Chapter 12
“What are you saying?” Sabine asked.
“Maybe we should forego the what ifs and just do.” Evander slid one hand around the back of her neck, his intense eyes never straying from hers. “Just once in my life, I’d like to do something I want. I want this, and I want it with you.” His other hand reached forward, untying the fabric belt around her waist.
Desire bloomed inside her. She closed her eyes, easily imagining him removing the rest of her clothes. The feel of his hand sliding over her skin. His lips trailing along her neck. Her hands exploring his body. She opened her eyes. “It doesn’t matter what we want,” she said, her voice coming out breathy. “We have a duty that is bigger than us, our wants, and our desires.”
“No one will know.” He leaned forward, tilting her neck to the side and kissing it just as she’d imagined.
“I’ll know.” It didn’t matter how much Sabine wanted this. She was married and couldn’t be with another man. She’d already crossed the line by kissing him earlier.
He stilled. “I…ah…apologize.” He cleared this throat and released her, turning his head to the side, away from her.
When she moved to peer into his eyes, she noticed tears in them. Her heart hurt. She pinched her eyes shut, not wanting to see the pain and sorrow on his face. The problem was that she wanted this too. She wanted her first time to be with someone she truly cared for. But it didn’t matter what she wanted. And if she gave herself to Evander, Rainer would know. Even if no one found out, Rainer would when they finally consummated their marriage. Evander didn’t understand that because he assumed she’d already been with a man before.
“What is it?” Evander asked.
She shook her head, unable to tell him any of this.
“Oh.” He took another step away from her. “I didn’t realize you were keeping something from me. I thought…”
They barely knew each other. This thing between them had taken her by surprise. “I’m sorry,” she said. She didn’t know what else to say to him. “I wish things were different, but they’re not.”
His brows pulled together as he studied her before nodding. “I would have always wondered what if if I hadn’t tried.” He smiled. “There are a few things I need to do to prepare for our journey. You may remain here and rest if you like.”
She nodded, exhausted from everything she’d been through.
After he left, she went over and laid on the bed, breathing in the smell of Evander as the tears she’d been holding back finally started to fall.
* * *
Someone shook Sabine’s shoulder. She peeled her eyelids open and found Evander sitting beside her on the bed.
“It’s time for us to go,” he said.
She sat up, rubbing her eyes. She must have fallen asleep yesterday and slept straight through the night, having missed supper. She peered through the windows, seeing the dark sky. “Is it morning?”
“It is.” He stood and reached out to help her.
She took hold of his hand, and he pulled her up. Two bags were near the door.
“Carin packed yours,” he said when he saw her staring at them. Then he pointed to the bathing room. “I put something for you to wear in there. Once you’ve changed, we’ll go.”
She stood and stretched before heading to the bathing room where she quickly removed the beautiful purple dress and put on the loose pants and tunic Evander had picked out.
When she exited, she found him standing next to the door holding both their bags.
“Thank you for bringing me here,” she said as she joined him. “I’m glad I got to see your palace and meet your family.”
The two of them exited the building.
“Even though I managed to get you poisoned?”
“That wasn’t your fault. Besides, I stabbed you. I think we’re even.” She tried to keep her voice lighthearted. “Although you did kidnap me.” She poked his side.
He chuckled. “Feel free to return the favor at any time.” Using his shoulder, he nudged hers.
Their banter felt like before, and Sabine welcomed it. This is what she wanted—the easy friendship between them. Not the desire and attraction. That was too confusing. Friendship she could handle.
The rain had stopped but the ground remained wet. They crossed over the bridge and made their way to the gate in the wall surrounding the compound. The sentries on duty allowed them through. At the dock, they climbed into a small boat similar to the one they’d previously used when traversing the canal.
Sabine took the front bench while Evander sat on the rear one. After tucking their bags under the seats, he lifted the stick and pushed the boat away from the bank. They quickly got caught in the current, and it carried them along. They traveled in silence, neither one of them speaking. When they came to a split, Evander steered them south.
As the sky lightened, the canal became more crowded with other boats.
“I want to apologize,” Evander said. “My behavior yesterday was inexcusable, and I should never have pushed you like that. Please forgive me.”
She twisted on the seat to face him. “There’s no need to apologize.” Nothing had happened between them.
He kept his focus on her. “I want you to know that no matter what happens in the future, I care for you deeply. Regardless of what you hear or what people say. Know my feelings for you are genuine.”
She had no idea why he was telling her any of this. “What’s the matter? Is there something I should know?”
“The only thing you need to know is that everything I’ve said to you, I’ve meant.” He clasped his hands together, his eyes never wavering from hers.
