I Still Don’t Fucking Know Where I Am #2
I try again, slower. Nothing. Solid. Sealed tight.
Locked.
My pulse spikes. I fumble for the catch, nails scraping softly against the metal, when—
Footsteps.
Heavy ones.
They hit the hallway with unmistakable weight, not careful, not quiet. Alpha strides. Voices rumble over each other, words twisted and indistinct but close enough that I can feel them vibrating through the floor.
Too close.
I spin, panic flaring hot and blinding as my gaze sweeps wildly around the room. Closet. Bathroom. Bed. Hiding spots that feel laughably obvious. After all, any alpha with a half-decent nose would scent me in seconds.
There’s nowhere to hide.
My chest tightens. No time. No choices.
I bolt for the bed.
The covers are still warm as I scramble back under them, heart pounding so hard I’m sure the whole house can hear it. I yank the blanket up to my chin. I turn my face toward the pillow, squeeze my eyes shut, force my breathing to slow.
In. Out. Quiet. Be still.
I can’t believe I’m doing this again.
Footsteps stop right outside the door. Voices lower. The handle rattles.
The door opens and the overhead light clicks on.
I hear more than one set of feet crossing the threshold. The mattress dips slightly, then steadies, like someone’s sitting at the foot of the bed. I keep my face slack, breathing shallow and even, eyelashes resting against my cheeks.
Warren’s voice cuts through the silence first. “She’s barely been awake since we got her,” he says, his voice tight around the edges. “I’m worried they dosed her way too heavy.”
A pause, then softer footsteps as someone stops right next to my side.
“What exactly did they give her?” a beta asks. His voice is calm and professional, the kind that doesn’t rush or soften things. A doctor, I assume. Another one…
My stomach knots.
Warren exhales. “I don’t know exactly. They didn’t tell us.”
Another voice joins in. Gray’s. “All they said was that they gave her a sedative.” His voice is rough with sleep. “And a heat-suppressant,” he adds. “They said it would last a few days at most.”
A few days.
The words land like a weight on my chest.
The doctor hums under his breath, thoughtfully. I feel a faint brush of air near my wrist, then two fingers press.
“She’s breathing steadily,” the doctor says. “Heart rate’s elevated, but that could be residual fear or the suppressants interacting.”
Fear.
If only he knew.
Warren’s voice drops even lower. “Is she in danger?”
Another pause. Too long.
“Not immediately,” the doctor says at last. “But I don’t like unknown dosages. Especially mixed.”
I swallow reflexively, then freeze, praying no one noticed.
The room goes very still.
Then Warren sighs, slow and controlled. “Do what you need to. But—be careful with her.”
“We can do a simple blood test,” the doctor says. “It’ll tell us exactly what’s in her system and how much.” He clears his throat, and I hear the pull of a zipper. “I’d also like to give her something to accelerate her heat. The sooner Cass can bond with her, the faster he’ll heal.”
Silence drops like a stone.
Then Warren speaks, voice steady but sharp at the edges. “Isn’t that dangerous? Giving her more drugs? Especially with a suppressant already in her system?”
“It’s designed to override a suppressant, not fight it,” the doctor says like it’s no big deal. “It’s an all-natural boost to the hormones her body already produces. It won’t counteract anything or put her at risk. It’s completely safe.”
Another soft rustle of movement. Latex gloves snap on, something being prepared, but before I can brace myself, fingers touch my arm.
I almost flinch.
A hand, gentle and efficient, slides under the sleeve of the oversized shirt, baring my skin. Something cool and elastic tightens around my upper arm, snug and unyielding. A tourniquet.
My heart slams so hard I’m sure they have to feel it.
And suddenly I’m not here anymore. I’m back at the black market. Bright lights. Cold hands. That beta’s voice is too close to my ear. Zack.
The memory hits me like a physical blow. The rough fabric of the sheet dragged down my chest, the shocking cold air on my skin. His fingers, groping my breasts, squeezing hard. I can feel his face hovering over me, his chapped lips pressing against mine in a wet, unwanted kiss.
I can’t breathe.
The pressure on my arm feels like restraint. Like I’m being held down. Like—
No!
Panic erupts in my chest, hot and blinding. I can’t pretend anymore. I can’t stay still! I kick out on pure instinct, legs lashing free of the covers.
My foot connects with something solid.
Someone’s chest.
There’s a sharp oof as the air is driven out of him, followed by startled shouts.
“Shit—!”
“Tansy!”
Hands jerk away from me. The tourniquet snaps loose. I scramble backward, heart hammering, eyes flying open as I suck in a ragged breath.
The room spins. There are too many people, too close. Alphas everywhere. The beta doctor staggers back a step, one hand pressed against his chest, shock written all over his face. He swallows hard, panting hard like he’s struggling to catch his breath.
I curl in on myself, knees drawn up, eyes wild as my gaze skids across the room, cataloging every person in the room.
