Chapter 36
THIRTY-SIX
Rowland’s mouth goes still under mine. Like he’s forgotten how to breathe. How to move. How to be human instead of a caged animal waiting for the next beating.
Then something inside him breaks open.
His arms crush me against his chest, all those scars and burns pressing into my body through his torn shirt. His mouth moves against mine like he’s drowning and I’m his last breath of air.
The kiss is urgent. Hungry. Desperate. Desire coils low in my belly, arousal already pooling at the thought of what he’ll do with those hands.
He pulls back, his black eyes stunned and feral. Like he doesn’t quite believe I’m real, let alone choosing him.
“Annalisa… I’ve said your name a thousand times in the dark, but it’s never sounded real until now.”
I cup his bearded face, feeling the rough hair against my palms. “I’m here.”
He exhales a ragged breath. “I’ve wanted this since the night you looked at me from that balcony. Every night, I prayed you’d see me. That you’d choose me instead of him.”
The words hit deep in my chest. I was an idiot for even thinking Edward Rochester could be an option.
“I’m choosing you now,” I say, meaning every word.
His mouth finds my neck, lips trailing over my pulse point. His tongue darts out, tasting my flesh. I arch against his broad chest with a gasp.
“You smell like salvation,” he groans against my throat.
His beard scratches my skin, making my nipples tighten under my dress. Every inch of me aches for more.
“Touch me,” I say, my voice breathy.
With trembling fingers, he skims the neckline of my dress. The first button slips free, then the second. Cool air hits my skin as the fabric parts, revealing the valley between my breasts. Rowland kisses every inch of exposed cleavage like it’s precious, making my nerve endings sing.
“I dreamt of you when I was in chains and shadows. And now you’re here, in the light, in my arms,” he says as more buttons pop free.
His breathing gets heavier, his lips more insistent as my dress falls open completely. He pushes it off my shoulders, letting the fabric pool at my feet. I stand before him in just my bra and panties, my nipples aching for his touch.
His hands hover over my skin, just shy of claiming. “You’re more beautiful than anything I ever let myself imagine.”
Heat blooms across my cheeks. Nobody has ever looked at me with such naked hunger or unbridled reverence. His gaze burns away every dismissal, every cruel word still haunting my psyche, and every time a man ever made me feel like garbage.
“But you already know what I look like,” I say with a smile.
He shakes his head. “Not like this. Not when you’re giving yourself to me.”
He traces the curve of my waist, thumbs brushing the underside of my breasts. I shiver, all sensation racing south.
“I thought about this every night,” he murmurs. “About having you. Tasting you. Making you mine.”
His hands slide up to cup my breasts through the lace. I moan as his thumbs brush over my nipples.
“Please, Annalisa. Let me worship those perfect breasts. Give this poor bastard a taste of heaven.”
I reach behind me, unhooking my bra. It falls away, and his breath catches. My nipples tighten with need, and I arch my back. He drinks in every detail with his dark eyes like he’s storing it for later.
“Fuck,” he groans. “Even prettier than in the dark.”
He cups my breasts, lifting and weighing them, thumbs circling my nipples until I’m panting. When his mouth finds a peak, his tongue flicks over it and I cry out, tangling fingers in his hair. He sucks harder, his teeth grazing tender flesh.
“God, yes,” I say with a gasp. “Just like that.”
He moves to the other breast, giving it the same attention. My pussy throbs, soaking my panties. I need him inside me, but I don’t want this to end. I want this man to worship me forever.
“Rowland,” I moan.
He drags his mouth from my nipple like it hurts to stop. “Tell me what you need, Annalisa. I need to hear it.”
“You. All of you.”
Something fierce flashes in his eyes. He straightens, his hands dropping to his waist. I lick my lips, my gaze locked on the massive bulge straining his pants.
I slide my hands beneath his shirt, peeling off the torn fabric to reveal broad shoulders and thick biceps.
My gaze roves over his chiseled chest, tight abs, and the huge cock standing to attention.
It’s thick, veiny, with a bulbous head already glistening with precum.
“Fuck,” I whisper.
Rowland claims my lips again, kissing me deep and sliding his hands down to my ass. He lifts me onto the edge of the mahogany table, where that psychopath cataloged me for death. Now it’s ours.
“I want to ruin you right here on Edward’s desk,” he says against my lips.
The symbolism isn’t lost on me. Claiming this space. Taking back power from the man who destroyed his life and would have ended mine.
“Then fuck me,” I say.
After hooking his fingers in my panties, he slides them down my legs and places the soaked cotton to his nose with a groan.
“Fuck, I could live on your scent for a hundred years. You have no idea how much power you hold over my soul.” He slides my underwear into his back pocket and ghosts his fingers over my folds.
“You’re drenched. It’s like your body’s begging just as hard as mine. ”
“Only for you,” I murmur.
Rowland positions himself between my spread thighs, the head of his cock nudging my entrance. We’re both breathing hard, our hearts pounding in sync.
“I’ve waited an eternity for this moment,” he says, his voice raw with emotion. “For someone who would accept me into her heart and into her beautiful body. For someone to give me the courage to fight back. For someone that makes me want to live.”
My chest tightens. The way he looks at me, like I’m everything he’s ever wanted, reaches a part of me no man has ever touched. All my life, I’ve only ever been useful to men. Useful for sex, useful for cleaning, useful for taking blame when things go wrong. But with Rowland, this is different.
