Ben - Crawling out of my skin
The next week passed in what felt like five minutes. I could tell Maggie was getting socially drained from school as well, so a peaceful silence descended between each class period and during lunch.
Throughout the day, I’d wordlessly hand her water to drink– to which she’d roll her eyes, then comply, and she’d always bring an extra cup of coffee for me back from the break room where she met up with Kelly for five minutes every day after lunch.
We worked well as a team. I tried my best to be a shadow for most of the time, a friend to the kids and her when needed.
I was captured by her teaching, the way she tried to input little life lessons into her art.
“Painting forces you to study the shadows,” she told her AP kids one morning. “And wherever there’s shadow,” her green eyes locked on mine, and it felt like she was speaking directly to me, “there’s light. It shows you that there truly is always light to combat the darkness.”
Her words knocked me off-kilter. They echoed in my head the rest of the day.
By the second Friday, I had my role down well. I knew what needed to be set up between class periods, and I knew what needed to be cleaned at the end of the day. It was actually pretty methodical, almost calming to my brain to be in her classroom.
On the last class of the day before the weekend, Archie wandered up to me with a worried expression lining his features.
He scratched at his curly blond hair. “Umm… Can you help me, Mr. Benny?” he asked in his little raspy voice.
“Help you?” I looked up to find Maggie. Before I could locate her, Archie grabbed my hand to lead me to his table where he sat with his best buddy, the golden-haired Emma who’d had it out for me since the fire drill.
Emma pursed her lips at me in disapproval, reminding me of Dakota Fanning in Uptown Girls .
“Can I sit here?” I asked her, pointing to the small chair.
She huffed out a breath, blowing her bangs up in the process. “Only if you’re nice.”
I gave her a solemn nod and dropped down next to Archie, who was studying his painting with unshed tears building in his eyes. Not sure what he was aiming to paint, but there was a huge blue pool of paint on his canvas.
“That’s a lot of blue, my guy,” I said.
“I know.” Archie dropped his head in his hands. “It’s ruined. It was ‘posed to be for Hunt, but he’s going to hate it.”
“I think it’s wonderful,” Emma said to him with round, sincere eyes.
“Emma’s right. And your brother is going to love it just because you made it for him, I promise.” I patted his head. I didn’t know much about them, but I could tell Hunter was a good brother and his heart was in the right place. “Let’s just dump some of this blue off, eh?”
Archie gave a little nod.
When the bell finally rang, Maggie and I got to cleaning up. I scratched my head as I gathered the water cups to dump them down the sink.
We had about a half hour ‘til the weekly staff meeting started.
The two of us were lost in tidying up when her computer dinged with an email.
A minute later, her eyes widened at whatever she read on her laptop. “Ummm…” She gulped. “The staff meeting is canceled.”
I scratched my head and turned to look at her. “Really? Why?”
She paused for a beat and rolled her lips together, like she was trying to keep a straight face. “Ben…”
“What?” I raked a hand through my hair to get the spot that itched again. “What’s going on?”
She wordlessly turned her computer screen to me so I could read it for myself.
I stalked forward and she quickly scrambled out of her chair and backed away from me, which unsettled the fuck out of me. I thought we’d built enough trust that she wasn’t scared of me.
But as my eyes quickly scanned the email, it made a hell of a lot more sense.
“No.” I could practically feel my face heating up with stress. “This is a joke. You’re pranking me.” I itched my scalp and looked to her for confirmation.
She slapped a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing.
“Maggie. Tell me this is a joke.”
She swallowed hard. Then erupted in giggles.
“Why are you laughing? You probably have it too!” I flung an arm toward her, my other hand was busy itching at my scalp which was now probably infested.
“I’m not itchy, but I spent the last twenty minutes wondering if you didn’t get all of your 3-in-1 shampoo out of your hair this morning.”
“Oh God.” A shudder ran through my entire body. “You’re being for real right now? There’s bugs on me?” I looked at my arms and down my body. “Hatching? On my head? Or everywhere? I’m infested!”
