Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Xeniya Morozova
Thirteen Years Ago
Iwas still trembling after being forced to my knees and made to watch my sister and friends—to see just how deeply the Lethean Order was embedded in their lives.
Nika’s head guard was in on it.
Her head guard would kill her if I didn’t comply.
Fuck.
But the day’s torture wasn’t over. It was only getting started. The blue guards walked me into the infirmary, strapped my arms to a gurney, and forced my legs open for a pelvic exam.
A beautiful young woman—maybe in her late twenties—walked into the room in a white lab coat. She gave me a soft smile and approached slowly, as if I were a feral cat in a cage. She didn’t want to spook me.
“Hello, Calliope. My name is Dr. Hayes—”
I cut her off. “My name is Xeniya Morozova.”
I wanted her to see me as a person. To hear the pain beneath my voice. I didn’t want to be a doll, propped up and played with.
“No, you’re not. Not anymore,” Dr. Hayes said softly, then lowered her voice so the guards at the door couldn’t hear. “Don’t say your name aloud. It will only get you into trouble. Say it in your head every day, like a chant, so you don’t forget it. Okay?”
She stood up tall and smiled at the guards. “Anyway, as I was saying,” she continued brightly. “I am going to insert an IUD and take some blood tests. At every step, I’ll tell you before I touch you and explain what I am doing.”
A sharp tremor ran through me, and my pulse slammed so hard that I could feel it in my fingertips.
“I know you’re strapped in, but if you could scoot slightly to the edge of the table.”
The leather straps bit into my arms as I scooted to the end of the table. The paper underneath me crinkled as I moved.
“Good.” Dr. Hayes rubbed her gloved hands together, the latex making a horrible sound. “My hands may feel a little cold, but I’m going to slide one up your thigh, okay?”
But she didn’t wait for a response. We both knew she wasn’t actually asking for permission.
As her hand slid up my thigh, I stared her down, memorizing her face in minute detail—from the freckles on the bridge of her nose to the soft honey-brown of her eyes. Fury burned in my blood. If I had to suffer through this, I would make this doctor suffer, too.
She flinched.
Good.
I still had resting murder face, as Severin had once named it. I was terrifying when I wanted to be.
“I am going to insert the speculum and measure your uterus. You may feel a sharp pinch when I do.”
My vagina cramped hard, and I let out a soft cry. It hurt. The straps cut into my wrists as I jerked against them, the fluorescent lights blurring at the edges as I stared up at them.
“All right, just a little longer, and we’re going to be done. I’m going to insert the IUD now.”
I whimpered again as she did and pinched my eyes shut, feeling all of my body sensations. The skin at my ankles dug into the restraints, sweat gathered beneath my sheer dress despite the freezing exam room, and my hands were trapped tightly at my sides.
This was my life now.
My body wasn’t mine. They got to do whatever they wanted with it, and I would never get a choice again.
I supposed it was a relief that at least I wouldn’t get pregnant. I laughed when I remembered how terrified I had been that I might be pregnant after the first few times Severin and I had sex.
The fear. The not knowing. The way I couldn’t get a full inhale despite trying so desperately hard and the pure panic attack I’d had.
All of that felt meaningless now.
When Dr. Hayes finished inserting the IUD, she also inserted a tracker into my upper right arm.
I could feel it beneath my fingertips when I ran them over the spot.
Then she finished the exam by taking thirteen vials of blood.
For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why they needed so much. But then, nothing made sense anymore.
It was just another horrible reminder that my body no longer belonged to me—and that I would have to prepare myself for far, far worse things to happen.
After all, the Headmaster had all but promised to rape me tonight.