Jameson
Ican’t believe I kissed him.
And I really can’t believe he kissed me. I mean, what the fuck?
He’s gay. Garrison Dixon is gay. It all kind of oddly makes sense now. His curiosity about Travis but also just everything in general. It’s not easy being gay or bisexual or anything other than straight in this town.
But he kissed me.
Because he just wanted to kiss a guy? Or because he feels something? I’m not sure. I’m willing to bet it’s lack of experience. And my proximity.
But there’s no denying the kiss was hot. At least, until I heard my dad’s voice. That deep timbre coming from outside was like throwing a bucket of ice water all over me.
And I didn’t have a chance to ask him any more details or anything else before I got back to work and he headed home for breakfast.
I close my locker door and nearly jump out of my skin when I hear a deep voice near my ear. “I can’t stop thinking about that kiss.”
My heart beats rapidly as I turn around, shoving Dixon backward. “What the fuck are you doing?”
He chuckles, unbothered, pushing his hand through his shaggy blond hair, looking way too relaxed. What the hell is he thinking? Getting that close to me at school. Where anyone could see us.
I kind of understand why Travis didn’t want to be near me after our kiss.
It’s like everyone can see it on us or something, like we’re wearing that kiss.
My skin feels too hot, thinking about Dixon’s lips on mine.
I shouldn’t be thinking about that. I’m conflicted as hell.
On the one hand, he’s hot. That kiss was hot.
There’s no denying that. But on the other hand, Dixon has been driving me crazy since kindergarten with his blasé attitude, like nothing can touch him.
Which is exactly the way he’s acting right now.
“Relax.”
I adjust my backpack on my shoulder, fidgeting because I’m anything but relaxed. “No. And don’t get that fucking close to me.”
“Jameson, calm down, okay? No one is paying attention to us.”
My eyes dart around the crowded hallway, not seeing any eyes directly on us but knowing that doesn’t really mean anything.
I don’t feel any safer, and I kind of hate myself for that.
I thought I was brave, but I don’t want anyone to know I’m into guys.
I know it’s not safe, that no one will look at me the same in this town again.
That I could be tormented.
Travis wasn’t wrong about that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a gay couple in town, let alone at school. It wouldn’t be accepted here, and I know it. But Dixon is kind of a loud idiot, and I’m not so sure he understands that.
Though, he’s kept the fact he’s gay a secret, so perhaps he isn’t so clueless after all.
“Okay, so can I see you again?”
See me? Like it was a date or something? Jesus Christ. “You see me right now.”
His mouth kicks up into an even more obnoxious grin now. “I want to see a hell of a lot more of you.”
Shit. There’s that hot feeling again creeping all over me. A blush creeps up my neck that I hope he doesn’t notice. When mischief spreads over his face and his eyes sparkle with it, I know he does. “No.”
“Why not?” he pouts, and dammit, it’s adorable.
Fuck. No. Dixon is not adorable. He’s annoying. Brash. Way too carefree.
“Because we are not a thing.” I keep my voice low and my eyes intensely focused on him, trying to convey how serious I am.
With that, he just shrugs. “Yeah, I know.”
“What?” I cock my head to the side, wondering if maybe he’s taken too many hits to the head because I don’t think he gets what I’m saying, and I certainly don’t understand him at all.
“We aren’t friends. You said that yourself. And I know you’re not in love with me.” He sweeps his hand through his hair, and dammit, I track the motion with hungry eyes because his biceps flex when he does it, and there’s this insane vein down the middle I want to lick.
Stupid. Stupid thoughts.
“Definitely not.”
“Exactly,” he says entirely too easily. “So, this can be fun. You and me. No one will suspect anything because you can barely stand me,”—he points at my face—“like you’re looking at me right now. They just think I’m pestering you.”
“You are,” I deadpan, and he laughs easily, dropping his hand down.
“Exactly. So when should I come over?”
I stare at him. I think my jaw might be hitting the floor.
“Never. We can’t do this.” My voice is almost a whisper as my eyes glance around the halls again, paranoia hitting me hard as I hope such a long conversation between us isn’t already drawing attention.
Usually, any interactions between us consists of him saying something stupid, me telling him to fuck off, and him finally fucking off.
This is going on way too long, and I need to end it before any chatter starts.
“Dixon, go to class. Forget about whatever is going through your head.”
He leans in closer, his breath minty, and I hate that my eyes linger on his lips for far too long before I take a step back, and he shakes his head at me. “No strings, Bates. No risk of feelings or anyone getting hurt. Just a little fun.”
I gape at him. And to my horror, I find my head nodding yes, instead of shaking it in a no before I catch what I’m doing. I quickly remedy that, shaking my head from side to side. “No. We can’t. It’s too dangerous.”
“It’s not.” He seems so sure, standing tall and unmoving in the hallway. “It’ll be fun. When should I come over?”
“I have practice after school,” I say dumbly, and he smiles at me, so sweet and sure that my heart speeds up.
“Me too.”
I lick my lips, which are suddenly dry, and try to force myself to take a deep breath.
“Then chores. And dinner.” He nods as I rattle off the things I have to do every damn day.
It’s always practice. Then chores. Then dinner with the family.
Then more chores. “Then lock up the animals and then homework.”
“So, late then?”
“Dixon . . .” I start but I’m tired of arguing. It’s too damn tempting. He’s too damn tempting, and I hate it. Except I don’t.
“Just say yes, Bates. I’ll meet you at ten in the barn.”
I don’t verbalize my answer because that makes it too real. So instead, I just give a quick nod and then rush off before I can see the smug grin on his stupidly handsome face.
I can’t believe I just did that.
But the anticipation might kill me because I want it so damn badly, I can barely stand it.