I give him meaning.
The thought hits me like a revelation. I’m no longer a workhorse, a whore, a convenience, or a scapegoat. Rowland looks at me like I’m his salvation. Like my presence alone gives him a reason to keep breathing.
My throat tightens. I don’t know what to do with this feeling, this weight of being someone’s lifeline instead of their plaything. It’s both terrifying and thrilling. What if I let him down? What if I’m not strong enough to be what he needs?
But the desperate hope in his eyes makes me want to try.
“Let me be your everything,” I whisper.
He moves over me with trembling hands, his breath shaky against my neck. I can feel his nervousness in every touch, the way he hesitates like he’s afraid I might disappear.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispers, his voice thick with emotion.
My heart clenches at the tenderness in his voice. After everything he’s endured, he’s still thinking of my comfort. I reach up and cup his face, my fingers sinking into his coarse beard.
“You won’t,” I reply, my voice breathy with need.
When he lines his cock at my entrance, it’s with a reverence that makes my chest ache.
He pushes inside slowly, and I gasp at the sensation.
He’s bigger than I expected, and my body needs time to adjust. But there’s no urgency in his movements, no selfish taking.
Just careful exploration, like he’s memorizing every sensation.
“Oh god,” he groans, his entire body shuddering. “You’re so tight. Exquisite. My Annalisa.”
He says my name like a prayer, like I’m something sacred and worthy of worship. I slip my arms beneath his shirt and over his shoulders, feeling raised scars. Each mark tells a story of survival, of enduring hell.
Drawing back, he looks me full in the face. “Am I doing this right?”
His vulnerability breaks my heart. I pull him down for a kiss that tastes of salt and redemption. “Don’t stop. I’m not fragile. I want all of it. All of you.”
He sinks deeper, until he’s buried to the hilt. The connection between us becomes so incredible, my muscles tighten around his impossibly thick shaft. He presses his forehead into mine and moans, “You feel divine. Like you were made for me.”
Maybe I was. Maybe all the shit I’ve endured led me to this moment, to a man like Rowland whose suffering far eclipses mine. I dig my fingers into his muscled back, wrap my legs around his thighs and rock my hips.
“I could stay inside you like this for a thousand years and it wouldn’t be enough. You’re my sun, my moon, my salvation. The star guiding me out of this eternal darkness.”
My pussy spasms. “Oh, Rowland.”
“Fuck. If you keep squeezing me like this, I’ll implode. Is that what you want from me? To see me come undone?”
“Move… Please.”
He pulls back, stretching me as he withdraws. His bulbous cock head drags along every nerve ending, only for him to enter me again with a hard thrust. Sensation overloads my core, and my eyes roll to the back of my head. He continues fucking me with long, rhythmic strokes that make my toes curl.
“I love you, Annalisa, to the very marrow of my bones,” he says, the words raw, wrecked.
Throat closing, I turn my head. It’s the one word I can’t hear without flinching, flung so casually by manipulative men and used as bait.
I swallow, not believing it even though a secret part of me hopes he means every word.
I cling to his shoulders and moan into his skin.
His hand finds my cheek, forcing me to meet his burning gaze.
“When I save you, you’ll say it back,” he murmurs.
“O-okay,” I rasp. “I will.”
And I mean it. Every other man I’ve been with was about maintaining a lifestyle. What I have with Rowland isn’t just survival. It’s something deeper. A partner, a protector, a kindred spirit. Someone just as broken as me.
He quickens his strokes, pounding into me harder, the desk creaking under our weight. His mouth finds mine, swallowing my cries as he drives me higher and higher. I lose myself in his touch, in his motions, in his thrusts.
“Come for me,” he growls against my lips. “Let me feel you fall apart.”
His thumb finds my swollen clit and rubs tight circles. Sensation builds and builds until I can barely breathe. My vision whites out, the world narrowing to the pulse between us, then vanishing until an orgasm erupts like wildfire.
“Rowland,” I scream as ecstasy slams through my senses.
“You’re mine. All mine,” he groans, his rhythm faltering.
My pussy clamps down on his cock, milking him until he stiffens.
“Fuck, Annalisa,” he groans, his rhythm faltering. “I can’t hold back. I’m… I’m coming.”
“Fill me up,” I say with a gasp. “Make me yours.”
With one last thrust, he breaks apart, spilling into me with a groan like he’s been starving for this. For me. His larger body collapses against mine, his arms pulling me into his chest.
We cling to each other, both shaking from the intensity of our joining. His heart pounds hard enough for us both.
“I love you, Annalisa, down to my last breath. You’ve filled my heart, mended my soul, and I will never let you go. If I have to raze the world to ashes to keep you safe, so be it. It’s you and me, forever.”
But I still can’t say the words. I don’t let go, either. I hold tight to this broken man who’s willing to fight for me. I finally have the one who will choose me above all others.
When he pulls out, he hovers over me, wild-eyed and untamed.
His chest heaves, every ridge of his stomach tightening and releasing with each ragged breath.
I’ve never seen him look so feral. And still he’s hard, his cock slick with my juices, bobbing back and forth like he’s ready for another round.
“Annalisa,” he says with a wicked grin.
My heart skips a beat. “What?”
His grin turns savage, teeth flashing like he’s seconds from sinking them into my throat. “Run.”