48. The Goddess
forty-eight
The Goddess
*AZADEH*
F avian and I sit opposite each other. We both have our legs crossed in a comfortable position as we try to relax. “It’s only the second time for me,” I admit. “Moving into someone’s mind.”
“I understand, but you are powerful, princess,” he says. “The gifts you have are one of a kind. Maybe you should delve into your own mind first. Have you done that before?”
“No. It has never struck me that I could do that.”
“If you want to know what you are capable of, then you need to learn more about yourself,” he says.
“I’m scared of what I am,” I admit.
“Why is that, sweet princess?” he wants to know. Despite using endearments when talking to me, it doesn’t sound like he is belittling me. He seems to be a very serious young man.
“Back where I am from, they treated me like I was cursed. Like…” I pause, “I wasn’t right.”
“They feared you because they fear the unknown,” Favian explains. “Like the people in the werewolf kingdom feared the triplet princes at first.”
“But they are such wonderful men,” I say emphatically. “All three of them. And, I saw them interact with their people… I didn’t see any fear.”
“That’s because the people of the kingdom learned to respect and love them. Their parents’ love was unwavering, and their siblings’ too. They set good examples.” He pauses. “You didn’t have that. If your father had set the tone, then you would have lived a much better life.” He looks at me. “Do you know your mother?”
“No,” I shake my head. “She is said to have died shortly after my birth.” I look at him. “Is this the reason that the people here don’t hate or fear me?” I ask. “Because they got used to the triplet princes?”
“Not necessarily. Werewolves are used to witches and witchcraft. It’s not too unusual for them to have a person with special gifts appear,” he explains.
I tilt my head. “Hm, maybe you are right.”
“You will lead them well,” he says.
“What do you mean?”
He laughs. “You truly think the cunning King Gillean doesn’t have his own plans? His feelings are in the right place, but he is also a ruler, and as a leader, he has made some decisions concerning your person.”
“Endellion and his brothers told me that their father presented them with a weird deal… the one who melts my heart will get the throne.” I sigh. “I doubt this is truly what he meant, though.”
Favian nudges my forehead with his fingertip. “Even more reason to take a trip into your mind. And once you are done, try to travel to Cailleach’s.”
“Any advice?” I ask. “For when I am in her head?”
“I would say,” Favian smiles, “act like you would in an actual room, when you don’t want to be seen or heard. Don’t touch anything, don’t make any noise, no hasty movements.”
I chuckle. “In a weird way, that makes sense.”
“Don’t forget,” Favian says. “You are safe. No one can hurt you here. Don’t be scared.”
I nod. “For my friends and family,” I say. “They are relying on me.”
“I will lead you through the beginning of your meditation.”
“How did you learn all this stuff?” I ask him.
“I had time,” he says, and for a second I can see the pain in his eyes, and the anger. “I’ve spent years here.” He looks at me. “It’s time now, Azadeh.”
I close my eyes, listening to Favian’s calm voice. Like Erin during my trip to the little village, he instructs me to breathe, to focus on the way the air enters my lungs and leaves them again. He leads me into feeling relaxed and calm, and like Erin, he makes me search for the threads of fate. He makes me imagine them in front of my inner eye until I can see them for real.
It’s like I’m in a different sphere again, a different realm. I get up, curiously eyeing all the strings and threads in front of me. One of them is red and particularly alluring… it has to be leading to Endellion. I just know it. Part of me wants to reach out to him, but I know I don’t have time for any distractions.
Find the place where they all lead together, Favian’s distant, quiet voice reaches me. I can barely hear him anymore, but do as he instructed. I’m not sure if he says anything more as I’m so focused on the task ahead of me. Following the threads to their core, I find a beautiful butterfly.
“Hello,” I whisper, surprised but also fascinated.
The butterfly flutters around me, and when I blink the next time, I find myself in a beautiful forest. I can see snow in the distance, and sand on the other side. It’s like the forest itself is floating, but instead of feeling scared, I am fascinated.
I spin around, trying to look at everything. The rich grass and flowers, the many plants, the trees.
Eventually my eyes meet… a person.
I am not alone?
“At last, we meet,” the woman says with a smile.
“Who are you?” I ask. “You are in my mind?”
“No, technically, you just created this place and made it possible for me to finally visit you.”
“I created this?” I ask. “This is not just my mind?”
“Yes, and no. The limits between dream and reality aren’t always that clear.” The woman approaches me now. She is beautiful, ageless, with white hair gracing her face, and in her eyes, I can see the stars. “Come, walk with me.”
I nod, joining her on her walk. I’m not scared of her, and I’m also not bothered by her presence. “You are their deity, aren’t you? Their goddess?”
She looks at me, surprised. “How did you figure this out?”
“It’s as you said… this is a place I created, and at the same time, it’s also my mind. It’s like my walls are down.” I pause. “And, I just know.”
She smiles. “My name is Arianrhod. And yes, I’m the protector of the wolves.”
I should probably be terrified to be standing next to a goddess, but I have so many questions, I don’t have time for being scared. “What am I?” I ask her.
“You are the Princess of the Desert, the Princess of the Sun, the Princess of Prosperity,” she tells me what I already know. “All of these names are true. You come from a lineage where chosen women are blessed by the sun.”