She rolled her lips together again and nodded solemnly.
“Oh God,” I groaned. “I’m gonna throw up.”
“Are you serious?” She laughed. “It’s just a little lice. A big man like you is scared of a teeny tiny lice?”
“I feel… I feel… Disgusting. This is disgusting.” I shook my arms out. “I am repulsed by myself right now, Maggie.” I inspected my hair in the mirror hanging on one of the storage doors. “You need to help me.”
She laughed harder at my desperation.
My eyes widened. “I’m serious. Stop laughing and help me.”
“Oh how the tables turn!” She laughed evilly and rubbed her hands together.
I shook my head at her as I continued to itch. “Come on, how do I fix this? Help me.” I could practically feel the suckers breeding in me. I could handle a lot. I mean, I’d kept my head in numerous life and death situations. And us military guys used to prank each other by putting scorpions or other creepy crawlers in each other’s pockets when we were stationed in a desert. I was never phased by any of that. But this? Lice? There was just something about little bugs breeding on me that made me lose my damn mind. I wanted to shed all the skin and hair off my body to be spared of the gross-ness.
She laughed wryly and went to pat my chest, but pulled her hand back to herself with a cringe and it felt like the biggest betrayal.
I glared at her, making her giggle harder.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll save you, big man,” she said with a cheeky smile as she led the way out of the school.
_________
She was showering with the special shampoo as a precaution while I waited for her to help me, but I really couldn’t take the waiting.
I finally busted into the bathroom, making her yelp.
“Ben! What are you doing?” she asked, poking her head out from behind the shower curtain.
Because my anxiety was spiking so bad, I didn’t really register that she was naked back there, but my body did, and my groin tightened. Fuck.
“I… uh…” I scratched my head. “Is it my turn yet?”
She let out a giggle. “Just give me one more minute and then I will save you in your hour of deep desperation,” she shouted dramatically, then made a shooing motion for me to leave.
The neanderthal part of me wanted to stay right where I was, but I forced my feet to move…
After my shower, she directed me to sit down on a chair she pulled into the bathroom. My sanity was already slipping over the whole lice situation, and then she went and brushed against me, making it clear that she wasn’t wearing a bra under her tiny t-shirt. I think she was trying to kill me.
Now I wasn’t sure if it was the smartest idea to stay locked in her presence. “I thought I just needed to use the shampoo?”
She patted my bare shoulders, forcing me to sit in front of her. “I think you may need a little more work than that.”
She spent the next hour combing through my hair. If I didn’t feel so disgusted, I would’ve actually maybe enjoyed the experience. Because it was different. I felt… cared for.
She kept her gaze on what she was doing to my hair, so I was able to watch her freely without feeling like a creep. I loved the way she looked without makeup. I could see her little freckles, and she looked younger, more relaxed. Maybe I just liked that I was the only one who got to see her like this.
The only problem was that every time she discarded shit off the comb, I lost track of what we were talking about and wanted to crawl out of my skin.
“I never would’ve taken you for such a big baby, Ben.” She patted my shoulder. “I think we’re done.”
“Thank God,” I grumbled out. “You’re sure you got it all.”
She rested her chin on my shoulder and her eyes twinkled as she looked at me in the mirror. The move felt… intimate. She was the first girl in years that didn’t make my body freak out at the prospect of intimacy. Her touching me actually brought a calmness to my body. “Long as you shower one more time with the special stuff, I’m sure you’ll be in the clear.”
“Thank you,” I said sincerely, blowing out a breath of relief.
She just laughed and reached around my waist to give me a hug, like I was the small spoon or some shit. I didn’t hate it.
“You don’t need to thank me. It’s kinda my fault you were in the war zone in the first place. C’mon, shower up. Then we’ll both sit with a solution in our hair for a bit.” She pulled away from me and I did hate that.
“You know this process well,” I noted.
“Yeah,” she drawled. “This unfortunately isn’t new to me.”
