19. Chapter 19 Kilah
nineteen
Chapter 19 Kilah
*AZADEH*
A few days have passed since we heard the prophecy, and as Aylin predicted, not many things have changed yet. We do spend more time researching, mostly Flinn and I, although it’s normally me reading and him tossing little paper balls at me. He has a cunning and witty mind but also has the attention span of a butterfly.
When I’m not researching, I’m meeting with Endellion, who makes sure to show me around as much as I want, and to answer all my questions about the kingdom. He also seems to enjoy good literature, so we often end up recommending books to each other, and then discussing what we just read.
Caelan, after hours of arguments with his brothers and after being advised by Royan and Shayan, has started to train me.
In our first session, both Flinn and Endellion were watching him with a death glare. I’m not sure how he normally trains his warriors, but there is a rumor going around that he accidentally broke a few bones here and there. He seems to be really clumsy but is very graceful when he fights. It seems he just doesn’t understand his strength sometimes.
After three days without him breaking any of my limbs, the others finally leave us alone.
The first few days, Caelan has only shown me how to keep a fighting stance, how to defend myself, and how to escape a grip or an attack.
Today, he wants to help find a suitable weapon for me; hence, we are starting with a classic sword. I attempt to wield it, carefully moving it in my hands. I try to follow Caelan’s movements, but when he mimics an attack, I stumble and drop into the snow.
“Azadeh!” he tosses his sword aside and scrambles to help me up. “Are you alright?”
“Of course, don’t worry,” I chuckle as I allow him to pull me up. “I just fell. I assume this will happen more often.”
I brush the snow off my clothes and grab my sword again. “Let’s continue.” Caelan nods, but before we can do so, his gaze shifts towards the door to the training hall. Caelan has booked it for me and him, exclusively, so that no one would interrupt us. No one dares to do that, anyway. He has that effect on people. Now, his stern face turns even more serious as he eyes the door. “Kilah?” he asks. “We are having a private training lesson.”
I turn my head and am surprised to see Kilah dressed in a sweater and a simple long black skirt. It’s an unusual attire for her, even more unusual is to see her around one of her siblings. She has avoided them ever since she clashed with Alana. I assume she is just very prideful and has difficulties approaching them or, worse, apologizing to them. “I… I am sorry. Endellion said the both of you are here.”
“And?” Caelan asks.
I turn my head to glare at him, making him swallow. “Kilah,” I try to sound as welcoming as possible, in an attempt to make up for Caelan sounding gruff and unfriendly. I’ve learned that he doesn’t know how to read moods sometimes, and how he comes off to others. Technically, Kilah, as his sister should know that, but seeing how strained her relationship to the others is, she may not be aware of it. “Were you looking for me?”
“Actually… yes,” she admits. “I… I thought maybe I could join.”
At this, Caelan almost drops his sword in surprise. “You mean training?” he asks in disbelief.
“Yes.”
“You want to train?” he asks in complete and utter disbelief, furrowing his brows. “Is this a joke, Kilah? Because if it is, it isn’t funny.”
“I’m not joking,” she mumbles, sounding more insecure than I’ve ever heard her. For a moment, I contemplate what to do. I get why Caelan feels that way. I’ve heard that Kilah has belittled the way he carries himself before. I’ve heard she looked down on the way he sees training as important, how he is more of a muscle person. If Kilah wants to get closer to her siblings and make amends, she can only do it herself. She can only prove it to them herself.
But, I don’t need to make it more difficult for her than it already is.
“You said a training partner wouldn’t be bad.” I look at Caelan. “I know I’m still a beginner… so I’m not sure if it will work.”
Caelan looks at Kilah. “Tell her,” he says.
“I’m a beginner, too,” she stutters.
I look at her, surprised. Even Eibhlin trains, not much, but she does so regularly. Caelan doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t look particularly happy, but he doesn’t send her away either. His big, teddy bear heart probably doesn’t allow him to push her away.
“Let’s continue, then. Kilah, you can join Azadeh.”
Kilah nods, grabbing one of the swords herself and joining me. Caelan starts over again, involving his sister too now. I’m certainly not a great fighter, but even I am shocked at how bad Kilah is. It’s almost like she never had even an hour of training. I have to give it to Caelan, though, that he doesn’t comment on his sister’s bad form. However, after half an hour, he stops. “How do you feel about the sword, Azadeh?”
“The swords are all very heavy,” I admit.
