Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Trina
The coffee shop is busier than I thought it’d be for ten in the morning. It’s really loud with people talking and the staff yelling out orders. I should’ve picked a quieter place. I want to be able to hear what Asher has to say.
“Trina.” I hear his voice and look up to see him standing by my table.
“Hi.” I hurry to get up, almost knocking my chair down. I’m really nervous. I need to relax.
Asher smiles. “It’s good to see you.” He brings me in for a hug, which takes me by surprise. Why is he hugging me? It feels strange to be hugging when we’re no longer together.
“Do you want to get a coffee?” I ask.
He lets me go. “No, I’ve already had three today. But if you want one—”
“I’m good,” I say, wanting to move this along.
We sit down at the table. Asher’s across from me, looking nervous as he smooths his hand over his tie. It’s the tie I gave him last Christmas. I wonder if he intentionally wore it because he knew he’d be seeing me today, or if he just put it on without giving it any thought.
“Thanks for doing this,” he says.
“Sure.” I say it casually, trying to hide how nervous I am. Why am I so nervous? And why is he? Just days ago, we were living together and engaged. We shouldn’t be nervous around each other.
“So how’s the new apartment?” he asks.
“It’s good. It’s smaller than I’d like, but I’ll get used to it.”
“How small?”
“A little bigger than our walk-in closet,” I say, then realize I said ‘our’ and correct myself. “I mean your .”
“I know what you meant,” he says.
We both get quiet. I look down at my hands, which keep tapping the table even though I’m trying to keep them still. I wish I had a cup of coffee to hold so I’d have something to do with my hands.
“You said you got a job?” he says.
“It’s only temporary. Until I find something better.”
“Dave was telling me he’s looking for an assistant.”
“Dave? Your friend from college?”
“Yeah, he’s working for an insurance agency. We had drinks last weekend and he mentioned needing an assistant. If you’re interested, I could recommend you for the job.”
Recommend me? I don’t need Asher to recommend me to Dave. I’ve known Dave for years. If I wanted a job with him, I’m sure he’d give it to me. But I don’t want to be Dave’s assistant at an insurance company. Asher should know that.
“I’m really looking for a job in fashion,” I say.
“I get that, but in the meantime, you could work for Dave. I’m sure it pays better than stocking shelves. And you’ve already been an assistant so you wouldn’t have to learn anything new.”
“Thanks, but I’m going to keep looking for a job in fashion. I don’t want to work in insurance. And I don’t want to be an assistant. I was only doing that because that’s how the fashion business works. You start as an assistant and work your way up.”
“But it never happened. You were an assistant for years.”
“Yeah? So what are you saying?”
He shrugs. “Maybe you should consider something else. A job that’s not so competitive. One that has more security and pays better.”
I stare at him across the table. “Is this why you wanted to meet? To give me career advice? Because I—”
“No. That’s not it.” He reaches over and takes my hand. “Trina, I wasn’t saying you had to take the job. I was just trying to help.”
“I don’t need your help,” I say, pulling my hand from his.
He looks down. “You’re still mad at me.”
“Well, yeah. You broke up with me.” My voice is shaking and I take a deep breath, trying to steady it. “I didn’t see it coming. I wasn’t prepared. I was about to plan our wedding and then…”
“I know.” He rubs his hand over his face. “That’s why I wanted to meet. To explain myself.”
I keep quiet and wait for him to continue.
“It’s been really crazy at work,” he says. “There’s this new guy who’s younger than me and he’s been getting all this attention from the higher ups. He’s been outperforming me since he started. I’ve been putting in extra hours trying to prove to the bosses I’m better than this guy, but he’s just too damn good. And last week, he got the promotion I wanted.”
“I thought you told me you got a promotion.”
“I did, but only because he quit. He got an offer at another firm that paid twice what he was getting before.”
“That’s good, right? Now you don’t have to compete with him.”
“Yeah, but seeing what he could do showed me I need to work harder. If I want to move up in my career, I need to get more serious about it. I need to put in the hours.” He takes my hand again. “What happened with us wasn’t about you. It was about me needing to prove to myself that I could do this. That I could be as good as that guy or better. And I didn’t know how I could do that and also be in a relationship. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”
I gaze down at the table. “You’ve already told me this. I don’t know why you’re telling me again.”
“Because I need you to know why I did this. It wasn’t because I don’t love you.” He gives my hand a squeeze. “Because I do. I still love you, Trina.”
My eyes rise to his. “Then you wouldn’t have let me go. You wouldn’t have chosen your career over me.”
