Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
“This party could be the making of you, Penelope, so make sure you’re on your very best behavior,” Alexandra warned. “We want this to work out. If you play your cards right, a gentleman may ask to court you as soon as tomorrow.”
“Oh, don’t say that,” Penelope groaned. “You know I don’t wish to marry this season, Alexandra.”
“Marriage is important, Penelope, you know that.”
“And you know I’m perfectly happy to do it when the time is right. But not now. Not while Father is ill. I can’t just leave him on his own.”
Alexandra was hard pressed not to roll her eyes, and she failed altogether to stifle a sigh. “Penelope, I won’t allow you to sabotage your future for the sake of that man.”
“He’s our father, Alexandra. The only one we have. And I am all he has.”
“He’s hardly been a father to us at all.”
“But I’ve told you how he’s changed.”
“I know you want to believe that’s true.” Alexandra would have liked to believe it herself, truth be told. But she didn’t. She just couldn’t. It wasn’t at all safe to put faith in her father. She had learned that lesson painfully.
“Just promise me you will keep an open mind tonight,” she said.
“If it’s so wonderful to have a husband, where is yours?” Penelope asked. “I would have thought you’d have him with you, given that you two are so in love with one another.”
She grinned wickedly. Alexandra recognized that her sister was only trying to change the subject and knew she ought to ignore the attempt, but she couldn’t help rising to the bait. “I told him that he didn’t need to come,” she said. “He’s very busy.”
That, and I could hardly bear the thought of spending the whole evening with him after that near-kiss.
If he had come to this dinner party, they would have had to put on a show for the ton, the way they’d done at the ball they had attended.
It would have been much too difficult to do that right now.
She hadn’t even managed to look him in the eye since it had happened.
Everyone would have been able to see that something was off between the two of them, and it would have been a mess.
“Busy,” Penelope said. “I see.”
Her tone suggested that she knew there was more to it than that, but Alexandra could also see that her sister didn’t intend to press the matter, and for that, she was grateful. They made their way inside and went to check the place cards to see where they were assigned to sit.
“Well, well—if it isn’t the duchess herself.”
The voice was full of malice, and Alexandra’s heart was in her throat even before she had turned to see who it was.
The Dowager Duchess of Murray. Hector’s stepmother.
“Good day, Your Grace,” Alexandra said, hoping to get things off on a good note between the two of them.
The dowager duchess sneered at her. “Just look at you,” she said. “Where is that husband of yours?”
“He couldn’t be here today.”
“Well, I’m not surprised in the least. I knew those rumors about his feelings for you had to be overblown,” she said.
“Of course, he doesn’t really care for you, or he would be here—not to mention that he wouldn’t have let you out of the house dressed like that.
My goodness, you’re supposed to be a duchess, and yet you look like a peasant.
That gown isn’t suitable at all. If that man had a proper mother, he would know better than to allow himself to be represented in such a dreadful way.
He would have some pride. But then, he never did belong in society. I tried to tell my husband that.”
Alexandra straightened her spine, determined not to allow herself to be humiliated. “I’m sorry you don’t see worth in me,” she said. “I can assure you that the duke does not share your low opinion of my value.”
“Well, he has no sense. He should have made a better match. I’m just fortunate my own son was spared the indignity of a marriage to someone like you.”
Alexandra was acutely aware of the fact that Penelope was standing beside her. She couldn’t allow herself to be spoken to in this way while her sister was watching. It was unacceptable. She had to show Penelope that she was strong, that she could stand up for herself—
Then she felt a hand on her waist, large and very familiar.
“Good day, stepmaither.” She’d have known that accent anywhere. “I see ye’ve decided to engage me wife in a chat.”
“Your wife has arrived here looking like some commoner,” the dowager duchess said. “Your stepbrother had the sense to walk away from this one, but you apparently felt she would be a worthy match for you.”
Hector snorted. “I shouldnae be surprised to see that you daenae understand me marriage. I doubt ye understand anythin' at all about the power of a love match, do ye?”
A love match.
He was putting it on to impress the rest of the ton, of course. It was a performance for the sake of the onlookers. And yet, Alexandra couldn’t suppress the feeling of exhilaration that surged within her at the words—at the very suggestion that she could be someone that he might love.
It wasn’t real. She knew it wasn’t real. It was nothing more than a show.
But she allowed herself a moment, just the same, to imagine that it was true.
“What made you decide to come?” she asked him once they had escaped, leaving his stepmother shocked and gaping at the insult leveled her way.
