11. Crashing Down
~ YILAN ~
“I can’t get you to stop for a short, personal conversation, but the prisoner calls for you and you attend him as if he is the King.”
That word, in reference to Melek, zinged through me and stole my breath. I made myself stop trotting, and my skirts swished around my ankles as I slowed to a somewhat normal walk. I had to figure out how to soothe Turo so he could stop burning about this.
“What is your obsession with these creatures?” he asked quietly.
I stopped walking and turned to face him.
This needed to stop. But as I opened my mouth, my gaze caught on one of the guards that ringed us. There would be more patrolling through the trees.
Even if they weren’t close, they would likely overhear.
“You want a personal conversation, Turo? Then do not raise it in the presence of others. If you want to talk, let’s go to my quarters.” At least there the guards would be on the other side of a door.
Without waiting for him to answer, I turned on my heel and started hurrying again. Turo kept pace with his long strides but I could feel the anger and unease wafting off of him.
My head was spinning. I hoped that Melek was calling for me because he had made a decision.
But what if that decision was to reject the bond ?
Even connected as we were, he could sever it. Shut me out. Reject me. It would be horrifically painful for both of us, but it was possible. And it would free him from any commitment or—
My eyes welled, my vision blurring at the thought, and I put a hand to my chest, pressing there at the pain that echoed even at the thought.
Please… please don’t let him choose that path, I pleaded with God.
Turo didn’t speak as we walked, which only made me more tense. So, I just strode forward, first through the gardens then through the Palace, until we reached the Royal wing where the second set of guards peeled off.
The first four would stay with me until I was inside, and Turo with me.
By the time we reached the door, it was pure adrenaline rather than blood that pumped in my veins. But I managed to thank the Guards for their attendance. Turo announced that he would scan the rooms for me, and they could remain outside.
A few moments later he reappeared and nodded for me to enter. I stormed into my living room and Turo quietly shut the door behind us.
As soon as he turned from the door, I raised my hands, palms forward, to soothe him. “I am not obsessed with these creatures. Firstly, they are not creatures, they are men—”
“I don’t care about the Nephilim—they are enemies. We will defeat them, and you’ll see that they are not as mythical as you think. I have avoided the cold facts of this, not wanting to hurt you. But I begin to think that we will not be safe as a people until your head is clear.”
I gaped at him. “How dare you! I would never put my people in danger for—”
“You refuse to be proactive and walk to war when you know that the circumstances will never be better for our victory!” he hissed bitterly. “Who is going to pay for that if the Nephilim organize and focus, Yilan? Who do you think is going to bleed for these decisions if you stay this course?”
“That isn’t why you’re angry! You’re angry because I have been retreating and—”
His eyes flashed and he stepped closer, his teeth bared.
“I am angry because they stole from you, and no matter how else that fucker in the tower might have protected you, it was only out of his misguided, Nephilim pride. He claimed you, Yilan. Do you understand that? By his people’s traditions and with his own hand, he claimed you as his.
I don’t know what spell they cast when they do that, but it wasn’t some epic love that drove him.
He was possessing you in the eyes of his brothers. ”
“That was a ruse—”
“ Bullshit! He claimed you so that only he had a right to you—not because he knew how precious you were, but to mark his fucking territory like a feral dog!”
Oh God. My anger fizzled out in a heartbeat as I saw how this looked to him. I couldn’t let this continue.
“No, Turo,” I breathed. “It’s not—”
“Yilan, that is his shame, not yours. You do not have to make this right in your mind. And you do not have to carry the… the violation of that pig. He was utterly wrong, and his saving of your life does not erase that. You don’t have to—”
“He didn’t take me, Turo!” I said breathlessly.
“Yes, Yilan. He did . God, why do you make me say these things—we all heard the roaring and listened to the others speak of what it meant. Do you understand? You don’t have to protect him, or me. Even the childmind knew he was dangerous!”