Not wanting to push the matter, she nodded, realizing that they were both keeping things from one other. And that thought didn’t sit well with her. Wanting to change the subject, she asked, “Where are we going?” They were heading south, not north toward Lynk.
“There’s been a change in plans,” he said, rubbing his face, seeming unsure.
“You’re not taking me back to Lynk?” Now that Ex was dead, they had no reason to prolong her return.
“I received a message from your brother.”
“Otto?”
“Yes.” His focus went to their surroundings, scanning the shoreline. “He heard what happened and believes it will be best if he escorts you to Lynk.”
That sounded reasonable.
“I will no longer be joining you.”
“I thought you were going to get Lottie,” she said. A strange feeling took root in her stomach. The thought of no longer being with Evander seemed wrong.
“I will. Eventually. But Otto wants to meet with Rainer, and this seemed the best solution.”
He still wouldn’t look at her.
“Okay,” she replied, not really feeling things were okay. There was something he wasn’t telling her. She could feel it. Tears filled her eyes. Nothing ever went the way it was supposed to. She twisted around on the bench seat, no longer facing Evander. She sat there, watching the buildings and trees pass by.
Around midday, the rain started. She pulled a cloak out of her bag and put it on, trying to stay dry. When the sky started to darken, she finally turned around to face Evander again.
“Are we not going to stop and eat?” she asked.
He pulled out a loaf of bread and tore it in two, handing her half.
“We’re not stopping?”
He shook his head. On both sides of the canal, thick trees lined the water, no town in sight. “We’re sleeping in the boat.”
She groaned, wanting to stand and stretch her legs. It seemed that everything was irritating her. The rain was getting on her nerves. She missed her home, her family, and her horse. The thought of returning to Lynk and Rainer made her unsettled. Living with a man she couldn’t trust, who wanted to wage war, and who was stealing Bakley children was more than she could bear. But she had to. It was up to her to stop him.
“Where, exactly, am I supposed to sleep on this thing?” Sabine asked, her voice clipped.
“Between the two benches. Just use your cloak for a blanket. I’ll keep watch.”
Even though she hadn’t left Evander yet, everything already felt different. She didn’t think it had anything to do with her not spending the night with him. It seemed as if he was purposefully putting a wall between them, preparing her for what was to come.
Since it was getting dark, Sabine decided to curl between the benches, on the floor of the boat, and at least try to get some sleep. While it was completely uncomfortable with her knees up by her stomach, she felt a sense of peace floating on the water with Evander watching over her. She drifted off to sleep.
* * *
After traveling on the canal nonstop for two days, Evander finally steered them to a dock where he tied up the boat.
“Glad to see you’re not completely insane,” Sabine said as she climbed out. “I thought you weren’t going to ever stop that boat.” Sometimes a woman just needed a moment to herself. She stood and stretched.
“We’re short on time,” was all Evander said as he grabbed their bags and joined her. “Stay close to me.”
“Is there still a threat?” She assumed since Ex had been dealt with, she didn’t have to worry about deranged assassins jumping out at her every two seconds.
“I don’t think so, but I can’t be certain.” He led her along a walkway into town.
“Where are we meeting my brother?” she asked. This town looked similar to all the other ones along the canal.
“Not here,” Evander replied. “We’re just sleeping here tonight. Then we’ll travel two more days to a town called Lark which is located near Skyfall River. Otto will meet us there.”
“Then I’m surprised you stopped at all. Why not travel four days straight without wasting the time to stop for one night?”
He looked at her sidelong and rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic.”
“You’re the one who’s so eager to get rid of me that we didn’t stop last night.”
“That’s not it.” He took hold of her arm and pulled her to a stop, forcing her to look at his eyes. “We shouldn’t be stopping at all.”
“Then why did you?” she demanded.
“I stopped because you’re driving me mad. I thought maybe if you slept in a bed and had a decent meal, you’d return to yourself again.”
“I am myself.” She folded her arms, glaring at him. “You’re not yourself.”
He ran his hands through his hair. “You’re right.” He glanced around before focusing on her again. “I don’t want to take you to your brother, and I don’t want you to leave. I’m going crazy trying to think of a way to keep you because I’m selfish like that.” He heaved in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “So no, I’m not myself. Because I can’t stand the thought of losing you.” He stood there with his hands on his hips.
They shouldn’t be having this conversation in the middle of a walkway, in the center of a town. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “This is just as hard for me.”
He reached out and took hold of her hand, leading her along the pathway again.
Like the other towns Sabine had seen in Avoni, this one had dozens of single story brown structures all with dark green curved rooflines. Since it was getting dark, people were out and about, heading home from work or securing a meal for supper. Hanging lanterns lit the narrow walkways.
