45. Chapter 45 #2
He hesitates with his eyes on mine before finally dragging them to his hand and opening the box.
He stares at the ring for a long while and then mumbles something under his breath that sounds like, “It’s perfect for her.
” Handing it back to me, he smirks. “While I appreciate the offer, Swain, I won’t marry any man who doesn’t get down on one knee. ”
My future brother-in-law’s got jokes.
I place the ring carefully back into its hiding place, and when I turn around, Baylor is digging through the first aid cabinet on the wall. “Sit down,” he says gruffly, and I do. “Hand.” I put out my hand.
He tears open an alcohol pad and begins dabbing at the cuts on my knuckles. It hurts like a motherfucker, but I don’t flinch. We’re both silent until Baylor breaks it.
“I never liked Collin Shively, not as a teammate and not as a man. I was happy when he got traded to Boston.” He tosses the blood-stained pad into the trash bin and opens another.
“And I certainly didn’t like him as a partner for my sister.
As professional athletes, we all have a bit of cockiness, but Shively’s went beyond that.
He had a me first attitude instead of thinking team first. He was the same with their relationship. ”
Baylor continues swiping at the cuts on my fingers while I listen.
“Juliette has the kindest heart of anyone I know. She would give anyone the shirt off her back. When we were little, there was this kid at school who everyone knew came from a poor family. Skinny little boy who didn’t look like he got proper meals regularly.
He didn’t smell great, and a lot of kids avoided him, but Juliette would sit by him at lunch every day and give him half her sandwich and chips. That’s just how she is. She’s a giver.”
I finally speak. “I know. That’s one of the things I love about her.” Baylor’s eyes jerk up to mine, and I clarify. “Not because I want anything from her but because she makes me feel like taking care of her. Letting her be the recipient for a change.”
He nods and returns to his task. “I told our fathers what she was doing, and they started making two sandwiches and putting two bags of chips in her lunch every day. I don’t think they ever said anything to her about it; they just did it.”
“They’re good men,” I comment, and one corner of his lips quirks up.
“They are. Anyway, when she called me the day that asshole put his hands on her, I literally had to force myself to remember that my sister needed me more than I needed to teach Shively a lesson. I put her first like she always did for everyone else and stayed with her at the hospital. I guess she told you the prick took off when he found out I was on my way?”
“Yeah, she told me.”
Baylor opens a small tube of antibacterial ointment and begins dabbing it onto my wounds with a square of gauze.
“While we were in the emergency room, we heard a commotion out in the hallway. My wife, being the nosy ass she is, peeked out the door to see what was going on.” His eyes leave his task for a moment, looking into mine.
“It was Shively. The fucking coward had left Juli’s house and went straight for the airport to get away from the ass kicking he knew was coming to him.
Other drivers say he was driving erratically and way too fast.”
My mouth falls open when it hits me. “That was when he had his car accident? The one that put him down for two years? ”
He nods slowly. “It was like God had taken care of the punishment for me. I know that’s not how it works, but that’s how I viewed it.
” Baylor throws away the gauze and opens a bunch of bandages.
“I never went after him, though I thought about it every day. I guess I was indirectly responsible for his accident because he was running from me when it happened, so that gives me a little comfort.”
Baylor begins covering my cuts with bandages as he speaks.
“That’s the reason I’m so protective over my sister.
It’s the reason I don’t like her dating hockey players.
” His jaw hardens. “I had bad vibes from Shively, but Jules was a grown-ass woman, so I kept my mouth shut.” A tear slides down his brown cheek and he angrily swipes it away with his shoulder.
“You blame yourself.” It’s not a question but a statement of understanding.
His nostrils flare as he adds the last bandage to my pinky finger. “It was my fault she got hurt. Yes, she’s an adult and can make her own decisions, but Juliette can be naive. That’s not a bad thing, but she needs a man who sees that and doesn’t take advantage of her sweetness.”
I swallow hard. “I want to be that someone for her. I would never, ever hurt her in any way. I literally couldn’t.” Jerking my chin, I gesture for Baylor to sit beside me. After he disposes of all the packages, he flops down beside me on the bench, both of us facing a line of lockers on the wall.
