Garrison
We totally kicked ass tonight, and the entire team is on a high. I probably won’t have anything else to compare it to when I look back at high-school football. God knows my dad’s memories from high school still live in his mind.
And I don’t find that sad or pathetic, like I’ve heard Bates say. I think it’s kind of cool that we have this time where we’re the gods of the school. Where I know I’ll go to school on Monday, and people will be remembering us scoring tonight against the other team.
That we made the entire town happy with this win.
I rode with Oakley tonight, planning to stay here anyway. When I slam the door on his old rusty truck, he scolds me for not being gentle with his baby. “Your baby is old as fuck,” I tease, knowing it’ll rile him up.
“Fuck. You.” He shoves my shoulder, and I laugh as he grabs a pack of beer and heads for the bonfire. I start to follow him but then see Chloe Howe sitting all by herself on a tailgate, and I veer that way.
“Chloe? You okay?” She looks up at me, tears streaming down her face and her mascara running, and I have a sinking feeling instantly.
“Oh my God. Go away.” She sniffs, wiping at her eyes. “You are about the last person I want to talk to.”
“Whoa. What the hell did I do?” Seriously, is it Hate on Dixon Year or what?
She sniffs again, unable to stop her tears, and I move closer, worried about her. “You’re just like him.”
“Like who?” I move closer still.
“Zachary,” she sobs, and then she looks behind me, her small shoulders dropping. “Oh my God. Why are you here now?”
I look over my shoulder, surprised to see Bates standing behind me.
He looks freshly showered after the game, dressed in a hoodie and jeans.
His eyes are focused intently on Chloe. “Why are you mad at me? I was only coming over to see if this jackass upset you.” His usual bite isn’t in his tone though.
“It’s guys like you both. Jocks. Football players,” she says with disdain. “Assholes.”
“Hey now,” we both say in unison.
She only rolls her eyes. “I gave that bastard everything, including my virginity, and now he’s done with me. Probably on to the next girl.”
“I’m sorry, Chloe,” I say honestly.
“No, you aren’t. He’s your teammate. I’m sure you’ve heard all about it in the locker room.” She shakes her head, crying harder. “All the details of our times together. You probably even know my bra size.”
I cringe because yeah, guys talk, but I rarely pay attention to that stuff, and I haven’t heard Zach talking about Chloe. He’s a year younger and pretty damn quiet. “No. I haven’t.”
“I haven’t either,” Bates says.
She doesn’t look like she’s buying it, though, as she wipes her face with her hoodie sleeve. “Bullshit. You’re all the same. You think you can treat girls however the hell you want.” She jumps off the tailgate and pokes Bates in the chest. “Just like you did to Becky.”
“What?” Bates looks horrified, and I have to laugh because she’s not exactly wrong. “I didn’t do anything to Becky. We dated for a year, and then we broke up.”
“Right. You broke up with her when you were done with her,” Chloe says, spitting fire and poking him again.
“That’s not what happened.”
I almost feel bad for him because he looks so upset by that, but that’s definitely what it seemed like. Becky was in love with him. But I also know it wasn’t his fault.
He can’t help that he’s not attracted to women. Still, I can’t help the small jab. “Come on, man. That girl still pines for you.”
“That’s bullshit, Dixon.” His eyes meet mine, and I shrink back instantly because he looks genuine as fuck. He turns back to Chloe. “I didn’t mean to hurt her. We dated, and I cared about her, but we wanted different things.”
“Whatever.” She brushes by him. “If you see Zachary, tell him to go to hell for me.”
She’s gone before either of us can respond, and then Bates is in my space, anger on his face, and goddammit, I thought we were getting past this. “I didn’t hurt Becky.”
“You may not have meant to, but you did. She loves you.” Everyone knows that. People still talk about it around town. Like, old people talk about it. The way she looks at him is kind of legend.
He shakes his head, looking dazed. “No. That’s not what happened. I wasn’t trying to hurt her. We just want different things.”
I place a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. “It’s not your fault you aren’t into girls.”
He pushes my hand away, annoyance on his face. “What?”
Oh yeah, right. Denial. “I told you, you can talk to me if you want to.”
“It’s not—” He sounds annoyed but also flabbergasted. “It’s not that. I was into Becky. I dated her for a while, for Christ’s sake.”
I shrug my shoulders, leaning on the tailgate Chloe just left. “I know that, and I’m sure you cared about her. But you can’t force attraction.”
If possible, he looks even more frustrated with me. “No, you can’t, but I was attracted to her.”
I roll my eyes, kind of annoyed with him too. Why deny it? What’s the point? He knows I saw him. “Bates, it’s really okay.”
“Listen.” He leans on the tailgate next to me, and I’m surprised he didn’t just leave. “I’m not denying my attraction to guys.” His voice is deadly low, and I start to argue—to say that he’s denying that by saying he was into Becky—but then he continues, “But I’m also attracted to women.”
“Wait. What?” I turn my head to look at him.
“I’m bisexual, okay?”
I don’t know why, but I didn’t see that coming. I thought when I saw him with Travis that he was gay for sure. “That’s a real thing?” I ask.
“Jesus Christ.” He pushes off the tailgate to leave, but I catch his arm in my hand, feeling the muscle tense.
“Don’t go. I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to be an asshole. I was really asking. I . . .”
He pulls out of my hold, but he turns back to face me. “Yes. Bisexuality is a real thing.”
“I’m sorry,” I say again, gripping the back of my neck nervously. “I, uh . . .” Shit. “I thought it was kind of a myth. Like, you’re really attracted to guys but somehow convince yourself you like girls.”
“No.” He looks me over, and then his features soften slightly as he sighs, shaking his head. “You really thought that, didn’t you?”
I cross my arms, annoyed now too. “We’ve established I’m a dumbass jock, and it’s not my fault there isn’t a lot of information around here.”
“There’s the internet. You know, that kind of allows you to get out of the Kensley mind frame.”
“Okay. Fine. I guess I should do my research. I just didn’t know.”
“Well, now you do. It’s very valid.” He leans back against the tailgate. “I like men and women. Not all men and women either. But I’ve been attracted to both.”
I kind of feel stupid now. “I didn’t know.”
He shrugs. “I liked Becky a lot. I wasn’t trying to hurt her. She just wanted all my time, and I wanted space. I don’t know.” He looks distraught, and I feel bad for him again.
“She’ll get over it. How many people stay with their high-school sweetheart?”
“Yeah.” He sounds like he feels guilty. Then he perks up, looking back toward the party. “Travis is here.” I don’t know why I’m annoyed at how happy he looks. The smile on his face is something I’ve rarely seen.
“I thought he was avoiding you,” I say, hating the bite in my own tone.
He nudges my shoulder with his and stands up straight again. “Yeah, I kind of owe you for that one. I went and talked to him. We’re good. See you around.”
Before I can say anything else, he takes off, and I have an empty feeling in my chest as I rub at it with my hand.
I hate that feeling, and I don’t know how to make it go away.