Parenting 101
Ashton
Jordy emerges from the bedroom just as the bacon finishes crisping in the pan. Her cheeks are flushed, and a huge smile lights up her face. Something inside me tightens just knowing she’d been talking to Alexander. The conversation had sounded tense, but now she’s smiling as if everything shifted.
What if this is more than just a working relationship?
And if it is, why the hell do I care? I have no reason to feel jealous.
So why the fuck am I?
“God, that smells good,” she says, stepping into the kitchen. “With all you’ve done for me, I should be cooking for you. Is there something I can do to help?”
I nod toward the toaster. “You can push those down, then butter them when they’re done. How do you like your eggs?”
“Any way is fine.” She presses the toaster lever, then turns to face me. “Just make them however you’re making them for yourself.”
I struggle to keep my eyes from lingering on the way her shirt hugs her chest, or the way her tan legs look impossibly long in those tiny shorts beneath her open robe.
“Okay, hard fried it is,” I say, giving her a wink. “Come on, everyone likes their eggs a certain way.”
“How do you like them?” she asks, a playful glint in her eyes.
Touché.
“Why should I tell you when you won’t tell me yours?”
She laughs, her voice light. “This is like a ‘I’ll show you mine if you show me yours’ argument.”
Fuck. The thoughts that line brings up are dangerous. Is she trying to kill me?
“Fine, brat,” I growl, and she grins at the nickname. “I like them different ways, but with bacon, I like them cooked over medium so the yolks are just a little firm but mostly like jelly.”
Her eyes widen. “What a coincidence!” She offers a crooked smile. “That’s exactly how I like them.”
I roll my eyes, cracking the eggs into the pan, now greasy from the bacon.
She finishes the toast, and I plate everything, including a small bowl of chopped up egg, toast, and bacon for Lottie.
I notice again that Jordy takes the seat furthest from Lottie.
It’s not a big deal. I mean, I always sit by my daughter, but it’s like Jordy is avoiding her.
She watches her from a distance though, especially when she thinks I’m not looking.
It’s like she’s fascinated and terrified at the same time.
“So, besides shopping, designing shops, and liking eggs exactly like mine, what else do you do?”
Jordy takes a bite of breakfast, humming with satisfaction.
“This is really good,” she says, wiping her mouth with a napkin.
“I don’t know. Lately there hasn’t been much time for anything else.
When I’m not working, I’m usually researching style trends or posting about designs on social media to gain more clients or interest.” She tilts her head slightly.
“I like reading, if you count opening a book before bed and falling asleep within two pages.”
“I can relate,” I laugh. “I’ve been trying to get through The Martian for three months now. I think I like it, but it’s hard to say when I only get through a chapter a week.”
“So, you basically eat, breathe, and dream design and that’s it? Do you have a favorite color? A place to unwind? A favorite vacation spot?”
“Italy,” she says, then takes another bite. “I lived there for a month two years ago.”
“Wow. I’ve never ventured beyond the West Coast. What did you love most about it?”
“The escape.” She breathes a soft laugh, but there’s something sad in her eyes. I can’t ignore it.
“What were you escaping from?”
She hesitates, her fork halfway to her mouth. I know she’s uncomfortable, but I refuse to back down. “Come on, I’ve pretty much told you my whole story, and you’ve been sitting here like a closed book. You’ve got to give me something here.”
Jordy shoots me a withering look, then rolls her eyes. “A broken engagement,” she mutters.
“Ouch.”
“Not finished.” Her eyebrow quirk. “My fiancé left me for another woman, and not just any other woman.” She pauses, a wince in her expression. “He left me for my cousin.”
I suck in a breath.
“And now, they’re married and have a baby.”
“Wait.” I think back to yesterday. “Is this the same cousin you were talking about? The one who just had a baby?”
“The one and only.”
I let out a long, heavy exhale, shaking my head. “Damn, no wonder you don’t like kids.”
“I never said I didn’t like kids,” she protests, though she rolls her eyes.
“I don’t hate them. It’s just that…” She trails off, leaving the unspoken words hanging.
I don’t press. “At any rate, I spent five years shaping my life around that relationship. I stayed near home when all I really wanted was to travel, to see the world and make a name for myself. After it ended, I packed up what I could and traveled through Europe for three months before finding a place to live in New York.”
“And Italy was your favorite. What was the best part?”
“The food,” she says with a smile, “I’ve spent my whole life eating clean and healthy. My mom’s always been on my case about what I eat, how much I exercise. She wanted me to be an actress. Her dream. I’d be the star she could brag about.”
She takes a sip of coffee, looking at me over the rim, her eyes distant.
“I’m a huge disappointment to her.”
“But how? You’ve managed to make your life what you want, especially after a bad breakup. I’d think she’d be proud of you.”
