30. Listen Carefully
~ MELEK ~
When we pulled apart, we both took a moment to breathe and wipe our faces. I watched Gall carefully, uncertain whether this would be a time when he’d forget everything that had gone on before and simply return to being my son, or if he would still want to discuss it. So I waited.
When he had stopped blinking and wiping his face with his knuckles, he turned to face me, but it took some time for him to meet my eyes.
When he didn’t speak, I offered a difficult but genuine smile. “It’s so good to see you, son. You look good. Really good. Being here suits you.”
Gall nodded slowly. “It’s been strange, but I like it here.”
I swallowed and inched closer. “You like it here in this place? Or you like the people?”
Gall shrugged, but his cheeks pinked a little. “Both.”
“Me too, though I have to say, when I saw that cottage I wondered if you were feeling a bit closed in. It seems very small. Even for our tents. Can you stand upright inside?”
He shrugged again. “I just have to be careful moving around. And it’s right for Istral and Harris,” he said, as if that were the only measure .
I opened my mouth to ask about the women, but Gall blurted. “You lied to me.”
I sighed. “I… didn’t mean to,” I said with a wince. “I meant to protect you from possible harm if… if word got out.”
“You didn’t trust me.”
“I trust you with my life, Gall. But I made the wrong decision this time. I thought it might be difficult for you to understand and… I was wrong. I’m sorry.”
He chewed on that for a minute. “I’m still angry, but I love you,” he said finally.
My heart jumped, but I nodded. “I understand. I love you, too. We’ll get through this, Gall, I give you my word.”
“But that’s the problem,” he muttered. “I don’t know if I believe your word anymore.”
God, I wanted the earth to open underneath me and swallow me up.
No one could humble me like Gall, because he came from a place of such lack of self-consciousness, his love was given freely, easily, and without restraint.
But his hurt was just as black and white.
And it made me sick to my stomach when I was the cause of it.
“I hope you’ll think about all the ways I’ve shown you that I can be trusted, and I mean what I say. And remember this: I thought I was protecting you, not harming you, Gall. I mean that. I got it wrong. I won’t make that mistake again. I regret it. I wish I could change it, but I can’t.”
His eyes dropped to the grass and he frowned, but he nodded slowly.
“You told me never to hide things,” he said firmly. “You said it only caused danger.”
“I know, but there is a difference between parents and children—”
“You always say strength doesn’t make excuses.”
God, he was using my words against me. Effectively. I breathed through the flash of pride that wanted to insist I hadn’t meant to hurt him, but I made myself swallow it back.
“I underestimated you, Gall. That was my mistake. I was trying to protect you, not deceive you. My motives were good, but I made the wrong choice.”
Gall nodded like I’d answered a question correctly. “That’s what Harris said too. ”
I wasn’t sure if I was grateful for Harris’s understanding, or wanted her to get the fuck out of my son’s head. I swallowed that back too. “I like Harris,” I said instead. Because it was true.
“Me too. She doesn’t treat me like I’m stupid.”
“Because you aren’t.”
Gall gave me a look then and even though I knew it meant he’d grown a little, come to understand a nuance that perhaps had been beyond him before, the edge of cynicism in that gaze made me grieve my innocent son.
“She also doesn’t hide things from me,” he pointed out darkly.
God, this was hard. “I know I hurt you and I’ve learned from it. I don’t want to be apart from you, so… Tell me, Gall, how can I help you feel better?”
Gall frowned, but then as he opened his mouth to answer, a thin, plaintive voice rose from behind the trees, somewhere up the trail and I saw something in Gall that I’d never seen before.
His expression widened, but not in fear.
It was the jolt of a protective heart being reminded of it’s charge.
He whirled immediately, his hand grasping for a weapon, though there wasn’t one at his waist. And before I could ask, he darted back down the trail, his steps scuffing on the dirt and leaves.
There was a pause, then a hushed, whispered conversation that warmed and chilled my heart in the same breath.
“You shouldn’t be out here.”
“I was worried about you! Harris said your Papa came.”
“I can take care of myself. Especially with him. He wouldn’t hurt me. Not like that.”
“But—”
“Don’t worry, Iz, I’m well. And look! I’m a warrior now!” His proud tone made my chest constrict, but I took it that Istral was not as excited about this development as he was, because her whispers grew tenser and more urgent.
“Does that mean you have to go fight?!”
“No, no. At least… I don’t think… I told you, Iz, I’m not leaving you. Ever.”