My chest hurts, but he opened up to me, and I know I need to do the same. “My father was an asshole. He was like Shively. When I was ten, I caught him hurting Ma, so I hit him upside the head with a metal pot.”
Baylor chortles. “Ballsy kid.”
Then I take him through the rest of the story, us leaving, Ma struggling, and me calling a grandfather I’d never met for help.
“Gramps recognized that I had a lot of pent-up anger from the things I’d seen, so he introduced me to hockey.
Most of the kids had been playing since they were toddlers, so I was kinda behind initially, but I caught on quickly.
Worked my ass off. By the time I was thirteen, I was stronger and more skilled than anyone else on the team. ”
“You’re not too terrible now either,” Baylor teases and I laugh before dropping my head to my hands, my elbows digging into the pads covering my thighs.
“What if I’m a shitty dad?” My breaths heave in and out of my lungs as I spill my most vulnerable fear. “I know I’d never hurt my wife or child, but what if I suck at being a father? Mine was never around for me, so how the fuck do I know what to do, Baylor?”
He mirrors my position, elbows on legs. “You just told me your grandfather took you in, no questions asked. He recognized that you needed an outlet and got you involved in the game that would become your career. He was there for you from the time you were ten, and he’s still proud of you today.
” He pats me hard on the shoulder. “So think about it, Swain. Do you really think you don’t know what a real father looks like? Because I think you do.”
His words are like a shot to my heart, and I drop my head down and let go.
He’s right. He’s so fucking right. I watch the droplets of tears fall, forming little amoeba-like splatters on the dark-blue floor for a long time, and Baylor’s hand is a force of strength against my shoulder.
Finally, I slide my hands down the back of my neck and lift my head. I feel refreshed somehow.
“I can do this,” I say to no one in particular before repeating it. “I can do this.”
“I know you can,” Baylor says quietly. “Just a warning though. The feelings of parental inadequacy never go away. For everyone, I’m sure, but especially for pro athletes.
We have a job that demands a lot of time, and sometimes you’re going to have to miss shit.
You’re going to feel bad if you get home late, and you don’t get to say goodnight to your kid because they’re already in bed.
You’ll have to schedule birthday parties around practices and games. It takes effort but it’s worth it.”
“We’re having twins,” I blurt out .
Baylor closes his eyes and tilts his face to the ceiling, blowing out a long breath. “Wow, okay.”
“Yeah, it’s going to be a lot, but we’re both excited.”
He nods and nudges my knee with his. “You can do it. The best advice I can give is to make sure your wife always feels supported, no matter what. During the pregnancy and when the babies get here.”
“I will. I’ve been trying, but I think I’m going about it wrong.”
“What do you mean?” Baylor asks suspiciously.
My lips twist wryly to the side. “I’ve been trying to be as prepared as possible before the twins get here.
I know with my schedule a lot of it’s going to fall on Juliette, so I just want to make everything as easy as possible for her.
I want her to have everything she needs and not have to worry about buying anything.
I’m afraid she’ll refuse to ask me if she needs something, so I’ve been…
shopping.” And that’s an understatement.
I can hear the amusement in Baylor’s voice. “How much did you spend?”
“Not including the two new vehicles I bought, somewhere around twenty-two thousand dollars.”
My future brother-in-law collapses against the bench in laughter. “Goddamn, man. You’re worse than I was when Holly was pregnant with Aiden.”
I groan. “Tell me something stupid you bought so I don’t feel like such an idiot.”
Baylor sits up, the remnants of a chuckle still on his lips. “Let’s see. I bought a five-thousand dollar stroller that the kid hated to sit in. He preferred traveling in one of those body carrier things so he could be close to us.”
My forehead furrows. “I haven’t bought one of those yet. Can you send me the link?”
He laughs and bumps me with his shoulder. “Sure thing. Just remember that babies don’t need much when they’re little. Just diapers, food, and love.”
“I purchased enough diapers to get the twins through age twelve,” I mutter, feeling a little silly.
