Chapter 19
ONE WEEK LATER
“What doyou talk about with him?” Finn asks, trailing his fingers over my collarbone in a way that makes my entire body shiver.
I lean into his embrace, resting my head on his shoulder. Not for the first time, I wish I had the courage to reach up and take his mask off his face.
It feels so strange to me that I know every inch of his body better than I know his face. That this is the one rule of Eldrion’s that he will not break. That he is willing to sneak through the castle in the early hours of the morning to find me, he’s willing to fuck me. He’s willing to do all kinds of things that would get him into trouble, but he is not willing to remove his mask.
I have thought about searching his emotions at the same time as asking him why, so that I can tell whether he is offering me the truth in his answers. But I know that would be a betrayal, and I cannot do that to him.
Since we met, everything we’ve said to each other has been the truth.
I can’t break that trust.
Slowly, I lace my fingers with his. I’m getting so used to not wearing my gloves with Finn, and when I’m with Eldrion, that putting them on now feels like a punishment.
For so many years, I wore them and didn’t think about it. They became a part of me. And now, every time I slip them onto my fingers, I feel like I am participating in my own repression.
“He asks me about the magic Leafborne possess, about elemental magic, about my empathy.” I glance up at Finn.
I still haven’t told him what happened the night Eldrion took me to the inn. I haven’t asked him if he understands what Eldrion asked the innkeeper about. And I haven’t told him that Eldrion asked me to use my powers for him.
So, maybe I am breaking his trust already.
I shift uncomfortably, leaning closer to him as if his warmth can take away the pang of uneasiness that has settled in my belly.
Why haven’t I told Finn about it?
We have talked about so many other things. Why not this? Perhaps it is because I don’t want him to believe I am working with Eldrion or for him in any way. I also don’t want to tell him something that could get him into trouble.
On top of that, there’s no way of telling him what happened in the inn without telling him what I learned about Eldrion and his feelings towards me.
For, even now, when I enter Lord Eldrion’s chambers, even when I have the gates of my empathy sealed tight, I see and feel what I felt then – he trusts me, but he is also wary of me.
And I still haven’t figured out why.
“It seems strange that he would need you here to ask you such things,” Finn ponders. “He has a castle full of academics and scholars, a library full of books. And he’s the oldest fae in the kingdom. He knows all there is to know about magic.”
I turn in Finn’s arms and stroke his stubbled chin with my index finger. “What is his magic? Eldrion’s?”
At that, Finn’s entire aura stiffens. He sits up a little higher on the pillows, causing me to sit up too. “Eldrion has all magic,” Finn says darkly.
Before I can ask what that means, he smiles and playfully tickles my shoulder.
“And, you know what? I believe he might be a little bit in love with you, Alana Leafborne. I believe that is why Lord Eldrion is taking you to his chambers every night... because he plans to corrupt you.” Finn widens his eyes, chuckles deeply, and kisses my earlobe.
I pull away and roll my eyes, but his words have made my stomach constrict with unease.
“I do not believe Lord Eldrion is in love with me. But I do believe there is more to these meetings than he’s telling me,” I say, changing the subject.
I sit up and reach for my robe.
It is not long until sunrise. But there is something I’ve been meaning to ask of Finn. And if I don’t ask now, I will lose my nerve for the second night running.
“Will you take me to see the others?” I ask, sitting on the edge of the bed and trailing my fingers across his chest.
“The others?” he asks.
“I know they’re still in the dungeons. They’ve been down there for nearly two weeks. No one will tell me what’s happening to them.”
Finn shakes his head, trying to reject the idea.
“I don’t want them to think I’ve forgotten them. I want them to know I’m working on getting them out.”
“Are you?” he asks solemnly.
“I’m building trust with Eldrion, trying to figure out what his game is. It’s only been a short time, but if I stay steady and stay patient, I’m certain that I can find a way.”
Finn cuts me off, sitting up abruptly and grabbing both of my hands. “Alana, you mustn’t do anything that will put you in danger.”
“So, I’m just to carry on doing this forever, am I?” I ask him, searching his face, even though it remains hidden beneath his mask. “Locked in here during the day, watching you perform in the evenings, talking with Eldrion at night, and then fucking you until sunrise.”
“We make each other feel good,” Finn says, inching closer to me and resting his hand on my thigh.
“We do. But that doesn’t mean I can forget their plight, and I need them to know that.”
Finn stands up, flexing his wings. His bells chime, and not for the first time, I realise that I’ve come to associate them with him, and that their subtle sound prompts heat between my legs.
“You really need to see them?” he asks, bracing his hands on his hips.
I nod firmly at him. “I really need to see them.”
He looks at the window, then back at me. “All right,” he says. “You’re in luck. Henrik is on guard tonight, but we have to be quick. There’s only a few hours till sunrise. We can’t be caught wandering the castle when the guards switch over their duty.”
