Jameson
“I’m proud of you, son.” My dad’s hand lands on my shoulder, and he beams with pride to prove his words.
We sat down and told my mom and the rest of my brothers that I’m in a relationship with Garrison, and none of them were awful about it. My younger brothers were curious, but my mom just hugged me and said she wants to have him over for dinner soon.
Garrison, of course, is all for it. His parents have said the same about me, wanting to meet me officially as his boyfriend. They’re coming around, and while it’s kind of gross that anyone has to get used to it, I’m grateful they aren’t being total dickheads.
I never saw this coming from my dad, but maybe the world is getting better. Maybe the acceptance from bigger cities is starting to trickle down to the smaller towns.
I’m not totally naive though. I know there will still be plenty of ignorance here, in this small town, but it feels a little less hopeless now.
My dad is happy as long as I’m going to take over the family farm, but as I stand here and watch them pour the cement for the foundation of the house we’re building, my heart is with Dixon in Hayes.
In that little house he’s renting while working landscaping there. Where I could be going to work with him every day and coming home to him.
“I can’t do this.”
“What?” My dad turns to me, startled. Adam, who’s standing on Dad’s other side, shoots a glare at me, shaking his head.
But I don’t care. “I can’t build a house here, Dad. I can’t. I’m in love with Dixon, and I want to move in with him.”
My dad takes a deep breath, his large barrel chest filling with air before he releases it. “Okay. He can live here too.”
Shit. I didn’t see that coming. I mean, we talked about moving my future fictional husband into the house with me, but not my boyfriend.
“Um . . .” I grip the back of my neck, hating the disappointment I know is coming, but I can’t do this.
“Dad, I don’t want to be a farmer. That’s what I was trying to tell you.
I don’t want the wife and kids thing because I’m in love with Dixon.
And I’m pretty sure this is it for me—forever.
And maybe he’ll want kids, I don’t know.
So yeah, maybe I want kids and a husband thing, but—”
“Breathe, son,” my dad interrupts, and I take his advice, pulling air into my lungs.
Adam watches me carefully, one brow pulled up in annoyed amusement. And yeah, I’m rambling like an idiot.
I look my dad directly in the eyes. “I don’t want to be a farmer. I don’t want to build a house out here and deal with the headaches of the farm. And I know that sounds selfish,”—I eye my brother, who’s frowning now, and turn back to my dad—”but I need to live my own life.”
My dad seems deep in thought, and I feel like I’m going to be sick. “So, what will you do instead?”
The question throws me off for a second because it’s always been farming. He’s never allowed me to consider any other option, but it seems like he is now. “Landscaping. At least for now. Dixon is renting a house in Hayes, and I have a full-time job offer there. I want to take it.”
My dad’s lips form a firm line that’s as unwavering as the rest of his face. I can’t read his thoughts. “You’ll never want any of this?” His hand sweeps out, indicating the land surrounding us.
I shake my head. “I don’t think so. I mean, if you really need help, I’ll be here. I’ll always be here, but it’s not my life.”
He nods, dropping his hand to his side, his lips still pursed.
“You need to live your own life.” His eyes meet mine, and I swear I see wetness in them.
“I didn’t mean to put this on you boys. I just .
. .” He pauses and clears his throat. “It was all I wanted when I grew up—to take over this farm. My dad made me work for it. I had to buy it from him, which I respected. But I didn’t want you boys to think it wasn’t yours. To me, it was always yours.”
I begin to see my dad in a completely new light. I know his father and he had a difficult relationship before he died. I never really knew why, but my grandfather was a stern man. I always thought he forced my dad to be a farmer, but now, I think maybe he held it out of my dad’s reach for too long.
“I’m proud of this farm and who you are, Dad. I just need to find out who I am too. Without it.”
He nods at that, then places one arm around my shoulder and his other around Adam’s. “Okay. Well, it’s here for you, when or if you want it. Okay?”
I nod my head, emotions bubbling up in my throat. “And you’re still okay with Dixon and me?” I don’t know why I need his approval. I shouldn’t. But I still wait for his answer, holding my breath.
“I told you I was. I was an idiot when I first found out. I’m sorry. I’ll never forget the thoughtless things I said that day.”
“You were surprised,” I say, probably letting him off the hook a little too easily, but I can feel his remorse.
“I was.” He hugs us both tighter to him and then releases us. “My dad was tough. There was no room for error or anything deviating from what he thought, but I want to be better than he was. I love you boys and your mama more than anything. Nothing else matters to me.”
I smile, thinking about how whole I felt with Dixon yesterday. But now, my heart feels mended together with Dixon’s love and my dad’s acceptance, and most of all, with my determination to voice and fight for what’s right for me. It’s an odd feeling.
It’s a great feeling.
“So, you’re moving to Hayes?” Adam asks.
I nod, looking out at the land I grew up on. The land I thought would be my only destiny. “I am. With Dixon.”
He nods slowly at that and then sighs deeply, not offering me a smile because Adam rarely does that. “Zach and I can help you move, if you want. We’re free this weekend.”
I grin. “I’ll take you up on that.”
My dad is, honest to God, smiling again, and the relief I feel now—the completeness—is unmatchable in any feeling.
I’ve spent so many years guarding my truth, just going along and deciding that was what was best.
But I was wrong. Now that I’ve let my walls down a little, life has really started.