“Hopefully, you’ll have them potty-trained by then,” he remarks dryly. “I’m sure Juliette has some of the same fears as you since we grew up without a mom. How much did she tell you about that?”
“She told me Delphine left for a long time when you were little, and your fathers shared custody. Then your mother came back and had the younger kids with Emmett.” I remember Juliette changing the subject then. “The story kind of ended there.”
Baylor’s lips tighten into a thin line. “But it didn’t. Our mother ,” he kind of spits the title, “left again when Jordie was a baby.”
I shake my head in disgust. “How can anyone leave their baby?”
Baylor lifts his voice a couple octaves into what I assume approximates his birth mother’s.
“Oh you know, places to go, people to see.” He snorts, and his voice returns to normal.
“Jordie was an infant and didn’t know the difference, but Xander cried a lot over her, especially when she’d send little presents from wherever she was.
Like a constant reminder that his mom wasn’t there. ”
My stomach aches for them. “I’m sorry, man. I know that had to be hard.”
“I was fine, but it pissed me off for the other kids.”
I wasn’t sure about him being fine if the tight clench of his jaw told the story. “Did she ever come back?”
Baylor shakes his head. “She called one day and said she was coming home, for good this time, but Jules and I didn’t believe her.
We talked about it and then sat our fathers down and told them we didn’t want her to come back.
In fact, we didn’t want anything from her because feeling abandoned every time she caught a whim was worse than not having a mother at all.
We didn’t want postcards or birthday gifts because each one represented the fact that she’d rather be somewhere else than with us. ”
“What did they say? ”
“They said they would handle it. Dad filed for divorce immediately because, while I think he’ll always love Delphine in some way, he loved his kids more.
The presents and cards stopped, and we never heard from her again.
I don’t know if she actually stopped sending them or if our fathers just returned to sender. ”
“I’m glad they listened to you and supported you.”
He nods. “Me too. The point of all that was to remind you Juliette didn’t grow up with a mother in her life. Do you think that means she doesn’t know how to be a mom?” His eyes are piercing, and I meet his gaze.
“She’s going to be an amazing mother,” I say quietly. “Point taken. Our past doesn’t have to determine our future.”
“Couldn’t have said it better myself.” He stands and pulls me to my feet, keeping my hand in his like we’re sharing a handshake. “We covered a fucking lot there. We good?”
“Except for one more thing,” I say, and Baylor looks at me curiously. “Will you be my best man at the wedding?”
A myriad of emotions pass over his face, finally landing on a happy smile. “Fuck yeah, I will. Bring it in, bro.”
He pulls me in, and we hug. Until the door to the locker room bursts open. Baylor and I turn to see Holly and Juliette rocket into the room like they’re executing a raid. Holly jumps into a defensive stance with karate hands and yells, “Hi-yahhhh!”
Juliette enters with a can of sparkly pepper spray held out in front of her. “Break it up,” she barks in an authoritative tone that leaves no room for disagreement. “Right n—”
They both freeze when they see Baylor and I standing shoulder to shoulder. Their heads turn slowly toward each other, back to us, and then back to each other.
“There’s no blood,” Holly says from the side of her mouth.
“And no one is throwing hands,” Juliette returns in the same manner. She lowers the pepper spray to her side and addresses us. “You’ re not fighting.”
Baylor clears his throat, obviously attempting to swallow his amusement at these two nuts who came to save us from killing each other. “No, we used our big boy words and talked it out.”
Holly drops her karate hands, still appearing skeptical as she focuses on me. “Does he know everything? ” she asks pointedly.
I loop an arm over Baylor’s shoulders. “He knows I’m madly in love with his sister and that I’m the father of her babies.”
“Oh.” Holly looks to Juliette for direction, but my girl simply shrugs. “Well, carry on then.”
The girls scurry out, and I can hear Holly asking, “Babies? Plural?”
Baylor looks over at me, his tone dry. “Are you sure you want to be a part of this family?”
I laugh. “With those two playing Starsky and Hutch? I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”