Evander led Sabine to an inn. After he secured a room, they headed along the hallway and entered the last room on the right.
Sabine took the bed while Evander stretched out on the floor.
She tossed and turned, unable to get comfortable and fall asleep. She couldn’t believe what little time she and Evander had left, they were going to act like this. Two people not talking, as if they barely knew one another. Granted, she didn’t want to return to Lynk. To her husband. But she had no choice. She needed to go back so she could save those children and stop a war. Tears filled her eyes. Why did everything have to be so hard and complicated?
“Are you asleep?” Evander whispered.
“No.”
“I have an idea.” He stood and lit the candle next to the bed. “Make yourself presentable and meet me in the hallway.” He exited the room before she could ask any questions.
Curious as to what he had in mind, Sabine slid out of bed and quickly changed into clean clothes and fixed her hair.
When she joined him in the hallway, he folded his hands behind his back and said, “You’re not allowed to ask any questions, and you have to do as I say. Understood?” He lifted a single eyebrow, awaiting her response.
She studied him for a moment, thrilled he was back to his charming self. “Deal.”
He smiled and took hold of her hand. “I can’t believe you just agreed to that. I thought for sure you’d renegotiate the terms.”
They exited the inn and headed along the pathway.
“I’m feeling a little daring tonight,” she replied with a smile. “And I could use a challenge.” She knew he’d push her to do something out of her comfort zone and for some reason, she welcomed it.
The corners of his lips rose. “Just remember you said that.” He smirked.
Growing up the youngest of six and having four of her siblings be brothers, she’d been forced into more dares than she could count. Evander might be surprised and learn a thing or two before the night was over.
After a few blocks, they neared a building with dozens of people standing outside it, laughing and talking. Evander went right past them and opened the door, motioning for Sabine to go in ahead of him.
She stepped into a boisterous tavern. Musicians played in a corner, a long bar took up one wall, dozens of tables were to the left side of the room, and on the right side people were dancing.
Evander poked her side.
“What?” she said, unable to hear him over the people talking and music playing.
He smiled and shook his head, taking her hand and pulling her toward the bar.
About halfway there, a man stepped in front of Evander, clasping him on his shoulders. They exchanged a few friendly words—none of which Sabine could hear in this loud place.
Evander leaned in close to her ear. “Some friends are here. We’re going to sit with them. This here is Gareth.” He looked at her, as if asking permission.
“Tonight, I’m at your mercy,” she reminded him.
His eyes darkened. “I truly wish that were the case,” he murmured.
Gareth ushered them over to a table where three men were sitting. They all greeted Evander like they were old friends.
“Who’s the pretty lady?” Gareth asked as he took a seat. He had black hair with dark eyes.
Evander sat on the last empty chair. Since there weren’t any other ones available, he pulled Sabine onto his lap. She was about to protest when she remembered their deal—she was to go along with him this evening.
He tucked her hair behind her ear. “This is my special friend,” he said with a sly smile.
Sabine rolled her eyes. She had no intention of letting him have the upper hand all night.
The men at the table all laughed.
“I’m Gareth, this is Ian, Mek, and Jeb.” All four men had a similar build to Evander, though none of them had red hair. “And you are?”
While Gareth had a friendly smile on his face, it appeared forced. There was something about the way his brown eyes narrowed slightly that made Sabine feel as if she needed to tread carefully. These may be Evander’s friends, but they weren’t hers.
Since she wasn’t sure if she should give her true name, she said, “Lina.” Her sister’s nickname.
“What are you doing wasting your time with this loser?” Ian asked, pointing his chin at Evander. Ian had blond hair and blue eyes.
She leaned closer to him, as if about to share a secret, and replied, “That is a question I ask myself frequently.”
They all burst out laughing.
Sabine wondered how Evander knew these men. None of them treated him like a prince, which she found interesting. Given that they all had a similar build with toned arms and sharp eyes that seemed to always be scanning the room, she assumed they were fellow assassins. Maybe they were from Evander’s guild. None of them exposed their wrists, so she couldn’t see if they bore the mark of the Crimson Cloaks.
“I like you, Lina,” Mek said as he raised his arm, getting a server’s attention. “Our friend Ev here needs someone who can put him in his place.”
Sabine looked at Evander. “Ev?”
He shook his head, as if he didn’t understand it himself.
A man with an apron approached carrying a stack of cups. He set them on their table along with a jug.
Mek filled each cup with whatever was in the jug before passing them out.
