21. Back In It Jax
T abby charged ahead with Rob and Annie at the front. Megan, Ethan and I made the other bookend far behind everyone else. Gavin, Memo, and Cordelia made up the center, spreading out so far, I could barely see Tabby anymore. We might as well have been three separate tour groups.
Why did I even agree to come? Moving forward with Megan wasn’t a bad idea, but bringing her to a place where I wanted Tabby’s attention only meant I was too distracted to give any to her. She hung off my arm, but it felt like nothing. I had no butterflies or secret plans for Megan. She might as well have been my sister for all that I wanted to turn on the charm. If meaningless sex with Ethan taught me anything, it was what meaningless really felt like. It proved my unsettled stirring for Tabby was something I couldn’t ignore.
Still, I tried to enjoy the atmosphere, the weather, and the chance to find something about the city that wasn’t work or the game shop. The date on the calendar marked an anniversary for me that I didn’t want to acknowledge; I had every intent to snooze the day away and invite Megan for drinks later, but a sun-filled date to the zoo? That was right up my alley. I jumped at the opportunity.
The chance to see Tabby had nothing to do with my eager acceptance to go. Nothing at all. Except everything.
“Jax?” Megan asked with a grind in her tone, like she’d already said it three times. “Yoo-hoo, are you in there?”
“Huh?” I snapped into reality as everyone moved off from the mandrill exhibit and on toward the tigers and other large felines. My thoughts took me down memory lane of the layout I was used to from home. “Sorry about that. I feel disoriented here. I’ve only ever been to two zoos in my life, and this one’s nothing like either of them.”
“Tell me about that,” she asked, letting Ethan go ahead of us by a few feet.
Part of me wanted to stop everything early, since I wasn’t going to talk to Tabby at this rate, and Megan wanted me to be a chatterbox. But Dad would’ve said I was being rude, so I obliged her, doing my best not to sound too disinterested. “Denver and Cheyenne Mountain. You can only go to the zoo back home on days when the weather’s just perfect—out here, every day fits the bill. It’s odd to me that we’re here in the sunshine and Dad sent me a text that said they were gonna get snow this week. But that’s Colorado for ya.”
She absorbed my every word. “So, are you close with your dad?”
Already, I was exhausted with giving my life story, and I hadn’t even scratched the surface. “I am, yeah.” I pointed ahead to the group. “Let’s catch up. I don’t wanna fall too far behind and get lost.”
Megan deflated a little, obviously hoping to do just that, but she played along, and we skipped ahead.
By the big cat house, a parade of small kids swarmed around the tigers, since two of them were awake and walking by the glass. It was a cool sight, but it made me homesick for the exhibits I knew so well. Wistfulness was already on my mind.
The largest tiger hypnotically paced back and forth. It might’ve been the stripes, or his sheer size, but he didn’t have the expression of a ferocious beast. Instead, he looked like an oversized housecat with an unmistakable long-whiskered grin.
Like a tabby cat, I thought, shaking my head. Shit, this has to stop.
Megan and Ethan chattered behind me. He said something that made her laugh, and unlike the giggles she’d given me all morning, it was genuine and heartfelt—nothing like the high-pitched cackling she did for my benefit. I didn’t bother trying to win her attention and quietly celebrated that I might not have to.
We circled the cat house until the path ended by the penguins; their stench made everyone grimace. Disgusting, but cute. An ice cream cart was just upwind enough to be tolerable, and Tabby flagged the whole group down to stop at a nearby bench.
“Snack, anybody?” he asked, scanning all of us before taking a few steps toward the snack cart.
Gavin and Memo jumped in line along with Cordelia. Ethan and Megan lagged before ultimately joining them. Annie ran to the water fountain, and I opted to hold down the empty bench.
Now alone together, Rob got too close and spoke like a hurricane. “Okay, birthday ideas. Quick.”
“What?” I narrowed my gaze. Face to face, I couldn’t hide my disdain for his lack of foresight. “I have an excuse because I didn’t know until today. Did you seriously not get him anything yet?”
“I lost track of the date. Come on, gimme something.” He scoped toward the cart to make sure we still had a little time.
Only the tiniest shred of mercy motivated me to speak at all. “Peacocks. He likes peacocks. Find something like that here.”