A huge dose of sympathy for teachers washed over me.
After my second shower, we both sat on the couch with a bucket of popcorn between us and a romcom of her choosing played in the background while we both wore pink hair bonnets. Yes, pink. Because Maggie insisted they worked the best. I knew she was lying, but I didn’t care because I just wanted the bugs gone.
“What are you–”
“Smile!” Maggie called out happily, aiming her phone in my direction.
I did not smile. “Delete that,” I demanded. “Now.”
“Nope!” She looked way too happy as she studied the picture and giggled to herself.
“Maggie,” I warned.
“Benny,” she copied my tone right back without looking up at me, which tempted me way more than it should’ve.
I stole the opportunity to reach for her phone.
She dodged my reach quickly this time, shocking both of us.
She smiled triumphantly and stood up on the couch to move the phone out of my reach. “Ha! I was ready for you! I beat you!” She was practically jumping on the couch in giddy excitement.
I struggled not to grin as I jabbed the back of her knee and made her go back down on the fluffy couch.
“Ow, Ben!” she complained. “That’s a brother move.”
I fully laughed as I reached across her body to tickle her side. She jolted away from me.
“Give me the phone,” I warned.
“Never.” She tried to scramble away from me, but I easily grabbed her ankle and dragged her back in range to be able to tickle her side.
“Okay! Okay!” She struggled between wheezes. “I surr-rrend-”
“What? Can’t hear you?” I teased as she tried to wriggle away from me.
“Surrender!” she yelled between her breathless cackles.
“You’re still clutching that phone, Jinx,” I warned.
She dropped the phone on the floor.
As she caught her breath, she didn’t make a move to leave my side, and I was fully aware of each spot our bodies touched.
She slowly turned to face me. Her green eyes danced over my face. I couldn’t look away from her freckles, her beautiful smile. And suddenly she was brushing a finger over my left eyebrow.
“What happened here?” she whispered, asking about my scar. Her palm moved to the side of my face.
I’m not sure who inched closer, but suddenly our lips were only inches apart.
My hand splayed across her hip. Her breath hitched. Her eyes darted to my lips.
“Ben,” her voice came out thick, “I–”
Her phone buzzed loudly against the coffee table, startling both of us.
She quickly reached for her phone, and I had to squelch the urge to groan Nooo, what were you going to say, Maggie? Please finish that sentence! But I just dropped my head back on the couch, squeezing my eyes shut. What the hell was I thinking?
I watched her pretty profile as she studied something on her phone with her brow furrowed– like she was upset.
Maybe she was regretting getting that close to me.
Shit .
Coughing to clear my throat, I asked, “Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” she said, tapping away on her phone. She finally gave me a rueful smile. “Just my older brother checking in on me.” She placed her phone back down and grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bucket perched on the stupid coffee table. “God, I hate that I can never win,” she said lightly.
I shot her a questioning look.
“I don’t know, it’s just… We were play fighting, right?” She fixed her pink hairnet and I had to force myself not to stare at the slope of her neck that was just begging to be kissed. I shook my head out to focus on what she was saying. “But sometimes it just reminds me that I’d never win against a guy.”
My eyebrows tugged together as I replayed her words. “That’s not true.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, it is. But whatever.”
It all kind of slammed into me then. I hated the vulnerable look that crossed her face. Hated that she still slept with a light on at night. Hated that she hadn’t worn her hair in a ponytail since her attack. All the things she didn't talk about, but I noticed.
“It doesn’t have to be that way,” I told her.
“It is what it is,” she mumbled, chewing on popcorn.
“No.” I leaned forward. “I don't like that attitude,” I said a little harsher than I intended. “You’re just accepting it?”
She eyed me like I was crazy. “That I’m a woman? Uh, yes.”
I ran my tongue over my teeth. “No, that you’re a weakling.”
Her eyes widened. “Mean!” She reached over to smack my chest, but I gently grabbed her arm.
“It’s not mean, it’s a fact. Look, your whole arm is one size all the way down.”
