, “want anything more.”