“I don’t need one,” Jeb said as he stood. “That pretty little woman over there keeps smiling at me. I’m gonna go dance with her.” He made his way over to her.
“He shouldn’t embarrass himself like that,” Mek said, shaking his head. “Jeb can’t dance.”
Evander chuckled. “I don’t think he really intends on dancing.” His hand slid around Sabine’s waist.
Since there was an empty chair, she peeled his arm back and moved to the seat, glad to no longer be on his lap. She didn’t think she could take the heat from his body any longer. It was making her imagine things she shouldn’t be thinking about. “How do you all know one another?” she asked no one in particular. Taking a sip from one of the cups, she found the liquid warm, surprising her.
“You never had warm ale before?” Ian asked.
Panic filled her as she realized her mistake. At a table full of trained assassins, she’d just unknowingly shown an expression, giving away a vital piece of information. If this drink was common in Avoni, and she acted as though she’d never had it before, then these men would know she was from another kingdom. It wouldn’t take them long to figure out who she was. And that information, in the wrong hands, could be dangerous.
Evander couldn’t jump in and cover for her. It was up to her then. “I have a cut in my mouth,” she lied, not knowing if they bought it. “Now how do you all know one another?” she asked again, wanting to steer the conversation away from her.
“He didn’t tell you?” Ian asked.
These men were far too sharp for her at this hour, and getting them to divulge anything good on Evander wouldn’t be as easy as she’d hoped. “Maybe he did and I’m trying to see if your story matches his.” She lifted her cup in a silent salute before taking another sip—this time being careful to keep her face blank.
Mek slapped Evander’s back. “Finally someone who doesn’t fawn all over you. I see you’ve finally met your match.”
These men had to know Evander was their prince. Perhaps they were treating him so informally because they were in a crowded tavern. While her brothers had all been allowed to go to one of the taverns in Bakley, she’d never been permitted to go. This entire experience would be one she wouldn’t easily forget. The music was so loud she could feel it vibrating through her body.
Evander leaned in closer to her, his hand going around her shoulder as he murmured, “Drink up. That’s why I brought you here. Two cups of this stuff and it’ll knock you out. You’ll sleep like a baby.”
Liking the sound of that, Sabine finished her drink, trying not to flinch as the warm liquid burned going down her throat.
Jeb returned to the table, mumbling something about women.
Evander pulled Sabine off the chair. “Sit,” Evander ordered Jeb. Then to her, “I want you to go and dance with that man over there in the blue top.” His chin nodded behind her and to the right.
She twisted around and spotted a man in a blue shirt sitting one table over. Either Evander wanted to challenge her with something silly to see if she’d go through with it, or he wanted her away from the table so he could talk to his so-called friends. She was betting on the latter since he’d ordered Jeb to sit.
“Tell him you’re my special friend and that I insist.”
“What about my second drink?”
“It’ll be here for you when you’re done.”
She didn’t want to dance with some stranger. She’d much rather sit here—even if it was on Evander’s lap—and listen to his conversation. By making her dance, she didn’t even have a chance to overhear what he said since she’d be too far away.
“Fine.” She sighed and went over to the man Evander had indicated. “Let’s dance,” she said.
“No thank you.” He didn’t even glance her way.
“Evander insists.”
At that, he turned and looked at her. “Then I’m honored to dance with you.” He glanced Evander’s way, made some sort of sign with his hands, and Evander gave a single nod. “My name is Tad,” he said as he stood.
“I’m Lina.”
He gestured for her to lead the way to the dance floor.
“Are you with them?” she asked as they made their way toward it.
“Yes.”
A man of many words. “I don’t want to dance,” she admitted. Even though she’d been having trouble falling asleep, she was tired. Her inability to sleep had to do with her discomfort with the idea of leaving Evander and returning to Lynk.
“Neither do I. But orders are orders.”
“There’s a table over there.” She pointed to the other side of the dance area. The table was tucked in the back of the tavern.
“I don’t disobey orders.” Tad stopped at the edge of the dancing area and held out his hand for her to take.
For a brief moment, she considered telling Tad who she was and that she outranked Evander. But this wasn’t her kingdom, and she didn’t want anyone to know she was here. The less people who knew who she was and who she was traveling with, the better. Besides, she’d agreed to do whatever Evander said, and she was a woman of her word.
Taking Tad’s hand, she allowed him to lead. The song was a fast tune, but he moved slowly, keeping his attention on the table of assassins and not on Sabine. Which was just fine with her. This was some sort of folk dance, and she had no idea what to do. Since they were moving so slow, she could at least pretend like she knew what was going on.