She tugged her arm away from me and frowned. “Arms come in different shapes and sizes, sir.”
“You make them into different sizes and shapes,” I corrected.
“You’re gonna make me have body image issues,” she countered.
Oh, fuck. I reeled back and shook my head. “I didn’t mean it like that. You’re… you’re… ” My eyebrows tugged together. “You’re perfect, Maggie.”
She burst out laughing.
Feeling heat climb my neck, I ripped the popcorn from her hands. “Was that fun for you?”
“You should’ve seen your face, you totally panicked,” she said with a delighted grin. “Serves you right for calling me a weakling.”
“Whatever,” I grumbled.
“I can’t train right now anyways, I’m injured.” She lifted her cast.
“We can work with that,” I responded a little too eagerly.
She chewed on her lip in uncertainty and eyed my bicep. “Your arms certainly are… shapely.”
I cracked a reluctant grin. “Because I work at it. I’ll give you some training tips. And if you come in the ring with me, I’ll bring Coleson and get some time in for myself, too.”
“Ohhh,” she drawled, rolling her eyes. “So this is all self-serving. Makes more sense. Your grumpy ass needs more endorphins.” She tossed a piece of popcorn at me.
“No,” I said dryly. “That’d just be an added bonus. So, what do you say?”
She hesitated and sucked in that plump bottom lip of hers. “I don’t know, I’d probably just embarrass myself in front of you and then you’d think I’m pathetic.”
“But I already know you’re pathetic,” I joked.
She reached over and pinched my stomach.
“I was kidding, jeez.” I rubbed the spot she pinched, trying to come up with a solution. Because in all honesty, training her was something I really wanted to do. The FBI couldn’t force her to take self-defense, just like they couldn’t force her decision about witness protection, but if she actually wanted to take self-defense…
I schooled myself to calm down and not bombard her about it. I needed to go about this the right way. She hated showing vulnerability, so I had to meet her at her level.
“How about a deal?” I offered.
She twisted her lips to the side as her gaze went back to the movie in front of us.
“I’ll teach you some stuff and you can teach me something,” I offered. “That way we both have to feel pathetic.”
She laughed. “What would I teach you?”
“Painting.”
Her mouth dropped slightly open. “You want to learn to paint?”
I shifted uncomfortably. “Don't make me repeat it.”
Her whole face brightened. “Really? Okay!”
It was that easy? Damn. I swallowed hard. “Okay, well, just know, if you agree to me coaching you, you’re agreeing to my coach mode. I’m not very nice when I coach.”
Her face screwed up in confusion. “You're not…? Just when you coach? What has all this been then?” she asked, making a swirling motion at my face.
“Hey, I’m nice,” I protested.
She rolled her eyes as a smile tugged at her lips.
“I take offense to that. I am nice, you little brat.” I threw popcorn back at her.
Her nose scrunched in an adorable way. “Hate to break it to ya, but brat isn’t a nice word.”
I just grunted. “Gym and gun range starting tomorrow. Be ready, Jinx.”
_________
Later that night, I couldn't seem to settle my brain. I knew the lice treatment probably worked, but I still felt grossed out. I couldn’t take it. All night, I continued to feel my skin crawl, like they were all over me. It was actually mental torture, and I felt bad for the parents of the kids who were infected. Maybe the kids didn’t realize how gross this was? But I was going insane, itching at my entire body.
Around 5am, I contacted Coleson. While I’m sure the other security guys were well-trained, I’d only trust him in this apartment with her.
I had to call the bastard about five times to wake him up.
“What?” he groggily answered.
“Can you come down here?”
“Why? Pete’s on night duty, asshole. Get him.”
“No.”
“Dude–” he started.
“Look, I need to go out for a bit,” I said, cutting him off. “Can you come down here or not? I’m only going if you can come down here.” I rubbed my forehead. My patience was utterly gone. I needed to do something before the last shred of my sanity snapped. “Please.”
“Fine,” he groaned. “Give me five. You owe me.”