33. Chapter 33
Sperm talk
“That’s the third time you’ve checked your phone, Jules,” Xander says from across the table at Primo’s Pizza. “You expecting a call or something?”
“Her book just went out to ARC readers yesterday. She always gets obsessive,” Holly answers for me, though that’s not at all why I was sneaking a peek at my screen.
Since Reno’s initial text a couple weeks ago, he sends me daily messages. They’re usually of a cool cloud he’s spotted or a funny meme, but occasionally I get one of the flirty ones. And those are the ones that have me reaching for Mr. Lemon or one of my other toys. God, I miss the real thing.
“Eighty-two of them have downloaded it, and several have messaged that they finished already,” I say excitedly, bringing myself fully back into the conversation with my siblings.
“It’s definitely one of those all-nighter books,” Holly replies with a wink. She and Bubba are seated with Xander across from me, and Jordie is in the chair to my right.
“I can’t wait to read it,” my younger sister says, wiggling in her seat. “And I think it’s so cool that your friend Evie has actually been that Eden person this whole time. Did y’all enjoy your trip to Florida with her?”
Holly and I, along with the other three members of our original college Spring Break group, stayed in Evie and Dane’s Florida home last week. Bubba came too, and he and Dane stayed at a friend’s house a couple doors down to keep Paulie and Aiden busy while the ladies caught up with Evie.
We regale them with stories from our time there. The Papadopoulos twins still constantly snipe at one another, so that made for some prime entertainment.
“Aiden was obsessed with Paulie’s cute little nose,” Holly says with a giggle. “He kept trying to put his finger in the baby’s nostrils.”
“I want one,” I blurt out, and everyone’s eyes turn to me. “I want a baby.”
Bubba grins over the rim of his beer glass. “You know you’re welcome to borrow our little nose miner any time you want.”
I fidget with the napkin in my lap. “I know that, and I adore Aiden, but I want a baby of my own.” Bubba’s mouth gapes in astonishment, but I continue.
“I’ll be thirty-seven this year, and I feel like Marisa Tomei, stomping my boot and worrying about my biological clock. And… I just want to have a family.”
Jordie reaches for my hand on the table, and Holly beams. “I think you should do it.”
“Are you even dating anyone?” Bubba asks, setting his beer down with a thunk.
“She doesn’t need a man,” his wife argues.
My brother lifts both his eyebrows at her. “She literally does, babe.”
Holly waggles a finger at him. “No, she needs sperm .”
“Which comes from a man ,” he insists.
My sister-in-law rolls her eyes. “But said man does not need to be present in order to accomplish the goal.” She shrugs. “Women have options. Juli could go to a sperm bank.”
I nod my thanks. “That’s what I was thinking. I mean, I have a job and house.”
“And a good support system,” Jordie adds, squeezing my hand.
Xander takes a sip of his pale ale and shrugs. “If it’s what you want, I say go for it. ”
Bubba’s eyes bore into me, assessing, and he finally smiles. “I agree, sis, if that will make you happy. You’ve seemed a little down lately. Though I still think the old-fashioned way is the most fun.” He places a proprietary arm around the back of Holly’s chair.
“Thanks, Bubs,” I tell him. “Being around the babies in Florida and all the kids at the library this summer has made me think long and hard about what I want going forward.” I hold up my palm to my brother because I fucking know his crazy ass mind.
“And I don’t need to hear any long and hard jokes. ”
“I actually tried to donate sperm last week,” he says matter-of-factly, and every head at the table turns slowly toward him. His wife gives him some serious side eye. “And now I’m not allowed in Goodwill anymore.”
It takes a second for the joke to sink in, and then everyone bursts into laughter. Holly swats him on the back of the head.
Xander pipes up with, “I’ve been thinking of donating to make some spending cash. I’ve got loads to offer.” Holly swats him too as we all continue to chuckle.
“I’ve heard guys can make money hand over fist donating sperm,” Jordie adds dryly, which only makes us laugh harder. It’s totally unlike her to make a dirty joke.
“Good one,” I mutter, bumping her shoulder with my own. I’m pretty sure Jordie is still a virgin. I’ve offered to go with her to get on birth control, but she always informs me that it’s not necessary.
Holly draws our attention with a wave of her hand.
“I decided to donate plasma for money in college. I show up at the donation site and realize there’s only men in the waiting room.
So I ask the guy beside me, and he tells me I’m in the wrong place.
The plasma donation place is next door, and all these guys are there to donate sperm. ”
“Oh how embarrassing,” Jordie says, her cheeks flushing.
“We start comparing numbers, and I tell him I would get twenty dollars per plasma donation. And he told me he gets a hundred and fifty per whack for sperm! Can you believe that?” she asks indignantly.
“Well, it is a handmade donation,” Bubba quips, causing the rest of us to snicker.
Holly shoots him a withering look before continuing.
“So the next week, I come back to the same office. Run into the same guy. He kinda laughs and tells me I’m in the wrong place again.
I put my hands on my hips and inform him that…
” Holly closes her lips and points at her puffed out cheeks. “Mmmph mmph mmmm mmmph.”
Our entire table erupts. I’m cackling so hard tears stream down my face. “Holly, y-you’re a nut,” I gasp out, holding my stomach.
She gives me a regal swirl of her hand. “I’m just here to entertain.”
When the server brings three pizzas and sets them on the center of the table, Holly asks Jordie to switch seats since she and Bubba usually share, both liking disgusting anchovies on their pizza. They make pregnant Holly sick to her stomach.
My sister and sister-in-law swap places, and Holly settles in beside me. We both reach for a slice of pepperoni and extra cheese, our favorite since our college days.
“I’m proud of you,” she says, giving me a gentle smile. “And we’ll be here to help you in any way we can.”
I look around at my beautiful, crazy siblings, and an undeniable warmth spreads through me. “Yep, I’m a lucky girl.”
If only I had someone to share my life with.