He drew closer and I stepped away, shaking my head, panicking. How to tell him? How to clear up his confusion without—
“Yilan, please,” he groaned softly. “I know this is… so awful. I understand why you don’t want to be touched, but that will heal with time. Let me be gentle with you. Show you that you’re safe here. Don’t let him steal this from you—from us!”
I was shaking my head, backing away. “You’ve got this wrong.”
“No, Yilan, he got this wrong.”
“No, Turo.” I screwed my eyes up tightly because I couldn’t bear the sight of his grieving. “He didn’t take.”
“What he did is not the way it should be, don’t let him make you believe—”
I made myself meet his eyes, pleading with him to forgive me. “Turo listen to me. Please. He didn’t take. I gave.”
Turo stopped dead, midstep, and went utterly still. There was a beat, and I saw it all click together in his mind. “What?”
I couldn’t look away from those eyes—confused, angry… and anguished. I couldn’t waver. He had to know. This wouldn’t stop until he did. I licked my lips and had to push the words out of a hoarse throat .
“He did not take me, Turo. He is… I gave myself. I-I chose him. Nothing was stolen from me.”
He took a step back, staring at me in horror. “You… gave yourself? To him? ”
“I did.”
He shook his head slowly, mentally scrambling, but his voice lacked the punch of his earlier passion. “You don’t have to…to tell yourself that to make it right.”
“I’m not. I made the choice. He did not push. I chose it. I chose him. I’m sorry, Turo, but it’s true.”
He staggered back a step, then caught himself, and the horror on his face turned to rage. “Years,” he breathed. My heart sank. “I waited years. Years for you.”
“I know, and I am so sorry—”
“I waited years , and you gave yourself to him in weeks? Is that what you wanted? Is that what you were looking for? A brute? An oafish thug that would handle you like a piece of meat?
I bristled. “No, it’s not—”
“I had heard some women fantasized about this, but I assumed with your inexperience—”
I clenched my hands to fists. “He was not oafish or a brute. He did not mistreat me, Turo. At all.”
He blinked. “He seduced you?” The power returned to his tone. “It is still an offense if he made you believe he cared and you—”
“No, God… Turo… please, I don’t want to keep hurting you,” I breathed, dropping my face into my hands. This was such a mess. Such a horrible, painful mess.
“He fucking seduced you?! Made you his slave?” Turo hissed.
“No! That isn’t—”
There was a pang in the bond, so sharp and clear it stole my breath, and instinctively I turned my head towards the tower, toward where I knew he was. And Turo caught it.
“Even now…” he breathed. “Even now you want him—even when he rejects your advance. That’s why you’re weeping? That’s why you’re seeking him, and he rages? Can’t you see? He was using you, Yilan! Toying with you! Manipulating you—”
“No.”
“God, why do you refuse to see the truth!”
“I don’t,” I said through my teeth. “There is just too much to—”
“He will tell you. This ends now,” Turo said, taking my elbow and marching me across the room.
“For your good. And for my sanity—you are going to see that he is not what you think he is. I will ask you to forgive me later. But this is needed, Yilan. You need to understand what’s been done to you—no more dancing around this fucker. We’re going to face it head on.”
I yanked my arm out of his grip. I would have refused to move, but that pang came in the bond again—something was wrong.
I had no idea what Melek would say in the face of this.
But I couldn’t fight this anymore. I couldn’t pretend.
So, I gestured for Turo to lead the way out.
He was wary until he saw that I followed willingly.
Then, jaw clenched and eyes blazing, he stormed through the Palace, growling at any guards to let us through, even those outside the cell when we finally made it up the tower stairwell.
And despite my grief for hurting Turo, a piece of me was so relieved to be moving towards Melek, to know I’d see him again in just moments. I hurried my steps.
I’d heard what the bond could do to people. Been told how it drove them together. But I never imagined this… desperation.
And not just to be near him, but to have him. Even with Turo’s ugly assumptions and Melek’s anger, my body ached for him.
But what if Melek had fooled me? What if they had magik I didn’t know, or there was some kind of manipulation of which I’d been unaware?