Rob groaned. “Are you kidding me? That’s the best you can do?”
My blood boiled. “Well, normally I would have more time and some other resources, wouldn’t I?”
“I thought you were ‘Mr. Romance’,” he said with wagging air quotes.
“I thought you were Tabby’s boyfriend.”
He checked back to the cart again. “If I mess up his birthday again, he’ll never forget it. I already shit the bed last year when I had to work late, and he ended up going to dinner alone. Please.”
Rob’s remorse was genuine, and he wanted so badly to be the good guy. Why he hadn’t picked up anything on his own, I didn’t understand, but I could still be kind.
Sighing, I caved. “I already gave you a good idea. Peacocks. Seriously—find a big feather at the gift shop and...I don’t know...tell him to chase you.”
He glared.
“I’m serious. He’ll love it. Just use it to your advantage and ask him to name anything else that he wants. You don’t want me to guess. Let him tell you.”
“I can’t fucking believe—”
“Hey.” I put my hands on his shoulders to hold him still. “Have any of my ideas failed yet?”
Rob rolled his eyes. “No.”
“Then you have to trust that I know what I’m doing.”
Annie trotted up to us sooner than expected, mercifully interrupting. “You guys okay?”
“Yeah,” Rob and I said in unison. He walked away without another word.
She sat at the bench and stretched her back. Even in the sun, she wore all black, but her earrings were seafoam green glitter fluffballs and her bracelet was some kind of amateur chainmail. I would’ve bet money she made everything. Like she showed with her D&D maps, Annie’s creative side covered her, too. “It’s so wonderful out, don’t cha think?”
“Mm-hmm.” I kicked at the ground, wishing I could go home.
“So, uh...” Annie moved a little closer toward me. “Meg’s pretty sweet. Where’d you find her?”
“She works the register at my favorite lunch place.”
“I see. And you work downtown, right? Union Square?”
“Yup. Tabby’s not far from me.”
As soon as I said it, I felt like a fool. I can’t keep his name outta my mouth for five minutes, can I?
“Oh, so that’s why she looks familiar. He’s taken me there a couple times when I’m in the area.” Annie inched closer still. “But Jax?”
Raising my face to see hers, I was all too aware of my blushing.
“I think Ethan’s going to take your girl home if you don’t wake up,” she whispered.
“Ugh.” I leaned my head against the tree behind me. “Whatever, man. She likes him better anyway. Can’t blame her.”
Before we could keep talking, the group swarmed with their cones and oversized cotton candy, fully embracing the childlike whimsy that Tabby encouraged everyone to explore.
“They didn’t have plain chocolate. I hate this sherbet stuff,” Memo said, fussing in his usual manner and pouting at Gavin.
“Aw, I’m sorry, Legal Pad ,” Cordelia said, taking an innocent jibe at his moniker.
“Hey—”
“No, no,” Annie chimed in, “ Stationary has a point. Tart isn’t for everyone.”
Tabby cracked up. “That’s my favorite thing ever. Oh, my God.”
I couldn’t resist when I saw him enjoying it. “Really? Sherbet’s my favorite. Jot that down, Notebook. Or would you prefer Journal? ”
Ethan and Megan were too busy feeding each other small spoonfuls to join in, but they did snicker at Memo’s beet-red face.
“You assholes can’t appreciate a little bit of creativity,” he said, only half-angry, too eager for the attention.
“If you were really creative, you would’ve chosen Dissertation. ” Tabby could barely choke it out through his snorting laughter, which lit me up inside.
“Honey,” Memo whined, pawing at Gavin, “They’re making fun of me again.”
Gavin sighed and kissed him on the cheek. “You’ll be okay, my little Post-It .”
Memo melted a little and grinned. “I like that one.”
“Aww,” Annie said, putting her hands over her heart. “That’s so sweet, I might get sick.”
As we laughed, Rob came back from the bathroom and stood behind Tabby, wrapping him with strong arms.
My heart jumped, but not as far as it did when Tabby turned and kissed him openly.
I turned to watch the penguins and their acrobatic leaps from the top of the fake rock island to the water. Over and over, like the tiger before, I shut my brain down to temper my jealousy.
Happy birthday, Tabby. I wish you nothing but the best.