Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Trina
I stumble into my apartment, almost dropping my sacks of groceries. I finally went to the store and bought some food. Even with my employee discount, it was still expensive. When I lived with Asher, he paid for the groceries so I didn’t pay much attention to the price. And we ordered them online and had them delivered so we didn’t have to lug home heavy sacks.
“It’s fine,” I say to myself as I put the groceries away. “You can do this.”
I keep telling myself that, that I can do this, that I can survive without Asher. I know I can. I’m perfectly capable of making it on my own. It’ll just be more difficult than I’d like. The past few years, I relied on Asher more than I should have, and now I’m paying for price.
I feel stupid for not being more independent. I shouldn’t have given away all my stuff when I moved in with Asher. Actually, I shouldn’t have moved in with him at all. I should’ve got my own place and not agreed to move in with him until after we were married. And I should’ve taken more risks with my career. If I had, I’d be in a higher-level job that couldn’t be filled by an unpaid intern. Looking back, I’d do so many things differently now, but unfortunately, I can’t change the past.
After a short nap, I get up and get ready for work. I’m actually looking forward to it. Stocking shelves is so much easier than my old job. As an assistant, I got stuck with all the tasks nobody wanted to do, like cleaning up spills in the break room or getting everyone lunch or carrying heavy packages up from the lobby. Most of what I did had nothing to do with fashion. And honestly, when I watched what the designers actually did, it didn’t look that fun. It wasn’t at all like I imagined when I was a little girl dreaming of designing clothes someday.
Maybe it’s good I got fired. Maybe it’s a sign I should do something else. I still want to work in fashion, but maybe the design side of it isn’t for me. Sara got a job in fashion merchandising. Maybe I should consider doing that.
My phone rings, and I’m shocked when I see it’s Asher calling. I wonder what he wants. Did I leave something back at the apartment? Or maybe he’s calling to remind me to forward my mail so it doesn’t keep going there. I forgot about the mail. I might have to go pick it up, or maybe Asher will send it to me.
The phone continues to ring. I need to make a decision. Do I answer his call or not?
“Hey, Asher,” I say without any emotion, like he’s just some random guy I know and not the guy I almost married.
“Hey, how’s it going?”
How’s it going? Is he serious? How does he think it’s going? He left me with nothing, not even a place to live.
“I’m good,” I say in a cheerful tone. I don’t want him thinking I’m miserable without him. I want him to think I’m over him and moving on with my life. “Did you need something?”
“Um, yeah.” He sounds nervous and unsure of himself. He hasn’t sounded that way since he asked me out back in college. He was certain I’d turn him down. He was more quiet and shy back then, which I found to be kind of adorable. Now he’s much more confident, almost to the point of being arrogant.
“So what is it?” I say. “What do you need?”
“I was wondering if we could meet.”
“Why would we meet?”
“I wanted to see how you were doing. And maybe talk a little. Everything seemed really rushed last Friday. I felt like we didn’t get to say goodbye.”
“That’s why you want to meet?” I roll my eyes. “Asher, you said your goodbye. You said it by breaking up with me, telling me I had to leave. I don’t want to go through that again.”
“Trina, come on. You know I’m bad at stuff like that. I’ve never been good with confrontation. I wanted you to leave because I didn’t want to see you hurt and crying about what happened. I’d been feeling sick about it all day and I just wanted it to be over with.”
“Well, it’s good you protected yourself like that,” I say in a sarcastic tone. “I wouldn’t want you to have to suffer over this.”
“That’s not fair. Of course I suffered. I’m still suffering. It’s hard being in this apartment without you. I got so used to having you here that…”
“That what?” I ask, my pulse racing. Is he going to ask me to move back? If he did, would I do it? “Asher, tell me what you want.”
“I want to see you. Can I take you to dinner? You can pick the place.”
“I can’t. I have to work.”
“You got a job?”
“Yeah, and I need to be there soon so I have to go.”
“Why are you working on a Sunday?”
I sigh. “It’s not a real job. Well, it is, but it’s not in fashion. I got a job at a grocery store until I find something better.”
“A grocery store? Are you joking?”
“No. Why?”
“I can’t picture you doing that. It’s kind of… beneath you, isn’t it? I mean, you have a degree.”
“And finding a job that uses that degree takes time. I can’t wait. I need money now, so I got whatever job I could find.”
“I’m impressed,” he says, and he actually sounds sincere. “Are you still living with Sara?”
“No, I got my own place.”
“Already? How’d you find something that fast?”
“I’m not helpless. I can figure stuff out.”
“I know. I’m just surprised. So where is it?”
“Asher, I need to go. I have to get to work.” It’s not true. I don’t have to be at work for an hour, but I shouldn’t be talking to Asher.
“What about dinner? Does tomorrow night work?”
“Why would we go to dinner? We broke up.”
“I think we should talk. We were together for four years. We can’t just end it like this.”
“We didn’t. You did. This is what you wanted.”
“But I shouldn’t have rushed you out like that. We should’ve talked more. Said whatever needed to be said.”
“There’s nothing more I need to say,” I tell him.
Actually, there’s a lot I could say, but why bother? It wouldn’t make a difference.