Everything inside me screamed.
That pang in the bond answered, so when Turo yanked open the doors to the prison anteroom I hurried through them, scanning for Melek. My heart pounded and my body slackened with relief when I found him sprawled on the bed.
Turo, still at the door, snarled at the guards ordering them to move halfway down the stairs, to guard from there, and that we weren’t to be interrupted. I rushed to the bars and gripped them, leaning against them and whispering to Melek, pleading with him.
“Please don’t hurt him—he doesn’t know about the bond. I’ve told him I took you willingly and he thinks you deceived me. Please don’t—”
“Yilan, do not debase yourself for this monster. You are a Queen. He should never have had the privilege to lay a hand on you—let alone anything else. But do not put yourself at his feet. He does not deserve it.”
Melek remained on the bed. He’d been staring at the ceiling but when Turo began to rant his eyes cut to my General .
“Strange that you lecture her on not debasing herself, and yet you speak to her as if she is a child.”
Turo hacked a humorless laugh and strode over to the bars, pointing at Melek. “You think you see my disrespect? You’re a fucking Neph.”
“Turo, stop—” I breathed. But he only turned a snarl on me.
“You have left me no choice but to face you with the bald truth about this fucker. Remember that when this is done.” Then he turned to Melek and pointed to me.
“We know what she went through—what you did. She was a young, inexperienced woman, but I am not. So do not try to use your charm on me, you cunt. We heard your claim, your roaring, we heard every word from your brothers, and it made us sick. Whatever lies you have fed her about protection, or some kind of sick value, you tell her the truth now.”
“Turo,” I begged.
He whirled on me. “ I will protect you. I will care for you—this fucker knows nothing about value or-or what a treasure he had his hands on.”
“That’s not—”
“I understand why you shun my touch, but you need to learn the truth—”
He reached for me, and I jerked away. Melek flew off the bed, his wings snapping out to fill the room nearly wall-to-wall as he threw himself at the bars, eyes afire.
“GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF HER!”
Fear jangled through me as Turo turned, teeth bared, reaching for his sword.
“STOP, BOTH OF YOU!” I shrieked, shoving Turo away before Melek grabbed for him through the bars.
Turo was panting, he stared at me with a pained look in his eyes, pleading with me to see what he thought was really happening here, but his eyes narrowed when he looked over my shoulder to glare at Melek.
Wary of his reaction, I kept my eyes on Turo as I desperately threw myself at Melek’s mind to show him all that was happening, to paint the picture of him as our King and how even Turo would bow once he knew what was between us. But I came up against a wall even more impenetrable than these bars.
Melek had locked me out.
The bond rang with pain .
“Please…” I whispered to Melek, but Turo was the one who shook his head.
Melek gave a deep, resonant growl that rang in the walls, then his steps began to thud on the stone floor as he paced behind me like a caged lion.
“Melek, please,” I begged.
Turo’s eyes tracked him as his pacing increased. I knew they were entirely focused on each other, neither of them listening to me.
My patience evaporated under the weight of their alpha-male bullshit. I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t hold any more secrets. I couldn’t protect anyone else. I could barely keep myself from falling apart.
“Fucking men,” I growled, pushing off the bars, glaring at Turo, then shot the same dark look over my shoulder at Melek. “Fucking men and their fucking pride.”
Melek growled, but I wasn’t having it.
“You know the truth and hold it to be petty—to stop yourself from giving in,” I hissed at my mate.
“And meanwhile, you don’t just hurt me. You hurt everyone.
And you!” I snapped at Turo, whose eyes widened.
“You are my General— not my father! You will never again march me through these halls like a petulant child, or I will clamp you in irons! I am inexperienced, not na?ve. You do not understand what has happened here and ignoring my words will not give you clarity.”
I started towards the door, cursing under my breath through gritted teeth. Fear, hope, anger and despair all coiled together in my chest. “Bend your fucking necks, both of you!”
Then I stormed out… leaving Turo there.
And praying they wouldn’t kill each other.