Zach
Iflop down on my bed, dirty and sweaty and not giving a flying fuck. “I’m dead.”
I hear Adam’s laugh, but I don’t look at him. I can’t be bothered right now. Coach ran our asses ragged today and it’s hot as hell outside. I mean, he’d never put us in danger or anything. He made sure we drank plenty of water and took breaks, but he didn’t let up.
Doesn’t help that he has a new assistant coach—a Big Bend Bear—that he doesn’t seem to thrilled about. So he took out his rage of being stuck with our enemy on us and man is my body weeping right now.
Doesn’t help that I’m still slightly hungover.
“You’re fine.” Adam says and I swear he barely broke a sweat today at practice. The guy just has a natural talent out on the field. There’s nothing like it. The harder Coach pushes, Adam pushes back even harder and makes it look easy. Always has.
I finally look over at him where he’s sitting on the chair by my desk. His hair is damp from sweat and the water he poured on it after practice, but he doesn’t look as wrecked as I feel.
We skipped the showers to get back to my place before my mom had to leave for her shift at the diner, but I don’t know how I’m going to be useful to my sisters at all this evening.
“We have school tomorrow.”
I groan and toss my arm over my eyes, “Don’t remind me.”
He chuckles again, “You like school.”
“I want to sleep for a year first. Then maybe go to school.”
Again. Another laugh. It’s a quiet deep rumble I’ve become addicted to over the years I can’t help dropping my arm and sneaking another glance at my gorgeous best friend.
I wish I didn’t think of him that way, but I can’t seem to stop torturing myself. “I need to get home for chores and dinner.”
He stands up, stretching and showing off a sliver of tanned, tone skin of his abdomen. I sit up, dragging my eyes away from his skin, “I’ll go with you.”
He looks like he’s going to argue with me, but it’s cut off by a loud crash and then my youngest sister’s scream. We’re both out of my room fast and in the living room where I see a vase has fallen off the side table where Elliot is currently sitting on the couch.
My sister is cowering behind a chair and looking at him terrified.
“What happened?”
Elliot takes a drink from the beer can I now see in his hand. “I told her to go to her goddamn room. She’s running around here like a little maniac. Knocked over your mother’s flowers.”
I grit my teeth. The fucker picked the neighbors flowers and brought them to my mom yesterday. She was so happy. Mrs. Henderson was pissed off about her missing hydrangeas. “She’s eight.”
“She’s a goddamn menace.” He says, taking another swig of beer, staring at my little sister who is still crouching behind the arm chair. “Clean it up.”
My hands fist at my sides and when I look down I see that Adam’s are doing the same thing. “I’ll get it.” I say, looking at Mary when I say it, telling her to stay there with my eyes. She doesn’t move and I hate how terrified she looks.
God damn it, I have to get her and Anna out of here. I’m eighteen. I could leave today if I wanted to—and god do I—but I can’t leave them.
Adam grabs the trashcan from the kitchen and we pick up the broken glass and throw it away with the flowers as Elliot remains planted on the couch drinking his beer.
“Uh, I guess I should stay.” I say, looking helplessly at Adam. What I wouldn’t give to go to his house with him and do some chores, despite my body being worn out from the day.
He looks over at Mary, just as Anna comes into the living room from the girls’ room to check out what’s happening. Adam’s eyes meet mine again, “How about you guys come with me. Mom always makes way too much for dinner.”
His eyes are pleading with me. I know he doesn’t want to leave us here, but does it really matter? We’ll end up here later anyway. Mary is only eight. She still has ten years left of this hell.
But when I look over at Mary’s hopeful eyes, I know I can’t deny her this. Not tonight. I just nod.
We don’t bother saying anything to Elliot as we go to Adam’s truck. We pile in and he drives us out to our place while Mary and Anna complain about being trapped between stinky boys.
Mary is giggling by the time we make it out to the Bates’ farm, so I’ll fucking take it. I want to lecture her about running wild around Elliot and how dangerous it can be, but I’m tired of telling her that. She’s eight. She should be carefree. She should be able to have fun.
We hop out of the trunk and are greeted by Adam’s mom who seems thrilled that we brought the girls over. They love her too. If they had their way, we’d live here, but it hurts too much to think about something so out of reach.
Mrs. Bates has her own family. Adam and his brothers are a handful. But seeing her wrap her arms around both of my sisters and then wave them inside to help her makes me long for the days when our mother was like that.
She was happy once.
But then it all disappeared—went with my father when we buried him in the ground—leaving her a sad shell of herself.
“You okay?” Adam slaps a hand on my shoulder as I stare at his front door, my feet stuck in the gravel drive, not moving.
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
“You know you can talk about it with me right?” That’s the thing about Adam. He doesn’t like to talk. He’d much rather, not. But with me, he will try.
I don’t say anything though because what’s there to say? We don’t have any other family we can go to. It’s just my mom. And he hasn’t really done anything all that bad—yet. He’s an asshole. He’s knocked me around a couple of times, but I give it right back.
The girls—as far as I know—he hasn’t laid a hand on them. And if he does, he’s a dead man. But I can’t always be there.
And his drinking is only getting worse along with his bitterness of being saddled with three kids he didn’t want.
“You have to get out of there.”
I don’t chance a look at Adam because I know what I’ll see. A sense of justice and determination. He grew up in a solid home. He doesn’t get it. He can’t. He thinks there’s a black and white—right and wrong in this world that I just don’t believe in.
“I can’t leave them.”
“I know maybe the girls could…” He falters because he must realize the only other place for the girls would be foster care. Something I’m all too aware of and I’ll die before I let it happen.
Elliot—the known evil—or the unknown evil I know lurks out there in the world? It’s a tough choice, but at least with Elliot I can keep them safe. I can check on them every night.
I give him a look. Hoping like hell he’ll drop it and thankfully he does. Even though I hate seeing his shoulders drop in defeat. “If it gets too bad…” His voice is a broken whisper, “Promise me you’ll tell me.”
I nod, but can’t stand to look him in the eyes because I don’t want to lie to him. He lets it slide and then lets me have the first shower, borrowing his clothes before he showers and then we go out to do chores—getting dirty all over again.
But it’s worth it to finally get to help out the family that’s taken care of me all these years.
We shower and get dressed again before heading down to the most delicious dinner of fried chicken and mashed potatoes before Adam’s mom helps the girls with thier homework and braids their hair while we all gather in the living room of their home.
My sisters are full and relaxed by the time Adam drops us back off at our house. Adam’s eyes show all the concern I know he’s feeling but I tell him I’ll see him tomorrow before he can get any words out.
We go inside and I see that my mom isn’t home yet, the house dark and Elliot is passed out on the couch in front of the television.
I roll my eyes and walk the girls to their room, instructing them to go to bed because we all have school tomorrow and then go to my own room, flopping back down on the bed.
As my eyes fall closed and I breathe slowly, trying to let go of today, my last thought is about Adam Bates.
My best friend. The best guy I know.
And by far the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen.
I allow myself these thoughts at night right before I drift off.
I know nothing can ever happen between us. I know that he’d likely be horrified that I catalogue every single part of his handsome face and toned muscles as I fall asleep at night.
But this one guilty pleasure is all I get.