63. Nightmare Alive
~ YILAN ~
The decision was made in a hurried and muttered conversation between Melek and Jann to delay our arrival at the war camp until the following evening.
The decision was aided by the fact that the new Neph were on foot and none of the horses were strong enough to take two of the huge men. So our pace was slowed dramatically.
With the two new, suspicious Neph alongside, our last day of travel dragged.
It was exhausting. I cursed my inability to speak to Melek in his mind because with these unknown Neph listening, there would be no more casual planning.
They had to believe that all three of us—me, Istral, and Diadre—were prisoners.
Of course, they wouldn’t have any trouble believing Diadre was there against her will. Jann was making sure of that.
I didn’t know why those two had taken such an instant dislike to each other, but I was grateful that Diadre was strategic enough to set her emotions aside and play the game.
Still, I’d caught her staring sincere daggers at Jann when his back was turned.
Rayan even commented that Jann should sleep with one eye open.
Jann said nothing, but looked at Diadre, who gave him a sickly smile.
Their animosity aided our ruse, but it made me nervous.
All this subterfuge meant all the detail planning we’d intended to do while we traveled was out of the question.
Melek couldn’t be seen to be discussing strategy with me.
He and Jann couldn’t be overheard plotting.
The Neph had to believe that Melek was simply returning from having taken a blow at the hands of their enemies, and now he would resume his place among their people, and make his claim for the crown.
I didn’t like taking Diadre into the Neph, already revealed, with no chance for subterfuge. But it was the thought of Istral that made my insides scream. She was never supposed to be under the eyes of any Neph outside our loyal circle.
When we weren’t on horseback, Gall, looking hunted, kept Istral at his back at all times. He always positioned himself with a large tree or rise of land behind him, and kept Istral silent and pale in his shadow.
It broke my heart a little bit that his fierce protection of her looked like ugly, aggressive possession in the eyes of others.
But it worked to our favor because we needed a reason to keep Gall and Istral out of the main camp.
The Neph would never believe Melek wanted Gall out of sight for anything but a scheme.
But Gall hiding away with a woman he feared would be stolen by others would seem logical to them.
And so we were forced to march on, slowly, with tension in the air so thick it could be cut with a knife.
At Melek’s whispered request, I used those hours striving to reach the minds of the other Neph so I could provide coordinated visions if this went wrong.
But either Hever told them how to guard their minds from Fetch powers, or I just wasn’t strong enough to enter more than one non-Shadekin mind at a time.
Even with my people, multiple, simultaneous links were rare and exhausting.
But I kept trying. There were moments it seemed a wall might come down, but my efforts were fruitless. I could never quite grasp it.
When we stopped for lunch on the third day, knowing we were just hours from getting out of the Shadows of Shade and that the men believed I was Melek’s prisoner, Melek made a gruff excuse about needing to relieve tension, and tugged me into the trees while the others prepared a fire.
He dragged me much deeper into the fog, far enough away that we wouldn’t be overheard. He found a thicket surrounded by brush and trees with a small, dry clearing at its middle, then turned to me with frantic hands and whispered promises.
“I’m sorry, Yilan. I’m so sorry. I never imagined they’d find us,” he hushed, pulling me into his chest.
“Why are you apologizing?” I whispered back .
He drew back then cupping my face with both hands and staring down at me with his beautiful eyes dark with haunted shadows.
“Because… if we’re going to play this as we planned, I have to appear brutal.
Ruthless. Uncaring. It makes me sick to even think about.
Yilan, I won’t be cruel. But I have to appear untouched by anything that’s said or done to you that doesn’t take you from me.
I can only seem to be concerned for my power.
You need to know that if I’m cold or distant, it’s only for the show. ”
“I know,” I said calmly, stroking his face.
And I did. But even though this was always the plan, a little part of me tightened into knots.
I hadn’t forgotten what it was like to be in the Nephilim camp, but somehow now…
maybe because Istral was coming too, I didn’t know… somehow it felt more sickening.
“God, you’re amazing,” Melek breathed, stroking my hair back from my face and staring at me like it might be his last chance.