“You mean actually blessed?”
“Yes, blessed by the Goddess Aine.” She smiles. “By the Goddess of the Sun. She gave you your gifts.”
“I’m not sure if I understand any of that,” I admit. “I don’t even understand my gifts.”
“Don’t you?” she asks. “You were able to tell who I am without even blinking twice. Why can’t you do that to yourself?”
“I… I bring prosperity… meaning I can heal nature,” I say.
“Exactly,” she says. “Your powers are of nurturing and healing kind, but not the way people imagine. You don’t hold out your hand and heal sickness. What you do goes far deeper. You are connected to this earth, to the ground, to the plants, to the air. It’s the reason why it’s so easy for you to travel through other people’s minds. It’s the reason why Aengus, youthful god of love and flying creatures, Aine, the ruler of the sun, and I, Goddess of the Moon, bound your fate to the triplet princes and to the young dragon prince.”
“Does this mean I can really do it?” I ask. “Wake up this other deity, Artio?”
“Yes,” she says.
“Just like that?”
“Of course.”
I blink. It’s that simple? “I approach him, take a trip into his mind, and he will wake up?”
“Sometimes it’s less complicated than you think it is,” she chuckles.
“Favian said the same,” I say. “That I can easily wake him up.” I pause. “What about Cailleach?”
“She is a different issue, unfortunately.” Arianrhod looks at me sadly. “The dark witch woke her up and then took advantage of a very sad and grieving person. They are two minds in one body now.”
“Then, it means I need to find out what troubles one, to set it free, and then make sure Cailleach can return to being herself,” I say.
Arianrhod looks at me, amused. “You are truly an amazing young woman. I’m not surprised the young prince fell in love with you.”
I feel my cheeks flush. “I’m very much in love with him, too.”
“It shows. Or you wouldn’t have reached your full potential.”
“What do you mean?”
“Aine is a peculiar goddess. She is very careful who she grants her powers to,” Arianrhod explains. “Now, she sees you as a… flower, with roots and blossoms. If treated correctly, you will grow and blossom and get stronger. That’s what happened once you came to the Kingdom of Eternal Ice. In the stories your general read for you, they talked about love. With growing love, your power grows. But it’s more than that. It’s not just the love of your chosen mate, it’s the love you feel from the land, from the people, from your friends and family. In return, it makes you want to give all this love back to them. You blessed the man you fell in love with then you blessed their lands in return. The instinct you felt when you reached out to Favian, when you said just now that you would help Cailleach, this comes all from the love you carry inside you.”
I stare at her as the words begin to sink in. It all… makes sense. It does make my head spin, but at the same time, it makes so much sense. I feel happy and content here, and like I belong. I have found my confidence here, my love, I’ve made friends, I’ve found home.
I smile as warmth floods me.
Arianrhod returns my smile and gestures towards the ground I’m walking on. To my surprise, small flowers started blooming wherever I stepped. “Was that me?” I whisper.
“I think you know the answer already,” she says. “What you feel now, this is what you need to channel to save those the witch has imprisoned.”
“I understand now.”
“Shall we go then?”
I look at her inquisitively, wondering where she wants us to go. When she reaches out her hand, I just take it without thinking any further. To my surprise, the goddess and I suddenly find ourselves on a mountain trail. It’s cold and an angry blizzard is hunting the area. Amidst the snowstorm there is…
“Wait a moment,” I whisper. “This is…”
“Yes,” she says. She lets go of my hand, allowing me to step forward. I remember Favian’s advice about being quiet and not doing anything rash. This is not real, this is her memory.
The woman has blonde hair, and a kind face, but worry and panic is written all over it. “Jeremiah?” she calls out. “Jerry!”
She runs through the snow, ignoring the storm, all the while screaming the same name over and over again.
“Eada,” two men come running towards her. “We need to leave.”
“I’m not going without him,” she cries, while hugging a small teddy bear to her chest.
“This storm will kill us all,” one of the men yells. “We will come back tomorrow!”
“Tomorrow is going to be too late,” she screams.
But despite her words, they forcefully grab her and tug her along. Her screams and cries echo through the sky, piercing my heart with her sorrow. I take a step towards the little bear she dropped, picking it up. I look at it for a while before walking towards a huge rock and gently putting it beneath it. I make sure to put some smaller rocks on top of it.
I look around for a bit, scanning my surroundings. There is a forest beneath us, but the mountain chain in particular, is massive. A lake shaped like a moon is below the area.
I feel Arianrhod step closer behind me. “Do you understand now?”
“Yes,” I say. “I do.”
“Princess of Prosperity, Azadeh?” She takes my hand in hers. “You have made your choice, my kind child… with Endellion.”
“Yes, I love him,” I answer honestly. “And it’s real and strong. I want no one else, but him.”
“Do you think he feels the same?”
“Yes,” I say. “I have no doubt about his feelings or mine.”
Arianrhod seems content with my answer, touching my cheek softly. “Good,” she says softly. “Now, are you ready to return?”
I nod firmly. “I am.”
She smiles. “Just know,” she whispers. “Your choice truly changed the fates now. The fateless triplet princes aren’t fateless anymore. It was you who gave this to them, I just allowed it to happen.”