A young beta with dark, wavy hair is closer than the others, hovering near the wall, eyes wide with shock.
The unconscious alpha next to me hasn't moved. Good.
Warren stands near the foot of the bed, hands up, posture careful, like he’s approaching a skittish animal. His eyes are sharp with worry, and he’s shirtless.
The sight hits me hard.
Lean muscle, clean lines, and a head full of messy, blond hair. He looks nothing like the careful, put-together man in the suit at the black market.
He looks….good.
Seeing him bare and powerful and undeniably alpha, makes my whole body thrum.
Heat sparks under my skin, unwanted and impossible to ignore. My instincts surge toward him so fast I almost choke on it.
The urge to cry with frustration grips me, tight and humiliating. I don’t want this. I don’t want any of this.
“Tansy,” Gray’s deep voice slips through me from the door. He’s huge. Broad-shouldered. Filling the doorway like he was built to guard it. He hasn’t moved an inch, but his attention is locked on me. Protective in a way that makes something in my chest ache, even as fear claws up my spine.
They’re both watching me.
And my body is betraying me in real time.
Out of the corner of my eye, an older beta takes a single step toward me, and every nerve in my body lights up.
“Don’t touch me,” I rasp, voice shaking despite my best effort. I can only assume he’s the doctor, but I’m done being touched. “Stay back!”
Gray growls. Deep and vicious. It rips through the room like a warning shot, thick with possession and threat. My whole body locks up at the sound, but it isn’t aimed at me.
The beta goes pale as he freezes mid-step, throat bobbing as he swallows hard. His hands come up slowly, palms out, like he’s facing a loaded weapon instead of a man. The alpha’s growl doesn’t stop. It deepens, vibrating through the floor, through my bones.
“Oh-okay,” the doctor says, voice tight now, fear bleeding through the professional calm. He takes a careful step back. Then another. “I’m—I’m stepping away. No one’s touching her.”
Gray doesn’t move. He doesn’t blink. The growl lingers, a living thing, until the doctor is a safe distance away—until the threat is gone.
Only then does it fade.
The room exhales all at once.
“Tansy,” Warren says softly. “It’s okay. There’s no need to—”
I don’t hear the rest of it.
Something in me snaps, instinct ripping the reins out of my hands. I can’t stay still. My body lunges across the bed, scrambling for the edge, for the door, nails digging into the blankets as I try to haul myself free.
And I almost make it.
But then arms close around me.
They come from behind, wrapping fast around my waist and ribs, pulling me against a solid, blazing hot chest. It’s not a rough hold, but there’s no room to twist, no space to bolt. My feet kick uselessly against the mattress as panic spikes sharp and wild.
“No—!” I gasp, breath tearing out of me.
The hold tightens just enough to stop my momentum, but not enough to hurt. Then a hand spreads between my shoulder blades, grounding, anchoring before sliding up into my hair. Firm fingers curl at the nape of my neck, holding me still.
Then a rough, broken purr floods the room.
It vibrates straight through me, low and constant, like a heartbeat pressed against my spine. My body betrays me instantly, muscles going slack even as my mind screams. My breathing stutters, then slows, dragged into rhythm with his.
I hate it.
I hate how my limbs stop shaking. Hate how the room sharpens instead of spinning. Hate how the chaos inside me dulls at the edges despite every furious thought telling me to fight harder.
The young beta steps forward, his dark hair falling into wide, disbelieving eyes. His face crumples as he looks at the bed, at me, at the alpha behind me. Tears shine, unshed, as if he can’t quite wrap his head around what he’s seeing.
“Oh my god,” he whispers, voice breaking. “You’re awake.”
But before the beta can take another step, Warren moves, holding an arm out, blocking him from getting too close to the bed. “Beck. Don’t,” he says quietly. Not unkind. Firm. “Give Cass space.”
Beck nods stiffly, wiping at his eyes, but he doesn’t look away.
My heart stutters as I stay pressed against him, trapped between fear and the traitorous calm his instincts keep forcing into me.
Cass.
That must be the unconscious alpha…the alpha that’s holding me.
And the way Warren and Grason look at him tells me everything. It’s not fear. Not exactly.
It’s the kind of rigid, controlled alertness alphas only show around someone who outranks them.
Cass is their pack alpha.
“Easy,” Cass rumbles right in my ear. His words are quiet and muddled, clearly struggling to talk through his fever.
“It’s…” He sucks in a labored breath. “It’s okay…
” Then his grip doubles, maneuvering me so that my side is tucked against his chest. I could look up at his face if I wanted to, but I can’t face another strange alpha.
So I keep my head down as he begins to purr.
A shiver rushes through me, the tension in my gut falling away, replaced by complete defeat.
I never wanted a pack or to be claimed, but I don’t have a choice.
I’m all alone, trapped in a house full of alphas who already think I’m theirs.