Alexandra could hardly believe he had said it aloud.
She knew that his father had had an affair, of course—it was the reason the dowager was no more than a stepmother to him, the reason his brother was really only a half-brother.
But to say it in front of people like that, to throw it in her face that she had never really been loved—she couldn’t believe he had done that.
There was something impressive about it. Something that made her warm to him. He had done it to save her from his stepmother’s slander, she knew. It was for her sake that he had ridiculed his own family in public.
It isn’t a love match, she reminded herself. And yet…there was something about it, wasn’t there?
“Ye should have asked me to come with ye from the start,” he said. “Why did ye nae do so? Did ye nae want me along? Embarrassed of me beastly nature?” His fingertips went to the bruise on his cheek.
She was surprised and could admit it. “I didn’t think you would want to come,” she told him. “I’m here because I had to escort Penelope, but there was no reason you needed to be disturbed, and I didn’t want to inconvenience you. I thought you would be happy I left you alone about it.”
“Well. Next time ye should ask what would make me happy instead of just assumin’.”
She stared at him for a moment, taken aback.
It was as if his beastly nature had never existed. He looked…younger, somehow. He looked like a teenager intent on getting his own way, not understanding why he was being thwarted. He looked fiery and unhappy, and she had to laugh.
He scowled at her. “What’s funny now?”
“It’s just…I don’t know. I had everything under control,” she told him.
“I really didn’t need assistance—if that’s what this is.
If you’re feeling as though you let me down in some way by not being here from the start—you didn’t.
I was only trying to see to my sister’s affairs, and I didn’t need any help. ”
“Oh, yes, yes, ye never need help,” he grumbled. “God knows ye’ve never needed help a day in your life. Why ye even have a husband is beyond my capacity—surely ye’d be happier on your own.”
“Don’t do that,” she chided. “I’m very happy you’re here, Hector, truly. And if I’d thought there was a chance you would want to accompany me, of course I would have asked! I just don’t want you to feel obligated.”
“It’s a privilege to feel obligated to one’s wife,” he said, but his face softened slightly, and the corners of his mouth turned upward. “Besides, I do love dinner parties.”
She turned to look at him in utter surprise and saw that the corners of his mouth were now twitching with barely suppressed laughter.
“You don’t love dinner parties,” she chided, but she was smiling too. “Don’t you treat me like a fool, Hector. I know perfectly well that that isn’t true.”
They were both smiling at each other now, and it struck Alexandra how handsome he truly was when he lowered his guard—when his eyes went soft and his facial features relaxed, when he allowed his true personality to shine through.
At least, she wanted to believe this was his true personality—this laughing, happy version of him.
Without thinking about what she was doing, she reached up and caressed his face.
And then she caught herself. What was she thinking, touching him so tenderly? And doing so in the middle of this party, no less—where anyone might see them, where they might be interrupted at any time…
She began to pull away.
He stopped her, though. He reached out and caught her hand in his. His eyes were wide with surprise at what she had done, but he clearly didn’t want to put a stop to it.
And then, to her utter shock, he drew her palm to his lips.
He pressed a kiss there—right in the center of her hand, as if he was giving it to her as a gift. He even wrapped her fingers around it and held her hand like that in his for a moment, as if to ensure that she held onto that gift.
Her heart beat madly, but she did her best to school her features, to keep him from seeing her reaction. She didn’t know how successful she had been at that, but if she’d had to guess, she would have said not very.
He smiled slightly, and that all but confirmed it—he’d seen. He knew exactly how affected she had been by his kiss.
He kissed me.
It wasn’t the same as the passionate kiss she had anticipated in his study the other day—the one he’d pulled away and left her wanting. But it was still his lips against her. She kept her hand fisted tight, feeling as though the kiss might somehow escape and fly away if she wasn’t careful.
“I should return to Penelope,” she managed.
He gave her a grin and said nothing.
Alexandra turned and hurried away from him, her heart still pounding, and ran into the building. She had to find her sister—Penelope would wonder what had become of her.
She had to get away from her husband.
Allowing him to have this much power over her—it was simply too dangerous. She was safe as long as she maintained her perspective, as long as she remembered what his feelings were for her and what the nature of their marriage was.
The moment she allowed herself to forget that was when she would begin to hope for something more—and she couldn’t let that happen, because they could never be anything more than what they were.
She had seen what men could be like in marriages.
She would not allow herself to place her trust in the hands of a man. Not now, and not ever. She would protect her heart at all costs.