Chapter 22
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
“Are ye busy right now?” Hector asked Alexandra.
She looked up from the book she had been reading in the sitting room.
Hector had been loath to disturb her, seeing how at peace and content she was.
He had been inclined to walk away and leave her to what she was doing.
But he did have something he wanted to address with her—something he wanted her to see.
She set down the book. “I’m not busy.”
“I havenae seen much of ye since the picnic,” he told her. “I was beginnin’ to think ye were avoidin’ me.”
The color that rushed into her cheeks at the suggestion answered that question conclusively. Still, he was unsurprised when she tried to deny it. “I haven’t been avoiding you.”
“Nay? Ye havenae been to the dinner table in days. Takin’ all yer meals in yer room.”
“I…well, I wasn’t feeling my best,” she managed.
“And yet ye’ve been out horseback riding on more than one occasion.”
She looked down at the book in her lap and said nothing.
“Well, come along,” he said. “I’ve somethin’ I’d like to show ye.”
“Show me? What is it?”
He laughed. “If ye want to see, ye’ll have to come.”
She rose to her feet slowly, and Hector wondered what he had done to inspire such hesitance in her.
He had thought the two of them were getting along well enough, but he could see now that he had assumed too much.
It was clear that she didn’t feel comfortable in his presence.
She maintained a distance from him as they walked along, her arms wrapped protectively about her body.
He cleared his throat, made awkward by her awkwardness, as he led the way into the library.
“I’ve seen this room,” she said. “I was in here earlier today, picking out the book you just saw me reading.”
“Aye, ye’ve seen the library,” he said. “But perhaps ye’ve not seen this section here.”
He led her over to it. It was a collection of books in the far corner of the place, most of them untouched for years and collecting dust. They were of little interest to him, and he’d struggled for years to imagine how they might be of interest to anyone at all.
But he had seen the way she had looked at his ledgers every time she was in his study.
The most cursory of glances, to be sure, but enough to let him know that she had a head for figures.
And hadn’t she told him that she had taken over the books in her father’s house?
That he couldn’t be counted upon to maintain the family finances reliably, and so the task had fallen to his daughters?
Reprehensible, but she must have a talent for it.
“I thought ye might take an interest in these,” he said. “Mathematics and economics. They’re of nae interest to me. But I noticed ye’re interested in numbers. Thought ye might like to see it, if ye hadnae found it for yerself already.”
“Oh, this is wonderful!” Alexandra went to the shelf and pulled down a weighty book. “I don’t know that I have the ability to read it, though. I do have a head for these things, but what I never had was a teacher…I don’t suppose you could teach me about it?”
The sudden sparkle in her eyes, after the distance she’d kept from him since the picnic, was enough to make Hector feel as though something within him had been roused from slumber. “I’d teach ye if I could, lass,” he said. “I can’t fathom the contents of those books. Never read them.”
She frowned. “Perhaps a tutor might be hired to explain them to me?” she suggested.
“Aye, we might consider that.”
“I wish I’d been taught properly growing up.
My father would have gone to any lengths to get a good education for his child if he’d had the son he so badly wanted.
For the four of us, though, he couldn’t be bothered to see to it that we were educated—beyond what he thought we would need to get us married off to good husbands, that is, and of course that didn’t include mathematics. ”
“Nay, I wouldnae think it would,” he agreed. “I could see me way to hirin’ a tutor for ye, if that’s somethin’ ye truly want.”
“That would be wonderful,” she said. “It would mean the world to me to be able to learn, Hector, truly. And…and perhaps I could even involve myself in your business ventures?”
He might have seen this coming. To his surprise, it didn’t bother him as much as he thought it might if he’d realized she would ask. “Ye wish to be me bookkeeper?”
“Or perhaps…maybe I could even start a business of my own?” Her cheeks were flushed again, but this time, it was pure excitement putting that color in them, and he had to admit he liked to see it there.
“It would be in your name, of course, and you would be in charge of everything, but it could be something I have an interest in. We could make decisions together. I could actually be a part of things, maybe…if you wouldn’t mind. ”
She seemed to realize all at once just how forward the request was, because she fell silent and looked down at the floor.
But Hector smiled. “If it would please ye, we can find a way for ye to get involved in business. Whatever ye’d like, we’ll figure a way to do it.”
“You really do say all the right things,” she murmured.
“Is that a bad thing?” She sounded as though it might be.