“Yes,” he frowns. “I tend to forget that these were tailored towards wolves. I think we should switch to a lighter weapon for you. You are surprisingly stealthy and have smooth movements. You could work a dagger.”
“I would like to try. Shayan has even learned to fight with battle staves, so we aren’t opposed to unusual weapons.”
Caelan looks at Kilah. “Kilah, why are you truly here?”
“I’m here to train,” she says nervously. “I know you and Endellion offered to help me all the time, and I always declined. And, I know this looks weird now, but I… I just figured it was about time to challenge myself, and, well… I need to know how to defend myself.”
“That’s good,” Caelan comments shortly, but despite his clipped response, he doesn’t sound unkind. “It’s never too late to start your training. I commend you for finally giving it a real try.”
Kilah looks surprised at his words. “Really?”
“Yes, why would I lie to you?”
“Because I turned you down, all the time,” she says quietly, “and looked down on how much you put training before anything else. I wasn’t nice to you, and I’m sorry for it.”
“That’s all I need to hear,” Caelan says simply. “You are here now. You apologized and want to do better. That’s commendable. So, shall we continue?”
Kilah and I exchange a gaze and smile. “Let’s continue, Alpha Caelan,” I tease, chuckling when Caelan’s cheeks turn red.
“Don’t address me like that, Aza.”
“The others do it, though,” I point out.
“Yes, but it feels weird when you call me alpha. It’s as weird as if Kilah would say alpha.”
Kilah giggles. “Why are you so shy, Alpha Caelan?”
“I’m not shy,” he grumbles, blushing even further. “Grab your weapons, now! We don’t have the whole day!”
Kilah and I grin, but neither of us teases him further. It’s always bad to tease your mentor or teacher. I do store the information in the back of my mind, though, for when it’s useful.
We spend two hours with Caelan until I can’t feel my arms anymore. The daggers, however, work well for me, while Kilah keeps her sword.
“How about a late lunch?” Caelan asks as he puts the weapons away. “Kitchen is closed, but as usual they put aside our lunch.”
“That would be great,” I say. “I’m hungry.”
“Me too,” Kilah agrees.
We walk to the dining room in silence. It’s almost empty now with just a few warriors having a late lunch. Caelan makes us sit down and mind links the kitchen chef to bring us something to eat. It’s a hot stew with lots of potatoes and cabbage, and I feel like I can devour three bowls of it.
“What else are you going to do today, Azadeh?” Kilah asks me.
“Oh, Endellion invited me to take the horses and show me the forest later this afternoon,” I smile, already looking forward to spending my evening with Endellion.
“So, you are free after lunch?” Kilah shifts around.
“Yes.” I look at her expectantly, but when she remains quiet, I continue to pry. “Did you have plans?”
“Eibhlin and I will go dress shopping for the masquerade,” she says. “And, I wondered if you’d want to join us.”
“That’s actually a good idea. I don’t have a dress fitting the theme.”
Kilah beams. “I will help you find one. I’m good at that.” Once the words have left her mouth, she shrinks back again, almost as if she is scared I will belittle her.
“I’m not too bad at it either,” I tell her. “I like picking out dresses and I like to dress up for events.”
“Really?” Kilah looks at me in pure joy. For the first time since I met her, she truly looks joyful and like a normal young woman. “I… I wanted to ask Alana, too.”
“Oh, that’s a good idea.”
“I just don’t know how… so I thought… maybe… could you ask her?”
“She wouldn’t decline you,” I tell her.
“I’m not sure.” Kilah frowns and looks into her bowl gloomily.
“I can come with you to ask her,” I offer. “As emotional support.”
A smile curls the young princess’s lips and she nods.
“And, I’d like to take Simin along, too,” I say, wanting to involve my best friend. We have been so busy recently that we don’t spend enough time with each other. But, we try to make time every day before we go to bed, hanging out in one of our rooms and just chatting.
“Of course,” Kilah says promptly. “She is so cute, and I’ve heard she is great with fashion.”
“She is really good,” I agree.
“So, this afternoon it’s fun, and tomorrow, training again.” Kilah says. “And, I have to up my studies a bit and learn more about politics.”
“Kilah,” Caelan interrupts us. “There is more to it, though, isn’t there?”
“What do you mean?” she asks nervously.
“To all of this.” Caelan eyes her thoughtfully. “To you joining our training, to you trying to make up with Alana…”
“It’s stupid,” Kilah protests.
“I doubt it’s stupid,” I say. “But you can talk to us if you want to. We won’t laugh.”
Kilah looks at us sadly. “I still don’t have my wolf.”