I blinked at the fierce conviction in Gall’s whisper, my breath stopped. Were these two—?
“But what if he makes you?” she sounded on the verge of tears.
“He won’t. I won’t let him.”
“But you said he’s in charge. ”
“He is… he was… but I don’t know now. Anyway, I’m not leaving.” I recognized the hint of tension in Gall’s tone—he spoke what he hoped for, not what he was certain of.
“I’m scared when I can’t see you.” Her voice was so small even I felt protective of her. Which explained the deep, ragged ferocity in Gall’s when he answered.
“I’m here. And I’m not leaving you.”
Dear God… Yilan said they’d connected, but I’d never imagined…
“Will you come back to the cottage? Harris went to the bathing room. She’ll discover that I left soon and she’ll be angry. I don’t want to worry her.”
Gall’s breath whooshed out of him. “I have to talk to him first.”
I was torn—half-bemused, half-grieving.
My boy had found someone who made him feel safer than I did. I’d always prayed it might happen when he was younger, but as he’d matured so much faster in his body than his mind, I’d thought… I had thought no one would have the patience to understand him enough.
I wanted to help him, and was desperate not to be an obstacle between them, so as noisily as I could, I started down the trail after Gall, making certain they’d hear me coming before I rounded the trees and found them, revealed in the shadows ten feet later.
When I appeared, Istral—a thin, elegant, wisp of a woman with blonde ringlets dusting her shoulders and the kind of bearing only those raised noble ever managed—turned her head with a snap, her eyes wide, her hands instinctively going to Gall’s forearm, as if she’d pull him away.
There was true fear in her expression, which grieved me, but it was Gall’s reaction that made my chest constrict.
As she sucked in and grabbed for him, he whirled to face me, pulling her behind him. And while he didn’t adopt a fighting stance, he did lower his center of gravity and keep his chin low, his eyes locked on mine with a flash of warning.
“Don’t come closer, she needs to see you.”
I stopped dead, mid-step and had to swallow a laugh. It was touching to see Gall so protective—and sad to see how frightened Istral was of me.
Had he given her only bad reports?
I raised my hands to soothe her and took a step back so she’d know I was listening and wouldn’t push.
“You must be Istral? Your sister has told me a lot about you. I’m glad to finally meet you.”
Behind Gall, she blinked, her expression torn between confusion and fear. She bobbed a quick, polite curtsey and murmured hello, but she didn’t smile and didn’t move around Gall.
Yilan had told me she always reverted to manners when she was unsure, and now I saw what she meant. There was real fear in her eyes as she stared at me. Yet, she’d given me an honor in greeting.
“You don’t need to curtsey to me, Lady Istral,” I said as quietly as I could. “I only wanted to thank you for taking such good care of Gall while I’ve been… gone.”
Her head jerked back a little in surprise, but then her brows pinched together. “I do take care of him. And he takes care of me too. We help each other,” she said, shaky, but determined. And Gall was nodding.
“I can see that. And I’m grateful that you have cared for him during this time. It’s been hard. I was worried about him. So I’m grateful to you.”
“Y-You’re welcome,” she murmured uneasily, glancing at Gall, then back to me.
Neither of them spoke then—and they didn’t relax either.
I was wracking my brain to figure out how I could approach without scaring her further, when footsteps rose, crunching on the trail beyond them, getting louder, until Harris jogged into the clearing, her face pained, then washed with relief when she found them there.
“Istral, thank God! I’m so sorry, Melek, I didn’t know Istral had wandered out. I assure you I don’t usually lose track of her—”
“I didn’t wander. I went looking for Gall because I was worried.”
“I told you, I’m fine,” he said firmly.
But Istral turned back to him, her voice growing shrill. “People keep arriving and sometimes they leave and—”
“Don’t worry, Gall. You can go with Istral now and rest. I have other things I still need to do. I just wanted to see you and talk. And we’ve done that. I don’t mind.”
Gall looked relieved.
I didn’t get closer, just waved at them. “I do want to see you again and discuss this more—when you’re ready. Maybe tomorrow?”
Gall’s jaw went tight, but when Istral grabbed for his hand, he nodded to me .
Harris watched on looking sympathetic—and frustrated when her eyes caught on Istral. But I didn’t mind. If she was like Gall, she could just get an idea and run with it, without thinking through the potential risks or consequences of what she’d decided.
“Thank you, all of you. I feel much better now that I’ve seen Gall. And I’m so glad you’re both happy to watch over him.”
“I do things for them, too,” he growled quickly.