I stand up, rush over to my wardrobe, and grab some clothes. “All right,” I say, fetching my gloves too. “Let’s go.”
Henrik,who I now know is Briony’s lover, lets us into the dungeon while offering me a withering stare.
Immediately, the stench hits me. There is no light here, not a single window, and the low-ceilinged room is lit by only a few lamps.
The sound of bodies pressed together rustles in the corner.
I draw closer to the iron grate and take hold of the bars, wrapping my gloved fingers around them.
I peer into the gloom, and the silhouettes of my kin materialise into solid forms.
They’re still chained.
I breathe slowly, my heart straining against my ribs, swelling with the horror of knowing this is how they have been for the last two weeks. While I’ve been comfortable in a bed with a fire, and a maid, and food, they have been here.
“Kayan,” I whisper, “Are you there?” There is a clink of chains, and then Kayan comes into view.
His cheeks are sunken, and his eyes are grey.
Even his hair looks darker, no longer soft and wavy, but a dirty blond that hangs in greasy tendrils around his face.
He grips the chain as if it is helping to steady him and narrows his eyes at me.
“Alana,” he asks, his voice hoarse, “is it you?”
I’m pressing my lips together, trying to find the words to tell him how sorry I am. But there are too many of them, and I can’t put them in any sensible order. So, I just mutter, “Yes, it’s me.”
Kayan looks past me at Finn. “You brought her,” he says. “You finally brought her.”
Before I can ask what he means, Kayan returns his gaze to me and says, “You look well. He is treating you well.”
I swallow, guilt dripping like acid down the back of my throat. “I’m not sure what he wants from me,” I reply, “but he seems to trust me. He has been talking with me, asking me lots of questions.”
From the shadows inside the cell, someone says, “And I suppose you have been giving him everything that he wants. Judging by the look of you, you’re having quite a nice time while we all rot down here.” I recognise the voice. It belongs to Maura, an elder who has hated me with a passion since the day I was born.
Guilt and shame hum on my skin.
For the first time since I was taken away, I genuinely wish I was still locked in here with them because at least then, perhaps they wouldn’t hate me.
Finn appears at my elbow and puts a comforting hand on the small of my back, but I nudge him away when Kayan notices and say, “I’m going to do everything I can to get you out of here. I’m going to figure out a way. I can roam the castle. Eldrion knows I don’t have the kind of magic that could fight back against him, but perhaps I can find a way for us all to get out. If I’m patient and careful and listen.”
Kayan’s lips twitch, and he tries to smile. “That sounds like a plan,” he says. Then he adds, “And when we get out, maybe we can find Rosalie.”
I rub my tongue on the roof of my mouth, trying to stop myself from crying.
I’ve thought about Rosalie every night since we got here. And every night, I’ve come to the same conclusion – that whatever is happening to her now is far worse than what’s happening to any of us.
Some nights, my thoughts become so bad that Finn has to wake me up from a nightmare. But I’ve never told him what I’m dreaming about.
“Yes,” I say, “we should do that.”
“Oh, come on,” Maura tuts. “Do you really think we’re going to get out of here? Eldrion didn’t want us. He wanted you. He’s going to leave us here to rot, and don’t pretend that you care. You’ve never been one of us.”
“I’ve always been one of you. Even when you didn’t want me to be.”
Slowly, Maura steps forward. Her face is illuminated by the lamplight.
She was already old but now looks hundreds of years older. She rubs the chains around her wrist, then braces one arm across her stomach as if she’s trying to quite literally hold her body together.
“No,” she says, “your mother wanted you to be, but your father knew the truth.”
“That’s enough,” Kayan interrupts her sharply. “Now’s not the time.”
“We should go,” Finn whispers to me, taking hold of my elbow. “There’s nothing you can do for them now. They don’t want your help.”
“I will help them,” I tell him, and I turn back to them. “I will help you. I know you don’t trust me. I know you don’t like me. I know most of you have hated me since the minute I was born. Even before.”
I look at Kayan, and he closes his eyes, unwilling to look at the shame on my face.
“But I swear, if I can get you out, I will.”
“Come on.” Finn tugs my elbow again.
Over by the door, Henrik grumbles, “He’s right. Time to go.”
I wait until I’m back in my chambers before I truly start to sob. Finn tries to comfort me, but I shake him off.
“I need to be alone,” I tell him. “Please, just leave me alone.”
He doesn’t protest, just kisses me on the forehead. As he’s leaving, he says, “If you really want to help them, then I’ll do whatever you need me to, Alana. If that’s what you want.”
“It is what I want.” I slowly remove my gloves and set them down on the table beside the bed.
“Then, tomorrow, we’ll make a plan.”