Peering over at Evander, he kept gesturing with his hands, as if trying to explain something. He glanced her way every so often. His face had reddened, and he kept running his hands through his equally red hair. He was sort of adorable when irritated. Not that she knew for sure he was upset, but that was the impression she got.
“Tell me, what do a group of assassins need a bodyguard for?” she asked.
Tad stopped dancing. “You’re not from around here.” It wasn’t a question.
She’d been too formal with her speech. “No. I’m just visiting. I’m on my way home.”
His body stiffened. “There’s a bounty on your head…” His eyes widened slightly, and he glanced over at Evander.
“What is it?” she asked, trying to decipher his body language.
He shook his head. “Nothing.”
“Am I in danger here?” she asked, wondering if the bounty had been called off and if so, by whom.
“This is Avoni,” he replied. “There is always danger.”
She nodded, as if she fully understood his warning, which she didn’t. “How long have you known Evander?” she asked, wanting to see if he’d tell her anything.
“Long enough.”
She sighed, realizing she wouldn’t be getting anything good out of him.
Evander approached, and Tad released Sabine and walked away without a word.
“Friendly, that one,” Sabine commented.
Evander smiled. “Are you getting tired yet?”
“No.” She eyed him, noticing his hands in his pockets and the two to three feet of space separating them. “Will you dance with me?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Evander said.
“Why?”
“I don’t know if I can be that close to you and control myself.” His eyes focused on her lips.
She poked him in the side, wanting to dissolve the tension between them. “You’re an assassin. Your entire life is about control.”
He chuckled. “True.”
“Now dance with me.”
“Why?” he asked, taking a step closer to her.
“I want the experience before we part ways,” she said.
“The experience?” He slid his hands onto her hips, pulling her closer.
She rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean.”
He shook his head.
“I want to experience what it’s like to be at a tavern and dance.” She gestured to the room.
“You’ve never been before?”
“No.” Lottie had taken Sabine to the secret tavern below the palace, but she hadn’t danced.
“Well then, we must rectify that.” A wicked smile slid across his face, and his eyes gleamed with mischief. “Ready?”
Sabine had a feeling she was going to regret this. “Yes?”
He chuckled then stomped his feet to the beat of the drums, bringing her in closer and pushing her away every four beats. When the one instrument made a whirring noise, they spun. After a bit, she started to get the hang of it.
In the tavern, with Evander at her side, she felt like a normal person enjoying an evening with a friend. No one knew she was the queen of Lynk. No one here had any expectations of her, and she didn’t have to follow any specific social construct. She could just be Sabine. A young woman dancing with a young man. An assassin-pirate-prince turned friend.
The music and joy swirled within her.
“It’s good to see you laughing,” Evander commented.
“It’s good to laugh.” She realized she hadn’t been doing it enough these past few weeks. “I feel like I can be myself around you,” she admitted. “It’s refreshing.”
Evander stopped dancing. He stood there, watching Sabine.
“What?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Nothing.”
“Liar.” She wanted him to tell her his thoughts. When he held things back from her, it felt wrong. It was silly for her to think or feel that way. But she couldn’t help it.
“I could see myself loving you. It would be effortless.”
The admission tugged at her heart and mirrored her own feelings. She could imagine having a wonderful, happy life with him. They would be both friends and lovers. True partners. Fate could be so cruel.
“Shall we get you that second drink?” he asked.
“Yes.” Dancing no longer held the appeal it did a few minutes ago. Not with his admission still fresh in her mind.
Evander led her from the dance area back to the table where his friends were sitting. Jeb pushed a full cup her way. She thanked him and drank the warm ale.
“I want to apologize,” Mek said. “I didn’t mean to tease you earlier.”
“It’s fine.” She’d enjoyed his teasing and saw no reason for him to apologize. Glancing at Evander, she wondered if he’d told his friends her real identity since they all seemed quiet and reserved compared to before.
She finished her drink. “I find myself tired.”
“We’ll watch the inn,” Mek said. “You both can sleep tonight without keeping watch.”
“Thank you.” Evander placed his hand on Sabine’s lower back, escorting her from the tavern.
When they reached the inn, she spotted Gareth standing outside.
She raised her eyebrows and looked at Evander.
“He made sure the building is secure. My friends will have eyes on all entry and exit points all night.”
“And you trust them?” These friends of his. She didn’t understand why he wouldn’t tell her they were fellow assassins or whatever they were.
He peered down at her as he opened the door, ushering her inside. “They’ve all sworn an oath to me and are bound by law.”
That didn’t really answer her question. However, it was just for one night, and they both needed to sleep.
Back inside their room, Evander lit the candle then turned to face her. “I’ll step into the hallway while you change.”
“Wait.”