“Which is why I’m here.”
What does he mean? Is this it? Is this where he tells me he made a huge mistake and wants me back?
How do I answer him? Do I tell him yes? Even after he kicked me out? I’m not sure I trust him after that. What if I move back and he changes his mind and breaks up with me? I’d have to go through this all over again.
But I love him, so maybe it’s worth the risk to go back to him. He said he still loves me. If we love each other, we shouldn’t give up so easily. We should try again.
“What are you saying, Asher? Just tell me.”
He rubs my hand. “I’m asking you to give me some time.”
“Time for what?”
“Time to figure out how to do this. How to move forward in my career and still have a relationship with you.”
“But what does that mean? For us?”
“It means things stay as they are for now. But you don’t give up on me. You don’t…” He looks down. “Go find someone else.”
“So you’re asking me to wait for you,” I say, not sure how I feel about that.
His eyes rise back to mine. “I love you. I don’t want to lose you to some other guy.”
“I don’t understand. Are you saying you want us to get back together? Like go out again?”
“Not exactly. I mean, I love seeing you. I just don’t have time right now to be going out. I need to get my career figured out first and go from there.”
“But what does that mean for me?”
“It’s like I said. I need you to give me time. I know it’s a lot to ask, but if we love each other, isn’t it worth it? If it means we’ll be together someday?”
“How long am I supposed to wait? Are you talking about weeks? Months?”
“I don’t know. I thought about this over the weekend, how we could make this work, and all I came up with for now is that I need time. I rushed into a decision about us that I shouldn’t have made. I realize now that it’s possible I could have both you and a career. I just need to figure out how, and that’s going to take some time.”
Something doesn’t feel right about this. If I agree to what he’s asking for, Asher gets what he wants, but what do I get? The possibility of us getting back together? Without any kind of time frame? Sounds like he’s getting the better end of the deal.
I get that he’s panicking about his career. He’s very competitive, and I had no idea this guy at his office was causing him so much stress. But I would think that having me, the person he loves, in his life, would help relieve that stress. So why did he push me away? Why didn’t he tell me what was going on?
“Trina, say something,” he says, still rubbing my hand. “What do you think? Can we work on this?”
“Asher, we’re not working on anything if we’re apart. You’re working on your career and I’m just supposed to do nothing.”
“You won’t be doing nothing. You’ll be looking for a job, and you can do it without having me as a distraction. This time apart will be good for both of us.”
“I guess I don’t see it that way.”
“You don’t now, but you will. All I’m asking is that you give me some time. If I’m taking too long and you decide you can’t do it anymore, then fine. I’ll understand. But let’s not end this yet. We love each other. We should give this more time before we end it for good.”
If Callie were here, she’d tell me to turn down Asher’s offer and walk out the door. And maybe, if I didn’t still love him, that’s exactly what I’d do. But my heart isn’t ready to give up on him, or on us. We were going to get married, and maybe we still will.
“Okay,” I say with a sigh. “I’ll give you some time.”
His face lights up and he smiles. “I’m really glad you said that.” He lets go of my hand and checks his phone. “I hate to run off, but I have a really important meeting I’m going to miss if I don’t leave right now.”
That’s it? We’re done talking? He got what he wanted so now he’s taking off for his ‘important’ meeting? What about me ? Aren’t I important?
He comes over to me as I get up from my chair. “It was really good seeing you.”
“Yeah, you too,” I say as he gives me a hug.
He pulls back, keeping hold of my shoulders as he looks into my eyes. “Everything will work out. We just need some time. I’ll be in touch, okay?”
“Yeah,” I mutter as he takes off.
He’ll be in touch? He sounds like he’s talking to a client, not his girlfriend.
Am I his girlfriend? I don’t even know. I’m so confused. I’m not sure what just happened. Are we back together? Or are we broken up with the possibility of getting back together sometime in the future, when Asher has figured out his career?
None of that was clear. I could call and ask him to clarify what he meant, but is that allowed? Does this arrangement mean we can call each other? Or does ‘giving him time’ mean no contact?
Even if I called and asked him the rules of our arrangement, I doubt he’d have an answer. It seemed like he hadn’t really thought it through. All he’s certain about is that he wants me to remain single and wait for him to get his career figured out.
I wasn’t planning to date, so remaining single isn’t an issue. But I don’t feel good about his open time frame. What if he takes months to figure out his career? Or longer than that?
Do I really want to wait for him? And trust that if we get back together, he’ll stay with me this time?