“Trina, please. I don’t want to end it this way. I want to talk to you.”
“We’re talking right now.”
“I want to do it in person. I want to see you one last time. If dinner is too much, then we could meet for coffee, or get a drink. We could meet at that bar you like. The one with all the martinis.”
I love that bar, but it’s really expensive. It’ll be a long time before I can afford to go there again.
“I really need to see you,” Asher says in a desperate tone that makes me want to say yes. “Please, Trina. Just one last time.”
I sigh. “Fine. I’ll meet you for coffee. Tomorrow at ten.”
“Ten in the morning? I can’t. I have meetings at—”
“It’s ten or nothing.”
He’s silent a moment, then says, “Okay, ten. The coffee place by my office.”
“No. I get to pick the place.” I tell him where I want to go, which is a place close to my apartment. He’ll never agree to it. It’ll take him too long to get here, which is why I chose it.
“Okay, I’ll be there.”
Wait—he’s coming all that way to have coffee with me? During the work day? That’s odd.
“Okay, see you tomorrow.” I end the call, confused and a little shocked.
I can’t believe Asher agreed to miss almost half a day of work to come have coffee with me. The Asher I knew would never do that. Has he changed? In the last two days? Or does he really just want to say a proper goodbye to me?
I call Callie, hoping she can talk because I really need her opinion.
“Hey,” she answers. “Perfect timing. I just put Addie down for a nap.”
“Callie, you’ll never believe who just called.”
“Asher?”
“How’d you know?”
“You were with him for four years. He’s not going to be able to just stop talking to you after that.”
“He acted like he could last Friday. He packed all my stuff, like he couldn’t wait to get rid of me.”
“But now you’re not there and he misses you.”
“Yeah, he kind of implied that when we talked.”
“What else did he say?”
“That he wants us to meet. He said our goodbye was too rushed and we didn’t get a chance to talk.”
“What did you tell him?”
“That I have nothing else to say.” I pause. “But I did agree to meet him for coffee.”
Callie sighs. “I wish you hadn’t done that.”
“I know, but he kept pressuring me, and it’s just coffee. He wanted to go to dinner, but that seemed like a date, so I told him no. And then I took control and picked the time and place. We’re meeting tomorrow morning at a place close to here, which means he’ll have to miss a few hours of work. I didn’t think he’d agree to it, but he did.”
“Because he wants you back.”
“You think so?” I ask, feeling a surge of hope, even though I know I shouldn’t.
“I don’t know why else he’d be doing this. If he had something to say, he could’ve said it over the phone.”
“I told him that, but he insisted on seeing me.” I sit down on my inflatable bed. “What do you think I should do? Is it really that bad to meet him for coffee?”
“If you still have feelings for him? Yes. And I know you still do.”
“I don’t want to, but you’re right. I still love him.” I lay down and stare up at the cracked ceiling.
“Then maybe you should cancel tomorrow. It’s too soon to be seeing him. Even months from now might be too soon, especially if you’re still single.”
“I’ll definitely be single. I’ve decided I’m not dating for at least a year.”
“A year? Trina, that’s way too long. You need to get out there and meet someone.”
“So I can have my heart broken again? No thanks.”
“You don’t have to get serious with the guy. Just go out and date. Have fun.”
“You sound just like Scott.”
“Who’s Scott?”
“The guy who lives next door. He said I shouldn’t let what happened with Asher keep me from dating because I might miss out on the guy I’m supposed to be with.” I huff. “As if that guy exists.”
“He does. And your neighbor is right. You can’t let Asher keep you from going out there and finding someone better.”
“I’m not. I just need time. Time for me. Time to figure things out.”
“If that’s why you don’t want to date, then I support that. But if you’re doing it to avoid getting hurt? I can’t go along with that.”
“Callie, you did the same thing. You pushed Nash away for an entire summer because you were afraid of getting hurt.”
“I was afraid of getting close to him and then losing him, the way I lost my family. That’s different. And I was in such a bad place back then, Trina. You saw how I was when you came to visit. I could barely get out of bed. Your situation is totally different. I know you can’t see it now, but you have so much going for you. You’re in the city you’ve always wanted to live in. You have a degree in fashion. You’ve made friends there. And if you ever wanted to leave and come home, you have a family that would love to have you back. And me, of course. I’m not giving up on my campaign to get you to move back.”
I miss Callie so much. Even though she’s far away, I feel closer to her now than I did when we were in high school. Back then, all we talked about was clothes and makeup—never anything that mattered. Then her family died and we stopped talking. That was my fault. I didn’t know what to say to her. She was all alone, unable to move past her grief, and I didn’t know how to help her. When I went to see her the summer she met Nash, I couldn’t believe my eyes. She was living in a house filled with her dead family’s things, like they were still there. I freaked out and yelled at her, which caused us to have a huge fight. It was awful, but if it hadn’t happened, we wouldn’t be close like we are now.
I guess that’s proof something good can come from something bad. But I’m not sure what good can come from Asher and me breaking up. I’m not able to see it. Instead, I just see what could’ve been, the future I had planned for us. And if I’m being honest, part of me still wants that.