“But, this isn’t unusual,” Caelan says. “It’s nothing to worry about.”
“It is something to worry about,” she blurts out. “And then, I thought maybe it’s the goddess’s way to punish me for being a bad sister and for not doing anything wolves normally do.”
“You are not a bad sister,” Caelan objects.
“I am. I looked down at Alana because I envied her for being so strong and confident. And I talked down to Nevyn for being so soft and you for being so strong,” she says bitterly. “I don’t know why I am that way. I just… suck,” she adds before they both fall into an uncomfortable, awkward silence.
“I don’t think there is anything wrong with being you,” I say as the silence gets more and more suffocating. “It’s great that you want to tackle a weakness, and it’s great that you want to apologize to your siblings. But, as for worrying about doing things that are unusual for wolves, I don’t think the goddess is punishing you for being yourself and for doing things you enjoy. It’s… not everyone likes to represent the kingdom to the outside, but you do, and that’s not a weakness. Politics are peculiar, and it’s important to have at least one in the family who likes to do the princessy stuff, as you all call it.”
“But, I neglected my wolf side.”
“Kilah, you don’t know the reason why your wolf spirit is still dormant,” Caelan says earnestly. “Nevyn got his very early. That’s unusual.”
“But you, Ende and Flinn, you got yours earlier than I did, and Alana did too.” She pauses. “What if something is wrong with me?”
“I can feel your wolf spirit,” Caelan tells her. “It’s there. I can feel its presence.”
“Really? But how can you be so sure? None of my friends can sense it.”
“Endellion, Flinn and I were born to be Alphas,” Caelan explains to her. “It’s different for us. Your wolf spirit exists. Be patient, that’s all I can advise you. And continue training, because it might make your connection grow.”
“I will,” Kilah says, nodding with newfound resolution. She looks up, her eyes widening when she sees Flinn. I don’t know for how long he has been listening, but now he approaches us.
“Do you have some leftovers for a hungry wolf?” he grins.
“Go and ask the kitchen yourself,” Caelan grumbles.
Flinn smirks, his eyes gloss over and soon enough one of the maids brings him something to eat. In his typical Flinnliness, he flirts with her without meaning it, making the young woman laugh in amusement. Seeing him and Caelan next to each other is like day and night. Not just their looks, but also their overall aura. One is rather broody, somewhat gloomy; the other gives off a mischievous, slightly cunning, air.
By now, I understood that Kilah and Flinn never got along well. I think it’s probably because Flinn really tries to support Alana, their connection is pretty deep. Maybe Kilah was jealous about it. Flinn has sharp eyes, sharp ears and an even sharper mind. He probably knows everything Kilah has said to their siblings in the past, which doesn’t help her case much. She truly tends to self-sabotage.
“I’m finished,” Kilah gets up. “Thank you, Caelan. Until tomorrow?”
“Yes, same place, same time,” he confirms.
“And, Azadeh, I will pick you up in half an hour. Is that alright? We can go and ask Alana, then.”
“Of course,” I smile, actually looking forward to spending the afternoon with the girls. When Kilah hurries away, I turn to look at Caelan. “You were nice to her,” I say with a happy smile. “That was sweet of you.”
“Too sweet,” Flinn frowns. “Did you forget what she used to say and do?”
“I… I’m not going to lie; I was upset a lot about what Kilah said and did. She used to comment on my bad marks in school, and just in general acted like I wasn’t worth her attention, but she has her insecurities, too.” Caelan shrugs. “If she wants to change, I will help her.”
“You have always been too nice,” Flinn sighs with a hint of worry.
“Come on, Flinn,” I elbow him. “Caelan is right. Kilah has deep insecurities, but she wants to grow and progress now. Isn’t this something to support?”
"Goddess," Flinn groans. “Another goody-two-shoes. Now, all that’s missing is Ende lecturing me.”
“Why should I lecture you?” Endellion appears, sitting down next to me and eyeing his brother with an amused smile.
“Awesome,” Flinn snorts. “I jinxed it.”
I laugh at Endellion’s confused expression and Flinn’s over-dramatic one. Caelan then fills him in on what happened. Endellion listens and nods, but I have the feeling he already knew it. He was the one Kilah confided in, and he also sent her to our training session.
While I watch the brothers, I notice how cheerful and relaxed they are when they talk to each other. There is no negativity between them. It must be beautiful to have someone who accepts you and understands you on such a deep level.
Maybe their goddess gifted them this bond between each other, since they didn’t feel a connection to a mate before.