“You’d think,” she mutters, then laughs bitterly. “You don’t know my mom. Let’s just say nothing is easy with her. I’ll always fall short.”
She nods toward Lottie, who’s busy playing with her food.
“But I get it now. You’ll see. Your daughter’s easy now, but at some point, she’ll have her own ideas and goals.
They won’t align with what you want for her.
You’ll feel like you’ve invested all this time and energy into a path for her, only to watch her reject it all. ”
I can’t speak right away. Her words are too heavy, too honest.
Too wrong.
Finally, I say, “First off, I hope my daughter finds her own path in life.”
Jordy scoffs, shaking her head. “Like her mom did? How proud do you think Bob and Bec are of Sasha for making her own way?”
“That’s not a fair comparison—”
“Isn’t it? I’m sure they had dreams for Sasha. Instead, she robs them blind and takes off, making them sell the store just to keep the farm afloat.”
I know the gravity of what Sasha did. I’ve thought the same things. But something about the way Jordy frames it makes me want to defend her. Even more, I want to argue against Jordy’s skewed sense of parenting.
“Okay, Sasha made mistakes—mistakes that Bob and Bec never would’ve wanted for her.
But they still keep her room ready for her, in case she comes back.
No matter what she’s done, or what happens, they’ll always welcome her home.
That’s what good parents do.” I look at Lottie, who is still playing with her food.
“That’s the kind of parent I want to be for Lottie.
Yes, I have hopes for her, but they aren’t set in stone.
I hope she finds what excites her each day and chases that with everything she’s got.
I hope she fails so that she knows how to pick herself up again.
Most of all, I hope she lives a life of her own making, even if that means rejecting my plans for her.
All I can do is offer her a foundation of love and support, so she knows she’s safe and loved no matter what path she takes. ”
Jordy’s eyes are wide when I finish, and she quickly turns away.
I see it then—she’s crying … or trying not to.
“Hey. What’s happening? What’s on your mind?”
She waves her hand, trying to brush it off. Then she gets up, picking up her plate to clear it. I know it’s her way of escaping.
“Leave it,” I say gently. “Come here.”
She shakes her head, wiping her eyes. But still, she sits back down, pushing her plate away. I reach for her hand, pulling her closer. The intimacy of the moment hits me like a freight train. Her cheek against my chest. My arm around her shoulders. The warmth of her tears soaking into my skin.
And I don’t care if it’s too forward, I just want to comfort her.
I stroke her hair softly. “Tell me what you’re feeling.”
“I’m feeling stupid,” she says with a soft laugh, trying to pull away. But I keep my arm around her, just enough pressure to keep her there, but not too much. She relaxes, leaning into me. “I’d like to think I’ve been a better daughter than Sasha ever was.”
“Fair,” I say, “I don’t doubt that’s true.”
When she pulls away this time, it’s only to wipe at her eyes. She gives me a watery smile, her face still beautiful despite the tear stains.
“I want to tell you that you have no idea what you’re talking about,” she says softly, her voice breaking, her smile fading.
“I want to tell you that she’s too young for you to know how you’ll act when she comes home drunk for the first time, or starts dating a guy you don’t approve of, or when she decides to quit acting and try something else—like designing shops and office buildings. ”
I stay silent, watching her, learning more about Jordy in these few moments than I have in all the time we’ve spent together.
“But I know it’s not true,” she whispers, her sobs becoming more frantic. “I did everything right, and it still wasn’t enough.”
I want to pull her back into my arms and take away the pain, but I let her speak.
“I did the acting classes, even though the other girls were better than me. I starved myself to a size 0, but my mom still pointed out all my body flaws.” Her voice cracks. “And after I—”
She breaks into a sob, and this time I reach for her but she steps back.
“I kept it secret from the rest of the family when I got pregnant,” she says, and my chest clenches.
“My parents knew, and of course, Brayden and his parents. But no one else.” She scoffs.
“I had to keep up appearances, you know?” She looks down at her hands, twisting them in front of her as if they can undo the emotional knot in her chest. “I accepted Brayden’s proposal, even though I barely knew him.
My mom said I’d be a disgrace if I had a baby outside of marriage. ”
She pauses, eyes glassy as she fights to get the words out.
“And when I lost the baby,” she whispers, “I didn’t say a word. I held my head high, pretended everything was fine. But I was falling apart.”
My heart shatters.
“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry.”
Lottie’s fussing pulls my attention away, and I feel torn. Jordy is breaking in front of me, but my daughter needs me. As I pick Lottie up from her highchair, Jordy smiles through her tears.
“Lottie is lucky to have a parent like you,” she says softly. “You know how to put her first.”
And then she walks away.