“No, I’m not. I’m just ready, Melek. I’m ready for this to be done. To do whatever we need to do to get this finished. No one knows better than me that this world will be better off when you’re their King. And if it takes some discomfort and some acting to get there… it’s worth it.”
He stared down at me, shaking his head. “You humble me, mate.”
“No, Melek. I love you. And admire you.”
He took me then. Quickly, but gently. His hands tender, and his kisses deep and slow.
He pinned me to the tree and cradled the back of my head, and made love to me—worshiping every inch he could reach, and playing my body like a musical instrument, until my body shuddered with bliss and he took my mouth, swallowing my cry of joy.
Only when I’d gasped and twitched my way back to reality did he grip me, pull me close, and drive his way to his release.
But after everything that had happened with Istral and Gall, and the arrival of the new Neph, my emotions were running so high, somehow, watching him surrender to his climax was overwhelming to me.
Still braced against the tree, as his eyes fluttered and he dropped his head back, I pulled him to me with my heels dug into his back, stroked those cords in his neck that stood so high I worried the skin would split—and when he opened his mouth to roar his release, I clawed hands into his hair and opened my mouth on his throat, holding him as tightly as I was able, panting with him, shuddering with the aftershocks that ripped through us both .
His feet scrabbled on the dirt as he leaned into me, his head on my shoulder, hands braced on the tree.
For some time we stayed there, holding each other.
I felt the waves of trembling that rippled up and down his spine.
And in the bond, I could sense his despair.
Fear. He was terrified this would go wrong.
At some point, unwilling to be separated from him yet, I grabbed his jaw, pulled his head up and made him meet my eyes.
“Tell me,” I whispered, combing his hair back from his handsome, rugged face. “Tell what it will be like so I know what to expect,” I said shakily. “Tell me how to help.”
He swallowed hard and gripped my hip so hard I wondered if he’d make love to me again. But his eyes searched mine and with sweat trickling down his temple he whispered, an apology flickering in his eyes.
“The moment we arrive, I have to be seen to take control,” he rasped. “When they see you and… and the other females with me, they may frenzy. If that happens, you do not try to protect me, Yilan—do you understand? The frenzy is mindless. It is kill or be killed. If it happens, you run.”
“But—”
Melek shook his head firmly. “No buts. It’s going to take every ounce of authority I’ve ever held to make them listen and not just brutalize each other… and us.”
I had a flashback of that night in the clearing with Gall, when the young males had almost… Oh God…
“But—look at me, Yilan—” he insisted, tipping my chin back up and locking eyes with me again.
“Once I have their ear, I’ll stand and call for challengers.
Jannus will have my back. But even though I’ll stand with strength, in the end, I’ll have to fight any who step forward, who think they can take me. ”
“What happens if you win?” I breathed.
“When no other Neph are willing to risk challenging me, I’ll claim the crown.”
“Does it all happen at once? Or will I have time to take out some of your challengers? I can kill them, Melek—”
“Not the public challengers—if they die by assassination they’ll know it was me and they’ll see it as cowardice.
No, Yilan, you have to look for the schemers.
The ones who would work on behalf of another strong Neph, or maybe even an enemy.
You have to look for males who will try to remove me so that I can’t beat the public challengers and take the crown. That’s your job. ”
“I’ll do it, Melek. I’ll protect you from those assholes.”
And then he gave me a heartbreaking smile. “I know you will, Love. You are fierce. And they have no idea what a weapon I have in you.”
“No, they don’t,” I said, my voice catching because, frustratingly, I was fighting tears.
Melek nodded, stroking my face. “I’ll kill any one of them to keep you safe, Beautiful,” he breathed. “God, I love you.”
I gathered him against me, chin on his shoulder, nose buried in his neck, hugging him as tightly as I was able.
“I love you too,” I breathed. “My King.”
He groaned and pulled my head back, kissing me again. And as he breathed my name and thickened inside of me again, I knew we were taking a risk to remain out there, but I was too damned frantic to care.
Because this could be it. This could be our last chance. And I would risk death to have him one more time.