She shook her head, though. “Not bad,” she said. “Unexpected.”
“Well, I never set much store by doin’ the expected.”
And apparently, neither did she. She turned her back toward the books, stepped so close to him that he had no time to prepare, stood on her toes, and kissed him.
He couldn’t have guessed at this if she’d come wearing a sign announcing her intentions.
It was just too shocking. But he wasn’t one to let a good thing pass him by, either.
He wrapped his arms around her body, held her close, and returned the kiss passionately, thinking how very long it had been since he had shared a kiss with anyone at all, and how previous kisses had always felt trivial by comparison to this one.
Maybe it was the fact that they had waited so long to indulge in it. Maybe that was why it felt like such a miracle to him.
She pulled away, gasping, staring up into his eyes. “I’m sorry,” she managed. “I don’t know what I was thinking—I don’t know why I did that.”
“Daenae apologize to me.” He was conscious of the fact that his voice sounded huskier than it normally did. He sounded as if he was getting over an illness, but he knew that what ailed him had nothing to do with illness at all. It was something else—something deeper.
He closed the distance between them once more and captured her lips with his own.
It would have been his way to kiss her aggressively, to take what he wanted and ask questions later.
And he had never met a lass who was unwilling when the moment arrived.
But this was different. This was Alexandra—prim and proper, gentle until she was riled, and his wife.
He could not risk driving her away. Not when she was finally in his arms.
He parted her lips tenderly and deepened the kiss, and the little moan that escaped her turned him into putty. Hire a tutor? He would have done anything she asked of him. There was nothing in the world he would deny this woman.
Her body bowed into his, soft and pliant. He cursed the fact that she was wearing so many garments, wishing he could have her out of them, knowing that he wouldn’t take this beyond the point of kissing. Not right now. Not until she had given her agreement.
And surely she would agree. Surely she would want more now. After all, it had been she who had asked him about their wedding night and when it was going to take place. And she had been the one to initiate this kiss as well.
He felt as if sparks were going off in his chest when they finally pulled apart.
“Ye should join me tonight,” he murmured, raising a hand to stroke the smooth skin of her cheek.
“Join you. At dinner? I will.” She offered him a small smile. “I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding it.”
“That isnae what I meant. Ye should join me in me chambers. At bedtime.”
He felt her body stiffen in his arms. “You mean—you’re talking about—you’re ready for an heir.”
An heir was the least of it, truth be told. He did want that, but more to the point, he wanted her. He wanted more kisses and fewer garments. He wanted to become intimately acquainted with the fiery lass who was his wife.
“Aye, that’s what I mean,” he said, because it was easier to simply agree than to try to put all the nuance of his thoughts into words. “I wish ye to join me.”
But she stepped backward, away from him, her eyes going wide.
“I can’t,” she said.
“What do ye mean?”
“I—I don’t want a child,” she said, not meeting his eyes. “I don’t want to do that.”
It was, in truth, the last thing he had expected to hear. He hadn’t realized until that moment just how certain he’d been that she was going to agree to what he was asking. Not just agree—she would be eager. That was what he had thought.
She was looking anywhere but at him now. And it occurred to Hector what he was seeing.
She was frightened.
Just like every other young lady in London, who thought him no better than a beast because of his Scottish upbringing or the fact that he’d been born a bastard.
He’d believed it was different with her. But it wasn’t. It never had been.
He should never have asked her to come to his bed. He should have known he would be rejected.
“Very well,” he bit out, turning away from her.
“Hector—”
He held up a hand. “There’s nay more to say on it,” he said. “Ye’ve made yer decision. I’ll not pester ye. I’ll leave ye in peace, since that’s what ye wish—and nay need to join me for dinner either.”
He hurried from the room before she could respond.
He didn’t think he could bear it if she decided to take pity on him, to tell him that she would join him for dinner.
He couldn’t bear that. He would never be able to believe that she was there because she truly wanted to be, and he didn’t want to go along with a charade.
At least she had enjoyed the books. At least there was that.
Though who knew whether she would permit herself to read them now that there was this new strangeness between them.
More likely, she would return to the practice of putting all her energy toward avoiding him.
He felt sick and angry, and he knew that if he were to return to the boxing ring now, no one would be able to land a punch on him.
He would pound anyone who tried to dust.
Nae a very good time to box one’s friends. Best be on me own.
He returned to his study and closed the door, and for the first time in a very long time, he locked it behind him.